The Top “Ten” Best Hit Songs of 2022

 Hello and welcome back to….”Running Up That Hill” isn’t qualifying for my best list this year.

I’m sorry, I thought about it long and hard and it just would not be fair to this year.  It’s like the Christmas music all over again in terms of they are good to great songs that should not qualify for a year end list but somehow do.  Granted, Kate Bush at least had the biggest pop culture moment of the year, so at least “Running Up That Hill” is way more of a 2022 song than just an 80s classic.

But at the same time, that song probably topped most people’s best lists and is the safe and predictable choice for being the all time pop music classic that it is.  I want to challenge myself.  Because you know what?  2022 did have some great music that deserves to be highlighted as well.  So you know what?  Apologies to Kate Bush, but she’s not going to sniff this best list.  But if you take the time to read this list, you’ll notice that 2022 is way more than just Kate Bush, 2021 holdovers, and Christmas music on Billboard’s year end list for 2022.  And I’m going to show you how.  So come on baby, oh come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now.  We’re counting down!

THE TOP TWELVE BEST HIT SONGS OF 2022

I know what I said about Kate Bush and Christmas, but it would be damn near impossible to not count all the 2021 songs to make a best list.

I still can’t get over how many repeat entries and 2021 songs made the 2022 year end list again.  Nearly all of them soured on me over the course of a year, hell even the Christmas music soured on me to the point that I might stop streaming the big ones this next holiday season.  That sure makes me a real grinch, huh?

So sorry to all those expecting Levitating, Good 4 U, Need to Know and others on my best list again.  Ain’t happening.  Only two songs really got better a year later and one of them didn’t even make my best list for 2021.

12. “Save Your Tears” - The Weeknd & Ariana Grande 

…sigh, I know what I just said about The Weeknd on the worst list.  I’m getting as sick of him as I am of Drake.  And boy, do we need YET another collaboration with Ariana Grande.  Why not make it a trifecta and add Doja Cat for retro sounding R&B/pop hit number 1028382.  

I was ready to write the original “Save Your Tears” off last year since everyone, including myself at first, was writing it as another huge smash from The Weeknd.  When in reality, it was one of his douche-iest songs he has ever written.  Like I just wanted to punch him in his faux Handsome Squidward face he had for that music video and tell him to go fuck himself.

…then the Ariana Grande remix happened as I moaned because I was getting very tired of Ariana Grande too at the time for not taking a break (your break is over sweetie, please come back).  It was only done to get this song to number one because that’s how the remix game works.  And that is still absolutely the case as to why this got there.  However, something amazing happened.  It made me fall in love with the song again.  

This song works so much better as a duet because instead of The Weeknd sounding like an insufferable ass to his ex, we get Ariana Grande putting this douchebag in his place by saying the feeling is mutual.  This is what a remix should be.  Improving the original.

Is it just me or are the 2020’s a really good decade for Future?!

11. “Wait For U” - Future (featuring Drake and Tems)

I mean who would have thought it, right?  After years of being told he’s the future of rap music and that his influence is what developed the mainstream sound of today, I finally am starting to get him more as an artist; and just beyond making bops.  All it took was a fucking break of flooding the charts with interchangeable albums and actually making good music.

Okay so it's not a total revelation.  Future can still make a few clunkers or give out clunker features (hi Way 2 Sexy).  But the song that really made me understand him better was “Life is Good”, which was indeed a good song.  And you know what, I’ll say it.  His last album was one of my favorite albums last year due to how much I jammed to it working out.  What can I say?  It got me pumped.  And I know I said I’m doing no honorable mentions this year, but “Puffin on Zootiez” nearly made the best list as well.  One of the last cuts I had to make for being the best version of basically every other Future trap song from 2015-2018.

As for this song, I’ll be honest.  Future is the weak link here, but admittedly not to his own detriment.  Tems absolutely 100% is the best part of this song.  Her chorus is just so hypnotic and the chemistry between her back and forth with Future is just mesmerizing.  Tems should absolutely become a bigger star here stateside and I think she’s on the path to that with her worldwide hits crossing over.  And I’m so fucking sick of Drake, but even here, his guest verse is easily the best thing he did in this year where he dropped another hundred interchangeable songs.  Like even in his advancing age, Drake is still capable of showing why he got famous in the first place.  And if he is still making music in the 2030s, it is going to be some of the saddest shit literally and metaphorically; that’s a discussion we aren’t ready to have yet.

Please let it be known that this was written before the recent news about Lizzo’s sexual harassment allegations came up.  This is a good recent example of separating the art from the artist.  Anyway….

10. “About Damn Time” - Lizzo

Honestly, it was fascinating to hear that this song had to take the long way to the top of the charts as a sleeper hit.  Really?  One of the big new stars not performing out of the gate in this day and age?   Didn’t Lizzo just become a superstar in 2019?  Doesn’t she have quite the social media following?  I don’t think she did anything to get herself canceled or in hot water, unless she did and I totally missed something?  How did one of the biggest new names in music not debut at number one, or at least top ten?  Is the Lizzo moment truly not as big as we were expecting?!?

Well this song proved that any signs of Lizzo being done were truly exaggerated as this song became a huge smash.  Mostly the same way that her other songs became huge.  Tik Tok, memes, and just Lizzo being an awesome all around performer.  And to add onto that, Lizzo also finally hit number one with a current single and not a previous older single.  To that I say about damn time!

What this also is is the most quotable single of the year.  So many amazing moments from anyway…to the second verse that got Tik Tok’d to death, that justified BITCH.  But you know what my favorite moment is?  That flute solo.  Remember how I said Lizzo is an awesome all around performer?  She’s also a talented as hell musician.  That flute solo fucking kills every time I hear it.

But back to that initial question, is the Lizzo moment truly not that big?  Well those two follow up singles didn’t take off and they even got remixes.  I don’t think her moment is necessarily over as pop as a whole just struggling.  But hey, maybe Lizzo will make her way back to the top yet again in the next year or two.

Okay now that that’s over, go ahead and count how much of these statements you can tell are clearly dated.  Next.

Fine you all got me. This is amazing and I won’t be told otherwise. All hail Queen B.

9. “Break My Soul” - Beyoncé

You know what’s amazing to me.  How little promotion Beyoncé did for this album cycle.  Like I get that this is part one of what feels like a multi-part album series and there might be more to this than meets the eye.  Beyoncé is just as good as Taylor when it comes to hidden layers behind their future album teases.  But still…nothing?  No late night talk show circuit.  No music videos.  Not a damn thing.  Which in itself is amazing because this song and this album were both still very successful because it was made by Beyoncé.

This feels like Beyoncé’s first true single in at least twelve years.  Which yeah I know that she had “singles” from like three more albums that she made in the 2010s.  But if you really think about it, nothing got a true singles push compared to the 2000s prior and now with “Break My Soul” and “Cuff It”.  And this is also my favorite Beyoncé song in quite some time because of how refreshing it was to hear Beyoncé sound less queen like and more like an ordinary person that works a 9-5 and looking to relieve some stress from her work and personal life.  

And what better way to do that than to just dance.  Which I’m not sure if that house music revival we got teased last summer between her and Drake is really going to take off or not.  If anything, it looks like that got replaced by a new version of club music that I see publications call “Jersey club”…which I’m from Jersey and while I don’t necessarily go to the clubs anymore, I don’t know what’s so Jersey about it.

Either way, this song is a basic reminder that whether she’s a working girl or a queen, Beyoncé will always be better than us and we don’t deserve her queen-ness.

I really hate to sound like every other critic out there, but my favorite country artist is Chris Stapleton.

8. “You Should Probably Leave” - Chris Stapleton

I know, what a shocker right?  Especially since he topped my best list last year.  And here he is again with a deep cut from 2014 becoming a hit in 2022, the year where time doesn’t exist anymore.

But you know what, who cares how old this song is.  Because this song fucking slaps no matter what time frame this came out in.  People a lot better at analyzing music than me have said that this sounds like an early 90s blues song from Bonnie Raitt and Eric Clapton, and you know what?  I absolutely 100% see that with how much Bonnie Raitt I grew up listening to from my father’s cd and cassette tapes.

And I’ve said my piece on jealousy and cheating songs like this in the past, but here’s the real difference between why this one is good and not bad.  This one is written well and doesn’t make the guy come off like an asshole.  It sounds like two people who know that what they are doing is wrong and that they shouldn’t do it, but temptation is a mighty mistress that even they can’t control.  As the old saying goes, cheating is a two way street.

At the end of the day, this is only as good as it is because of Chris Stapleton as an overall talent, performer, storyteller, etc.  Give this to someone like Russell Dickerson and it adds zero value.

 

This made the best list again.

7. “Industry Baby” - Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow

And to the surprise of no one, it’s only gotten better.  I don’t have anything new to really say about it.  Lil Nas X’s next project will surely be a fascinating one whenever it drops because I have no idea how he will top or even match that last album.  Jack Harlow’s stock dropped drastically since that last album and even though he had a good 2022, I don’t see that goodwill lasting.  And it was nice of Kanye to co-produce this masterpiece before he got canceled.

…that’s it.  I’m so fucking sick of so many holdovers repeating these lists.  Next.

2022.  The year of the cat.

2022 was a big year for Doja Cat as she had seven total hits from her smash album make the year end list.  And while I can fill this list with multiple bops from this album, I am just going to restrain myself to just one.  And boy what a hit it was.

6. “Get Into It (Yuh!)” - Doja Cat

I would like to correct an entry from my best list last year.  As much as I like…or at least used to like “Need to Know” and said that this was the best example of getting the appeal of Doja Cat, I was as always wrong.  THIS is and I used to think that too expecting this not to be a hit.  I already said I am always wrong, what more do you need?

Thank god this got a late album single push.  Honestly, Doja’s album cycle for Planet Her was just fascinating to watch.  The lead single not taking off right away, the big radio single with The Weeknd getting out streamed by like eight other tracks (hello payola), the other big radio single getting out of nowhere controversy about reverse feminism (LOLreally?), just to name a few.  I’ll be honest, it will absolutely be fascinating to see if Doja is able to follow this up, especially now with her going against her label with that new lead off single and Doja clashing with her fans recently.

But even if she doesn’t and her fifteen minutes are up, Doja will at least have this single.  Where it highlights how good of a performer she is.  Switching up flows, all her quirky adlibs, the speed she raps, her inner pop music nerd with that stupidly amazing “Shape of You” reference.

And not to mention, that music video is hypnotic to watch and easy on the eyes…so much show that I am going to keep it clean for once and just show a lyric video.  What can I say, I got into it yuh…seriously man, do better, see yourself out again.

I don’t think this has been stated enough, but it is amazing to me to see country music as the most popular genre in this current wasteland of popular music.

So much so, that I think for the first time ever (check my past lists for confirmation), but this is the first time I think I’ve had TWO country music songs on my best list.  I mean I came close last year with that Eric Church song being one of my last cuts.  But what can I say?  I think this genre is on the upswing for a reason.  So what’s going to be my favorite hit country song of this year?  That “Something in the Orange” song everyone is goggling over?  Morgan Wallen…I couldn’t say that with a straight face.  Luke Combs…snore.

…how about a song that relies heavily on past nostalgia.

5. “She Had Me at Heads Carolina” - Cole Swindell

It’s almost unfair that this got as huge as it did for basically being a reminder that Jo Dee Messina’s classic, “Heads Carolina, Tails California” is forever and eternally a classic.  It feels like cheating in a sense the same way Luke Combs is covering “Fast Car” and it's out charting the original.

No, this is different.  It is about one of my favorite past times and probably some of yours, karaoke.  I don’t know if I’ve told that many of you this, but karaoke night is one of my old favorite past times.  Getting buzzed enough to go onstage and step out of your comfort zone by singing terribly or maybe even killing it with a cover.  Fun times.  And this song is about those fun times and meeting someone that you want to get to know better based off of the way they sung a country classic “Heads Carolina, Tails California”.

It is almost poetically romantic how much it honors its source material.  Compare that to the worst list dishonorable mention and last minute cut, “Like I Love Country Music” by Kane Brown.  Which is basically the wrestling equivalent of saying the town you’re performing in tonight to get the crowd to give you a cheap pop.  I’m so sick of country music and their lists, and saying all these better and more iconic songs, is more or less another list.  Not in “She Had Me at Heads Carolina” which is used as the groundwork for a love story.

And hey is that Jo Dee Messina in the video as the bartender?  She had me all over again and this song does too.  Next.

I don’t care what Billboard says.  This was definitely not a 2022 hit more than any other.

4. “Meet Me at Our Spot” - The Anxiety

Not complaining, but this song especially feels like a relic of the pandemic.  Like wasn’t it a TikTok hit in the summer of 2021?  Once again, the radio is eternally late to the party…and thank goodness for this one time because this song is way too good to be “caught between years” as chart watchers say.

But yeah, listening to this just takes me back to the nearly two years of self isolation and trying to remain positive in an ever growing world of uncertainty and doubt.  That there was this one place where I can escape to to get through it all….and by that I clearly mean my blog, where I did a shit ton of writing and reviewing to cope with any sort of anxiety that I had.

For real though, this song is about being young and in love, which I can say this as a 30 something year old married dad, that young love looking back on it all is a great feeling.  Even if the girl you loved didn’t always feel the same, that sort of optimism and longing is quite a euphoric feeling that at times I am nostalgic for.  

And who would have thought that my favorite vibes of “the year” came from the Whip My Hair girl ….nah she’s not that anymore.  Willow Smith is actually one of my favorite mainstream musicians working right now.  She’s leading the charge of bringing pop punk back into the mainstream and while this is definitely not punk in any sort of way, I adore this sort of laid back acoustic alternative song.  Also props to Tyler Cole.  I know next to nothing about him, but when him and Willow vocally harmonize, its heaven.

Maybe this song is right, I need to catch a vibe.  Next. 

2022.  The year of the bunny.

2022 was a big year for Bad Bunny as he had seven total hits from his smash album make the year end list.  And while I can fill this list with multiple bops from this album, I am just going to restrain myself to one.  And boy what a hit it was.

3. “Ojitos Lindos” - Bad Bunny & Bomba Estero

Retreading preamble aside, this was genuinely my favorite from this album tied with “Otro Atardecer” aka his song with The Marias.  I get that Bad Bunny’s big hits are usually all songs about horn dogging and flexing, but I really dig when he gets experimental with his sounds and our expectations from him.  That’s why we have yet another painful last minute cut from this list in “Titi Me Pregunto”, which was one of the best vibe hits of the year for me.

No, the song that makes this list is a simple love song, where Bad Bunny shows his more mature side where he tells this girl that his feelings for her are more than just using her as a sex object…unless I’m missing something in translation here.  But when Bad Bunny talks about just looking into her eyes longingly, that is absolutely a line I would use since I’m an eye guy myself.

And I admittedly know next to nothing about Bomba Estero except she has a song with the Fresh Prince, Will Smith, of all people.  What a weird YouTube find that was.  But when she and Bad Bunny vocally bounce off each other with their sweet pillow talking, I transcend even higher than “Meet Me in Our Spot” takes me.

That last album made me all in on Bad Bunny.  May he continue to defy my expectations…and continue to guest spot in WWE.  Seriously between him and Logan Paul, those two are the best celebrity wrestlers ever.

The race for number one was so far from the rest of this list, it’s not even close.  So keep that in mind that either of these could have been my number one. IF I got this list out on time around the end of 2022/beginning of 2023 like I was supposed to, this was going to be number one for sure.

2. “As It Was” - Harry Styles

Seriously, this is a slice of perfection and easily my favorite Harry Styles song he’s ever done.  For as much as I liked Harry’s House, a lot of it did feel plastic and just Harry flexing about how cool he is.  I mean I’m still a big fan, but I can also see myself looking back at this album in five years with some deep embarrassment that I ever stuck up for it like I did with Justin Timberlake’s The 20/20 Experience…Part Two…Part One still holds up at least?

But if that were ever the case, I can see myself still sticking up for this big single that was at number one for fifteen weeks and it absolutely felt justified each of those weeks.  Not only does it sound excellent, but it felt big too because 2022 started off at a snail’s pace with a lot of singles flopping and new albums underperforming on the charts.  But when this dropped, it felt like the year finally started for music with everyone talking about it and streaming it.  

A lot of it probably due to the empty void of nothing new, but mostly due to Harry himself who wrote and performed this with the depth of a late 40/early 50 year old man.  And I don’t mean that as an insult.  From the sound of his goddaughter telling Harry that she wants him to say good night to her, to asking what kind of pills he is on, to this underlying feeling of the worst is over, but it’s never going back to what it used to be.  And he’s only 28, dear god did the pandemic age us all by twenty years or what!?

This is the song of the post-pandemic, simply put.  No song accurately represents that feeling of glad things are in the process of going back to normal, but that deep seeded feeling of insecurity and uncertainty is better than this song.

I said some pretty negative things about streaming on my worst list and how it applies to what makes a hit and why so many of these songs now stick around longer making the charts the plague they are today.  BUT that’s not necessarily a bad thing completely.  If anything, it gives a more accurate representation of what has staying power and what’s really popular right now.

My number one I saw climbing up the streaming charts all year long until it finally took off thanks to the youths of today in what other format…but TikTok.

1.“Bad Habit” - Steve Lacy

For every song that TikTok gets horribly and ungodly wrong, it gets at least one out of every five right.  And boy, how right this song was.  A lot of the songs this year, simply put, sounded middle of the road, safe, and generic.  Honestly, you can say that for this decade.  Maybe that’s why I stopped chart watching and following the charts as close as I used to?  I’ve been longing for this decade to have some sort of identity because most of the hits so far have either been mid or retro sounding.  What is the sound of the 2020’s!?

I don’t know if it’s this, but dear god I hope it turns out to be because what Steve Lacy does on this song is blend like ten to fifteen genres and it literally sounds like every genre it tries to be.  It’s alternative, it’s pop, it’s R&B, it’s funk, it’s soul.  It is everything and then some.  So many of the big hits of today like “Heat Waves” and “Mood” try to blend multiple genres and sound like audible nothing.  This on the other hand, you can tell was written by someone who loves music.  And based off of Steve Lacy’s past history of working with Tyler the Creator, Frank Ocean, and the Vampire Weekend, to name a few; you can tell that this man is a huge music nerd and proud of it.

But here’s a more sentimental reason this is my true number one on this list and what took it over the edge.  This song was number one the day my son was born.  Call it sentimental, I wouldn’t blame ya.  But one day my son will hopefully take up my love of pop culture and media and ask me what was number one on his birth date.  And I’ll tell him some weird, yet hilarious horror movie called Smile was number one at the movies (and no nerds, that’s not my number one film of 2022, despite being better than I ever expected it to be) and “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy was the top song on the charts.

I really hope this isn’t another Gotye where Steve Lacy falls off to irrelevancy.  We need more music made by people who love making music.  Or at the very least, I hope this spawns off dozens of imitators that successfully gets what this song does right. And guess what? Good chance this makes the best list for 2023 as well so might as well call this the best hit of 2023 too. My job here is done!

And there you have it.  My top twelve best hit songs of 2022.  See you next year.

…….

Eh why the hell not.

0. “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” - Kate Bush

It’s as much a 2022 song as some of these 2023 “hits” are.  Which, for the record, I’m counting the older music that charts from here on out because 2023 is chalk full of those hits.  But when I think of the pop music moment of this year, it’s hands down going to be this song saving Max from the grasps of Vecna in Stranger Things.

This song is a pop classic for a reason and I can’t justify its excellence enough.  Like the memes said regarding the Kate Bush revival of 2022: 

So there you have it.  I’m a giant hypocrite confirmed.  Best Films of 2022 list will be up next.  Let me know if you have any other songs from 2022 you all would like my takes on.  And FYI, no full chart ranking for the 2022 year end.  That is too much time these days and it’s not worth it lol.  Thank you all for reading as always and take care!

The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2022

 Hey y’all.  Better late than never, right?

So I’m not going to mince words when I say this, but I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to continue to blog anymore after the year I had.  I mean 2022 was…one of the best years of my life.  I have a son now and he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  My life is finally finding a sense of normalcy again now that the pandemic is “over”…its absolutely not, but it is at least much more manageable now.  And my work of being a parent and a full time working man has absolutely consumed my life to basically little to no free time.  To the point that I wondered if it was even worth trying to continue this damn thing and just move on with my life.  But then it hit me.  I need time to myself again.  And writing is absolutely an outlet to alleviate a lot of my stress.  So to the five of you that are probably still regularly tuning in to see my thoughts on music and movies, I thank you.  And if I’m comedically underestimating what is left of my viewing audience, I apologize.  

And I’m going to cut myself off there when it comes to my personal life because my personal life is way more interesting than what Billboard considers the “hit songs” of 2022:

Christmas music being considered one of the 100 biggest songs of the year was cute at first, but now its exasperating.  Who in their right mind would say “A Holly Jolly Christmas” is the best hit song of 2022?  And Kate Bush having one of the biggest hit songs of this year has basically opened Pandora’s box as to what other older songs can become hits again in the future.  Hell, I took at the weekly charts before writing this for the first time in a while and I recognize at least TEN songs on the charts right now that did not come out in the past year.  Nobody cares about modern music anymore and why should they?  It is literal politicking at this point and there is so much other shit going on in the world right now, that music is basically an afterthought now.  Almost to the point that I wanted to cancel the worst list all together.  I mean trying to craft a worst movies list last year basically ended the year end list season for me for a year and a half to the point that I canceled my 2021 movies list altogether.

But then it hit me.  It doesn’t feel right to not do a worst list for music.  Because while it is harder to craft thoughts for a hour and a half or so movie, writing about two to three minute songs is so much easier.  Even in this dire landscape of hit music, someone needs to take these songs down a notch or two.  Including someone with barely any followers like me.  So you know what?  The worst list is back on baby.  Even if it is months late!  And you know what, I’ll even stick to my usual tradition of the year end list above.  There are far more songs to talk about out there, but if a shit ton of 2021 music and Christmas songs is what Billboard considers the 100 biggest songs of 2022, then so be it.  That is what I’ll talk about.  And maybe someday, Billboard will get their shit together and track the charts until December like a normal publication.  *laugh track*

So without further ado, we are counting down!

THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2022

Because this is my list, I’m going to make a slight programming change.  Let’s make this THE TOP ELEVEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2022 because my number ten spot is basically a tie.

10. “Fancy Like” AND “AA” - Walker Hayes

I can assure you all that nobody cared about “Fancy Like” in the year 2022 and nobody sure as hell cared about the failed follow up “AA” either.

I mean Walker Hayes sure as hell tried to make you care about both of these songs last year.  With cheap remixes, stupid TikTok dances, becoming a NFT bro (seriously that happened) and pop culture references galore.  That’s how they both farted their way to making this year end list higher than they had any right to be.  But in reality, who the hell cared about this doofus last year?

I mean he sure as hell tried to extend his fifteen minutes of fame to the best that he can.  But I think country music finally caught on to his shtick and ended the Walker Hayes experience before it became any more unnecessary.  He sure as hell tried to make more idiotic songs.  I stumbled upon one on YouTube just the other day called “Y’all Life” and I couldn’t tell the difference between that garbage from the rest of his post “Fancy Like” hits.

So consider “Fancy Like” making the actual top ten list as an apology for the previous year.  I was fascinated by how awful it was back in the day, but that fascination is now just an annoyance now.  It is as bad as the millions who had it on their worst of the year list said it was.  And “AA” makes the worst list for sounding like absolute ass.  So if I had to break my tie, “AA” would be the actual number ten worst hit song of the year.  But “Fancy Like” deserves a spot for just flat out sucking at existing as a song.  I can’t eat at Applebees anymore.  Thanks Walker Hayes.  I blame you.  Next.

For the record, I shared an abbreviated version of all my year end lists with a few friends a couple months ago.  Well let me just go on the record and say, if you saw my picks, delete them from your memory banks.  Because time has certainly done some of these songs absolutely no favors.  For example, exhibit ABCDEF

9. “Abcdefu” - Gayle

And for those of you who I did share that original list with, well consider this the replacement for that “Fingers Crossed” song.  Which is also really bad and another Olivia Rodrigo knockoff….no seriously, it has almost the exact same song structure as “traitor”.  I’m already in the process of forgetting that song in record time.

This one, however, just keeps getting worse and worse the more I hear it.  And this is coming from someone who laughed this song off at first thinking it is getting over hated.  Well let me once again apologize for being behind the trend.  This song is so fucking insufferable that I want it take its own advice and go fuck off.

But you know what I hate more than its insufferable bratty behavior?  It’s how it became popular.  And for those of you who haven’t seen other video countdowns or articles explaining this song’s backstory, allow me to sum it up for you with two to three sentences.  Gayle did not write this song on the fly through TikTok.  Record label hacks did.  Gayle is an industry plant.

Which that sounds about right.  No Gen X or zoomer in their right mind would think telling someone to fuck off through the alphabet song is a clever retort.  It is stupid.  Using nursery rhymes in general as insults are stupid and I still cannot believe that was a trend this year.  

And I know my track record with these predictions are mostly cold at best, but I’m willing to call it right here, right now.  This girl is never going to get a second hit.  And before I hear “But Bobby, Gayle is performing on The Eras Tour”, I don’t care.  Good for Gayle to go touring with Taylor Swift.  That doesn’t guarantee her a second hit.  Especially when your back catalog consists of five to ten different versions of the same damn song.

Come at me Barbz!

8. “Super Freaky Girl” - Nicki Minaj

In my defense, this is higher than I initially thought it would be.  Because when I first heard this, I thought it was the most cynical and hypocritical song of the year.  And in many ways, it still is.

For those of you who don’t know, Nicki Minaj raised hell over Latto’s “Big Energy” being considered as one of the best rap songs of the year.  And in many ways, she is right.  But then what does she go on to do?  Replicating Latto’s success down to an exact science just to get the easiest number one hit of anyone’s career.  Making a pop rap song with a sample of “Superfreak”?  It’s been done already.

MC Hammer owns the biggest pop rap sample of all time.  Nicki knows exactly what she is doing.  But at this stage in her career, she’s just racking up the hits.  Some of them might still be good, but she has her legacy set in stone.  Even if the past few years has lead to some stains on said legacy with all the cattiness amidst a growing scene of female rappers, questionable friendships with pedophiles, and her stances on the pandemic has led to a lot of people looking at her in a different light.

So why is this not lower?  Look, I absolutely LOATHE this lazy sampling trend we’ve been experiencing for the past year or two.  But I got to give Nicki credit here.  Outside of the chorus, she’s at least still got some sharp lyrics.  I still respect her as a lyricist, even at her most cynical.  Otherwise, this deserves all the hate that “Anaconda” got so many years ago.

Did I say this was eleven worst hit songs?  Make it Top Twelve Worst Hit Songs of 2022.

7. “I Like You (A Happier Song)” - Post Malone (featuring Doja Cat). AND “One Right Now” - Post Malone & The Weeknd 

I wanted to pick just one, but I’m sorry for the second cop out on this list.  Both of these sucked equally as hard that this is also a tie.  But man, what a plummet in stock Post Malone had in 2022, am I right?

Actually here’s the thing.  I kind of respected “Twelve Karat Toothache”, despite having one of the all-time worst album titles.  It was a massive risk making this type of album about addiction and depression after having one of the most commercially successful albums of the last five years.  Posty said he wanted to avoid the easy radio hits and just make a deeply honest album about such serious topics and his own life experiences.  And you know what?  I can appreciate doing as such since this album was kind of good.

But avoiding the easy radio hits?  Bro.  Your two biggest hits off that album were huge radio hits and were interchangeable from anything else on the Top 40 stations.  And they were easily the two worst songs off that album too for having nothing to do with the rest of the album.

If I had to pick, I guess “I Like You” was the least bad of the two songs.  But my god, this was absolutely a song formed in a pop music lab with such simplistic lyrics, such dull uninteresting production choices, same up down up down tempo that was taken from the pop hacks guide to songwriting.  And that Doja Cat feature that sounds like she was not even in the same studio as Posty while making this.  It is audio white noise.

But I’ll take that slightly over the toxic masculinity that is “One Right Now”.  Which maybe I should have separated the two songs and ranked this one lower, if not for that synth production.  My god the moment I hear that, that beat gets stuck in my head the rest of the day.  But holy shit, fuck both of these guys.  I’ve said my piece about Posty this year, but seriously, I’m over The Weeknd.  And I’ll address The Weeknd of the current year at some point and his terrible decisions this year, but last year, no wonder his album flopped.  2022 was the sign of overexposure of Abel taking full effect and nowhere was that more apparent than him talking about the dresser that he fucked your girl on.  Asshole.

In the end, Posty’s 2022 was so rough that another album is being rushed out this year to capitalize on the commercial flopping of his last album?  Will it be more successful?  To be determined.

The biggest hit song of 2022 everybody!

6. “Heat Waves” - Glass Animals

A two year old song that came out about the same time as the pandemic started and finally left the charts at around the holiday season 2022.  Yep, I can’t think of a better song to be declared not only the biggest song of the year, but the longest charting hit of all time.  Woo!

Honestly, I really didn’t want to place this on the list at first.  Because I’m all out of hatred for this song.  I genuinely do not care whatsoever about this song anymore.  This probably shouldn’t even be on here at all because saying this is one of the worst songs of the year means I have any sort of reaction toward it whatsoever.

So why is “Heat Waves” on the worst list?  Because it encapsulates how barren of a wasteland popular music is right now.  And I truly hate how hit music is right now.  People are complaining about how out of touch the radio is and yes they are right.  Well let me pause for a minute and point out how stagnant streaming is.  I mean yeah the radio had a hard time rotating this out because it sounds like all genres and sucks at all of them.  

But the streaming charts I am slowly starting to realize have a hard time rotating the big hits out.  That’s why the top ten is stagnant for months on end.  That’s why old music is becoming more popular than new.  That’s why Christmas music is taking over the year end lists.  I’m blaming the charts not being fun to talk about anymore all on “Heat Waves”.

Sorry if that’s freaking you out…

And you know what, fuck the page break.

Literally just copy and paste what I said for “Heat Waves” towards this next one as well.

5. “Bad Habits” - Ed Sheeran 

But wait, you might ask.  Haven’t you said before the song itself is not that bad, but the music video is one of the worst you’ve ever seen?  Yes.  I have said that before.  Good job.  But guess what?  When the year is so barren of actual hits and I am stuck listening to the same songs over and over again, the more you realize how empty and vapid a song really is.  And while I hate a few other Ed Sheeran songs more than this one, it might be the most interchangeable song Ed Sheeran has ever written.

Like this is if Maroon 5 wrote a song for The Weeknd.  It is so painfully basic and so painfully obvious who Ed is trying to emulate with this song.  You’re not writing “After Hours” Ed.  You’re writing interchangeable crap like this.

And that’s all I’m going to say about this entry.  Sorry for shorting you all on content, but if we are going to keep getting leftovers ruling into the following year, then I’m going to keep running out of things to say about them.  Next.

…I don’t want to talk about the controversy.  I just want to talk about the bad music man because this is B-A-D…

4. “Broadway Girls” - Lil Durk (featuring Morgan Wallen)

I guess there is no avoiding it any more since Morgan Wallen is basically the biggest artist on the planet right now, so instead of addressing it multiple times next year, let’s talk about it, I changed my mind.

My thoughts on Morgan Wallen surviving cancellation are complicated.  I highly recommend watching Todd in the Shadows review from this year addressing it in full analysis because I do agree with a lot of his points.  What he said was insensitive, not intolerant.  I’ve heard MANY white people say that word in a far worse context than how Morgan Wallen used it.  But I also believe that word was in Morgan Wallen’s vocabulary long before two years ago.  Is it hard to separate Morgan Wallen’s cancellation bout with the extreme political landscape of the last few years?  Kind of, but at the same time, country music is a very conservative heavy genre, so it is more than just Morgan’s fan base.  Did he put in the work to change?  I guess you could say that he did the very safe route, but its not up for me to decide if he changed.  Because spoiler, I’m a straight white male.  He didn’t offend me, so who am I to say he’s forgiven?

Look, to put it bluntly, how Morgan is as a person, that’s not my lane to decide.  What is my lane to decide is how he is as an artist.  And to be honest, after not getting his appeal initially, I do see why people liked him back in 2019-2021.  But now?  Man…2022 onward, I am just not a fan of the music he’s made Post-Dangerous.  I also heavily agree with Todd that this is a man who is very much afraid of losing everything all over again and going the extremely safe route all the time.  

I mean look no further than this clunky piece of shit.  People joked about Morgan Wallen saying “see I do have black friends” and you know what, they’re right.  Because doing this just screams clickbait, even if I do genuinely believe that these two probably do have some mutual respect for each other as artists.  But Morgan and Lil Durk go together like sandpaper and cement.  They just don’t work well off each other.  Lil Durk basically disappears on his own song and Morgan Wallen just sounds like utter dogshit all over this track.  Whoever mixed his vocals needs to be fired.

And yet here we are now with both of these artists only being bigger in 2023, Wallen especially.  Hopefully we don’t get that collab album Lil Durk publically begged for because the less “Broadway Girls”, the better off.

I don’t care what Billboard says.  This was not a hit.

3. “She Likes It” - Russell Dickerson (featuring Jake Scott)

This didn’t even crack the upper ⅔ of the charts and that’s what is considered a hit nowadays?  I’m not even going to dignify this entry with a full analysis.  This sucks as a country song.  This sucks as an attempt to crossover as a pop song.  This just flat out fucking sucks and Russell Dickerson is one of the worst country artists working.  This guy just has zero charisma and is a jeans model disguising as a good ole boy.  Next.

One of the lower key big moments of the year for me was my job change.  I can finally say that I’m out of the retail world and thank goodness for that.  For as much as I loved my last job, it was time to get out of it and have a normal 9-5 job for the first time in my life.  But you know what I’m NOT going to miss about the world of retail?!?!

To those of you who are new to my blog, I LOATHE retail store playlists.  It is this bland boring white bread music playlist that is on constant loop and repeated ad nauseum anywhere from three to twelve hours.  I have created my own subgenre dedicated to my intense hatred for it called “retailcore”.

I’m not saying all “retailcore” music is bad.  There is a fair mixture of good to even great music that is often added to these playlists.  But my least favorite variant of “retailcore” are the songs that the more you hear them, the more empty vapid pits of nothingness start to shine through.  And I can’t think of a bigger representation of how empty I felt listening to a song the more I heard it this year than…Justin Bieber…I mean we all knew this was where this was going, why go any further?

2. “Ghost” - Justin Bieber 

I said it last year and I’ll say it again.  If Justin Bieber is going to just make soccer mom music the rest of his career, then he deserves all the hatred he received in the early 2010s at this point in time.  Because I can’t think of a song in his catalog that is more hollow and vapid than this.  A song meant about a loved one dying shouldn’t sound this uninteresting.

The first time, it was a collective shrug, but after what feels like 5000 listens, it is 100% Justin Bieber’s fault this song doesn’t work.  If you gave it to someone with a little more vocal inflection, then I’m certain this would have been at least a 5 out of 10, if not higher.  But Justin Bieber is one of the worst pop stars of our generation as not just a performer, but especially as a singer, that all the dimensions this song could have had just fallen like a limp fart.

But once again, its those fucking retail playlists. If Justin Bieber is going to keep targeting that demographic I mentioned earlier, then I need to brace myself with ear plugs the next time I go to the grocery store, Target, Kohls, etc. since I’m going to be hearing this man make the whitest of bread pop music until I’m at least 50 since Scooter Braun will refuse to let his prime cash cow go to pasture when he is long past his expiration date.

1. “Big Energy” - Latto

To the surprise of no one.  I said this was a 0 out of 10 in every conceivable way the last time I ever talked about music on my blog and it is still that over a year and a half later.  Everything about this song just straight up pisses me off.  From that overused Tom Tom Club sample that Mariah should entirely own the rights to at this point as no one is ever going to not associate this with Mariah ever again.  From Dr. Luke being Dr. Luke.  And with Latto having zero personality and not even bringing anything new to the table as an artist surely doesn’t help.

I also REALLY hate this lazy sampling trend in general.  If it isn’t apparent enough with two of my least favorite hits of this year, this trend can end any day now.  Especially when both of them have already been done, countlessly.  There are millions upon millions of songs out there that have not been sampled yet.  Why keep going back to the well when there is a definitive song that owns that sample?  Are we really that complacent?  That lazy as a society?  Or are we just completely out of ideas when it comes to making songs?  I mean the song run time has gotten shorter and shorter for hits these days.  And TikTok has basically broken the structure of songs as we know it.  I guess I just have to accept the fact that this is the way things are now.

But at the very least, is it so bad for me to think we can do much better than this? 

And there you have it.  My top ten…eleven….twelve worst hit songs of 2022.  Thank you for reading this seven to eight months later than it should have been.  I’ll try to get the best list up soon.  As always, please let me know any thoughts you may have or if there is anything I can do better like get this up on time for once you lazy fu- and if you want to know my opinions on other songs since I skipped the dishonorable mentions this year.  Why did I do that?  Because that would require me to have more thoughts on such an uneventful year as this.  But I’ll gladly give my two cents if asked.

Thank you all once again.  Stay tuned for more and as always, take care!

Movie Review: Lightyear vs Minions: Rise of Gru

...well you saw the title.  Why the hell not?

With the summer wrapping up, these were the two biggest animated movies of the summer.  Both established brands and both trying to keep the money train flowing by expanding this brand with spin-offs to keep their established IPs running when they should have ended years ago.  One comes from the champion of critical and box office praise, Pixar Studios.  The other from industry laughingstock and commercial crossover shills, Illumination Studios.  One comes from the nearly thirty year critical and commercial kings that revolutionized the animation industry, the Toy Story franchise.  The other comes from the most 2010 animation trilogy, Despicable Me franchise.  

And by all these versuses comparisons, you guys are probably thinking, that my mind has been made up and the former has this in the bag.  Everyone knows those Minions are a product of their time and people will look back on the Minions fad as ridiculous.  Let's just say that both of these films surprised me...and I should have seen this surprise coming from a mile away.  Like both films did the exact opposite of what I expected them to be.

So why not waste any time.  What did I think of Lightyear?  I thought...nobody cares about Buzz Lightyear in 2022 no matter who they get to voice him.  And I should have seen this coming the moment this spin-off was announced.  When Pixar said they were going to make a spin-off about the adventures of Buzz Lightyear, I thought to myself....that's a great idea.  After all, they had the late 90s/early 2000s cartoon and that kind of sort of had a following.  But with how well the Toy Story series has not only held up over the years, but have managed to grow their fanbase over time too; this made so much sense.  Despite how you all may have felt about Toy Story 4, it had its fans and people were willing to continue to follow the adventures of these characters despite Toy Story 3 being the perfect ending.  Yeah Toy Story 4 had another damn good ending....for Woody and Woody only.

I hate to break it to the Buzz stans out there, whoever they may be, but the Toy Story saga (to me) was more about Woody's journey than it was Buzz's.  Woody was the one who kept evolving with each passing movie.  Woody was the heart and the soul of his group of friends.  Woody was always an interesting character and even with his "divisive" ending, it made perfect sense for his character and finding his purpose after Andy.  Buzz, if we are being honest, hasn't been an interesting character since the first movie.  Yeah he had his own stories in the sequels and I liked him in the second and third movie, it was quite obvious they had no idea what to do with him in TS4 and if we are being honest, his story wasn't really consequential in two and three except to find Woody in 2 and the factory reset of him in 3.  Buzz didn't necessarily evolve in any of the sequels because he had his journey of self-discovery in 1 and more or less played the role of Woody's best friend in the rest of the series.

I say all that being because Pixar still hasn't learned that fact about Buzz in this spin-off movie.  Did you all know that Lightyear was "Andy's favorite movie" in the year 1995.  I say that being because that is such a huge stretch to try and tie in this dull boring movie to the Toy Story universe.  Like my god you guys, Andy must have such shit taste in movies as a kid if this was his favorite movie.  Buzz Lightyear as a character is probably more interesting as a toy than he is as a fictional character.  Hell the 90s animated Buzz tv series has a more interesting Buzz Lightyear than this 'actual space ranger'.  Stop me if you've heard this one before.  The cocky protagonist messes up because he is cocky and now has to lead a random group of misfits to save the day.  That is one of the most by the numbers plots I've come across that it needs to be market tested to see if it is still effective.  Also if this 'movie within a movie' came out in 1995, it really must have been ahead of its time with LGTBQ+ characters and automated AI....yeah this is to 1995 what the original Planet of the Apes was to 1980.

And here's another thing.  The movie itself doesn't feel like it knows who its aimed at.  Is it aimed at 30 something year old Toy Story fans?  Then why does it treat its audience so stupid with their modern day tropes and a plot twist so bad that it nearly ruined one of the funniest jokes of the Toy Story series for me?  Is it aimed at kids?  If it is, then this wouldn't hold your kids attention span.  I've heard stories of children nodding off to this when it was in theaters.  It couldn't hold the attention span of my two year old nephew as proof of this.  The one and I do mean one good joke of this movie was the robot cat assistant.  Who has one reoccurring joke that literally comes out of fucking nowhere every time and it made me laugh.  Otherwise, the rest of these jokes mostly miss the mark and have me baffled as to who actually finds these jokes funny.

I honestly almost made this a sole review for Lightyear, but I guess I should talk about the Minions sequel.  Did this one sneak up on anybody else too?  Because it sure as hell snuck up on me.  In a year where I thought nothing would top the Morbius memes suddenly came this meme that I might love nearly as much in the "Gentleminions".  Look I do agree in a sense that trashing movie theaters is awful and I absolutely do not approve of that element to the meme.  But seeing guys dress up and unironically (to an extent) enjoy the Despicable Me franchise, honestly brought joy to me.  It also made me do some major reassessing to how I look at the Despicable Me films.  I saw videos of some of these "Gentleminions" talk about how they grew up with the Despicable Me films and seeing these films still going strong from their childhood to adulthood?  Yeah that is me with plenty of my nostalgic films of yesteryear.  For example, I went to go see Shrek Forever After against my better judgment when I thought that the Shrek series should have stopped when 3 was such a letdown and I ended up liking it.  And honestly if you really think about it, some could make a case that the Despicable Me films nearly mirror the trajectory of the Shrek saga.  Right down to a disappointing third movie that should have ended the series, but they are going to continue it anyway.  I absolutely do not see Minions 2 as the end of the Despicable Me series, not by a longshot.  These spin-off movies absolutely make sense to continue, especially since Rise of Gru is on path to be the biggest domestic box office earner of the series so far.

So how was the quality of this one?  Honestly, this proved another longstanding theory that I had about this franchise.  The minions need Gru as much as Gru needs the minions to perfectly balance each other out.  Because this was the best Despicable Me/Minions film since the second...and honestly you could make the case that this was funnier than Despicable Me 2 was and I thought that film was pretty funny too.  Where the Minions spin-off movie failed was that you got the minions not playing off of someone else a good portion of the movie outside of Scarlet Overkill and even then, it is not as entertaining because Sandra Bullock does not have Steve Carrell's ability to be comedic against herself.  Or maybe I am wrong about Carrell's abilities to do that because Despicable Me 3 was even worse than Minions and Carrell literally plays as Gru and his own twin brother.  And that movie...was just. not. funny.  Or good.  Or anything really.  It only existed to make money and hell even the minions subplot was not worth anyone's time really.  Just an absolute waste especially since one of the creators of South Park, Trey Parker, was cast as the villain and Trey Parker rarely works outside of his own ecosystem with Matt Stone.  If you really think about it, the minions barely interact with Gru outside of like one or two of them in that film.

I'm not going to sit here and give you a deep drawn out analysis of why Minions: Rise of Gru was some revolutionary animated flick.  It absolutely was not that.  If anything, it's just simple turn off your brain fun for the entire family.  And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that from time to time.  Especially after sitting through Lightyear and its tonally inconsistent hour and thirty minutes of my life that I am never getting back.  I needed some lighthearted laughs and that is what this movie provided.  If I could point out any criticisms, it is that the plot does end up running on fumes to barely qualify to meet a bare minimum runtime.  But you know what?  I at least didn't check my watch to see how much longer this film has compared to the former.  Which is something you know?

So if you want a winner to this versus, then congrats to the Minions.  You are the third best film of your franchise.  Which is still fairly solid.  Lightyear on the other hand...god what a waste of my time.  When you are seriously making me consider how close to the very bottom you are on the Pixar totem pole; you've made a real bomb there.  What a gigantic waste of potential that endeavor truly was.

Lightyear Final Grade: D

Minions: Rise of Gru Final Grade: B

Review: The Bob's Burgers Movie

I know this movie's two months old, but if people are out there still seeing Top Gun: Maverick for the first time two months later due to great word of mouth; then why not wait two months for this one?

In all fairness, there is a huge difference between being late to reviewing this movie.  More people are paying to see Top Gun: Maverick.  That movie is on its way to being one of the top ten most financially successful movies of all-time.  The Bob's Burgers Movie is already available on streaming and Blu-Ray and made just a little more than its budget.  Both movies are a success in their own rights.  But that still begs the question....why am I reviewing The Bob's Burgers Movie?

Honestly, this show's sustained success has always fascinated me.  Almost akin to King of the Hill's sustained success in the 2000s.  Fox's (at one point appropriately titled) Sunday Animation Domination has always been dominated by The Simpsons, Futurama for a brief while, Family Guy, American Dad, and for a brief while, The Cleveland Show for the past few decades to the point that MANY animated programs that have tried to replicate and in the end fail to make a dent the way that Matt Groening and Seth MacFarlane have for decades.  It is a revolving door amidst the recognizable faces of Fox's Sunday block that when a show not only has multiple seasons, but enough sustained success to avoid cancellation, it has my attention.  It took years, but I finally got into King of the Hill back in 2016 and understood why so many people adored this show for so long.  Unlike King of the Hill, Bob's Burgers success was big enough to give the property its own full length theatrical movie.  Not even Family Guy has had a theatrical movie...yet....against all better judgment...That alone gives me enough reason to check out the show.

I know this was delayed two years, but you know what else was delayed for two years?  Me giving this show a shot.  I felt like I had to finally give this show a fair shake and I started before the movie even came out in theaters and binged almost the entire show (still got two more seasons to go) before I told myself that I think the show doesn't need to be 100% completed before watching the movie.  After all, the movie was supposed to debut after Season 10, so why not watch the movie then.

I love this show.  I absolutely get why it has stuck around for almost the exact same reason King of the Hill lasted as long as it did.  Some would say it is a spiritual successor to King of the Hill and that comparison would be very accurate.  Both shows have a contained scope and are the polar opposites of their contemporaries mentioned above in the sense that they have the star of the show not be a total idiot and are grounded characters who have wholesome family dynamics.  Both have confident wives who nearly get themselves into scenarios at times where their husbands have to play the straight man to their antics.  Both shows have eccentric children.  Some would even say Bob's reaction to Gene's antics is comparable to Hank and Bobby Hill's.  But yeah, I love the fact that the plots are contained and not completely zany antics all the time like Simpsons and Family Guy.  I love the deadpan humor.  Some would say that H. Jon Benjamin just has the perfect comedic voice like Patrick Warburton and can just make nearly anything funny.  But yeah I love this show and it made me excited for the movie.  And I will say that the movie...

The movie MOSTLY lived up to my expectations.  They did a great job adapting this show into a movie.  I will absolutely watch it again the way I do The Simpsons Movie (plenty of comparisons ahead).  And just like The Simpsons Movie before it, there was plenty of fan service while also doing a great job making the movie accessible to non-fans even more so than The Simpsons Movie did.  The judge of that aspect was my wife.  We watched The Simpsons Movie together on Disney+ early on in the pandemic and she absolutely did not get a lot of the core references from the show.  But with The Bob's Burgers Movie?  Not only did she enjoy the movie without having to watch a single minute of the show; it made her want to re-watch the show with me so she can get into it as well.  When watching The Simpsons Movie, you had to fully grasp some of these one-off characters and know who they were and why they were given airtime.  Compared to Bob's Burgers where yeah some of these one-off characters appear, but they were blended into the movie so well that they were accessible to newcomers of what the show is.  For that alone, I have to give them kudos for making it more accessible when there were people out there like me initially wondering why this show got a full-length movie.

And the movie also does a great job at showing the character progressions as the show continued as well.  The oldest Belcher kid, Tina, started off as a shy character who wasn't sure of anything or anyone to someone who knows who she is and is glowing self-confidence.  Then there is the Belcher child, who continues to want to prove herself in Louise.  Louise has the most character progression in this movie as she gets called a baby and wants to prove to not just her peers, but herself, that she is brave and can do anything she sets her mind to.  Louise countlessly proves in the show that she is more mature than her age lets on, but I like that she wants to prove to herself that she wants to be more.  It is natural progression if you ask me.  Gene's plot is just ridiculous, but that's more or less what he does in the show.  He's just the comedic relief and it is just as hit or miss as it is in the show.  One character progression in the movie that I did not expect was Linda Belcher not being confident.  Hell even Bob refers to that in the third act when Linda, who is the optimist to Bob's pesimisstic behavior, more or less gives up.  It helps evolve Bob as the hero in the story and not only furthers his arch, but gives Linda an arch simultaneously.

So that was one thing this movie did better than The Simpsons Movie.  Now for one thing this movie did not do better than that.  Pacing.  I'm not saying the pacing is bad.  No.  In all honesty, most of this movie is paced very well.  But when the movie is dragging, it drags really noticeably.  It is especially noticeable in the second act where they try to throw a red herring over who the villain of the movie is and they go on and on in terms of trying to make us believe that one person is the villain and the movie knows that we know who the villain really isn't and outside of one admittedly great musical number (all the musical numbers in this movie are amazing btw...I did not expect Bob's Burgers to have multiple music numbers, but in hindsight, the signs were there throughout the show that I shouldn't be surprised), the movie honestly drags its feet to get to the third act reveal.  Not saying that the second act isn't bad at all, but it is noticeably time consuming.

In the end though, The Bob's Burgers Movie was a good time.  I enjoyed seeing this transition to the big screen and it seemed like everyone had a good time making it.  The acting was great.  The writing was clever most of the time.  The animation is gorgeous; please make more 2D theatrical films Hollywood, I beg you.  And it does provide enough fan service while not being at the expense of trying to swing in casual viewers.  It knows what it is and it doesn't try to be something that it's not.

OH AND DID I MENTION THE MUSICAL NUMBERS SLAPPED!?

Final Grade: B for Bob's Burgers....+

Review: Thor: Love and Thunder

 Previously on this blog:

"To all the doubters out there who still think Disney's Marvel films are in serious trouble, the three major directors of the next three MCU movies are Taika Waititi, Ryan Coogler, and the movie I'm reviewing today, Sam Raimi.  They are going to be fine."

....or so I thought.

Yeah, if the fan feedback from Doctor Strange 2 was all over the place from great to mediocre.  I can already feel the backlash for this one coming in full force.  The word of mouth from this one is pretty bad.  And I can certainly see why.  If you thought that the MCU comedy aspects have become too much...then Thor: Love and Thunder is the poster child of everything wrong with the MCU right now.

Okay let me give some perspective to some of the backlash Thor: Love and Thunder is receiving right now.  The exact same team that made Thor: Ragnarok has come back again to make the latest Thor movie.  And it is no surprise as to why that is.  I don't speak for everyone when I say this, but Ragnarok is hands down the best Thor movie and I'll even go as far as to say that Ragnarok is one of the top five best MCU movies, period.  Taika Waititi perfectly blended his style of comedy in with a big budgeted MCU adventure and was able to bring even more layers of complexity to the character of Thor.  A character who is now the biggest star of the MCU if you ask me from my perspective.  With Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans both out, Chris Hemsworth is arguably the biggest star of the MCU at the moment.  His character continues to evolve over time and let's just be blunt and say that in a series that needs a big star to push the series forward, Thor's arch is far from over with each passing film finding more and more for him to explore about himself.

Which amazes me because prior to 2017, the past six years of Thor really weren't that interesting.  His relationship with his father was interesting; hell Thor's relationship with Loki was incredibly interesting.  But Thor himself?  He's just a god.  A god with powers and speaks in eloquent speeches and war cries.  Who also happens to be in love with a normal human from Earth.  Not really much to Thor himself except saving humanity because he's a good guy.  The first Thor movie was fine on that aspect alone because it played out like a Shakespearean tragedy.  At least it is better than the sequel, which I'm sorry but that movie is just bad.  Not terrible like Iron Man 2, but easily the second worst MCU movie...or at least 2A/2B with Eternals.  Another boring movie.  So considering Thor: Ragnarok more or less took the Thor formula, flipped it on its head, and took what was good about the other two Thor movies, added some comedy, and basically subverted our expectations as to what a Thor movie will be.  Yeah Ragnarok was a critical and commercial smash.

So where did this one go so horribly wrong?  Okay let me just get my personal opinion out of the way first because a lot of you are reading this thinking I hated it.  I did not actually.  I thought it was fine.  Chris Hemsworth is still incredibly interesting as Thor.  I thought his arch went roads I didn't initially expect and I'm kind of glad it went the way it did.  Because I'm going through a similar arch in my life of getting ready to experience my one true purpose of my life with the same results that Thor ended up with responsibility wise at the end.  So yeah, consider me finding his arch totally relatable in a sense.  Also the comedy was hilarious when it was good (key words: when it was good).  Christian Bale was amazing as Gorr.  More on this later, but when he was on screen, he was killing it.  And finally, this was the best use of Natalie Portman in the Thor movies yet.  I absolutely respect the fact that she put the work in to physically be The Mighty Thor.

We good?  Good.  Because while I did think this movie was fine....I 1000% percent get the hate for it and I would be lying if I said there wasn't some truth to those claims because Christ this movie was a mess.  The bad in this movie was absolutely inexcusable.  And before you all think I'm about to rant for days about all the problems I have with this movie, but I got to be honest with you all....I'm more fascinated with all the terrible aspects of this movie than I am enraged by it.

https://screenrant.com/thor-love-thunder-vfx-mistake-taika-waititi-video/

Like take a look at this.  Is this the most surreal MCU movie ever made?  What sort of director openly riffs his own failures?  Especially when this has a 200 million dollar plus budget.  You're literally being paid to not make those sorts of mistakes.  Quit laughing at how bad your own movie is!

And if you think that's my biggest problem.  Oh no, we are just getting started.  

-Remember at the end of Avengers: Endgame when they were hyping up the Asgardians of the Galaxy?  Yeah the Guardians are only in the movie for like five minutes and really don't contribute much to the plot whatsoever.  That was a dynamic I was very much looking forward to being further explored.  And then it wasn't.  

-Then you have Korg, who was very entertaining comedic relief in doses from Ragnarok.  Now he's a main character and he more or less has become a Minion type character.  Whether you love or hate those Minion moments, I think we can all agree that anyone who tries to rip-off the Minion formula completely misses the mark.  And that is more or less what Korg is now.  An oversized minion.

-The goats.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can see them in the trailer briefly.  They are in so much of this movie that I can't even begin to picture whose bright idea that this was to bring back one of the most overused memes of 2013.  Screaming goats were obnoxious then and are still obnoxious nine years later.  Every time they appeared onscreen was a friendly reminder that Taika or Kevin Feige or whoever decided we needed screaming goats in 2022; doesn't give a shit.

-Valkyrie is criminally underutilized in this movie.  Plain and simple.  It is almost a travesty how much of an afterthought she was in the second half of this movie.

-For as better approached the romance between Jane and Thor was in this movie compared to the first two...they just don't have the chemistry to fully invest me.  I mean both Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman tried dammit and there were a couple scenes towards the end that did work...but for more than half this movie, I just did not want to see these two end up together again.  I put most of the blame on the script, which is full of romantic comedy tropes that are so formulaic that it flirts between almost charming and very cringe throughout.

-There is a love triangle between Thor, Mjolnir, and Stormbreaker.  The chemistry here is more believable than it was between Thor and Jane.

-Russell Crowe as Zeus.  You've got to see it to believe how absolutely ridiculously bad he is.

-It is downright criminal what they did to my boy Gorr.  If you don't read the comics, Gorr is one of the biggest threats in Thor lore.  Like the movie said, he's a god butcher.  And in the comics, he does kill three different versions of Thor.  You would think that Gorr would be built out in the movies to be this formidable threat- he's not.  He's just this guy who seeks vengeance due to the power of the necromancer.  And like I said, Christian Bale acts his ass off with the amount of time he is given.  But I can picture him being absolutely forgettable if anybody else played him than one of the best actors in the business today in Christian Bale.  I can't believe the same guy who gave us one of the best MCU villains in Lady Hela played fantastically by Cate Blanchett; nearly butchered Gorr and his story.

That would normally be enough to consider this one of the worst MCU films of all-time, right?  Well, all of this didn't really frustrate me like I said.  Honestly, some of the times I caught myself laughing at this.  I guess you could say that I was able to turn my brain off a bit more and enjoy it as a popcorn flick because the action scenes were directed well and the visuals were stunning.  Which they definitely were.  And they inserted the comedy sometimes at the most appropriate time.

Which leads me to my biggest complaint.  The one true complaint that did bother my experience of this movie.  The tonal inconsistency.  I get that they wanted to make this a romantic comedy that was heavy on the comedy.  The comedy aspect of Ragnarok was one of the reasons that was the best Thor movie.  But here is the reason the comedy didn't get as grating then as it does now.  Because in Ragnarok, they were able to perfectly balance the comedy and the story.  When the story of Ragnarok got too heavy handed, they threw in some comedy to make it more light-hearted.  They were also able to balance out the comedy so it wasn't at the expense of the story they were telling.

Not in Love and Thunder.  The comedy took way too much of a toll onto the story that you couldn't tell if the movie was being sarcastic or if it was being serious.  Like you couldn't tell if we were supposed to laugh or if the direction was misleading the tone the scene was trying to portray.  Look, I enjoy laughing while I'm at the movies.  Comedies are still one of my favorite genres for that reason because I enjoy turning off my brain for a hour and a half or more.  But when the comedy comes at destroying the tone of your movie is when the comedy starts to get grating.  And the MCU has had this problem brewing for the last year and a half or so.  Like in Shang-Chi, when we were learning more bout Shaun's tragic family backstory and then we get Awkwafina throwing in some lame jokes that ruined my investment in the story.  Or in Eternals when we get some out of nowhere bad jokes from Kingo and his assistant during the dramatic moments.  I get that is the MCU's thing now to try and be more light-hearted, but Love and Thunder just didn't balance the comedy out well at all.

So how would I rate this?  I still don't know two weeks later.  I mean I enjoyed it, but I'm not going to act like the backlash isn't wrong.  I totally get it.  I was disappointed that the same team that gave us Ragnarok more or less were directionless when it came to adding more to the story of Thor.  But that doesn't stop Thor from being a compelling character.  Because I think this movie did just enough to make me still want to see more of Thor and his adventures.  Despite this being a huge downgrade from Ragnarok, I still am completely invested in Thor as a character, so the movie still did enough right.  The things they got wrong though were still too much to not ignore.  In a way, this still gets a recommendation.  Just don't expect me to want to watch this again for quite a long while or even defend it.

Final Grade: C+