With the summer wrapping up, these were the two biggest animated movies of the summer. Both established brands and both trying to keep the money train flowing by expanding this brand with spin-offs to keep their established IPs running when they should have ended years ago. One comes from the champion of critical and box office praise, Pixar Studios. The other from industry laughingstock and commercial crossover shills, Illumination Studios. One comes from the nearly thirty year critical and commercial kings that revolutionized the animation industry, the Toy Story franchise. The other comes from the most 2010 animation trilogy, Despicable Me franchise.
And by all these versuses comparisons, you guys are probably thinking, that my mind has been made up and the former has this in the bag. Everyone knows those Minions are a product of their time and people will look back on the Minions fad as ridiculous. Let's just say that both of these films surprised me...and I should have seen this surprise coming from a mile away. Like both films did the exact opposite of what I expected them to be.
So why not waste any time. What did I think of Lightyear? I thought...nobody cares about Buzz Lightyear in 2022 no matter who they get to voice him. And I should have seen this coming the moment this spin-off was announced. When Pixar said they were going to make a spin-off about the adventures of Buzz Lightyear, I thought to myself....that's a great idea. After all, they had the late 90s/early 2000s cartoon and that kind of sort of had a following. But with how well the Toy Story series has not only held up over the years, but have managed to grow their fanbase over time too; this made so much sense. Despite how you all may have felt about Toy Story 4, it had its fans and people were willing to continue to follow the adventures of these characters despite Toy Story 3 being the perfect ending. Yeah Toy Story 4 had another damn good ending....for Woody and Woody only.
I hate to break it to the Buzz stans out there, whoever they may be, but the Toy Story saga (to me) was more about Woody's journey than it was Buzz's. Woody was the one who kept evolving with each passing movie. Woody was the heart and the soul of his group of friends. Woody was always an interesting character and even with his "divisive" ending, it made perfect sense for his character and finding his purpose after Andy. Buzz, if we are being honest, hasn't been an interesting character since the first movie. Yeah he had his own stories in the sequels and I liked him in the second and third movie, it was quite obvious they had no idea what to do with him in TS4 and if we are being honest, his story wasn't really consequential in two and three except to find Woody in 2 and the factory reset of him in 3. Buzz didn't necessarily evolve in any of the sequels because he had his journey of self-discovery in 1 and more or less played the role of Woody's best friend in the rest of the series.
I say all that being because Pixar still hasn't learned that fact about Buzz in this spin-off movie. Did you all know that Lightyear was "Andy's favorite movie" in the year 1995. I say that being because that is such a huge stretch to try and tie in this dull boring movie to the Toy Story universe. Like my god you guys, Andy must have such shit taste in movies as a kid if this was his favorite movie. Buzz Lightyear as a character is probably more interesting as a toy than he is as a fictional character. Hell the 90s animated Buzz tv series has a more interesting Buzz Lightyear than this 'actual space ranger'. Stop me if you've heard this one before. The cocky protagonist messes up because he is cocky and now has to lead a random group of misfits to save the day. That is one of the most by the numbers plots I've come across that it needs to be market tested to see if it is still effective. Also if this 'movie within a movie' came out in 1995, it really must have been ahead of its time with LGTBQ+ characters and automated AI....yeah this is to 1995 what the original Planet of the Apes was to 1980.
And here's another thing. The movie itself doesn't feel like it knows who its aimed at. Is it aimed at 30 something year old Toy Story fans? Then why does it treat its audience so stupid with their modern day tropes and a plot twist so bad that it nearly ruined one of the funniest jokes of the Toy Story series for me? Is it aimed at kids? If it is, then this wouldn't hold your kids attention span. I've heard stories of children nodding off to this when it was in theaters. It couldn't hold the attention span of my two year old nephew as proof of this. The one and I do mean one good joke of this movie was the robot cat assistant. Who has one reoccurring joke that literally comes out of fucking nowhere every time and it made me laugh. Otherwise, the rest of these jokes mostly miss the mark and have me baffled as to who actually finds these jokes funny.
I honestly almost made this a sole review for Lightyear, but I guess I should talk about the Minions sequel. Did this one sneak up on anybody else too? Because it sure as hell snuck up on me. In a year where I thought nothing would top the Morbius memes suddenly came this meme that I might love nearly as much in the "Gentleminions". Look I do agree in a sense that trashing movie theaters is awful and I absolutely do not approve of that element to the meme. But seeing guys dress up and unironically (to an extent) enjoy the Despicable Me franchise, honestly brought joy to me. It also made me do some major reassessing to how I look at the Despicable Me films. I saw videos of some of these "Gentleminions" talk about how they grew up with the Despicable Me films and seeing these films still going strong from their childhood to adulthood? Yeah that is me with plenty of my nostalgic films of yesteryear. For example, I went to go see Shrek Forever After against my better judgment when I thought that the Shrek series should have stopped when 3 was such a letdown and I ended up liking it. And honestly if you really think about it, some could make a case that the Despicable Me films nearly mirror the trajectory of the Shrek saga. Right down to a disappointing third movie that should have ended the series, but they are going to continue it anyway. I absolutely do not see Minions 2 as the end of the Despicable Me series, not by a longshot. These spin-off movies absolutely make sense to continue, especially since Rise of Gru is on path to be the biggest domestic box office earner of the series so far.
So how was the quality of this one? Honestly, this proved another longstanding theory that I had about this franchise. The minions need Gru as much as Gru needs the minions to perfectly balance each other out. Because this was the best Despicable Me/Minions film since the second...and honestly you could make the case that this was funnier than Despicable Me 2 was and I thought that film was pretty funny too. Where the Minions spin-off movie failed was that you got the minions not playing off of someone else a good portion of the movie outside of Scarlet Overkill and even then, it is not as entertaining because Sandra Bullock does not have Steve Carrell's ability to be comedic against herself. Or maybe I am wrong about Carrell's abilities to do that because Despicable Me 3 was even worse than Minions and Carrell literally plays as Gru and his own twin brother. And that movie...was just. not. funny. Or good. Or anything really. It only existed to make money and hell even the minions subplot was not worth anyone's time really. Just an absolute waste especially since one of the creators of South Park, Trey Parker, was cast as the villain and Trey Parker rarely works outside of his own ecosystem with Matt Stone. If you really think about it, the minions barely interact with Gru outside of like one or two of them in that film.
I'm not going to sit here and give you a deep drawn out analysis of why Minions: Rise of Gru was some revolutionary animated flick. It absolutely was not that. If anything, it's just simple turn off your brain fun for the entire family. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that from time to time. Especially after sitting through Lightyear and its tonally inconsistent hour and thirty minutes of my life that I am never getting back. I needed some lighthearted laughs and that is what this movie provided. If I could point out any criticisms, it is that the plot does end up running on fumes to barely qualify to meet a bare minimum runtime. But you know what? I at least didn't check my watch to see how much longer this film has compared to the former. Which is something you know?
So if you want a winner to this versus, then congrats to the Minions. You are the third best film of your franchise. Which is still fairly solid. Lightyear on the other hand...god what a waste of my time. When you are seriously making me consider how close to the very bottom you are on the Pixar totem pole; you've made a real bomb there. What a gigantic waste of potential that endeavor truly was.
I know this movie's two months old, but if people are out there still seeing Top Gun: Maverick for the first time two months later due to great word of mouth; then why not wait two months for this one?
In all fairness, there is a huge difference between being late to reviewing this movie. More people are paying to see Top Gun: Maverick. That movie is on its way to being one of the top ten most financially successful movies of all-time. The Bob's Burgers Movie is already available on streaming and Blu-Ray and made just a little more than its budget. Both movies are a success in their own rights. But that still begs the question....why am I reviewing The Bob's Burgers Movie?
Honestly, this show's sustained success has always fascinated me. Almost akin to King of the Hill's sustained success in the 2000s. Fox's (at one point appropriately titled) Sunday Animation Domination has always been dominated by The Simpsons, Futurama for a brief while, Family Guy, American Dad, and for a brief while, The Cleveland Show for the past few decades to the point that MANY animated programs that have tried to replicate and in the end fail to make a dent the way that Matt Groening and Seth MacFarlane have for decades. It is a revolving door amidst the recognizable faces of Fox's Sunday block that when a show not only has multiple seasons, but enough sustained success to avoid cancellation, it has my attention. It took years, but I finally got into King of the Hill back in 2016 and understood why so many people adored this show for so long. Unlike King of the Hill, Bob's Burgers success was big enough to give the property its own full length theatrical movie. Not even Family Guy has had a theatrical movie...yet....against all better judgment...That alone gives me enough reason to check out the show.
I know this was delayed two years, but you know what else was delayed for two years? Me giving this show a shot. I felt like I had to finally give this show a fair shake and I started before the movie even came out in theaters and binged almost the entire show (still got two more seasons to go) before I told myself that I think the show doesn't need to be 100% completed before watching the movie. After all, the movie was supposed to debut after Season 10, so why not watch the movie then.
I love this show. I absolutely get why it has stuck around for almost the exact same reason King of the Hill lasted as long as it did. Some would say it is a spiritual successor to King of the Hill and that comparison would be very accurate. Both shows have a contained scope and are the polar opposites of their contemporaries mentioned above in the sense that they have the star of the show not be a total idiot and are grounded characters who have wholesome family dynamics. Both have confident wives who nearly get themselves into scenarios at times where their husbands have to play the straight man to their antics. Both shows have eccentric children. Some would even say Bob's reaction to Gene's antics is comparable to Hank and Bobby Hill's. But yeah, I love the fact that the plots are contained and not completely zany antics all the time like Simpsons and Family Guy. I love the deadpan humor. Some would say that H. Jon Benjamin just has the perfect comedic voice like Patrick Warburton and can just make nearly anything funny. But yeah I love this show and it made me excited for the movie. And I will say that the movie...
The movie MOSTLY lived up to my expectations. They did a great job adapting this show into a movie. I will absolutely watch it again the way I do The Simpsons Movie (plenty of comparisons ahead). And just like The Simpsons Movie before it, there was plenty of fan service while also doing a great job making the movie accessible to non-fans even more so than The Simpsons Movie did. The judge of that aspect was my wife. We watched The Simpsons Movie together on Disney+ early on in the pandemic and she absolutely did not get a lot of the core references from the show. But with The Bob's Burgers Movie? Not only did she enjoy the movie without having to watch a single minute of the show; it made her want to re-watch the show with me so she can get into it as well. When watching The Simpsons Movie, you had to fully grasp some of these one-off characters and know who they were and why they were given airtime. Compared to Bob's Burgers where yeah some of these one-off characters appear, but they were blended into the movie so well that they were accessible to newcomers of what the show is. For that alone, I have to give them kudos for making it more accessible when there were people out there like me initially wondering why this show got a full-length movie.
And the movie also does a great job at showing the character progressions as the show continued as well. The oldest Belcher kid, Tina, started off as a shy character who wasn't sure of anything or anyone to someone who knows who she is and is glowing self-confidence. Then there is the Belcher child, who continues to want to prove herself in Louise. Louise has the most character progression in this movie as she gets called a baby and wants to prove to not just her peers, but herself, that she is brave and can do anything she sets her mind to. Louise countlessly proves in the show that she is more mature than her age lets on, but I like that she wants to prove to herself that she wants to be more. It is natural progression if you ask me. Gene's plot is just ridiculous, but that's more or less what he does in the show. He's just the comedic relief and it is just as hit or miss as it is in the show. One character progression in the movie that I did not expect was Linda Belcher not being confident. Hell even Bob refers to that in the third act when Linda, who is the optimist to Bob's pesimisstic behavior, more or less gives up. It helps evolve Bob as the hero in the story and not only furthers his arch, but gives Linda an arch simultaneously.
So that was one thing this movie did better than The Simpsons Movie. Now for one thing this movie did not do better than that. Pacing. I'm not saying the pacing is bad. No. In all honesty, most of this movie is paced very well. But when the movie is dragging, it drags really noticeably. It is especially noticeable in the second act where they try to throw a red herring over who the villain of the movie is and they go on and on in terms of trying to make us believe that one person is the villain and the movie knows that we know who the villain really isn't and outside of one admittedly great musical number (all the musical numbers in this movie are amazing btw...I did not expect Bob's Burgers to have multiple music numbers, but in hindsight, the signs were there throughout the show that I shouldn't be surprised), the movie honestly drags its feet to get to the third act reveal. Not saying that the second act isn't bad at all, but it is noticeably time consuming.
In the end though, The Bob's Burgers Movie was a good time. I enjoyed seeing this transition to the big screen and it seemed like everyone had a good time making it. The acting was great. The writing was clever most of the time. The animation is gorgeous; please make more 2D theatrical films Hollywood, I beg you. And it does provide enough fan service while not being at the expense of trying to swing in casual viewers. It knows what it is and it doesn't try to be something that it's not.
OH AND DID I MENTION THE MUSICAL NUMBERS SLAPPED!?
"To all the doubters out there who still think Disney's Marvel films are in serious trouble, the three major directors of the next three MCU movies are Taika Waititi, Ryan Coogler, and the movie I'm reviewing today, Sam Raimi. They are going to be fine."
....or so I thought.
Yeah, if the fan feedback from Doctor Strange 2 was all over the place from great to mediocre. I can already feel the backlash for this one coming in full force. The word of mouth from this one is pretty bad. And I can certainly see why. If you thought that the MCU comedy aspects have become too much...then Thor: Love and Thunder is the poster child of everything wrong with the MCU right now.
Okay let me give some perspective to some of the backlash Thor: Love and Thunder is receiving right now. The exact same team that made Thor: Ragnarok has come back again to make the latest Thor movie. And it is no surprise as to why that is. I don't speak for everyone when I say this, but Ragnarok is hands down the best Thor movie and I'll even go as far as to say that Ragnarok is one of the top five best MCU movies, period. Taika Waititi perfectly blended his style of comedy in with a big budgeted MCU adventure and was able to bring even more layers of complexity to the character of Thor. A character who is now the biggest star of the MCU if you ask me from my perspective. With Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans both out, Chris Hemsworth is arguably the biggest star of the MCU at the moment. His character continues to evolve over time and let's just be blunt and say that in a series that needs a big star to push the series forward, Thor's arch is far from over with each passing film finding more and more for him to explore about himself.
Which amazes me because prior to 2017, the past six years of Thor really weren't that interesting. His relationship with his father was interesting; hell Thor's relationship with Loki was incredibly interesting. But Thor himself? He's just a god. A god with powers and speaks in eloquent speeches and war cries. Who also happens to be in love with a normal human from Earth. Not really much to Thor himself except saving humanity because he's a good guy. The first Thor movie was fine on that aspect alone because it played out like a Shakespearean tragedy. At least it is better than the sequel, which I'm sorry but that movie is just bad. Not terrible like Iron Man 2, but easily the second worst MCU movie...or at least 2A/2B with Eternals. Another boring movie. So considering Thor: Ragnarok more or less took the Thor formula, flipped it on its head, and took what was good about the other two Thor movies, added some comedy, and basically subverted our expectations as to what a Thor movie will be. Yeah Ragnarok was a critical and commercial smash.
So where did this one go so horribly wrong? Okay let me just get my personal opinion out of the way first because a lot of you are reading this thinking I hated it. I did not actually. I thought it was fine. Chris Hemsworth is still incredibly interesting as Thor. I thought his arch went roads I didn't initially expect and I'm kind of glad it went the way it did. Because I'm going through a similar arch in my life of getting ready to experience my one true purpose of my life with the same results that Thor ended up with responsibility wise at the end. So yeah, consider me finding his arch totally relatable in a sense. Also the comedy was hilarious when it was good (key words: when it was good). Christian Bale was amazing as Gorr. More on this later, but when he was on screen, he was killing it. And finally, this was the best use of Natalie Portman in the Thor movies yet. I absolutely respect the fact that she put the work in to physically be The Mighty Thor.
We good? Good. Because while I did think this movie was fine....I 1000% percent get the hate for it and I would be lying if I said there wasn't some truth to those claims because Christ this movie was a mess. The bad in this movie was absolutely inexcusable. And before you all think I'm about to rant for days about all the problems I have with this movie, but I got to be honest with you all....I'm more fascinated with all the terrible aspects of this movie than I am enraged by it.
Like take a look at this. Is this the most surreal MCU movie ever made? What sort of director openly riffs his own failures? Especially when this has a 200 million dollar plus budget. You're literally being paid to not make those sorts of mistakes. Quit laughing at how bad your own movie is!
And if you think that's my biggest problem. Oh no, we are just getting started.
-Remember at the end of Avengers: Endgame when they were hyping up the Asgardians of the Galaxy? Yeah the Guardians are only in the movie for like five minutes and really don't contribute much to the plot whatsoever. That was a dynamic I was very much looking forward to being further explored. And then it wasn't.
-Then you have Korg, who was very entertaining comedic relief in doses from Ragnarok. Now he's a main character and he more or less has become a Minion type character. Whether you love or hate those Minion moments, I think we can all agree that anyone who tries to rip-off the Minion formula completely misses the mark. And that is more or less what Korg is now. An oversized minion.
-The goats. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can see them in the trailer briefly. They are in so much of this movie that I can't even begin to picture whose bright idea that this was to bring back one of the most overused memes of 2013. Screaming goats were obnoxious then and are still obnoxious nine years later. Every time they appeared onscreen was a friendly reminder that Taika or Kevin Feige or whoever decided we needed screaming goats in 2022; doesn't give a shit.
-Valkyrie is criminally underutilized in this movie. Plain and simple. It is almost a travesty how much of an afterthought she was in the second half of this movie.
-For as better approached the romance between Jane and Thor was in this movie compared to the first two...they just don't have the chemistry to fully invest me. I mean both Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman tried dammit and there were a couple scenes towards the end that did work...but for more than half this movie, I just did not want to see these two end up together again. I put most of the blame on the script, which is full of romantic comedy tropes that are so formulaic that it flirts between almost charming and very cringe throughout.
-There is a love triangle between Thor, Mjolnir, and Stormbreaker. The chemistry here is more believable than it was between Thor and Jane.
-Russell Crowe as Zeus. You've got to see it to believe how absolutely ridiculously bad he is.
-It is downright criminal what they did to my boy Gorr. If you don't read the comics, Gorr is one of the biggest threats in Thor lore. Like the movie said, he's a god butcher. And in the comics, he does kill three different versions of Thor. You would think that Gorr would be built out in the movies to be this formidable threat- he's not. He's just this guy who seeks vengeance due to the power of the necromancer. And like I said, Christian Bale acts his ass off with the amount of time he is given. But I can picture him being absolutely forgettable if anybody else played him than one of the best actors in the business today in Christian Bale. I can't believe the same guy who gave us one of the best MCU villains in Lady Hela played fantastically by Cate Blanchett; nearly butchered Gorr and his story.
That would normally be enough to consider this one of the worst MCU films of all-time, right? Well, all of this didn't really frustrate me like I said. Honestly, some of the times I caught myself laughing at this. I guess you could say that I was able to turn my brain off a bit more and enjoy it as a popcorn flick because the action scenes were directed well and the visuals were stunning. Which they definitely were. And they inserted the comedy sometimes at the most appropriate time.
Which leads me to my biggest complaint. The one true complaint that did bother my experience of this movie. The tonal inconsistency. I get that they wanted to make this a romantic comedy that was heavy on the comedy. The comedy aspect of Ragnarok was one of the reasons that was the best Thor movie. But here is the reason the comedy didn't get as grating then as it does now. Because in Ragnarok, they were able to perfectly balance the comedy and the story. When the story of Ragnarok got too heavy handed, they threw in some comedy to make it more light-hearted. They were also able to balance out the comedy so it wasn't at the expense of the story they were telling.
Not in Love and Thunder. The comedy took way too much of a toll onto the story that you couldn't tell if the movie was being sarcastic or if it was being serious. Like you couldn't tell if we were supposed to laugh or if the direction was misleading the tone the scene was trying to portray. Look, I enjoy laughing while I'm at the movies. Comedies are still one of my favorite genres for that reason because I enjoy turning off my brain for a hour and a half or more. But when the comedy comes at destroying the tone of your movie is when the comedy starts to get grating. And the MCU has had this problem brewing for the last year and a half or so. Like in Shang-Chi, when we were learning more bout Shaun's tragic family backstory and then we get Awkwafina throwing in some lame jokes that ruined my investment in the story. Or in Eternals when we get some out of nowhere bad jokes from Kingo and his assistant during the dramatic moments. I get that is the MCU's thing now to try and be more light-hearted, but Love and Thunder just didn't balance the comedy out well at all.
So how would I rate this? I still don't know two weeks later. I mean I enjoyed it, but I'm not going to act like the backlash isn't wrong. I totally get it. I was disappointed that the same team that gave us Ragnarok more or less were directionless when it came to adding more to the story of Thor. But that doesn't stop Thor from being a compelling character. Because I think this movie did just enough to make me still want to see more of Thor and his adventures. Despite this being a huge downgrade from Ragnarok, I still am completely invested in Thor as a character, so the movie still did enough right. The things they got wrong though were still too much to not ignore. In a way, this still gets a recommendation. Just don't expect me to want to watch this again for quite a long while or even defend it.
It is no secret that with the MANY classic and memorable properties over the years from both TV and film, that studios have been cashing in on those fan-favorite callbacks with remakes, reimaginings, or long-awaited sequels/prequels/hell at times threequels by banking on purely nostalgia for the original IP. All these studios have multiple properties with interest from the studio big wigs deciding to revisit certain properties to further produce nostalgic triggers amongst the paying customers. They are raking in older generations of viewers to partake in trips down memory lane, while inviting newcomers to experience the property with a fresh set of new eyes. We have covered MANY movies that do this on this blog in the past and hell we'll probably talking about nostalgia for years and years to come. Because that is the way the world works. Some express an interest of reminiscing with a familiar face from yesteryear, while others believe that too much fan-service can ruin the continuation franchise and are only presented in this way to make easy money.
So let's talk about a movie that has been long overdue on my list for the past month with Paramount Pictures and its legacy sequel, Top Gun: Maverick. I got to be honest. When this was first announced, I was incredibly cynical about this being a sequel. For those of you who didn't watch or need a refresher on the original, Top Gun was a 1987 action movie that was...okay. Perfectly okay. I think it was far more interesting in the second half of its run time than it was in the first, but I get why it was framed the way it was. It was glorious 80s action cheese with its catchphrases, soundtrack full of 80s bangers, and Tom Cruise mugging his face all over the place. The movie was a capsule of its time period and I would be lying if I said I didn't have Maverick's jack and dog tags hanging in my house.
But more importantly, why make a sequel to this? What exactly warrants this to exist? Was there anyone really dying to see the continued adventures of Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and explore him even further as a character? I mean I get that Paramount isn't doing too hot as a studio at the moment, but they can't really be this cash deprived and sorely in need of a hit. What more could they possibly do with this property?
...is what I thought for the longest time. And then the movie kept getting delayed repeatedly due to the pandemic. I kept thinking that maybe Paramount would just push this straight to Paramount+ like they did with Sponge on the Run, Rumble, and damn near everything else on their calendar for the last two years. But Tom Cruise said something interesting during those delays. That this movie was meant to be seen on the big screen. In a world where movies are focusing more and more on streaming, more and more actors, directors, etc. are publicly pointing out why movie theaters truly can't be beat and more want to make theater driven movies solely to remind the viewing public why nothing compares to the movie theater experience. As a cinephile myself, I love that experience more than watching something in the comfort of my home. And I've always been under the impression that Tom Cruise is one himself. The man STILL does his own stunts in his late 50s. Solely for his love of film. So he caught my attention with his message about this sequel more than the many celebrities who have done this push to save the cinema going experience.
And message delivered. Holy fucking shit was this movie something special. A film that I am so glad to have paid to sit in a movie theater to go see. Let me get that statement perfectly clear before I go any further with this review. I went to see this in IMAX and the money was absolutely worth it. This has some of the most breathtaking visuals I've ever seen. Filmmaking and CGI has truly come a long way because I truly felt like I was in the air while watching some of these sequences. Kudos to Maverick director and frequent Tom Cruise collaborater Joseph Kosinski.. Damn great directing.
Hell even the story is an improvement on the original. I mean if you want to get overly critical here, yeah the framing and certain sequences you can point out as carbon copies of the original. From the exact same opening sequence and fairly close closing sequence to the bar scene where Maverick and his love interest "Penny" reunite for the first time in years to the new characters being damn near carbon copies of the original characters. To me though, I am forgiving of this because they were tributes to the original. Otherwise, people would be forgetting this is a TOP GUN sequel and not just a Mission Impossible sequel or another Tom Cruise action movie. Quote me on that because there were younger people in the audience not understanding the Top Gun homages and I bet you my theater wasn't the only one who had that.
What I loved about this story was that Tom Cruise's Maverick is a far more complex character than I expected. In the original Top Gun, Maverick was not an interesting character until the third act. Otherwise, he was a cocky shit throughout two thirds of the movie. In the sequel, Maverick is still cocky because let's be honest, it is who he is. But he still hasn't let go of the consequences of his actions for the death of Goose from the original and he made choices over the 35 years since the original that he is paying the repercussions for amongst other characters like Goose's son Rooster (also played greatly by Miles Teller). Also we get to see Maverick train a new generation of navy pilots, with one of them being a carbon copy of himself mixed his rival from the original Iceman, played by Glen Powell. It just adds more dimensions to Maverick's character and that is what we want to see from sequels and continuations. Reasons to continue to be invested in these characters after so many years away. Plus the mission is a hell of a lot better than the original. The climax had me on the edge of my seat for 30-45 minutes compared to the original which was good, but not great.
And then there is the love story. Look I'm not saying that the original love story was bad by any means. But Maverick playing hot for teacher throughout the original was kind of...uninteresting? Yeah Charlie (played by Kelly McGillis) and Maverick did have chemistry, but the movie didn't really do much for me to root for them to end up together. But like I mentioned before, this movie did a better job exploring Maverick as a character, so seeing him reconnect with a long lost flame in Penny was much better because she turned down his advances and noticed that this character was fighting trauma that he has not learned to let go. Much more fascinating.
One more thing. This soundtrack still slaps after all these years. It had the right amounts of nostalgia with the Top Gun theme and "Danger Zone", while also throwing in some nice newer 80s style callbacks like Lady Gaga's "Hold My Hand".
So is this one of the best sequels ever made? I think this has a case to be on the list. I wouldn't call it my favorite sequel ever by any means....guys, The Empire Strikes Back exists. But I think this is definitely Top 15 or 20 in my humble opinion. And that is not an overreaction. I've been longing for a movie to truly remind me in these still troubled times to make me fall back in love with the movie going experience. And while I enjoyed the likes of The Batman and Spider-Man: No Way Home an awful lot...Top Gun: Maverick is better than both. Absolutely capitalizing on perfect amounts of nostalgia and how far technology has come. This is truly showing how to absolutely improve on the original in every possible fashion.
Where do I even start with this franchise? How about the original Jurassic Park is one of my favorite movies of all-time. Was it perfect? No. But it is beloved by many. It's one of the best book to film adaptations ever made if you ask me. Because as someone who read the original novel, the film captures the magic of a dinosaur based park ten thousand times better than the author Michael Crichton could ever put on paper; no disrespect. It is one of the best movies of Steven Spielberg's career as well as he absolutely nailed it. Honestly, I could go on and on about how revolutionary this movie was to summer blockbusters. Ahead of its time graphics, great acting, a compelling story, interesting characters, and DINOSAURS! This movie is pretty damn legendary.
And of course, it earned a ton of money, which means we need sequels. Tons and tons of sequels. None of which have been able to recreate the magic that was Jurassic Park, nor challenge the franchise to grow into even more. I mean I get why they don't. Because the selling point is the dinosaurs, as it should be. But you know what would make it sell even more? A good movie. Which if we are being totally honest, all the sequels have not been well received. That doesn't mean I don't find them good. The Lost World, the very first sequel, is a mindlessly dumb popcorn flick that entertains me. But it doesn't hold a candle to Jurassic Park. The exact same can be said for Jurassic World. I thought that was ridiculously stupid, but has some of the most compelling action sequences of the entire series. And Jurassic Park 3 and Fallen Kingdom are....movies...
Look what I'm trying to say is that the more things stay the same, the less and less I start to give a shit about these movies. And this new movie, Dominion definitely challenges for the title of the worst of the series. I might need some more time to mull whether it is the absolute worst because Fallen Kingdom currently holds that title for me personally. Which let's talk about the end of that movie for a minute because I feel absolutely lied to. At the very end of that movie, we were promised an actual Jurassic WORLD for once. Not "have all the dinosaurs placed in one location". No; an actual world full of dinosaurs. Which absolutely suckered me in to thinking that we were finally going to try something new and not be given the same old shit.
And to the SURPRISE of no one, that's what we got. If you consider that a spoiler, then I'm sorry but let's be honest by now. If you have been following this franchise for as long as I have, then you would know by now to have zero expectations that these sequels would actually want to try and switch up the formula.
Okay well that's not all true. We have the main trio coming back of Alan Grant (Sam Neill), Ellie Satler (Laura Dern), and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to do some B-plot that Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) could have done. Same goes the other way too. That's the thing about these characters. They don't evolve whatsoever. A Owen line could have been an Alan line. Or an Ellie line could have been a Claire line. These characters are so generic and interchangeable. Well not all of them. Jeff Goldblum's acting is kind of a caricature of himself to the point that he had me cracking up so many times whether it was intentional or not.
That being said, it feels like the creative team cares more about the humans and their utterly nonsensical subplots for quite some time now. When in reality, the people came to see the dinosaurs. Is that so selfish of me to think? Especially since this is the best the dinosaurs have ever looked in these movies. CGI has come such a long way since 1993 and while the 1993 CGI was far ahead of its time, the dinosaurs here look so much better than they have ever been. But no, the dinosaurs are probably in like 30-35% of the movie. Which sucks because we have to listen to such garbage plot points...oh and that reminds me. You'll never guess who the villain of this movie is. It is such a bafflingly out of left field choice that no one will ever guess in a million years. I'm not going to spoil it for you because I cracked up when I found out that this person was the villain of this movie.
But yeah, outside of some impressive CGI and two to three fun scenes, it doesn't make up for arguably the shittiest movie of the entire series. I'm still inclined to say that Fallen Kingdom was technically the worst movie of the bunch, but Dominion is hands down the most disappointing of the series. And isn't that far behind Fallen Kingdom in quality. If Universal is going to continue this series, and they probably will since this franchise makes way too much money to call it quits; they desperately need to focus on the quality because the more things stay the same, the less people turn out to your movies. It happened to Star Wars, it happened to Fantastic Beasts, and with the way this franchise is headed, I wouldn't be surprised if it happens to Jurassic Park.
Final Grade: D
D stands for Dumbminion. What did you guys think? Was I being too harsh? Do you find these movies to continually disappoint? Are we going to see more Jurassic Park properties regardless of the quality? Let me know in the comments below. Until next time, thanks for reading and take care!
Isn't that how it always goes? Once a corporation gets ahold of a meme, it becomes instantly dated. And now Sony is trying to cash in on meme culture by thinking they can give this box office bomb some new life and they can fast track more-bius. Now hang on for a second, that fact about corporate meme culture is not always tru-
-kill it with fire.
So you're probably thinking. Am I feeding into the meme trend by reviewing this? You actually paid to see this- of course I didn't. Why would I actually give my hard earned money to a studio like Sony that is forcing this alternate Spidey cinematic universe that I absolutely despise? I've been begging for Sony to stop ruining live-action Spider-Man movies for ten years now. I mean the movies aren't always awful, but Sony is absolutely doing this to keep the rights for as long as they inhumanely can. At the very least, I'm glad Kevin Feige is stepping in to right the main Spider-Man movies that tie into the MCU. Because god forbid they allow Sony themselves further desecrate these comic book live-action movies into the ground. But to answer my own initial question, I found the movie online and watched a copy of it. Sony is one of the few studios out there that can't figure out how to stop their films from being pirated.
So what do I think of Morbius? It's awful. It's like we never left the 1990s/early 2000s trends for superhero films. Just like the Venom films before it. But at least the Venom movies have fun with their absurdly dumb movies. Morbius is just...there. It exists. That Morbius and his super generic adventure with super generic twists and turns and terrible acting.
Okay real critical analysis insight Morbin time (I did the meme, happy?). It feels like the director Daniel Espinosa was handed a couple comic books by Sony; telling him that this is Morbius and make a movie about him. He probably skimmed through it and checked through all the traditional points and then just utilized a bunch of cliches while Sony spoon fed him how they want this property to tie into their own Spidey-verse plans. The acting is awful from damn near everybody. I can slightly defend Matt Smith for being over the top ridiculous to the point that it gets a slight chuckle out of me. Jared Leto continues his insufferable character acting that he's been doing ever since he won that Oscar almost ten years ago. And the writing is incredibly tepid and uninspired.
The main bright spot for me was that the memes used to be hilarious. Key word: used to be. For example:
Hysterical.
And this was right when the Will Smith slap memes were still fresh and early in their lifespan too.
Look I enjoyed the meme for quite awhile too guys. But if there was one thing that I saw a few weeks ago that rang absolutely true...it was this one:
I saw this one a few weeks ago and good lord was this ever so timely. Because not too long after that was when Sony started to promote the meme to their own advantage:
Number one movie on the Apple TV app...not even Apple+, but Apple's outdated app for their TV service...and a new Marvel legend.
It was at that point, the meme started to become forced and I started to find everything tied to this less and less funny. They couldn't just let this be the Sonic 06 of film and call it a day. Nope. Sony will continue to try and get every last cent out of their forced Spidey universe so they can profit off of it and never fully send the rights back to Marvel Studios. Which for the record, I'm not for one studio to monopolize the business the way Disney has with getting all these properties. But in Sony's case? No, give it to the Mouse House.
That's why I'm writing this kind-of sort-of review. Not to intentionally be a buzzkill, but to tell everyone that Morbius is really not the kind of bad movie that's worth peaking anyone's interest.
Sometimes....you just have to follow where your muse takes you. That's how we got to here:
Full disclosure. I was a fan of the short-lived 90s cartoon. Just like most 90s kids. I mean if we are being honest, this was no Duck Tales or Darkwing Duck, but it had its charm. Just like a majority of the OG Disney Afternoon lineup. That being said, when I heard this was getting adapted into a Disney+ original movie, I thought to myself, really? I mean I guess it could be better than those awful new Cheaper by the Dozen or Home Alone movies. But that's really not saying a lot.
And then we got that trailer. Which was...incredibly weird and off putting at the same time. I mean how many of these meta movies do we really need? And why of all characters, were we getting this type of movie from Chip 'n Dale of all Disney properties? Was this what the people really wanted?
Also we can't ignore the other huge meta mystery elephant in the room that mixed animation and live-action like this over thirty years ago. Hell even Disney addressed it in its own movie...
Clearly this movie was heavily inspired by the still timeless classic, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I mean Disney lent their own IP's for this movie and everyone lost their shit. I still mark out seeing Daffy and Donald interact as well as Bugs and Mickey. This was really ahead of its time in a timeline today where all studios try to have their giant epic brand promotion. Here's looking at you Space Jam 2!
Needless to say, I was heavily skeptical that Disney would be able to pull this off for Chip n' Dale of all the freaking properties in the Walt Disney library that only grows larger by the day. But you know what? I was kind of pleasantly surprised by this.
Let me get this out of the way first. This movie has plenty of problems and is not as smart as the writers think it is. Addressing your own plot holes and skepticism don't cover up the fact that you fall into the same generic traps that the many properties you reference do too. But I've got to give the team who made this credit. I did not expect to be laughing and dropping my jaw as often as I expected. Like this movie really surprises you when you least expect it. It has heart, it has an actually compelling story, and there is far more depth than the trailer implies.
But man those problems though. Okay let me just go out of the way and say that for as tough as it is to mix CGI and hand drawn animation with live action...trust me I know from my couple years doing digital visualization in high school and college as easy elective credits...it's not easy. After awhile, it is more apparent than ever that Chip's animation is subpar. Like there are tons of times in this movie where I legitimately believe that the hand drawn animated characters are there. Hell, for as many times as I get on overreliance on CGI, I believe Dale is there FAR more often than I do Chip. I don't know if the shading on Chip is just too apparent, but yeah after awhile, it just becomes more obvious that the animation on Chip is just not that good. Not helping matters is that Chip is voiced by John Mulaney; who I know has his fans, but I am not one of them. I can only handle his dry sarcastic voice for so long before I get tired of it and want him off my screen. Andy Samberg just blows him out of the water as Dale, he is goofy and loveable enough to make Dale the heart of the movie.
My other main complaints are that KiKi Layne as the human lead is just not that good in this role. I'm not saying she's bad. I saw her as the co-lead in that Charlize Theron Netflix movie "The Old Guard". I know she can act. But she's just not believable as this cop who is a Chip N Dale super fan. She certainly is no Bob Hoskins because there are times where she is not doing a believable job that she's interacting with CGI and hand drawn characters. And speaking of those characters....SPOILERS...KIND OF....SORT OF!
Disney clearly has the money to shelve out to put non-Disney IP's in this movie. I'm going to avoid spoiling who exactly but let's just say other studios animated characters appear in this movie and outside of one that made me crack the fuck up that this one-off internet meme eventually had an arch in this movie, they do nothing else with them. Like they just appear...I mean you're Disney. You have the money. Do something with them.
But those complaints aside, this movie had absolutely no right being as good as it was. Just when I thought I was getting absolutely tired of self-aware movies who are overly meta, this movie comes out of nowhere and just surprises you with its clever humor and a pretty good story. I mean this movie ends with Post Malone singing the Chip N Dale theme song. Did anyone expect that? Well lower those expectations because you'll have a ball with the unpredictable nature of this movie...despite its predictable cliches.
Final Grade: B
And for you Chip 'N Dale fans, don't you worry. The main cast gets together for like two total minutes. So there you go. What did you guys think? Are you sick of meta humor yet? Did this movie subvert your expectations after such an awful first trailer like it did to me? Tell me what you think in the comments below. Until next time, take care.
To say it's been awhile has been an understatement.
Yeah it has basically become a cliche that my latest entry starts off with me apologizing for the delay in content. So what's new with me? Well only some major life changing events. I started a new job. I think it's self-fulfilling prophecy that I went from working in grocery stores to becoming a department lead to now managing the uniform accounts of nearly every major grocery store across the United States. Yeah, I'm moving on up and it is kind of nice to have a Monday thru Friday for the first time in my life.
...and my wife is pregnant. Yep we are expecting our first child this October. Looks like what I wrote months ago became self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm nervous, but at the same time, it's a good type of nervous. The kind of nerves that make me very excited but at the same time wanting to get all my ducks in a row before the big day comes. My career has been full of indecisiveness when it comes to what I want to be when I grew up, but the one certainty is that I've always wanted to be a father and that day is coming sooner rather than later.
So yeah, that's what I've been up to. Not a dull moment at all this 2022. Which means a lot less blog writing for my first half of the year. I've had I think one post this year? And a very long overdue film list from 2021. I almost want to scrape that list all together, but I do want to get something out. I'll be honest in saying that my writing priorities have been at the back of my mind. Still in my thoughts somewhere, but not towards the forefront like it used to be. But it's time to fix that. I've got some long overdue catching up to do with the music and especially of the films out there.
I think this is my first official full length MCU review. I mean you all can go check the tapes, but despite me talking about the MCU a plenty on this blog and giving a brief movie review of Black Widow, I've never given one of these movies the full length treatment.
To say I'm a fan is an understatement. I love these movies. I'm not one of those diehards that will claim that this series of movies are greater than the Bible or get all up in Martin Scorsese's mentions when he says he is not a fan of these movies, but I am one of the fans who admits that is fully invested in its long term storytelling while producing mostly good movies along the way. I'm willing to forgive Marvel for their misses because they hit far more often than they miss.
It's mildly funny to see everyone talk about how the MCU is in trouble because they had a bad past two years. First of all, 2020 was a bad year for EVERYONE. I will concede and say 2021 was a down year mostly because they oversaturated the market with NINE projects. I mean there is making up for lost time, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Thankfully, Spider-Man: No Way Home shut up a lot of doubters out there who might have thought that the MCU was on its way out. I mean guys, 2019 was the end of a over ten year story. It's like watching The Office post-Michael Scott. Yeah its still going to obviously continue, but it is never going to top "Goodbye Michael". And Marvel will never top "Endgame". But The Office still continued because the cast was still compelling enough to continue the show's story. The MCU will still continue the same way comic books still continue after an amazing first long term story. I am absolutely still intrigued to see where so many of our heroes are going to go for the foreseeable future. Which leads to this year. To all the doubters out there who still think Disney's Marvel films are in serious trouble, the three major directors of the next three MCU movies are Taika Waititi, Ryan Coogler, and the movie I'm reviewing today, Sam Raimi. They are going to be fine.
Speaking of Sam Raimi, it is poetic justice to see him come back to Marvel fifteen years after he directed Spider-Man 3. He wasn't always in place to be the director. The director of the first Doctor Strange movie, Scott Derrickson, was supposed to be back to make the sequel at first, but creative differences with MCU mastermind Kevin Feige as well as Scott's own mental health led to him leaving the sequel. Which you know, it's not a common occurrence to see directors leaving the MCU over creative difference. This is what, like the fifth time this has happened? Sometimes shit happens. Hell Derrickson has a new horror movie coming out that looks amazing. Everybody wins. Because my god, I could not imagine anyone else directing this movie other than Sam Raimi.
This movie was a match made in heaven. When I first heard that they were planning on making this a Marvel horror movie, I was curious. Derrickson did have a horror movie background and I wanted to see how this idea could have worked. But when Derrickson was replaced by a horror movie auteur like Sam Raimi, you're damn right I was 100% sold. Maybe someday the MCU will make a full on R-rated movie, but if there was any director out there who could do PG-13 horror, Sam Raimi is a perfect choice. Yeah I know the horror movies he is most famous for were hard R rated...hell the first Evil Dead was NC-17. But if you want to know what this man can do by pushing the limits of a PG-13 rating, take a look at Drag Me to Hell, one of the most criminally underrated horror films of all-time. And holy shit does Sam Raimi take full advantage of that PG-13 in this movie. Slight spoilers from the climax, but you've seen this shot in the trailers. There is a scene with the zombified corpse of Doctor Strange with a bunch of demonic soul black arms and hands coming out wanting to kill you. Another slight spoiler, but you've seen this in the trailers as well. Wanda Maximoff more or less looks like Carrie in the climax of that movie with demonic eyes and blood pouring down her face. Only Sam Raimi could push the limits of that PG-13 rating. Hell the direction in general for this movie is amazing. I wish I saw this in IMAX because Sam Raimi has some gorgeous shots and angles that made me think that Sam Raimi's style of directing has always been made for IMAX.
Most importantly of all, this movie got me excited for the future of the MCU again. While I do wish we got to see more multi-verses, we spent time in mostly two multi-verses. Which you know, I would have loved to see more, but that's perfectly okay because I think having only two focused multi-verses really helped explain the main story well. But this movie got me excited for all the possibly endless stories the MCU can now take from here. Sure this was briefly established in Loki and No Way Home obviously opened the portal of what the MCU can do with this storyline. But Doctor Strange 2 really opened my eyes on the unlimited possibilities this saga can go from here. We could have more re-castings of already retired or deceased characters, but by different actors. We can have even more fan service of older movie characters like this one had a certain cameo from a certain franchise that you all know and love.
SPOILERS AHEAD
My one major problem with this movie that prevents this from being one of the MCU's best offerings is how Wanda Maximoff is handled as the antagonist. Is she bad in it? No. In all honesty, Elizabeth Olson's acting in this is phenomenal. This is the best acting she has done as Wanda Maximoff quite possibly ever. And that comes from someone who thought she was great in WandaVision. But that's where my problem lies with her in Multiverse of Madness. The lessons she learned in WandaVision. And before anyone points out "Well Bobby, she was under the control of the Darkhold." Yes...I know. I get her motivation, I really do. As I said in the beginning, I'm about to become a first time parent. I would do anything for my unborn child. Just like Wanda would do anything to be reunited with her children from a parallel universe. But are we supposed to believe that she completely forgot about everything that she went through in WandaVision, evil book or no evil book, where she was remorseful for her actions when it came to playing with humanity the way that she did? I'm sorry, but you're kind of pushing your luck a bit when it comes to that.
Wanda Maximoff is miles above many others as one of the most complex and multi-dimensional characters in the MCU. Her character has gone through so much grief and suffering that it makes her relatable as hell. Her and Thor are the two characters that have gone through the most development when it comes to becoming more complex characters. That is why I'll never stop being intrigued by their stories with each passing property they are tied to. That is why seeing Wanda Maximoff kind of fall back into the same dark traps that she falls into with this kind of feels repetitive to me. She has already been manipulated before. More than once as a matter of fact. You could have written her as being antagonistic without the control of the Darkhold. Have her get that brief glimpse of knowing there is another universe out there where she could be with her kids...hell possibly Vision again...and make that the reason she goes rogue. Seeing Wanda kill hundreds of people in order to get what she wants just feels absolutely ridiculous after being supremely remorseful for her actions at the end of WandaVision. Although I'm not going to lie when I say seeing her fight the other superheroes...especially the Illuminati isn't badass. I just feel like the moral justifications of her actions were supremely hard to ignore.
But yeah this movie is still amazing. I want more Sam Raimi helmed MCU movies. I want more creative MCU films like this one. And based off the strong word of mouth this movie has been getting, I think we are going to see the MCU get more weird and creative. That's what I want. You can have the same Marvel formula while still trying new things like this.
Final Grade: A-
Like I said, so close to being Top 5. Definitely better than the first Doctor Strange, which was still a good movie. But this one was certainly great. Mostly due to Sam Raimi given creative control while still going through the usual checkpoints for a Marvel movie. I think that's what Marvel needs to keep doing moving forward. What do you guys think? Did you like it? I do know some people who were less than pleased. What did you not like? Please let me know in the comments below. Until next time, take care.
Hey everybody. We interrupt this list season to give you a brief update on the goings-on of our favorite music publication, Billboard, and their whacky insane antics they are presently up to. So what's new with this week's top twenty?
Yep. Sounds about right. I mean DO SOMETHING.
In all my years as a Billboard chart follower, this is by far the most stagnant I've ever seen these charts. Weren't the Christmas songs supposed to freshen things up a bit? You could hardly tell that based off the fact that nothing is moving these days. Look we can chart that up to a lot of factors, but let's get the obvious one out of the way first. None of the big names out there are dropping any albums. Okay that's not all true. Kanye West just released the highly anticipated sequel to one of his most 5/10 albums to date on his own personal STEM player that only the select few are going to spend $200 dollars to listen to in this era of record high inflation. Otherwise? Lil Durk just dropped an album. I hope it does well because I like him. Let's hope that is the album that solidifies him as an A-lister.
And let's chalk up this factor. We have become so diverse as a music listening society. Streaming being such the big factor that it has become has really divided up listening demographics to the point that popular music has become more and more of a niche genre. The days of the truly big larger than life personality celebrities are long gone. Sure we got a select handful that you can classify as the latter category, but compared to a decade ago when songs 90% of the time got big off the names attached to them; it surely is not the same.
Maybe 2022 will prove me wrong and we'll have a spring and summer full of bangers and vibes. But right now? Let's just say that I think it is fitting that our number one song in America right now perfectly captures this moment in time of chart following. It is a "heat wave" of lacking content that doesn't seem to be ending any time soon. Here's the list down below I'll be working off of:
So does my scathing comments mean all the songs are bad? Let's find out while we take a look at
THE 2022 SPRING BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 RANKED
THE TERRIBLE TIER
Okay it's official. I never want to hear this fucking song ever again.
"Heat Waves" - Glass Animals
Look I really could sit here all day and beat a dead horse about how stagnant the music charts are. How niche they've become and how absolutely way too many points are being designated to the radio. When the radio is so comedically behind the times at this point and are just now giving too much airplay to this song that only got popular from a stupid Minecraft fanfic meme. Which leave it to the cultural zeitgeist to beat a dead meme until its not funny anymore.
I mean what else is there left to say except the charts are stagnant because nobody seeks out music anymore. The 2020's are living proof of that because the news of the world is just too powerful to ignore. I mean let's put this into perspective with this song. At the time Glass Animals wrote this song (the album released June 2020, so let's give them a few months of songwriting before that), we experienced like fifteen years worth of news stories in the span of two whole years...and that doesn't even count the Russian invasion of Ukraine, which became a thing while I was drafting this transcript...add a few more years to this equation if World War 3 starts...okay I'm getting sidetracked again. Song...song...
But yeah, this is in the terrible tier now. Overplay has absolutely made a song that I already thought was bad that much worse. And while I have done a real shit job at following the year end chart trackings and predictions, I expect this to make it again as well as like 1/5th of the songs from the 2021 year end. And it might be fair game to make the top ten of the worst list this year, even though it was spared from it last year. I hate it that much more now.
...that being said, I still prefer that overplayed song over this one.
"Big Energy" - Latto
I told myself I was going to try to hold my cards closer to my chest this year, but fuck it. This song is a 0/10 in every single aspect across the board. It's such a cowardly cynical cash grab in remotely every aspect. Hey did you guys know people are nostalgic for "Fantasy" by Mariah Carey? Let's have Dr. Luke rehash that same sample and give this D-list Megan Thee Stallion knockoff a career. This is so fucking formulaic that it is infuriating levels of unlikeable traits that I haven't felt in quite some time.
That's probably not fair to Latto. Who I've been told deserves better than this. And to that I ask, does she? Saweetie might be talented too, but that didn't stop her from doing the exact same thing with the exact same formula right down to hiring the exact same rapist producer. But you know what, at least Saweetie gets a reaction out of me with her annoying personality every time she beats a recognizable sample into the ground. Latto could be replaced by anyone. Give the song to any female rapper like Cardi or Megan or Doja or fuck let's go there, give it to Saweetie. I can hear elements of all of them coming from Latto's flavorless rapping and singing.
The song is that obvious that the song wants you to be hooked in by that "Genius of Love" sample that Mariah Carey used back in the day and is back in pop culture relevance thanks to TikTok and that fairly recent Ryan Reynolds movie. Hell she even says "I could be your fantasy" in the chorus. It knows exactly what its doing. The formula for this is these levels of craven that nothing else fucking matters.
ALSO IT'S CALLED BIG DICK ENERGY!
THE BAD TIER
"Bad Habits" - Ed Sheeran
And speaking of things I hate much more now....does not apply to this song. I'm indifferent to the song itself now more than ever. It's harmless. But I'm a man of truth and I can't justify placing this song in a higher tier because that music video is just the absolute worst. One of the worst I've ever seen. Which how did this get a sales gain? Isn't it getting rotated out for that remixed third single with Taylor Swift?
...wasn't that collaborations mixtape three years ago? God he really will collaborate with anyone...didn't he use to be a folk singer-songwriter?
"Super Gremlin" - Kodak Black
At least he's self aware that people think of him as salt of the Earth. I'll give him this. This beat slaps at least. Like I can see why it got popular. It's too bad that it is performed by Kodak Black. Literally one of the most untalented performers of the last few years. I just do not get the appeal of this man. And it has nothing to do with him being such a terrible person. He's just a terrible performer. Like I fucking hate how he slurs all his words together to the point that I turn on the lyrical captions. At least with all your other mumble rappers like Gunna or NAV, they won't let their performances distract from the production. But that's what happens with like 80% of Kodak Black's songs. I can think of like two or three songs from him where his anti-charisma doesn't affect it. Wish that wasn't the case here.
"Surface Pressure" - Jessica Darrow
...okay before you all pull out the pitchforks, let me just say that I do like the overall Encanto experience. The soundtrack and the movie are both good stuff. I'm all for Encanto dominating the pop culture zeitgeist like it has for the last two months. Disney+ really did give this movie the delayed justice it truly deserved when it was in theaters earlier. And the soundtrack has been ruling the albums chart for over a month now too, so this movie has really had some solid staying power.
Which also includes many of the songs. "The Family Madrigal", "What Else Can I Do", and "Dos Orugitas" have been floating around the Top 40 range too. But definitely the two biggest songs of this movie are the ones that have stood out the most and ironically they both float on the opposite ends of the spectrum for me when it comes to what I like and dislike about this soundtrack. I will admit that I get why both this and "Bruno" are the ones that are doing the best. They are the catchiest...for better and in this song's case, for worse.
I know a lot of people can relate to a song about paranoia and pressure. Hell I think it speaks to the zeitgeist incredibly well. But this is more about Lin Manuel Miranda's songwriting and style...it doesn't work on a song like this. I can say this as a big fan of Lin Manuel's work, his flow and nerdy trademarks should not be applied to a song about a woman expressing her deepest insecurities onto the world. It works in Hamilton because to me, that's a musical aimed for history nerds like myself. But here? No. I'm sorry but as a fan, I'm putting my foot down. Not all vocalists can work with this style. The biggest example of what I'm saying is the chorus. That is some real weak sauce shit especially with those forced millenial WOAH-OH-OH-OH-OHs that are such a LMM trademark. And nothing against Jessica Darrow as a singer, but she's no Phillipa Soo or Renee Goldsberry or Jasmine Cephas Jones or....hell why focus on just Hamilton, let's get even more LMM-Disney by saying she's no Auli'i Cravalho (Moana). All those women had voices that meshed well with his style. Darrow just...doesn't.
Look it's easy to see why Bruno is the new big Disney song. I just disagree when it comes to this one content wise. Sorry.
THE MEDIOCRE TIER
"abcdefu" - GAYLE
Remember earlier when I was talking about the radio being behind the times? This was popular on TikTok in the summer last year and is just now nearly peaking on radio...what sort of barren wasteland are we living in?
Apparently a barren wasteland of Olivia Rodrigo knockoffs. Between this and that awful "Fingers Crossed" song that will gain traction in a few months (mark my words), the Olivia Rodrigo carbon copies are going to come out in full force. What they are going to lack is Olivia's theatrics and sharp songwriting. Which will make us all the more happier and anticipating her next album to get rid of these D-listers.
At the very least, this song is at least a hilarious level of bad than I've seen people give it credit for. I mean look at that title. That's just asking for people to make fun of its immature stupidity. Also its believable levels of petty for a girl who was sixteen when she wrote this song and seventeen when it took off. It hasn't reached Cher Lloyd levels of being an insufferable brat...yet. I think that guitar really does save this from being any worse than mediocre for me. I'm just so happy that its back...I just hope this song doesn't kill it off again.
"Ghost" - Justin Bieber
This single from that forgettable Justin Bieber album sure does exist, doesn't it? How are we already at five singles from that? What timeline even is this? It is a shame though because I think this song could have worked if it was given to a performer with actual personality and charisma.
"Pushin P" - Gunna & Future (featuring Young Thug)
Literally just copy and paste what I said in that "Super Gremlin" entry here because I can't think of anything else content wise. It is the 4 out of 10 interchangeable trap song of the season. But allow me to try to give you something of value...for the fans! Gunna is the Zack Snyder of rap music. Future saying he turned a lesbian to a pesbian is so dumb that it made me chuckle. Young Thug's part is good, should have given him more of the song.
And I do understand what "pushin p" stands for....I'm not that old and behind the times. You literally named the song pushing pee...I had to make the urine joke because they put the thought in my head.
THE DECENT TIER
If you asked me this a few months ago, this would have probably been in the mediocre tier.
"Easy On Me" - Adele
But time and the lack of real variety has made me at least appreciate this song a tad more. I still think Adele has so many better hits than this one, but the more I hear Adele begging her son to forgive her for ending her relationship with her son's father...it just hits more than it did previously. Because I wrote this song off as the biggest retread of Adele's career and easily her most overrated. And to an extent, this might still be her most overrated song...either that or "Hello", come back to me on that take. But I do at least admire the raw emotion more than I did before. Just wish she would take more chances again instead of playing it safe with the emotional ballads; no matter how great she still is at them.
"Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)" - Elton John & Dua Lipa
...the pandemic really has delayed a lot of things. Because it looks like we are finally experiencing that EDM/house remix trend that "Roses" started two years ago. You all remember that forgettable song, right? Well its a lot more influential than we thought it had any right to be as the trend seems to be really picking up steam at the moment. Hell there's another song out right now that is picking up steam that remixes "Do It To It" by Cherish, a song from when I was in high school. Way to make me feel old, pop music.
At the very least, I do kind of like this one. I mean outside of "Rocket Man", it has three of Elton John's more forgettable songs all meshed into this one disco based house music. It's not really re-inventing the wheel to have Dua Lipa singing along to them either. If Elton John was going to make a throwback to his old songs, it makes sense to have Dua Lipa, who literally has an album called "Future Nostalgia", perform such an easy cashgrab like this.
But what can I say? It is performed by Elton John and Dua Lipa. Two voices who are absolutely pleasant to listen to. I'm fine with this, no matter how cynical it may be that it exists.
"That's What I Want" - Lil Nas X
So this managed to stick around after all since last ranking. I honestly can't say that I expected that. Just like with that Justin Bieber song a few entries ago, I thought that third album singles were a thing of the pre-streaming era of music? Especially after the album dropped over half a year ago. But I chalk this up more to the current playing field than I do to the third single revival we seem to be experiencing. That said, this is easily better than "Ghost", but I still really wish I liked this one a lot more than I do. But I prefer this song more in context with the album than I do as a standalone single.
"Stay" - The Kid LAROI & Justin Bieber
This is perfectly fine. It still frustrates me that I see so much missed potential for this to be really great, but I'm willing to accept that this is still fine for what it is. A perfectly passable pop song from two artists that I normally really can't stand. I do think its amazing though that this is on its way to being one of the biggest pure pop songs of all time. Really? This song? Really?
THE GOOD TIER
"Shivers" - Ed Sheeran
I still like this, but per the theme of this seasonal ranking, I'm ready for something new. I will say that this is still better than anything else Ed Sheeran has out right now by a country mile. Come on Ed. "Overpass Graffiti" was right there for your next single.
Ahem...it looks like I was wrong.
"Enemy" - Imagine Dragons & JID
This is not going to make any sense to a good portion of my followers, but here it goes. A few months ago, I did an Imagine Dragons album retrospective with my friend and occasional writing collaborator, Wumbo. And after listening to that recent album, I more or less stated that Imagine Dragons recent album was a hilarious trainwreck and that their time making actual hits was a thing of the past. And as soon as I said that, guess who decides to skyrocket up the charts and looks like they have a legitimate smash hit for the first time in nearly five years?!
How did this happen? Was it the guest rapper? Nah. It is them relying on an old staple of the pre-pandemic pop-rap crossover appeal. Plus, JID is on J. Cole's label, so he was bound to breakthrough at some point in the near future. Was it the cross tie-in promotion from Arcane League of Legends?! I mean that makes sense doesn't it? Leave it to Imagine Dragons to get their comeback hit from what made them famous in the first place, commercials for a product! Yeah that makes perfect sense. No one would actually seek out Imagine Dragons otherwise...except the streaming for this song is legitimately really good. A lot of people are actually seeking this song out.
Whatever it is, there is something to this, isn't there? To me it's what the song is about. Imagine Dragons leaning into the 'everybody hates me' angle. It's this side to the band that has emerged over the last two to three years when the Imagine Dragons backlash truly began. Like everybody hating this band the way they hated Nickelback a decade prior. Except where Chad Kroeger really came off as an asshole, nearly everything I've heard about Dan Reynolds is that he's such a good person.
And on that last album, that was briefly explored a bit. There were a couple songs where Dan did touch upon said backlash. A lot of the time pretty badly ("No Time for Toxic People"), but it was still there. This song is basically every misstep Dan Reynolds took last year and approaching it more listenable. Yeah sure there's moments to this song where its too...well "Imagine Dragons"-esque for my taste. Mostly with how Dan Reynolds contorts his voice like singing is just miserable for him. But you know what, I'll stick up for it. I like it a lot more than a lot of Imagine Dragons past outings in recent memory. Good stuff.
"AHH HA" - Lil Durk
The piano and the percussion goes really hard on this, I love it. And Lil Durk's bars on this are straight fire. His flow and his hook are great. Like you can tell how much built up anger he has for all the shit he's gone through. I mean he lost his brother and King Von over the course of a year from someone from YoungBoy Never Broke Again's posse. Of course he is pissed off at him. Plus with the amount of potshots NBA Youngboy (this is much easier to type) has taken at Lil Durk, about time Durk responded by basically saying he has other things he should be doing other than this. And rightfully so. Durk is super close to being one of the biggest names in rap. Let this pissant keep begging for cultural relevance because you're going places while NBA Youngboy will just keep being a blip on the radar.
Otherwise, I'm over this feud between Durk and NBA Youngboy. I refuse to fully endorse this diss track on the merits of just the amounts of actual deaths this feud has drummed up once again. Like I really do get a sense of Durk wanting to ditch the street life and just focus on his music since he's so close to breaking through. Yet I feel like this being his biggest solo hit to date is only going to push Durk back to the well. I mean all the teenage white boys out there will keep egging this beef on, when in reality, this feud between Durk and NBA Youngboy should be put to rest before any more lives are taken. Like the song is good Durk, but I believe that you are capable of making something truly great and for that reason alone, end this.
Okay now let's talk about Bruno-no-no...
"We Don't Talk About Bruno" - The Encanto Cast
So how did we get here? The biggest Disney crossover song of all time? The only number one song in history to have seven credited singers...and that doesn't include all the random guest spots? Why this? Because its an absolute ear jackhammer of a song, that's how. Once it enters your brain, it never escapes.
After a few months, I can attribute a few more factors. For starters, this is a song that is tailor made for the TikTok era of pop music. It has all the simplicity, earworm style, and especially the theatrics that make so many movie songs crossover (see: The Greatest Showman). Actually let's use that example. I've seen so many songs from that movie trend on TikTok because of repeat viewings of watching the movie. And as I stated with "Surface Pressure", we are in the Encanto era of pop culture. These two eras go so perfectly together that its like a bottled up recipe for a massive successful crossover single like this. Like you can literally splice any of these seven credited parts and do an individual TikTok solely based off of that part. And because this song plays into such a crucial part of the movie, it only makes sense that this is the song that got big. Add in being incredibly catchy and insanely quotable and you've got a song that absolutely capitalized off of so many perfect moments lining up.
And for as great as this song is, I didn't put it in the excellent tier because I need a little more time to think about this. Usually my criteria for when it comes to movie singles like this, can they stand alone by itself? And I need some more time to mull that thought over for myself. Because it is so easy for me to say both yes and no. Yes because of it being such an earworm that I find myself singing it at so many random points of the day. And also no because of how much this ties into the middle of the movie for me. Especially the last part where Mirabel ties all the pieces together and notice that Bruno's vision involves her putting out the candle and then the awkward family dinner scene and...you see where I'm getting with this?
We'll see how well this holds up for me over time. Still wonderful though and absolutely deserves to be the song that got big from the movie.
THE EXCELLENT TIER
I really don't know what else to say except I still love all these songs. But I'm ready for something new. So let's just lazily recap these and move on...just like charts should be doing.
"Need to Know" - Doja Cat
Doja's best single...until "Get Into It (Yuh)" officially becomes one.
"Industry Baby" - Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow
Everyone involved should be taking multiple victory laps.
"Levitating" - Dua Lipa
Dua's about to win both copyright lawsuits.
"Save Your Tears" - The Weeknd & Ariana Grande
The fact that this is still bigger than any of those songs from Dawn.FM proves that The Weeknd needs to take some week days off and make the people miss him again.
And that's this season's Top 20 ranked...I guess. Not necessarily all bad mind you. After all, I'm sticking up for at least more than half of this week's chart being worth listening to. With that said though, as I beat the dead horse for the tenth time, I want more fresh content. I'm not ready to write this year off as a transitional year for the charts where nothing of note happened. I mean the pandemic FINALLY I HOPE AND PRAY AND BEG to be entering an endemic phase. That should mean a closer return to normalcy, even if its not what we once knew. Hopefully that means the heavy hitters are coming out in full force and that the charts will be interesting again. We shall see. Thanks for reading guys.
Before I wrap this up, I want to pause for a quick update about the rest of list season. After months and months and months of working on something regarding a worst list, I'm going to go ahead and pull the plug on that. Not because I didn't compose an actual list, but it was just not fun to write this year and honestly, it mostly consisted of hot takes. 2021 was the year where I watched the least amount of bad movies in my lifetime and honestly didn't have anything interesting worth saying about. So because of that, I'm just going to solely do a best list. I'll gladly share my worst list on my best list, but don't expect a deep dive into why these movies are bad. If anything, we need positivity now more so than ever before. So my Best Films of 2021 list should be out this month. Keep an eye out for that. Until then, take care and thank you all for following. I know my content has been lacking for the past year, but I've got some personal news to share with you all in the very near future. Stay tuned.
