The Top Eleven Worst Hit Songs of 2021

 Hey everybody!  Welcome back to list season.  Aka the most wonderful time of the year where my blog views go up because people love reading best and worst of the year lists as much as I like to write them….some years.

This was not a particularly good year to write the worst list.  Not because of the content as a whole this year because to be honest, this was a perfectly fine year.  I mean it wasn’t 2020, but it was a perfectly decent transition year.  But my reasons are quite simple…does music still even matter anymore?

I mean with the way the world has been for the last two years, I ask this question with all serious intent.  Because the news of the world just keeps dominating the cultural zeitgeist and topic points to the point that the entertainment that use to distract us from even the worst of yesteryear feels like it is not as existent as it used to be.  Even to me, an entertainment buff like myself, I feel less and less wanting to talk about movies and music as much as I use to.  They feel more like a chore to me more than a great distraction.  And don’t take this as me wanting to stop doing this sort of thing.  Not at all.  I will always be glad to discuss.  But I feel with the way the world is slowly spiraling, that I more or less want to talk about what we can do as a society to turn things around or at least watch in real time every bad mistake that is being made or how incompetent our political system is.  Or how even a life-saving vaccine and wanting to be a decent human being and caring for others has turned into becoming a political statement...yeah its quite easy to get pissed off at the world that we are living in.

But alas, the more I focus on how fucked up the world is at the moment, the more cynical I’ve become.  And I don’t want to be a cynical old man (I’m not that old I swear).  I want to talk about things that make me happy.  And despite music being one of the last topics on a lot of people’s minds, I’ve got to admit.  This whole niche ecosystem that streaming has made music listening has in fact given us some pretty quality hit music.

As the world starts to open back up again as we are learning to live with the pandemic that has turned our world upside down, we are slowly starting to see more and more of the big names come out of quarantine with new album releases and new music to bring onto us.  I’m excited for the future of the music industry, even if it is not as big as it once was. 

I mean for god’s sake we have TWO Christmas songs as some of the 100 biggest hits of 2021.  That’s a sign that for most of this year, nobody cared to release anything truly worth discussing.  I mean the biggest topics of this year were about Olivia Rodrigo’s relationship drama, Morgan Wallen canceling himself right when he was about to be the biggest country music crossover star since Taylor Swift, Lil Nas X trolling conservatives with his clickbait, the power of BTS stans manipulating the charts, and a douche (Kanye) vs a turd sandwich (Drake).  Compare that to 2019 where nearly every number one of that year had some sort of thought provoking controversy attached to it.  I find it fitting that a good portion of this year was a lot of music that charted in 2020 over 2021 because there were barely any album bombs for a decent while.  Don’t look at me.  Blame Billboard’s stupid year end tracking system.

But of course, we have to start this list season off with the entry that gets me my most annual hits.  The worst list.  And despite what I’ve said about 2021 being overall a decent 6/10 year, this is the first time in three years where I had a lot of solid contenders for the worst list.  So let's not waste any more time and start things off with the dishonorable mentions.

 

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

 

“Without You” – The Kid LAROI

My apologies to the late Juice WRLD, but his protégé is absolutely awful.  I haven’t had such an immediate detestable reaction to someone’s voice this quick since Simple Plan’s Pierre Bouvier.  And my god what an absolutely punchable first impression this song was.  As the year came to a close, I can’t help but laugh at this more than I do outright hate it.  And at least it spawned some pretty funny TikToks over this song’s most quotable line:

“So there you go oh, can’t make a wife out of a hoe.”

You’re right Kid.  Go ahead and preach this truth in the most whiny nasally irritable way possible.  Oh wait.  That’s just because she’s not boning you anymore.  Thank god "Stay" is catchy as hell because he would be so high up on my shit list if it wasn't for that.

 

“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

I still can’t believe this song lasted around like the fucking plague all year and is just now peaking inside the top ten.  I guess there’s a lot more Dream stans out there than I realized.  My bad because I honestly just can't understand who would find this song be worthy of anyone's time.  Thank god pop-rock came back in a huge swing this year because this is the sort of shit that made tired of the current "alternative rock" scene.

 

“Whoopty” – CJ

Still as forgettable as the first time I heard it.  I would call it Baby’s First Drill Song, but I don’t even think that is fair to babies.

 

 

“Beatbox” – SpotemGottem (featuring Pooh Shiesty…or DaBaby…or NLE Choppa…or Polo G…there are one too many remixes)

I don’t get what’s so impressive about this beat that required like one million remixes this year.  Some were good, but more often than not, they were just unimpressive.  And that’s even before we get to the original song by the original rapper who is so uncharismatic, so unimpressive, and so forgettable that he still doesn’t have a Wikipedia page as of the time I wrote this.  Most baffling hit of the year.

 

“Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)

We go from most baffling hit of the year to the most boring man of the year featuring the most baffling guest verse of the year.  Some indie darlings just aren’t meant to make the jump to the mainstream and I can’t think of a more drastic drop-off in quality than Chance over the last few years.  Those Acid Rap and Coloring Book days are long gone as now he’s comparing his girl to…Oscar Proud?

 

“Better Together” – Luke Combs

Yeah I’m still not completely sold on Luke Combs yet.  To be honest, all these dull and sappy as hell love ballads he released this year really aren’t doing him no favors in my book.  Especially with this piece of shit that sounds like it would have been performed by Lewis Capaldi if given the chance.  Hell I think I would have preferred Lewis Capaldi because at least I would have distinctly remembered it.

 

“Time Today” – Moneybagg Yo

It is just “Said Sum” again.  Which hey, I liked “Said Sum” the first time around.  But “Said Sum” is not a song that seriously needed its own cheap knockoff.  Seriously it has the same production more or less, the same beat, the same flow, hell even the same alliteration of a song title.  He even refers to himself as the “Said Sum” rapper.  If you’re not going to give yourself more credit than that, why should I as a listener?  Next.

 

“If I Didn’t Love You” – Jason Aldean & Carrie Underwood

Clearly name recognition powered this song into becoming a hit because these two don’t have a believable ounce of chemistry with each other.  Kind of reminds of me Jason Aldean’s duet with another former American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson, from ten years ago.  And just like with that song, this song is so basic that I would not be surprised to see reality singing show contestants perform this song together for years to follow since it is that lacking in personality and plausibility.

 

“On Me” – Lil Baby

I still haven’t come around on Lil Baby yet, although I’m getting closer and closer with each passing year.  But even when I do, I can still tell when one of his songs isn’t even trying.  Lil Baby has been on the record saying he made this song because he was bored while in lockdown and I can tell.  This definitely sounds like someone who is bored and has nothing better to do.  And while I wish I could like it for representing the exact sentiments I’ve felt for most of this year, I still wouldn’t like it because Lil Baby sounds like such an unlikeable little shit on this.

 

“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes

This was honestly close to making my list at first, but then I decided I couldn’t give this song any sort of grief.  Because that’s exactly what it wants.  It wants you to look at it in disgust and horror.  Bask in its painful tackiness.  Hell you could say that it celebrates making everyone cringe at its product placement and cornball lines.  Then it hit me.  I don’t hate this.  I’m just fascinated something this terrible actually exists.  I expect this to make many and I mean MANY worst lists so everyone can go ahead and jump at this easy target.  I don’t blame you for doing so, it’s pretty fucking bad.  Meanwhile, I’ll just continue to sit here and marvel at this lame, yet fascinating bad song.

 

 

Now that we got that out of the way, there is one more thing I would like to make clear before I start this list season off.  Both my best and worst lists this year are going to be Top Elevens.  Why eleven?  Because I like to go one step further.  Let's just say I have some 2020 backwash that I've already talked about a plenty that I want to make these lists as authentic as possible.  I do actually have some more to say about these songs that are two years old now each so trust me when I say that it won't be tired material.  Got it?  Good.  Now let's go crazy.  We're counting down.

 

 THE TOP ELEVEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2021

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I really didn’t want to start this worst list off by talking about a song that I actually liked at one point.  I mean I still do think it’s a good song after it being around for a good two years or so, but I never want to hear it ever again.  Overplay has practically killed a lot of interest I once had in it.  The fact that this is now one of the biggest country crossover hits of all-time is also astonishing.  Blame the pandemic for making the music industry move at a snail’s pace for a while too.

I am of course, talking about “I Hope” if you haven’t figured it out by now.  A revenge fantasy song from Gabby (Coney) Barrett that I’ve called good, hell excellent even.  So why am I talking about this song on the worst list?  Well…

11. “I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last two years (which if so, I wish I would have joined you), we are living in the era of remix chart manipulation.  Lil Nas X opened the floodgates of this new era of remixing with “Old Town Road” and its five or six remixes over two years prior becoming the longest reigning number one song of all-time.  And now the rest of the music industry has caught on and we are getting more and more unnecessary remixes.  Granted not all of them have been bad.  Hell some have been very good.  But more often than not, we get these forced out collaborations solely with the purpose to get a quick and easy number one hit or to prolong a charting song’s lifespan.  It’s inorganic and honestly further proving how broken Billboard’s system really is when an artists’ stan following will mass purchase every remix.

With all the remixes floating out there, I told myself that I would only count a remix on my worst list if Billboard credits the remix over the original.  And last year, this was one of the few remixes that made Billboard’s year end list.  I hated this remix from the very first moment I heard it, but out of the respect that I had for the original being a good song, I just couldn’t find it in me to place it anywhere near the worst list.  And even talking in hindsight, I still don’t think this would have made the actual list; probably would have been in my dishonorable mentions.

So why am I talking about it this year?  Because that remix has given it such a longer lifespan to the point that the radio absolutely adores this remix.  Yes I still listen to the radio in 2021 against my better judgment.  I don’t want to pay any more in roaming charges to listen to Apple Music in my car.  And the more I hear it, the more everything bad about this remix stands out.  This is by far the worst I’ve ever heard Charlie Puth; and that goes back to his 2015/2016 dentist office music that he used to make.  He sounds absolutely insufferable singing this.  And he completely misses the point of the original by a country mile.

What made Charlie Puth good in 2017/2018 was taking a heel turn and becoming a bit of a dick instead of trying to play Mr. Nice Guy like he was the years prior.  Which would have made him the perfect fit for this song and given it some needed depth.  But instead, he sings alongside Gabby Barrett and keeps adding more spite that’s not needed and it just doesn’t work.  It’s just such a completely baffling creative decision and I don’t know who thought that was a good idea even the slightest.

This is one of the worst remixes I’ve heard in my years of talking music and the fact that this was still one of the biggest songs of any year for a second year in a row just goes to show how little new content we actually got.  That and Billboard should not be tracking from early November to early November.

 

 

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I can’t believe I had that much to say about the fucking remix to “I Hope”.  I told myself that I was going to try and cut back on some of my long winded rants.  So I hope you don’t mind me taking a bit of a breather and just go for an easy target from some schmuck who I doubt will have a second hit.

10. “Good Time” – Niko Moon

This is your friendly reminder that “bro-country” is far from dead.  It just evolved from being laughably dated to uninterestingly dull and lifeless.  So this guy’s name is Niko and Vinz…I mean Niko Moon….this is not a real name.  He’s the poor man’s Sam Hunt.  And apparently he has ties to some short-lived EDM country group formed by Zack Brown.  Country and EDM…those two don’t go together.  And honestly that’s everything I know that is even remotely interesting about Niko Moon.

Do I even need to point out the obvious if you listen to this song?  For a song called “Good Time” this isn’t even remotely fun…or entertaining…or catchy…or interesting.  It just fucking sucks the air out of the room mixed in with some incredibly dated trap snares and hi-hats.  But you know what I hate most about this?  This layer of smugness and self-righteous attitude.  Bro, are you even listening to your own song?  You sound as bored of these outdated clichés as your listening audience does. 

Like I mentioned in my dishonorable mentions, I wanted to place “Fancy Like” on this list.  But at the end of the day, at least that other schmuck who I also doubt will have another hit (or at least as big as “Fancy Like”) put forth some effort into it.  Even with all the cringe cross-marketing and lame virality, I’ll remember it.  I forget how this half-baked bargain bin reject of a country song goes every time I hear it.  Next.

 

 

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Let’s dive back into the world of TikTok as we talk about yet another schmuck who I doubt will get a second hit.

9. “Track Star” – Mooski

Wow.  What an absolutely stupid metaphor.  Any further insight on how this girl makes you feel or any more amazingly lame track and field puns or are you just going to paint this girl out to be a flake and that you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong because you’re awesome and….yep definitely the latter.

That’s the thing about these TikTok one-offs.  For your song to really crossover and gain success, you really need to have one hell of a ten to thirty seconds to keep you invested.  Yet somehow, this song was able to get its biggest gains from not streaming or sales, but the radio.  Here’s the thing about the radio though.  With so many people still out of work due to the pandemic from iHeartRadio and its subsidiaries, stations are willing to grasp at any sort of TikTok clout that they can get to find out what songs to make famous.  And low and behold, this song got a remix from Chris Brown of all fucking people at just the right time to capitalize and make this a legitimate hit.

And I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who are impressed by Mooski (absolutely stupid rap name ftr) wailing about how this girl leaves when things get bad.  There is always an audience for that.  Probably part of the reason that this was the biggest year for R&B in close to twenty years.

But for the love of god, this guy is such a dick.  I mean all you have to do is listen to the rest of the song outside of those five to ten seconds and you can start to see the signs as to what all the melodrama is about.  Gasp, how dare she blast him on social media.  She’s only…just as reasonable as everyone else.  And for the record, if you’re going to spend the entire song bragging mostly about how much better you are, you’re really not that much better than airing your drama out on social media you egotistical fuck. 

Honestly, I’m starting to question if we are supposed to relate to the girl that’s running away from this douchebag.  The fact that he associated himself with Chris Brown makes too much sense. 

 

 

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8. “Put Your Records On” – Ritt Momney

This guy put as much effort into this cover song as he put into his stage name.  I'm not wasting any more time on this trash.  Go listen to the original.  Next.

 

 

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It is surreal to me that EuroVision is now popular enough to gain major traction stateside.  Which I’m all for.  I’ve been a casual viewer for the last six years now.  But even then, I was surprised to see the series has gotten big enough to have a full length Will Ferrell comedy film last year.  And I was even more surprised to see that MANY European crossover acts get actual hits stateside.  Not all of them are good though.

7. “Arcade” – Duncan Laurence

Basic.  Painfully basic.

You guys remember that indie rock car commercial boom of the last few years?  I’m genuinely surprised this song isn’t attached to some sort of product yet, unless it is and I’m just that out of touch with modern day commercialism.  I mean they got FLETCHER for the remix so there's a good chance this is attached to some sort of product out there.  

I also hate how it is yet another vaguely generic ballad about some girl breaking this guy’s heart.  But most of all, I just hate this guy’s voice.  What is with America’s fascination with bringing in European pop exports singing in the most nauseating grating tone about heartbreak like they are the first ones to experience it?  Why are we still doing this?  And before we go any further, no.  You’re not going to see Maneskin’s cover of Beggin’ make the list.  I actually love the lead singer’s voice.  It’s unique.  And it’s a perfectly good cover, despite Maneskin’s deep cuts being so much better.

Let’s leave Duncan Laurence back at the arcade…that takes pennies?  Has this guy even ever been to an arcade?  The fuck is this?

 

 

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These worst lists take so much effort out of me to write, so let's just sit back and pick on an easy target for a bit.  Low hanging fruit is low hanging.  Thanks Justin Bieber.

6. “Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco

Look I started off this year by saying that he is the worst popstar and that second place is not even close.  Then he dropped that multi-week number one smash this year, Justice, as damage control from his previous album, Changes; which I’ve been on the record for saying that is by far one of the worst albums I’ve ever listened to.  While Justice is still bad, Justin still got five smash hits off that album so it looks like he’s still sticking around for a while longer.  The fact that he appears on the year end six times on this list proves that he is still a superstar in the music industry.  And by those accords, I agree….to an extent.

He’s still a superstar because the radio refuses to rotate his songs out.  Bieber is still racking up hits because he has evolved into the next phase of his career; making radio friendly safe music.  Bieber is starting to take the Adam Levine route of making soulless hollow garbage that will not provoke a reaction out of anyone.  The only difference being that Justin Bieber still has a crap ton of young female fans.  Adam Levine still has fans too…soccer moms.  And the older Justin Bieber gets, the more those young female fans will either realize that he sucks and move on or become soccer moms themselves.  So you know what, I concede.  Justin Bieber is just going to stick around whether we like him or not since he now has a new formula for continued success.

But lord do I wish that said new formula was a little less…whatever this is.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQOO2xGQ1Pc&t=58s

Someone please put that dying mountain goat out of its misery.  I’ll give Bieber this.  That awkward yelping at least makes me remember this song in comparison to the rest of the generic garbage he’s put out.  But that’s not what put this song on the list.  It’s yet his consistent effort to constantly remind everyone of his douchebag years nearly ten years ago.  We get it.  You regret being an unlikeable piece of shit.  But it’s 2021.  You’ve made three albums now about how you regret your past.  FIND A DIFFERENT SUBJECT ALREADY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.

 

 

 

 

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Remember this song?  Who am I kidding of course you do.  The song that put One Direction on the map and made them one of the biggest pop acts of the 2010s.  Jesus who thought I would ever be nostalgic for an era that isn’t even ten years old yet.

Look I’m not going to mince words, I do not like this song even the slightest bit.  It is unflattering garbage that makes my skin crawl.  But in the end, you can only get so mad at teenage boys trying to make girls swoon.  Now if this was sung by a bunch of 40 something year old men…

5. “Just The Way” – Parmalee & Blanco Brown

The moment I first heard this I immediately made that correlation to “What Makes You Beautiful”.  I mean it’s all there.  The backhanded compliments.  Pointing out all of said imperfections so non-discretely that I couldn’t picture any girl swooning.  Except that this isn’t Teen Magazine heartthrobs like Harry Styles or Zayn.  It’s sung by a bunch of boomers who claim that they love the way GOD made you.  Where’s Steve Buscemi with the “how do you do fellow kids” when you need it.

I mean is it fair of me to ask why the hell either of these acts needed a second hit?  Parmalee has been around when even I listened to only country music in the early 2000’s.  They only got lucky with their first legitimate hit ten years ago by catching onto the bro-country trend when it was just picking up steam and here they are doing the same trend-hopping trick once again by cashing in on the boyfriend country boom.  Meanwhile, Blanco Brown got his only hit by trying to reverse engineer the massive success of “Old Town Road” two years ago and only rode that success so far because Nashville wasn’t remotely threatened by his stupid TikTok lite dance.  That should have made my worst list in hindsight but I left it off there because you couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy knowing that’s how he was going to be remembered by.  Nashville’s bottom bitch because they don’t want to support Lil Nas X.

And once again, I was wrong.  I don’t feel sorry for either of these two if they are just going to coast off trends for the rest of their careers.  Get this Chase Rice levels of wannabe country music trash out of my ears and into the gutter of irrelevance where they both came from.  Next.

 

 

 

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4. “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu (featuring Drake)

Really?  We’re doing this again?  We’re going to make yet another emo rap song that samples “Shape of My Heart” by Sting?  It hasn’t even been two years yet since the passing of Juice WRLD that a lot of the industry is still in mourning.  You’re going to have the audacity to sample a song that Juice WRLD sampled and made it his most recognized song?  And even worse, you’re going to make it about the same subject matter?  This reeks of hack marketing for this song to lead to increased streaming and more radio spins.  And if that wasn’t obvious enough, it also has the coveted Drake feature to prove that.

Which lets talk about that Drake feature.  Drake has done a ton of features for a bunch of no names; rest in peace to BlocBoy JB’s career.  Sure there are a few exceptions to this, like I was absolutely wrong about Lil Baby’s career trajectory.  But more often than not, I feel like Drake spreads the cosign wealth around to remind people how much worse off we can be without him.  That’s not the case here.  Drake is absolutely god awful here.  Drake does his usual jealous possessive boyfriend bullshit, but he sounds so passive aggressive to the point that he just comes off as a massive dick.

And despite that, I’m still unsure as to if he’s better or worse than Yung Blah.  I know that’s not how his name is spelled, but it might as well be because his warble mouth singing makes Post Malone sound like a choir of angels when he does it.  And when you can make out what he’s saying, he also sounds like a fucking asshole.  The delusional entitlement of this guy is infuriating.  She can’t live her life without me because she’s so blind, as Yung Blech so eloquently states is pretentiousness straight out of his ass.  Like he makes himself out to be this wise sage that she is clearly missing out on, even though he straight up says in the song that he played her multiple times and he often ignored her.  If she actually does leave her new man for this asshat, it’s clearly due to Stockholm Syndrome because I can’t even begin to contemplate what draws this girl back to him.

This is just an UGLY song all caps.  And so be it, I don’t hate this song for being ugly.  But when you can’t write either of these guys out to be redeeming in the slightest bit, then I’m sorry, I would just tell both of these guys to go fuck themselves.  They clearly would.

 

 

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Sigh…I don’t hate this act.  I actually have A LOT of respect for them.  They hold a unique place in the music landscape of being one of the few country acts who can genuinely pull off country-pop hybrid music.  Hell my first wedding dance was to their big hit, “Speechless”.  And I still love it despite all of its corny clichés.  That’s what true love is.  Corny cliches and still tolerating them fifty years later *wink*.  Facts for a successful 

But something in me just snapped this year and all the venom and vitriol that many others gave these two over the last couple years was completely warranted.

3. “Glad You Exist” – Dan + Shay

I mean doesn’t that title just say it all?  I’m glad that you exist girl.  Who the fuck even says that?  What happened to telling a girl you left them speechless?  Or hell even I want you all to myself or I’d spend 10,000 hours?  At least those were compliments.  I’m just glad that you exist is such a fucking backhanded compliment to the point that it makes me quiver with genuine rage.

But honestly, it isn’t just that…phrase…that makes me hate this.  The WHOLE song is adolescent as hell.  Like I’m pretty sure the only group of girls who would find this flattering are the preteens that Dan + Shay seems perfectly complacent targeting because they are more or less, the boy bandification of country music.

Hell that might be an insult to preteens.  This is inoffensive dentist office music.  You know the type of music that is so perfectly complacent being targeted to waiting room lobbies while you’re waiting for them to call your name to get your bi-yearly teeth cleaning.  And then this song comes on and you sit there thinking, “oh yeah, that was a hit awhile ago” because what else do you have better to do or think about?  I mean you’ve got nothing to do except sit there awkwardly staring at your phone or reading five month old magazines that desperately need to be changed out because the Milwaukee Bucks won the NBA championship six months ago.  It’s the start of a new NBA season.  Why are we still talking about the last?  And who the fuck cares about which out of his league celebrity Pete Davidson is dating then when he’s dating Kim Kardashian now.  Unless he’s not.  Let me Google search my phone…

….oh wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  This song blows.  Next.

 

 

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You know it is time to hit the pop music retirement home when acts that are close to half your age start getting chart success.  And no artist further proved that to me this year than the biggest one of this year, Olivia Rodrigo.  But at the very least, I definitely understand why she became such a superstar this year.  She conveys her emotions very well and while all her songs are not aimed to resonate with me, an over the age of 30 year old male; I admire her enough to give her the good ole two thumbs up.  She’s going to rule this decade, mark my words.

See?  Even older males like me can give teenagers their due that they can write good music.  They are also capable of writing bad music too.  And then there’s this.

2. “You Broke Me First” – Tate McRae

A song so limp and lifeless that doesn’t get a reaction out of me, you, or damn near anyone.  But the more I hear this, the more its failure to elicit any sort of strong feelings straight up pisses me off.  I think the only thing this song has going for it is that it displays less emotion than it does music.  Because my god, this song barely exists.  It’s a rough draft entry pulled out of some teenage girl’s diary with barely any sort of musical accompaniment.  It’s actively sucking in ways that aren’t humanely possible.

Then of course, let’s talk about the artist she is clearly emulating.  Fun fact, but Tate McRae actually has written music with Billie Eilish before her huge breakout hit.  What’s missing though is the actual commitment to making good music.  Billie actually writes lyrics that fit in with the choices she makes with her musical accompaniment and production.  She commits to her craft.

What I get from listening to Tate McRae is that I want to be taken seriously as a popstar but I can’t convey any sort of emotions through my vocal reflections.  Listening to Tate McRae’s soulless drone pop is the exact sort of failed transition to pop stardom I felt from Julia Michaels and Rachel Platten before her.  Granted Tate is much younger than both of them so maybe just maybe she might be able to win me over after this terrible first impression, but my god do I absolutely hate how immature this song is.

Especially that chorus.  I think Tate McRae has the impression that “you broke me first” is a much more cutting line than it actually is.  Maybe if that was a line in a verse, I would think that’s fairly clever.  But the entire hook of your song?  Why would you do that?!?!?! 

“You Broke Me First” is if someone made the “No U” meme into a pop song.  And really isn’t that all the attention this song actually deserves?

 

 

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Any of you still hate this song?  I mean I don’t blame you.  Absolutely one of the pinnacle pieces when it comes to pointing out how absolutely dumb and dated “bro-country” was at its worst.  I didn’t hate it.  I actually sort of respected how well this remix worked, even if the song itself was unbearably meat-headed.

With that said, I’ll take 100 “Cruise (Remixes)” if that means we never get a song like this ever again.

1. “Lil Bit” – Nelly & Florida Georgia Line

Like I said, at least “Cruise” worked.  What this…what EVEN is this!?  Is it country?  Is it rap?  Is it a hybrid of the two ala “Old Town Road”?  It’s none of these.  It’s audio white noise.  The worst type of music.

Years ago I mentioned how country music has such a one-sided relationship with rap music and while that obviously still rings true today, there has always been one huge exception to this rule and that is Nelly.  For some reason, Nelly is one of the few rappers who is happy to reciprocate right back on a consistent basis.  Yeah sure you’ve got your one-off flukes like that awful Kane Brown song with Swae Lee and Khalid or that awful Kane Brown song with Blackbear or that awful Kane Brown song with H.E.R.  But let’s be clear, none of these artists have consistently collaborated with Nashville outside of pop music trying to make Kane Brown crossover.

Nelly has shamelessly sold himself out to Nashville more times than I can count.  I mean his last album was ALL country music.  I get wanting to pay homage to your roots, which is his explanation for his “love” of country music, but these song titles…”Grits & Glamour”?  “Ms. Drive Me Crazy”?  And he even has a SECOND collaboration with the liberal side of Florida Georgia Line called “Country Boy Do”.  Nelly can say that he wants to pay tribute to his love of country music, but his love for it comes off as hollow at best.

I was tempted to just make this whole entry about how much Nelly does not work in the genre of country music but then there is Florida Georgia Line.  Who despite all the personal turmoil they have been going through in the past year with their conflicting political differences almost ending the duo for good, still managed to survive and continue to suck at making music.  It doesn't matter what genres these asshats hop themselves into.  Whether its country, pop, rap, hell you should listen to their adult contemporary singles if you want a real good laugh; let's just face the facts.  They suck.  They continue to suck.  And I'm getting as sick of seeing these two continue to still be around as much as I am Maroon 5.  Yes we've gotten to that point ladies and gentlemen.

I guess I should probably talk about the song itself.  I mean what exactly is there to talk about it?  Except for that absolutely shameless plug for Ciroc, nearly every lyric from this was taken from some other song.  There is absolutely nothing original here that I haven’t heard 500 times before. Hell part of me wonders if 50 Cent, being the petty man that he is, should sue since nearly half the chorus is just these jackasses saying “just a lil bit”.  If I were Nelly, Florida, and Georgia, I’d lawyer up.

This is seriously one of the most unoriginal, laziest excuses for a song that I’ve ever heard.  This is the Direct to DVD sequel no one asked for of popular music and just like with the Mulan 2's and The Lion King 1 1/2's of the world, it should stay forgotten in the Wal-Mart 99 cent bargain bin where it belongs.

---

So that's my music worst list for 2021.  The best list is in the works as we speak so stay tuned for that.  Also have my best Christmas movies list being worked on too so stay tuned for that.  And as always, thank you all for reading.  I appreciate my loyal viewers like you more than you'll ever know.  Until next time, take care!

Blog Update: Til The End of 2021

 Hey y'all.  Long time, right?  I'm using this post to give an update as to what I've got in store for this blog after taking the month of October off.  Sorry for no updates for almost two months, but between vacation, a labor shortage at my current job, and dealing with some personal health problems, I gave myself a bit of a break from writing.  But now, I'm back and ready to share what I have planned for this blog for the rest of the year.

Movies: 

I'm planning on doing at least one more BMR entry.  Mostly to share some much needed thoughts on some of the films I've watched for the last few months.  Its not going to include every film, just some that I've been wanting to add my thoughts on.

I also plan to post the Top Ten Best Christmas Films list to follow up last year's Top Ten Worst Christmas Films list.  Have I mentioned how much I love Christmas?

And finally, my long awaited Top Ten Best Films of 2011 has been delayed until after 2021 List Season.  Sorry to disappoint some of you.  I know which films are in my top ten, but its more along the point of writers block as to how to best describe some of the movies that I love as much as I do.  I make these lists to be entertaining to my readers and I want to provide a quality reading experience for you all.

Music: 

Speaking of delays, the exact same goes for my Best Hit Songs of 2009...possibly.  I've made more of a dent on that project in recent times.  It's just a matter of will I be able to finish it before the end of the month.  Because once December rolls around, all my focus goes into 2021 and Christmas.  That's just how it goes.  So if I get around to sharing the Best of 2009 before the year wraps up, great.  If not, sorry for the further delay.

TV:

Yep you read that right.  I'm going to be challenging myself further by talking about television.  After all, we are in a golden age for television viewing due to all the streaming options we have at our disposal.  But how am I going to critique it you might ask?  What I'm going to do is talk about recent binges of shows that I've watched or maybe I might have some thoughts about some of my favorite shows.  How I'll incorporate TV reviews into this blog is a work in progress but stay on the lookout for that.

List Season:

It's almost that time of the year, so here's how it's going to roll.

Music will of course be the first on my to do.  It is easier and more accessible to talk about the year when Billboard publishes their year end list earlier and earlier.  And since that is the criteria I go by for my lists, that's why I always manage to get these out first (despite how flawed their tracking system is, but I digress).

Movies I'll keep my traditional goal format.  January for the Worst of the Year.  And then my Best of the Year will be before the Oscars.  Those are always the toughest to make due to me wanting to catch so many of the award contenders.  With last year especially being difficult due to the uncertainty of so many of the awards circuits.  And because so many early 2021 films like Judas and the Black Messiah not coming out until after 2020 for the awards, it'll make for a more interesting best and worst list this year since my criteria is it had to be released within the year I'm reviewing.

And I know what you're asking.  Will I do a television list since I'm now including this on my blog?  That is to be determined.  If I don't end up doing an actual list, the least I'll do is do a television wrap-up for the year 2021 briefly going over some of the best shows I've watched this year.

And that's what you all should be on the lookout for the rest of the year.  Sorry again for the unannounced time off, but sometimes you just got to do what's best for you.  So until next time, stay safe and see you all on the next post.

Billboard Chart Ranking: Fall 2021

Welcome to the fall seasonal ranking.  Yep you read that right.  It’s time to give this another go.  

After taking a seasonal ranking off, I figured that maybe I should do something special for the summer rankings and rank the songs of the summer.  Yet my continuously busy life prevented me from fitting in the time and dedication needed to get that going off the ground as well as a few other projects.  But you know what?  I’ve waited long enough to write this.  Let’s get this going again.  Especially since I haven’t shared my thoughts on like 80% or so of these songs.  Y’all know the drill and if you don’t by now, I’ve got like six of these on this blog.  Let’s get going by talking about:

THE 2021 FALL BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 RANKED

 

THE TERRIBLE TIER 

Because of Billboard’s absolutely stupid year end tracking criteria (from early November til like the end of October), this song is not going to have enough points to make the building 2021 year end list (thank god!).  But if it did, this song absolutely fills the criteria to make a strong case for my number one worst hit song of this year.

“Girls Want Girls” – Drake (featuring Lil Baby)

You all know what the line is so I’m not going to even bother dignifying it.  A lot of people I know say that it is Drake just joking around.  He’s not actually fetishizing lesbians.  And you know what.  Maybe you’re right.  Drake has done plenty of dumb shit in his career that he has to be in on the joke.  But that doesn’t make it excusable that he actually had the audacity to say something this fucking stupid in the first place.  Especially since he has already done this sort of line previously on 2009’s “Every Girl”.  Yeah check that song out for an absolutely utter trainwreck.

And even if this was supposed to be comedic, then why the fuck is the song taking its production choices so seriously?  Why does this sound like a late-night hookup song instead of a Lil Dicky style parody?  Why aren’t there OTHER jokes in this song if it is supposed to be “comedic”?  Why isn’t Lil Baby in on the joke?  For as much as Drake comes off as an unlikeable shit in this song, Lil Baby comes off almost equally as detestable.

This isn’t comedic.  This is definitely not flattering.  This is the sound of two men who know that they are two of the biggest acts in the music industry at the moment and aren’t even bothering to try with this.  Yeah there are plenty of far worse sounding songs that came out this year, but complacency can be problematic and awful too.  Fuck this song.

 

 

“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes

I swear this song leaves me speechless every time I hear it.  I almost kind of respect it for being so tacky and lame because it is aware that it is tasteless.  It wants you to sit there and stare at it in shock and awe.  I mean I’ve talked extensively that I miss songs that bad music of yesteryear and this ALMOST gets pretty damn close to being so bad that it is good.  But then I hear that absolutely shameless plugging for Applebees and Wendy’s and then I head right back into that uncanny valley of shock and awe again.  My feelings on this are just….I’ve got to get back to you all on this one in a few months.  I need a minute….and Kesha’s on the remix….what?

 

 

THE BAD TIER

 

“Bad Habits” – Ed Sheeran

This song is…there.  Ed Sheeran sounds…okay.  I mean he’s had worse vocal performances.  The music sounds...fine I guess.  I mean it doesn’t really push the envelope or anything, but its okay.  This is just radio filler.  Nothing more or nothing less.

BUT DEAR GOD THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST MUSIC VIDEOS I’VE EVER SEEN.  WHAT THE FUCK IS ED SHEERAN EVEN DOING HERE.  YOU ARE NOT THE WEEKND ED.  YOU ARE A GROWN UP CHUCKIE FINSTER NOT A FUCKING GLAMPIRE.  AND WHAT ARE THESE SPECIAL EFFECTS!?  MY PLAYSTATION 2 HAS MORE REALISTIC IMAGERY THAN THIS VIDEO’S CGI BUDGET.  THRILLER THIS IS NOT.

Whatever thoughts I have on the song itself completely disappear every time because my mind goes straight towards, and again I’m not overreacting, one of the worst music videos I’ve ever seen.  I’ll never not associate this song without this video just like “Wrecking Ball” will forever be tied to Miley Cyrus riding one completely naked or “Opposites Attract” without Paula Abdul interacting with a cartoon cat or “Bye Bye Bye” without N’Sync being puppets…I could go on and on.  And while I could go on and on about songs that are completely tied to their music videos, this is on the bad end of the spectrum for me because the song itself is such a nonpresence.

 

“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

Are the charts really this thin that this nothing of a song is still around?  I mean it got popular off of a fucking Minecraft meme.  Who knew that Dream had this big of a fanbase?

I wish I had more to say about this, but this song gives me absolutely nothing to work with.  Which makes perfect sense to me because this is the state of the alternative rock genre in 2021.  I mean pop rock is making a comeback and alternative stations would rather stick to this pile of nothing?  Yeah that says it all for ya right there.

 

 

THE MEDIOCRE TIER

 

Okay the joke is starting to lose its luster for me.

“Way 2 Sexy” – Drake (featuring Future & Young Thug)

I’ll admit it.  The first time I heard this song while listening to all of “Certified Lover Boy”, I laughed my ass off.  Like I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after listening to track after track of same-sounding shit for the most part.  I refused to believe that they were actually sampling and interpolating Right Said Fred.  I thought that song was not going to be touched for a long while after “Look What You Made Me Do” happened.  But leave it to fucking Drake who often leans to self-depreciation and has no shame to make songs and videos as tacky as this.

Yet here we are nearly a month later and…it is just tedious to listen to.  I mean some of the jokes are still effective like this is honestly more Future’s song than anything else with him getting the chorus with the interpolation and he gets his own verse.  I like his portion of the song and that’s it.  Drake’s verse is just tedious and Young Thug’s verse just feels tacked on.  I hope that I still find this song funny months from now but I’m already getting tired of it nearly a month later.  I just hope I don’t find it to be unbearable months from now because that usually happens to me with comedy songs like this.

 

Ladies and gentlemen.  A textbook example of payola at its most obvious:

“You Right” – Doja Cat & The Weeknd

Don’t believe me?  Just open up Spotify and/or Apple Music and you’ll see that on Doja’s album “Planet Her” that there are like six or seven songs from that album more popular than this one.  This is the one that the label clearly wanted to push as the big follow-up single after “Kiss Me More”.  Only to get surpassed in streams by the likes of “Kiss Me More”, “Get Into It (Yuh)”, “Woman”, “Ain’t Shit”, “Need To Know”, and even at one point, “I Don’t Do Drugs”.  And the fact that this has a higher charting peak than everything outside the lead single?  Yeah got to love that radio payola.  Way to read the room RCA and Kesha’s rapist.

That doesn’t mean the song itself is bad.  No no no.  It is just boring and uneventful.  I mean you have two of the biggest popstars in the game right now on one track and THIS is what you decide to make them do?  A dull R&B jam?  Both of these two can perform this type of song in their sleep, which it sounds like it.  I mean it is still a fairly pleasant listening experience, but literally every single one of those songs that outstreamed it are all fairly better representations of why Doja Cat is such an interesting artist.  Not this.

 

 

“Stay” – The Kid LAROI & Justin Bieber

Let’s just get this out of the way first.  This is a fantastic sounding song.  I almost bumped it up a whole tier because of that alone.  Credit to the producer and one of the lead writers….Charlie Puth?  Wow.  I seriously hope this isn’t a sign that his time as a solo artist is over because this is a song that would be much better if Charlie Puth not only produced and wrote it, but performed it.  He has that type of range as an artist to make this song hit far harder than it does.

Because let’s be honest.  Charlie Puth >>>>>> The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber.  Not to say that Kid and Biebs are bad artists, I mean I’m definitely not a fan of either of them.  But they just don’t have the emotional range and complexity to really pull of a song that is this bitter and heartbreaking.  I mean the closest we get to that is admittedly Kid Laroi’s wailing, which works here WAY BETTER than it does on his previous hit “Without You”. 

Also, this song is way too fucking short.  Whenever I come super close to vibing with it, it abruptly ends.  I get that songs are getting shorter, but this song would have really benefited from a bridge or even another verse.  I mean at least have the decency to give us an actual end-

 

“Fair Trade” – Drake (featuring Travis Scott)

Back to the Drake show again.  I swear his albums have unusually long staying power, even for his less impressive projects like this one.  Sure Drake can say that he walked away with the Win in terms of album success, but when it comes to quality, I thought DONDA was better.  But in all honesty, I don’t care.  Both Drake and Kanye have done better and I’m tired of their stupid feud.

…oh yeah, the song itself.  What else is there to say other than its Drake taking more cheap pot shots at Pusha and Kanye.  Which about half the album was that…yeah you’re losing friends along the way like the song states, but who cares when you dedicate half an album towards this and the other half being a deadbeat dad.  At least Travis’s verse hits because Travis has been on autopilot for like the past year and a half now.  And the sample of “Mountains” by Charlotte Day Wilson is effective. 

Minor W’s I guess, but who the hell cares when its tied to a song that perfectly displays how much of a chore this album was to get through. 

 

“Essence” – Wizkid (featuring Justin Bieber & Tems)

I admittedly know nothing about “afrobeat”, which is a subgenre that has been gaining in popularity this year.  I do recognize the artists involved with this though as both are artists that have been cosigned previously by Drake.  Wizkid especially has been charting globally for about five years now and I’m surprised it has taken until now for him to finally get a major hit stateside.  And I got to say, I love the vibes this song gives off.  Especially the production which is real slick and really hits.  I especially love the saxophones that sparsely appear because it only adds to the mood this song gives off.

…and then the Justin Bieber remix happened and that’s what is charting and why it is charting so high.  And leave it to Justin Fucking Bieber to ruin yet another international smash hit by being such a total non-presence in a song that specifically is about emotions that Justin Bieber continues to fail to convey.  Fuck you Justin Bieber, you suck.

 

 

THE DECENT TIER

Or as it is this season, the Lil Nas X Tier

 

“Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Yeah this is still decent.  It’s grown on me a smidge in the six months this has charted, but still really can’t place it in the good tier because it still doesn’t sound complete.  Hell Lil Nas X released a SATAN’S EXTENDED VERSION (funny) and it still can’t even bother to get to the three minute mark.

 

“That’s What I Want” – Lil Nas X

So this is here because the week I’m reviewing was the week after Lil Nas X released his first album, Montero.  This is clearly being pushed as the next single from it due to Lil Nas X already filming a music video for it.  And once again, this perfectly encapsulates my thoughts on Lil Nas X as an artist.  The song itself sounds good, but it is a rough draft.  It ends right before it gets even two and a half minutes.  It is badly missing something to make it sound like a complete song.  Maybe he’ll release a remix with a guest verse or a bridge that ties it all together for me.  But this song isn’t meant for me.  Just like Montero above too.  But I still appreciate it anyway.

 

 

THE GOOD TIER

 

Fucking Drake does it again.

“Knife Talk” – Drake (featuring 21 Savage & Project Pat)

Even on his worst projects, he always manages to have at least one song that I can salvage from it.  But this isn’t Drake’s song.  This isn’t even Project Pat’s….whoever he is.  This song belongs to 21 Savage and he fucking kills here.  This more or less sounds like something that should have been on Savage Mode II, which was one of my favorite albums of last year.  I’ve become such a huge 21 Savage fan that even he can attempt to save one of Drake’s dullest albums.

And Drake is at least trying to sound like he belongs on this song and while it is far more 21 Savage who runs away with it, kudos to Drake for at least trying to show more effort on here than he does on most of that 21 track snoozer.

 

“Kiss Me More” – Doja Cat (featuring SZA)

I knew it would grow on me.  If I did a summer chart ranking, this would be in the excellent tier, but now here in the fall, this song has shrunk on me again.  I mean it’s still a really good song, but I kind of did it to myself here.  I’ve listened to this song enough that it will probably rank really high on my Apple 2021 Replay chart.  Hopefully time will recover all my replay wounds and make me fall in love with it all over again. 

 

“Beggin’” – Maneskin

Whenever I hear anybody talking about the Eurovision winning band, the main response I see is “I hate the lead vocalist’s voice”.  Well here I am with the controversial opinion that lead singer Damiano David’s voice doesn’t bother me the slightest.  I’ll go one step further and say that I dig it.  His voice just really adds some texture and flavor to really make this band stand out.  Like I’ve taken a deep dive into Maneskin’s discography and they slap.  This Four Seasons cover is good and that album full of covers itself is fine.  But the rest of their other songs, fucking slap.  Worth checking out.

 

…here’s something that I felt like I haven’t said in a while.  That new Ed Sheeran single is actually very good.

“Shivers” – Ed Sheeran

Yeah I was pleasantly surprised by this one.  Completely blew my expectations out of the water.  After all I heard this song was being used in advertisements already long before I ever checked it out.  Which made me think, oh great Ed is whoring himself out again for easy paychecks.  Once again, I was wrong.

This is just an insanely catchy and fun song full of good musical accompaniment, trumpets, guitars, and just puts a smile on my face.  Yeah a song about Ed Sheeran being in love and having sex makes me happy to listen to….wait a minute, having sex….this is “Shape of You” all over again for fuck’s sake….except good.  Yeah sure I don’t want to picture this goof having sex either, but at least this song sounds like something someone would want to have sex to.  “Shape of You” sounds like ass and it just sounds like a song that not a single soul on the planet would want to make love to…and that includes Ed himself.  This song course corrects so many problems that I had with “Shape of You” and while I still don’t want to picture this doofus having sex….at least this song makes it sound appealing to someone.  Good job Ed!

 

 

THE EXCELLENT TIER

 

….and I’m back in love with this song again too.  What kind of backtracking critic am I?

“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd & Ariana Grande

One that admits it took a remix to make this song work for me again.  Yeah the original “Save Your Tears” would still be somewhere around the mediocre/decent tier.  But then the Ariana Grande remix happened and it fixed the problems I had with the original by a considerable margin.  The original is just such a narcissistic song about Abel telling you why he’s better off without his ex-girlfriend who he saw dancing with someone else, but he might want her back because the sex is so good.  I mean yeah that premise kind of works, but at the same time, we only get Abel’s side of the story.

Which is why the remix with Ariana improves the song vastly.  We get her side of the story and why she likes to continuously put Abel through hell and that he isn’t no saint in this relationship either.  Which makes the song sound all the more complete and flows so much better.

These two always seem to have the best chemistry with each other no matter how many times they collab with others.  They just really bring the best out of each other every time.

 

…ever wondered what a completed Lil Nas X single sounds like?

“Industry Baby” – Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow

This song fucking slaps and I won’t be told otherwise.  Take a Daytrip and Kanye West really fucking killed this production work.  It’s just a phenomenal sounding song thanks to those trumpets.  But most importantly, this song actually sounds finished.  There’s no abrupt endings, no need for a remix, and this might be the first Lil Nas X song that actually has over three minutes of content.

Fun fact.  This song was not originally supposed to feature Jack Harlow.  It was supposed to feature Nas’s former idol Nicki Minaj.  I’m so glad that it didn’t turn out that way because Jack Harlow’s guest verse is just so smooth and so clean.  Plus it fits the billing of being called an “industry baby” since both artists are still relatively newer to mainstream music stardom than Nicki…who is still clearly concerned about her cousin’s friend with huge testicles to return a phone call.

Btw what a perfect troll move with the "uncensored video".  Lil Nas X does it again. 

“Need to Know” – Doja Cat

I fucking hate Tyson Trax.  Loctor Duke is an awful terrible person, but you know what makes me mad?  That he has produced so much good music and sadly he still does produce some great beats.  And this cloud rap song perfectly plays backseat to easily the best example of how good of an artist Doja Cat really is.  Seriously, Doja is so versatile on this song as she does it all here: singing, rapping, pleading, crooning, and cooing.  Out of all the songs that Doja has had since her mainstream rise to stardom, this is the one that best represents not just her skills as an artist, but her personality as well.  Take it or leave it, but I absolutely love it.

 

“Good 4 U” – Olivia Rodrigo

I still prefer Olivia’s other two big hits from this year over this, but I’m not going to stand here and say that this song is not good.  Because it is pretty damn good as is.  Once again highlighting my favorite trend of this year, the reemergence of pop rock.  I don’t care how similar this sounds to “Misery Business” by Paramore.  That was the song that made me fall in love with Paramore’s music to begin with.  Anyone that wants to pay homage to music that I grew up listening to gets a huge thumbs up in my book.  Also love the video’s homage to another slept on classic, “Jennifer’s Body” starring Megan Fox; who is the girlfriend to other pop rock savior from this year, Machine Gun Kelly.  How’s that for tying two and two together?  Olivia Rodrigo really has my expectations sky high for that next album whenever it drops.  This is her moment and we’re all just glad to be living in it.

 

“Levitating” – Dua Lipa

Featuring DaBaby no more.  That’s fine because the original more than holds its own.  I know I said that the DaAbortion feature still holds up just as well as the original and I think it is still a great song even with DaHomophobe on there.  But the original is fantastic and I really hope that everyone who made “Levitating” one of the biggest songs of all-time really check out the original and be able to come out of the experience with more appreciation for the original song that brought us to the dance in the first place.  Still one of the best songs of the year with or without DaBigot.

No more "Blinding Lights" on the charts as well.  May its eternal chart run never be forgotten or blinded by us no more. :(

Just had to throw that in there for the hell of it.  Anyway, that's our Fall 2021 chart.  Feels kind of good to get back into the swing of things again.  No winter charts this year since list season is inching closer and closer and despite how much more active my life is becoming with work and traveling, I'll at the very least make sure that those year end lists are on time.  Otherwise, I'll keep churning out BMR's and maybe try to get a list or two out before December rolls around.  As always, thank you all for reading and look forward to more content in the future.  Stay safe!

BMR: Brief Movie Reviews (The Suicide Squad, Reminiscence, Cinderella, The Mitchells vs The Machines)

 Hey y'all, its that time again.  That time where I don't really have much free time to write individual reviews for all these movies, so I'm just going to clump them all together again.  You all know the drill.  Let's get things started with:

The Suicide Squad

Ah yes, the more or less reboot/sequel hybrid to 2016's massive blunder.  I don't know if I've mentioned this to you all before, but if we are talking about colossal DCU blunders from 2016, Batman v Superman gets way too much hate.  Fight the real enemy, which is the 2016 Suicide Squad.  Which was just a colossal waste of an otherwise intriguing opportunity.  Hell you know you've done fucked up when not even a whole year later you have The LEGO Batman Movie pointing out how much you fucked up your blockbuster.  Yeah I absolutely hated this movie and it was one of the worst films of 2016.  If I didn't place it there previously, its there now.  Not saying that everything about the movie was bad.  I mean it did gives us Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and that has done wonders for her career.  Hell it gave us one of the few legitimately good Jai Courtney performances.  Even bad movies can be salvaged if you look at it thoroughly enough.  Which is clearly what James Gunn did when he hoped on for this second attempt to bring the Suicide Squad to life.

And boy it sure does have plenty of life.  This was one hell of a good time.  I had a blast with so many things about this movie that I don't know where to start.  James Gunn feels like a director rejuvenated as this is more or less a R-rated version of the Guardians of the Galaxy.  A dysfunctional super"hero" team-up with lots of blood, swearing, crude humor, and rats.  And just when you think you figured this movie out, Gunn swerves on ya with some hilariously trollish plot twists that not only made me laugh, but actually got a legit shock out of me because I didn't see some of these coming.

And in comparison to a lot of the characters from the original, I actually felt more of an attachment to the newer characters.  Sure at first glance, Idris Elba's Bloodsport would be a store brand knockoff of Will Smith's Deadshot; but Bloodsport is a more complex character than Deadshot in all honesty.  Amanda Waller and Rick Flag are far more developed in this movie than they were previously to the point that I'm willing to remember their names this time.  By far the most complex character in this movie is John Cena's Peacemaker.  Which I'm going to avoid spoiling how complex this character really is and just say that he's getting his own series for a reason.  And I also absolutely loved Ratcatcher 2.  She's more or less the heart of this movie in a movie that definitely needed it to give it more humanity.

Honestly the only problems I have with this movie are minor nitpicks.  Like Harley Quinn's storyline was inessential in the long scheme of things.  Not that it was all bad.  She has a few good scenes and Margot Robbie gives one of the best acting moments of her career.  But in reality, her minor plot just felt tacked on to give her something to do until she reunites with the rest of the Suicide Squad.  And this runtime is absolutely felt.  And I'm not saying that all movies need to be a hour and thirty minutes or so.  But I found myself looking at my phone a handful of times wondering when we would move to the next scene.

Like I said, absolutely minor nitpicks.  Because in reality, this is one of the best superhero movies in quite some time.  Definitely a recommendation.

Final Grade: A

Reminiscence 

And then we go from a superhero movie to a former superhero stalwart who seriously needs to fire his agent.  I don't hate Hugh Jackman before you guys get frustrated for that comment, but seriously.  Remove all the X-Men movies from his catalog and you'll find yourself with one of the most eclectic career filmographies ever.  Is Hugh Jackman an action star?  A dramatic type?  A musical man?  A comedy figure?  Outside of the horror genre (unless you count 2015 flop Pan, which I do think is a horror of many layers), Hugh Jackman really can't seem to figure out his identity as an actor.  And while I do think he is all those types, he really doesn't pick his projects well.  I think he is a good actor to even make the most hateful of projects, make us sit back and think, well at least Hugh Jackman was good in it.

And honestly, this was another case of this.  Hugh Jackman was good.  The rest of this movie sucked ass.  I'm not even going to bother to waste your time with this one except say that this movie so badly is trying to be a Christopher Nolan film and it just fails at every conceivable level.  Saying that its too deep for you is an insult because this isn't even that good at being that deep.  

Expect a deeper dive into shit come list season because this movie isn't even fun to talk about how bad it is....

Final Grade: F 

Cinderella (2021)

....unlike this one.  Jesus Christ where do I even start with this one?

Final Grade: F

Okay now that I got that out of the way, this movie just failed at nearly every level possible.  The only remotely positive thing I have to say about it is that Idina Menzel didn't even bother to try with this one and still managed to be my favorite part of it.  She's a good singer and a decent enough actor to make me at least get what she's feeling.

Everything else?  Fucking hysterical at how much it fails.  Camila Cabello is not an actress.  Obvious right?  Someone tell her that too because clearly her acting coach didn't.  I think Camila has a first grade knowledge of acting to know when to cry on cue and show emotion.  But those line reads, woof.  There were times that I couldn't tell if that was a first read or a seven hundreth where the director thought, this is good enough I guess.  And those songs, arf.  I am not a fan of Camila Cabello as a singer.  To me, she is at her best when she plays down to her strengths.  But there are so many times that her voice grates on my ear drums like a cheese grater to the point that it becomes insufferable.

I think you guys already know about the controversy in this movie surrounding a genderless fairy godmother played by Billy Porter.  And while I don't think its handled properly at all, I do feel bad for Billy Porter because he clearly is trying to make this work and it just doesn't.  It just makes you feel bad for him showing any effort for a movie that is giving none to work off of.  Oh and James Corden plays a rat...that sounds about right for him.

This movie is such a colossal trainwreck.  I couldn't stare away from it, it's just so bad.  One of the worst movies of the year for sure and hopefully a career killer for Camila Cabello.  If that racist controversy didn't end her last year, this surely doesn't help either.

The Mitchells vs The Machines

I so badly just want to hold off all my praise that's about to be shelved out for end of the year season and call it a day.  But I'm not going to do that and highlight this movie just in order for you all to go out and see it.  Because I was about three months late to the party with this movie and I regret not watching this sooner because of it.  And it comes from Sony Animation of all fucking people.  Jesus its like they are making me eat crow for how many times I trashed them for funding The Emoji Movie.  Because they seriously have not missed since then making some of the best animated movies of the past couple years.  With this being one of them.

This movie is beautifully animated.  It is fairly similar to the style of animation Sony used for Into the Spider-Verse, but with how that movie was made to feel like you were in a comic book; this movie feels like you are in one of the main character's homemade movies.  The general conflict we've seen countless times before between the father Rick Mitchell (voiced by Danny McBride) and the daughter Katie Mitchell (voiced by Abbi Jacobsen).  Katie is an aspiring filmmaker who doesn't get along with her overprotective father and constantly clash heads.  Like I said, not new stomping grounds persay, but how it is tackled is more realistic than I've seen from most family movies that I have to give it props for how its handled.  And we see Katie displaying said emotions and feelings about how she doesn't fit in with this world through film.  As a one-time aspiring screenwriter, I got to say that is a beautiful way to display your story.

But what does this have to do with the machines you might ask?  Well how this movie tackles its message about modern technology and how our society lives through it is just brilliantly told as well.  The jokes about it hit.  The villain actually has some depth for once despite its shortcomings (spoiler sort of).  And how we are more or less so addicted to screens really does come into play in the grand scheme of things.  I mean the mother (voiced by Maya Rudolph) is more or less addicted to social media influencers with the biggest influencers of them all being their neighbors and guess who they got to play them?  John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.  That's what you call being in tune with society today.

That is another thing I have to give this movie major props for.  Every little one-off joke or tidbit that this move throws at you absolutely pays off in ways you don't expect when we get to the third act climax.  I absolutely did not expect a good majority of these elements to make a second appearance and actually play off into any arcs.  I'll go ahead and put this out there to say that this is one of the best third act climaxes I've seen in years.

Seriously one of the best movies of the year and it will be supremely hard pressed to find a stronger contender for my favorite movie of the year.  Yes I said it and I can't wait to highlight more for you come year end.

Final Grade: A+

And that's all I got for this month.  Really need to get around to sharing more content with you all.  Work has been exhausting me as of late as I haven't had a week of no overtime in two months.  So if you're still following me even in the most bareboned content stretches I've had in awhile, thank you all so much.  I hope to get around to posting more soon.  But until then, thanks for reading and take care!