Billboard Chart Ranking: Fall 2021

Welcome to the fall seasonal ranking.  Yep you read that right.  It’s time to give this another go.  

After taking a seasonal ranking off, I figured that maybe I should do something special for the summer rankings and rank the songs of the summer.  Yet my continuously busy life prevented me from fitting in the time and dedication needed to get that going off the ground as well as a few other projects.  But you know what?  I’ve waited long enough to write this.  Let’s get this going again.  Especially since I haven’t shared my thoughts on like 80% or so of these songs.  Y’all know the drill and if you don’t by now, I’ve got like six of these on this blog.  Let’s get going by talking about:

THE 2021 FALL BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 RANKED

 

THE TERRIBLE TIER 

Because of Billboard’s absolutely stupid year end tracking criteria (from early November til like the end of October), this song is not going to have enough points to make the building 2021 year end list (thank god!).  But if it did, this song absolutely fills the criteria to make a strong case for my number one worst hit song of this year.

“Girls Want Girls” – Drake (featuring Lil Baby)

You all know what the line is so I’m not going to even bother dignifying it.  A lot of people I know say that it is Drake just joking around.  He’s not actually fetishizing lesbians.  And you know what.  Maybe you’re right.  Drake has done plenty of dumb shit in his career that he has to be in on the joke.  But that doesn’t make it excusable that he actually had the audacity to say something this fucking stupid in the first place.  Especially since he has already done this sort of line previously on 2009’s “Every Girl”.  Yeah check that song out for an absolutely utter trainwreck.

And even if this was supposed to be comedic, then why the fuck is the song taking its production choices so seriously?  Why does this sound like a late-night hookup song instead of a Lil Dicky style parody?  Why aren’t there OTHER jokes in this song if it is supposed to be “comedic”?  Why isn’t Lil Baby in on the joke?  For as much as Drake comes off as an unlikeable shit in this song, Lil Baby comes off almost equally as detestable.

This isn’t comedic.  This is definitely not flattering.  This is the sound of two men who know that they are two of the biggest acts in the music industry at the moment and aren’t even bothering to try with this.  Yeah there are plenty of far worse sounding songs that came out this year, but complacency can be problematic and awful too.  Fuck this song.

 

 

“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes

I swear this song leaves me speechless every time I hear it.  I almost kind of respect it for being so tacky and lame because it is aware that it is tasteless.  It wants you to sit there and stare at it in shock and awe.  I mean I’ve talked extensively that I miss songs that bad music of yesteryear and this ALMOST gets pretty damn close to being so bad that it is good.  But then I hear that absolutely shameless plugging for Applebees and Wendy’s and then I head right back into that uncanny valley of shock and awe again.  My feelings on this are just….I’ve got to get back to you all on this one in a few months.  I need a minute….and Kesha’s on the remix….what?

 

 

THE BAD TIER

 

“Bad Habits” – Ed Sheeran

This song is…there.  Ed Sheeran sounds…okay.  I mean he’s had worse vocal performances.  The music sounds...fine I guess.  I mean it doesn’t really push the envelope or anything, but its okay.  This is just radio filler.  Nothing more or nothing less.

BUT DEAR GOD THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST MUSIC VIDEOS I’VE EVER SEEN.  WHAT THE FUCK IS ED SHEERAN EVEN DOING HERE.  YOU ARE NOT THE WEEKND ED.  YOU ARE A GROWN UP CHUCKIE FINSTER NOT A FUCKING GLAMPIRE.  AND WHAT ARE THESE SPECIAL EFFECTS!?  MY PLAYSTATION 2 HAS MORE REALISTIC IMAGERY THAN THIS VIDEO’S CGI BUDGET.  THRILLER THIS IS NOT.

Whatever thoughts I have on the song itself completely disappear every time because my mind goes straight towards, and again I’m not overreacting, one of the worst music videos I’ve ever seen.  I’ll never not associate this song without this video just like “Wrecking Ball” will forever be tied to Miley Cyrus riding one completely naked or “Opposites Attract” without Paula Abdul interacting with a cartoon cat or “Bye Bye Bye” without N’Sync being puppets…I could go on and on.  And while I could go on and on about songs that are completely tied to their music videos, this is on the bad end of the spectrum for me because the song itself is such a nonpresence.

 

“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

Are the charts really this thin that this nothing of a song is still around?  I mean it got popular off of a fucking Minecraft meme.  Who knew that Dream had this big of a fanbase?

I wish I had more to say about this, but this song gives me absolutely nothing to work with.  Which makes perfect sense to me because this is the state of the alternative rock genre in 2021.  I mean pop rock is making a comeback and alternative stations would rather stick to this pile of nothing?  Yeah that says it all for ya right there.

 

 

THE MEDIOCRE TIER

 

Okay the joke is starting to lose its luster for me.

“Way 2 Sexy” – Drake (featuring Future & Young Thug)

I’ll admit it.  The first time I heard this song while listening to all of “Certified Lover Boy”, I laughed my ass off.  Like I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after listening to track after track of same-sounding shit for the most part.  I refused to believe that they were actually sampling and interpolating Right Said Fred.  I thought that song was not going to be touched for a long while after “Look What You Made Me Do” happened.  But leave it to fucking Drake who often leans to self-depreciation and has no shame to make songs and videos as tacky as this.

Yet here we are nearly a month later and…it is just tedious to listen to.  I mean some of the jokes are still effective like this is honestly more Future’s song than anything else with him getting the chorus with the interpolation and he gets his own verse.  I like his portion of the song and that’s it.  Drake’s verse is just tedious and Young Thug’s verse just feels tacked on.  I hope that I still find this song funny months from now but I’m already getting tired of it nearly a month later.  I just hope I don’t find it to be unbearable months from now because that usually happens to me with comedy songs like this.

 

Ladies and gentlemen.  A textbook example of payola at its most obvious:

“You Right” – Doja Cat & The Weeknd

Don’t believe me?  Just open up Spotify and/or Apple Music and you’ll see that on Doja’s album “Planet Her” that there are like six or seven songs from that album more popular than this one.  This is the one that the label clearly wanted to push as the big follow-up single after “Kiss Me More”.  Only to get surpassed in streams by the likes of “Kiss Me More”, “Get Into It (Yuh)”, “Woman”, “Ain’t Shit”, “Need To Know”, and even at one point, “I Don’t Do Drugs”.  And the fact that this has a higher charting peak than everything outside the lead single?  Yeah got to love that radio payola.  Way to read the room RCA and Kesha’s rapist.

That doesn’t mean the song itself is bad.  No no no.  It is just boring and uneventful.  I mean you have two of the biggest popstars in the game right now on one track and THIS is what you decide to make them do?  A dull R&B jam?  Both of these two can perform this type of song in their sleep, which it sounds like it.  I mean it is still a fairly pleasant listening experience, but literally every single one of those songs that outstreamed it are all fairly better representations of why Doja Cat is such an interesting artist.  Not this.

 

 

“Stay” – The Kid LAROI & Justin Bieber

Let’s just get this out of the way first.  This is a fantastic sounding song.  I almost bumped it up a whole tier because of that alone.  Credit to the producer and one of the lead writers….Charlie Puth?  Wow.  I seriously hope this isn’t a sign that his time as a solo artist is over because this is a song that would be much better if Charlie Puth not only produced and wrote it, but performed it.  He has that type of range as an artist to make this song hit far harder than it does.

Because let’s be honest.  Charlie Puth >>>>>> The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber.  Not to say that Kid and Biebs are bad artists, I mean I’m definitely not a fan of either of them.  But they just don’t have the emotional range and complexity to really pull of a song that is this bitter and heartbreaking.  I mean the closest we get to that is admittedly Kid Laroi’s wailing, which works here WAY BETTER than it does on his previous hit “Without You”. 

Also, this song is way too fucking short.  Whenever I come super close to vibing with it, it abruptly ends.  I get that songs are getting shorter, but this song would have really benefited from a bridge or even another verse.  I mean at least have the decency to give us an actual end-

 

“Fair Trade” – Drake (featuring Travis Scott)

Back to the Drake show again.  I swear his albums have unusually long staying power, even for his less impressive projects like this one.  Sure Drake can say that he walked away with the Win in terms of album success, but when it comes to quality, I thought DONDA was better.  But in all honesty, I don’t care.  Both Drake and Kanye have done better and I’m tired of their stupid feud.

…oh yeah, the song itself.  What else is there to say other than its Drake taking more cheap pot shots at Pusha and Kanye.  Which about half the album was that…yeah you’re losing friends along the way like the song states, but who cares when you dedicate half an album towards this and the other half being a deadbeat dad.  At least Travis’s verse hits because Travis has been on autopilot for like the past year and a half now.  And the sample of “Mountains” by Charlotte Day Wilson is effective. 

Minor W’s I guess, but who the hell cares when its tied to a song that perfectly displays how much of a chore this album was to get through. 

 

“Essence” – Wizkid (featuring Justin Bieber & Tems)

I admittedly know nothing about “afrobeat”, which is a subgenre that has been gaining in popularity this year.  I do recognize the artists involved with this though as both are artists that have been cosigned previously by Drake.  Wizkid especially has been charting globally for about five years now and I’m surprised it has taken until now for him to finally get a major hit stateside.  And I got to say, I love the vibes this song gives off.  Especially the production which is real slick and really hits.  I especially love the saxophones that sparsely appear because it only adds to the mood this song gives off.

…and then the Justin Bieber remix happened and that’s what is charting and why it is charting so high.  And leave it to Justin Fucking Bieber to ruin yet another international smash hit by being such a total non-presence in a song that specifically is about emotions that Justin Bieber continues to fail to convey.  Fuck you Justin Bieber, you suck.

 

 

THE DECENT TIER

Or as it is this season, the Lil Nas X Tier

 

“Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Yeah this is still decent.  It’s grown on me a smidge in the six months this has charted, but still really can’t place it in the good tier because it still doesn’t sound complete.  Hell Lil Nas X released a SATAN’S EXTENDED VERSION (funny) and it still can’t even bother to get to the three minute mark.

 

“That’s What I Want” – Lil Nas X

So this is here because the week I’m reviewing was the week after Lil Nas X released his first album, Montero.  This is clearly being pushed as the next single from it due to Lil Nas X already filming a music video for it.  And once again, this perfectly encapsulates my thoughts on Lil Nas X as an artist.  The song itself sounds good, but it is a rough draft.  It ends right before it gets even two and a half minutes.  It is badly missing something to make it sound like a complete song.  Maybe he’ll release a remix with a guest verse or a bridge that ties it all together for me.  But this song isn’t meant for me.  Just like Montero above too.  But I still appreciate it anyway.

 

 

THE GOOD TIER

 

Fucking Drake does it again.

“Knife Talk” – Drake (featuring 21 Savage & Project Pat)

Even on his worst projects, he always manages to have at least one song that I can salvage from it.  But this isn’t Drake’s song.  This isn’t even Project Pat’s….whoever he is.  This song belongs to 21 Savage and he fucking kills here.  This more or less sounds like something that should have been on Savage Mode II, which was one of my favorite albums of last year.  I’ve become such a huge 21 Savage fan that even he can attempt to save one of Drake’s dullest albums.

And Drake is at least trying to sound like he belongs on this song and while it is far more 21 Savage who runs away with it, kudos to Drake for at least trying to show more effort on here than he does on most of that 21 track snoozer.

 

“Kiss Me More” – Doja Cat (featuring SZA)

I knew it would grow on me.  If I did a summer chart ranking, this would be in the excellent tier, but now here in the fall, this song has shrunk on me again.  I mean it’s still a really good song, but I kind of did it to myself here.  I’ve listened to this song enough that it will probably rank really high on my Apple 2021 Replay chart.  Hopefully time will recover all my replay wounds and make me fall in love with it all over again. 

 

“Beggin’” – Maneskin

Whenever I hear anybody talking about the Eurovision winning band, the main response I see is “I hate the lead vocalist’s voice”.  Well here I am with the controversial opinion that lead singer Damiano David’s voice doesn’t bother me the slightest.  I’ll go one step further and say that I dig it.  His voice just really adds some texture and flavor to really make this band stand out.  Like I’ve taken a deep dive into Maneskin’s discography and they slap.  This Four Seasons cover is good and that album full of covers itself is fine.  But the rest of their other songs, fucking slap.  Worth checking out.

 

…here’s something that I felt like I haven’t said in a while.  That new Ed Sheeran single is actually very good.

“Shivers” – Ed Sheeran

Yeah I was pleasantly surprised by this one.  Completely blew my expectations out of the water.  After all I heard this song was being used in advertisements already long before I ever checked it out.  Which made me think, oh great Ed is whoring himself out again for easy paychecks.  Once again, I was wrong.

This is just an insanely catchy and fun song full of good musical accompaniment, trumpets, guitars, and just puts a smile on my face.  Yeah a song about Ed Sheeran being in love and having sex makes me happy to listen to….wait a minute, having sex….this is “Shape of You” all over again for fuck’s sake….except good.  Yeah sure I don’t want to picture this goof having sex either, but at least this song sounds like something someone would want to have sex to.  “Shape of You” sounds like ass and it just sounds like a song that not a single soul on the planet would want to make love to…and that includes Ed himself.  This song course corrects so many problems that I had with “Shape of You” and while I still don’t want to picture this doofus having sex….at least this song makes it sound appealing to someone.  Good job Ed!

 

 

THE EXCELLENT TIER

 

….and I’m back in love with this song again too.  What kind of backtracking critic am I?

“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd & Ariana Grande

One that admits it took a remix to make this song work for me again.  Yeah the original “Save Your Tears” would still be somewhere around the mediocre/decent tier.  But then the Ariana Grande remix happened and it fixed the problems I had with the original by a considerable margin.  The original is just such a narcissistic song about Abel telling you why he’s better off without his ex-girlfriend who he saw dancing with someone else, but he might want her back because the sex is so good.  I mean yeah that premise kind of works, but at the same time, we only get Abel’s side of the story.

Which is why the remix with Ariana improves the song vastly.  We get her side of the story and why she likes to continuously put Abel through hell and that he isn’t no saint in this relationship either.  Which makes the song sound all the more complete and flows so much better.

These two always seem to have the best chemistry with each other no matter how many times they collab with others.  They just really bring the best out of each other every time.

 

…ever wondered what a completed Lil Nas X single sounds like?

“Industry Baby” – Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow

This song fucking slaps and I won’t be told otherwise.  Take a Daytrip and Kanye West really fucking killed this production work.  It’s just a phenomenal sounding song thanks to those trumpets.  But most importantly, this song actually sounds finished.  There’s no abrupt endings, no need for a remix, and this might be the first Lil Nas X song that actually has over three minutes of content.

Fun fact.  This song was not originally supposed to feature Jack Harlow.  It was supposed to feature Nas’s former idol Nicki Minaj.  I’m so glad that it didn’t turn out that way because Jack Harlow’s guest verse is just so smooth and so clean.  Plus it fits the billing of being called an “industry baby” since both artists are still relatively newer to mainstream music stardom than Nicki…who is still clearly concerned about her cousin’s friend with huge testicles to return a phone call.

Btw what a perfect troll move with the "uncensored video".  Lil Nas X does it again. 

“Need to Know” – Doja Cat

I fucking hate Tyson Trax.  Loctor Duke is an awful terrible person, but you know what makes me mad?  That he has produced so much good music and sadly he still does produce some great beats.  And this cloud rap song perfectly plays backseat to easily the best example of how good of an artist Doja Cat really is.  Seriously, Doja is so versatile on this song as she does it all here: singing, rapping, pleading, crooning, and cooing.  Out of all the songs that Doja has had since her mainstream rise to stardom, this is the one that best represents not just her skills as an artist, but her personality as well.  Take it or leave it, but I absolutely love it.

 

“Good 4 U” – Olivia Rodrigo

I still prefer Olivia’s other two big hits from this year over this, but I’m not going to stand here and say that this song is not good.  Because it is pretty damn good as is.  Once again highlighting my favorite trend of this year, the reemergence of pop rock.  I don’t care how similar this sounds to “Misery Business” by Paramore.  That was the song that made me fall in love with Paramore’s music to begin with.  Anyone that wants to pay homage to music that I grew up listening to gets a huge thumbs up in my book.  Also love the video’s homage to another slept on classic, “Jennifer’s Body” starring Megan Fox; who is the girlfriend to other pop rock savior from this year, Machine Gun Kelly.  How’s that for tying two and two together?  Olivia Rodrigo really has my expectations sky high for that next album whenever it drops.  This is her moment and we’re all just glad to be living in it.

 

“Levitating” – Dua Lipa

Featuring DaBaby no more.  That’s fine because the original more than holds its own.  I know I said that the DaAbortion feature still holds up just as well as the original and I think it is still a great song even with DaHomophobe on there.  But the original is fantastic and I really hope that everyone who made “Levitating” one of the biggest songs of all-time really check out the original and be able to come out of the experience with more appreciation for the original song that brought us to the dance in the first place.  Still one of the best songs of the year with or without DaBigot.

No more "Blinding Lights" on the charts as well.  May its eternal chart run never be forgotten or blinded by us no more. :(

Just had to throw that in there for the hell of it.  Anyway, that's our Fall 2021 chart.  Feels kind of good to get back into the swing of things again.  No winter charts this year since list season is inching closer and closer and despite how much more active my life is becoming with work and traveling, I'll at the very least make sure that those year end lists are on time.  Otherwise, I'll keep churning out BMR's and maybe try to get a list or two out before December rolls around.  As always, thank you all for reading and look forward to more content in the future.  Stay safe!

BMR: Brief Movie Reviews (The Suicide Squad, Reminiscence, Cinderella, The Mitchells vs The Machines)

 Hey y'all, its that time again.  That time where I don't really have much free time to write individual reviews for all these movies, so I'm just going to clump them all together again.  You all know the drill.  Let's get things started with:

The Suicide Squad

Ah yes, the more or less reboot/sequel hybrid to 2016's massive blunder.  I don't know if I've mentioned this to you all before, but if we are talking about colossal DCU blunders from 2016, Batman v Superman gets way too much hate.  Fight the real enemy, which is the 2016 Suicide Squad.  Which was just a colossal waste of an otherwise intriguing opportunity.  Hell you know you've done fucked up when not even a whole year later you have The LEGO Batman Movie pointing out how much you fucked up your blockbuster.  Yeah I absolutely hated this movie and it was one of the worst films of 2016.  If I didn't place it there previously, its there now.  Not saying that everything about the movie was bad.  I mean it did gives us Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and that has done wonders for her career.  Hell it gave us one of the few legitimately good Jai Courtney performances.  Even bad movies can be salvaged if you look at it thoroughly enough.  Which is clearly what James Gunn did when he hoped on for this second attempt to bring the Suicide Squad to life.

And boy it sure does have plenty of life.  This was one hell of a good time.  I had a blast with so many things about this movie that I don't know where to start.  James Gunn feels like a director rejuvenated as this is more or less a R-rated version of the Guardians of the Galaxy.  A dysfunctional super"hero" team-up with lots of blood, swearing, crude humor, and rats.  And just when you think you figured this movie out, Gunn swerves on ya with some hilariously trollish plot twists that not only made me laugh, but actually got a legit shock out of me because I didn't see some of these coming.

And in comparison to a lot of the characters from the original, I actually felt more of an attachment to the newer characters.  Sure at first glance, Idris Elba's Bloodsport would be a store brand knockoff of Will Smith's Deadshot; but Bloodsport is a more complex character than Deadshot in all honesty.  Amanda Waller and Rick Flag are far more developed in this movie than they were previously to the point that I'm willing to remember their names this time.  By far the most complex character in this movie is John Cena's Peacemaker.  Which I'm going to avoid spoiling how complex this character really is and just say that he's getting his own series for a reason.  And I also absolutely loved Ratcatcher 2.  She's more or less the heart of this movie in a movie that definitely needed it to give it more humanity.

Honestly the only problems I have with this movie are minor nitpicks.  Like Harley Quinn's storyline was inessential in the long scheme of things.  Not that it was all bad.  She has a few good scenes and Margot Robbie gives one of the best acting moments of her career.  But in reality, her minor plot just felt tacked on to give her something to do until she reunites with the rest of the Suicide Squad.  And this runtime is absolutely felt.  And I'm not saying that all movies need to be a hour and thirty minutes or so.  But I found myself looking at my phone a handful of times wondering when we would move to the next scene.

Like I said, absolutely minor nitpicks.  Because in reality, this is one of the best superhero movies in quite some time.  Definitely a recommendation.

Final Grade: A

Reminiscence 

And then we go from a superhero movie to a former superhero stalwart who seriously needs to fire his agent.  I don't hate Hugh Jackman before you guys get frustrated for that comment, but seriously.  Remove all the X-Men movies from his catalog and you'll find yourself with one of the most eclectic career filmographies ever.  Is Hugh Jackman an action star?  A dramatic type?  A musical man?  A comedy figure?  Outside of the horror genre (unless you count 2015 flop Pan, which I do think is a horror of many layers), Hugh Jackman really can't seem to figure out his identity as an actor.  And while I do think he is all those types, he really doesn't pick his projects well.  I think he is a good actor to even make the most hateful of projects, make us sit back and think, well at least Hugh Jackman was good in it.

And honestly, this was another case of this.  Hugh Jackman was good.  The rest of this movie sucked ass.  I'm not even going to bother to waste your time with this one except say that this movie so badly is trying to be a Christopher Nolan film and it just fails at every conceivable level.  Saying that its too deep for you is an insult because this isn't even that good at being that deep.  

Expect a deeper dive into shit come list season because this movie isn't even fun to talk about how bad it is....

Final Grade: F 

Cinderella (2021)

....unlike this one.  Jesus Christ where do I even start with this one?

Final Grade: F

Okay now that I got that out of the way, this movie just failed at nearly every level possible.  The only remotely positive thing I have to say about it is that Idina Menzel didn't even bother to try with this one and still managed to be my favorite part of it.  She's a good singer and a decent enough actor to make me at least get what she's feeling.

Everything else?  Fucking hysterical at how much it fails.  Camila Cabello is not an actress.  Obvious right?  Someone tell her that too because clearly her acting coach didn't.  I think Camila has a first grade knowledge of acting to know when to cry on cue and show emotion.  But those line reads, woof.  There were times that I couldn't tell if that was a first read or a seven hundreth where the director thought, this is good enough I guess.  And those songs, arf.  I am not a fan of Camila Cabello as a singer.  To me, she is at her best when she plays down to her strengths.  But there are so many times that her voice grates on my ear drums like a cheese grater to the point that it becomes insufferable.

I think you guys already know about the controversy in this movie surrounding a genderless fairy godmother played by Billy Porter.  And while I don't think its handled properly at all, I do feel bad for Billy Porter because he clearly is trying to make this work and it just doesn't.  It just makes you feel bad for him showing any effort for a movie that is giving none to work off of.  Oh and James Corden plays a rat...that sounds about right for him.

This movie is such a colossal trainwreck.  I couldn't stare away from it, it's just so bad.  One of the worst movies of the year for sure and hopefully a career killer for Camila Cabello.  If that racist controversy didn't end her last year, this surely doesn't help either.

The Mitchells vs The Machines

I so badly just want to hold off all my praise that's about to be shelved out for end of the year season and call it a day.  But I'm not going to do that and highlight this movie just in order for you all to go out and see it.  Because I was about three months late to the party with this movie and I regret not watching this sooner because of it.  And it comes from Sony Animation of all fucking people.  Jesus its like they are making me eat crow for how many times I trashed them for funding The Emoji Movie.  Because they seriously have not missed since then making some of the best animated movies of the past couple years.  With this being one of them.

This movie is beautifully animated.  It is fairly similar to the style of animation Sony used for Into the Spider-Verse, but with how that movie was made to feel like you were in a comic book; this movie feels like you are in one of the main character's homemade movies.  The general conflict we've seen countless times before between the father Rick Mitchell (voiced by Danny McBride) and the daughter Katie Mitchell (voiced by Abbi Jacobsen).  Katie is an aspiring filmmaker who doesn't get along with her overprotective father and constantly clash heads.  Like I said, not new stomping grounds persay, but how it is tackled is more realistic than I've seen from most family movies that I have to give it props for how its handled.  And we see Katie displaying said emotions and feelings about how she doesn't fit in with this world through film.  As a one-time aspiring screenwriter, I got to say that is a beautiful way to display your story.

But what does this have to do with the machines you might ask?  Well how this movie tackles its message about modern technology and how our society lives through it is just brilliantly told as well.  The jokes about it hit.  The villain actually has some depth for once despite its shortcomings (spoiler sort of).  And how we are more or less so addicted to screens really does come into play in the grand scheme of things.  I mean the mother (voiced by Maya Rudolph) is more or less addicted to social media influencers with the biggest influencers of them all being their neighbors and guess who they got to play them?  John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.  That's what you call being in tune with society today.

That is another thing I have to give this movie major props for.  Every little one-off joke or tidbit that this move throws at you absolutely pays off in ways you don't expect when we get to the third act climax.  I absolutely did not expect a good majority of these elements to make a second appearance and actually play off into any arcs.  I'll go ahead and put this out there to say that this is one of the best third act climaxes I've seen in years.

Seriously one of the best movies of the year and it will be supremely hard pressed to find a stronger contender for my favorite movie of the year.  Yes I said it and I can't wait to highlight more for you come year end.

Final Grade: A+

And that's all I got for this month.  Really need to get around to sharing more content with you all.  Work has been exhausting me as of late as I haven't had a week of no overtime in two months.  So if you're still following me even in the most bareboned content stretches I've had in awhile, thank you all so much.  I hope to get around to posting more soon.  But until then, thanks for reading and take care!

BMR: Brief Movie Reviews (Luca, In The Heights, Black Widow, Old)

 Hey guys.  So I've been doing a lot more movie viewing this year than I have last year.  With the world kind of bringing some slight normalcy means more movies to watch.  Granted the rising cases again makes for a more complicated future for movie theaters, I at least got some viewing experiences in.  Let's get started with another round of brief movie reviews.  What can I say?  This is more time saving.

Luca

So this grade might be a tad harsher than I initially intended.  My nephew loves this movie and while we were on vacation. we watched this movie every single day.  Hell the first day, we watched this twice.  This movie is not intended for repeat viewings, first criticism out of the way.

Before that, I honestly didn't mind it.  I thought it was a cute movie about two kids who became best friends over the summer in 1960's Italy and wanted to win a vespa so they can travel the world together.  Nothing wrong with that.  Hell there is even some implied LGBTQ subtext if you really looked at it from additional perspectives.  And I wouldn't have minded it if they really decided to take a chance and break down some more barriers.  Because their friendship really had a lot of depth and layers to it.  But of course its Disney and Disney really is not ready to be that risky yet.  

As for the movie itself, it is gorgeously animated.  Per usual for Pixar, but so much of this movie is so photorealistic at times that it just continues to impress me how much better Pixar is at this in comparison to other studios out there.  This is like the third movie in a row now where I'm highlighting how beautiful their animation is.  They're just that good at it.  I also really liked the voice acting.  Especially by our two leads here voiced by Jacob Tremblay and Jack Dylan Grazer.  They are just so good and so committed to their parts and even by voice acting standards, there is just so much depth to their voices that can add so much depth into their characters.  

But the more I watched this movie, the more paper thin this story is.  This is what feels like the eighth Disney movie in the last ten years or so to be about inclusion and racism.  And yeah, it reflects the times so spot on no matter how many times they do this, but at the very least, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH THIS.  They can be doing so much better with this type of story and I know it because they have.  I mean I'm not asking for another Zootopia or Soul, but for fucks sake, raise the stakes.  Because this story is as limp as they come.  I also hate how we don't get any sort of explanation as to how this universe works.  Because the only thing I get from this is that water makes the sea monsters revert away from their human forms.  Otherwise, nothing else.  We just have to accept that they can turn into humans.  A little bit of backstory would be nice in that regard.

And I'll just be blunt, this is probably the worst Pixar antagonist ever.  Like I can't picture a more uninteresting character with the most basic of motivations for what he does.  He's not funny and his plan is just super basic.  He's just a bully by the most basic sense and he should be picked on for being a fully grown man who picks on little kids.  Just awful and stupid by every sense of the imagination.

If I only saw this once, I would have given it a light B, but the more I saw this over my previous vacation, the more its flaws just stuck out for me and honestly, this is bottom-tier Pixar.  Debatable if this is better than Onward to be honest.

Final Grade: C

In The Heights

So remember how I said I was going to fully review by first movie I saw back in theaters?  Well better late than never I assume.  I told myself that Lin-Manuel Miranda's co-created theatrical musical was going to be my first movie I go back to theaters to go see.  And what high praise that was because this movie...underperformed.  Yes even in this day and age, where A LOT of movies are underperforming at the box office due to the coronavirus pandemic; this is probably one of the biggest financial busts of this era.  Even though it got huge streaming numbers from HBO Max, per usual for the platform since they ushered us in to this new normal for studio streaming theater releases; its box office has been super lackluster.  I'm kind of surprised by this since Lin-Manuel has become such a household name due to Hamilton, but I know that musicals are one of the tougher subgenres to sell when it comes to getting people to pay for movies.

Which is a damn shame because this is honestly one of the best musicals we've gotten in quite some time.  I loved this movie.  Not only because I'm a sucker for musicals, but because this story is quite excellent.  As someone who has dated a "dreamer", I absolutely understand the story that is being told and what sort of prejudices they have to overcome.  It is a very serious topic to make a full-length film about, but it is so much more than that.  It's about chasing dreams, loving your roots (the main character's goal is to go back to where he came since he adored the Dominican Republic), and finding true love.  And I had an absolute blast the entire time watching this.  The musical numbers are great, the acting is phenomenal; Olga Merdez as Abuela Claudia deserves a damn Oscar after her musical number had me in tears.  I had such a good time watching this.  The movie's two hour plus runtime was even lost on me because I just had the biggest goofy smile on my face watching this and singing along to the songs under my mask.

If I had one minor complaint that prevents this from receiving my rare "A+" grade, and this is a super minor nitpick, but this is a Lin-Manuel Miranda movie.  Don't get me wrong, as stated previously, I love Lin-Manuel.  Its his style of musical that I really wish would take some more risks.  Granted I've never seen the original play for "In The Heights" and I've been told that his rap-singing and fast-talking style of composing is exactly the same as it was in "Hamilton".  If so, that's great; good on him.  He still made a great movie.  But part of me just stopped and thought to myself that so much of this reminded me of "Hamilton".  And a lot of it was due to the songs being incredibly similar at times when it came to composition.  Hell there was even a few "Hamilton" easter eggs in the movie itself.  Which yes I did laugh at.  But I really hope that the next Lin-Manuel adaptation we get does try to distance itself from the shadow of "Hamilton".  Because while that will always be known as Miranda's magnum opus and what made him into the superstar that he is today, I want him to not constantly rely on what made "Hamilton" work for every one of his future projects.

But if that's the only nitpick I truly had with this, then expect me to talk about this more when the end of the year rolls around.  I can't wait to watch this again!

Final Grade: A

Black Widow

Now this was a movie that probably should have gotten a full-length treatment.  After all, its a Marvel Cinematic Universe film.  This is the major film franchise that has me following so many of its moves at the moment.  They've got me hooked on every single project, sub-project, etc.  I've been a fan of what they are doing for the past thirteen years and I've got faith that they're going to be around for quite some time, no matter how many misses they take.

Which let's be honest, this was not one of their better films.  Honestly, I would say that this is Bottom 10 MCU, which does not make this a bad movie.  I still enjoyed plenty of it and am still going to recommend it when its all said and done.  I'm glad that we FINALLY got this movie after years of waiting for it because Black Widow had too much depth for a character to not explore her story any further.  I'm satisfied with what we got when it came to her story and learning more about her past and her history with her Soviet espionage history.  Hands down, the highlight of this movie being Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova.  This is a character I can just tell the MCU had future plans for the moment I saw her because she stole one too many scenes for her to be just a one-off character.  And the interactions between Natasha and her spy family were just so good and full of great conversations and of course, clever Marvel humor.  

Despite all the good though, I have to admit.  This story could have been better written.  There were times I was watching this thinking to myself, this feels thrown together out of fan demand and not a natural Marvel story.  And with this taking place between Captain America: Civil War and the events of Infinity War/Endgame, the stakes were just not there.  I hate to be that blunt but not once did I feel any real stakes with the events that were taking place and most of the action sequences if we are being honest.  And of course, let's talk about that uneventful twist.  Which does get into spoiler territory, but let's just say the reveal of whom The Taskmaster really is is not that surprising since Nat keeps bringing up this one past assignment over and over again.  Oh and Dreykov is honestly one of the worst MCU villains.  Period.  His plan is utterly ridiculous and despite Ray Winstone giving it his best, I honestly forgot the character's name until I googled it thirty seconds ago while writing this.  Nobody is going to remember this guy after the next few MCU movies.  Mark my words.

And let's talk about that MCU comedy.  I normally don't mind it.  I know people are getting tired of it and its starting to become a trope in all these films that we get this one comedy character.  I honestly think David Harbour does a good job in this role with what he's given.  But let's just say that there is this one joke at around the midpoint of the movie.  It is quite possibly one of the worst lines in a MCU movie.  Ever.  And this joke lingers for like a whole minute.  They clearly are banking on a lot of people to laugh at this when every person I've talked to has hated this as much as I do.

Despite all my complaints, I don't think Black Widow is a bad movie.  Not at all.  But in terms of trying to lead us into the next phase of MCU movies, I was not impressed.

Final Grade: C

Old

I genuinely do not know how to approach this movie.  But let me just say, if you guys thought that the last five years or so has been a return to form for M. Night Shyamalan when it came to quality; this movie is a return to form for M. Night Shyamalan making hilariously atrocious movies.

For everyone who missed Shyamalan making comedically bad masterpieces like Lady in the Water or The Happening, my god you need to check this out.  Because just like with those movies, all of this movie's problems fall right down to Shyamalan's directing and writing.  Maybe like ONE actor puts on a good performance in this movie.  Everybody else's acting is just so many ranges from way too serious or way too wooden or incredibly unhuman like.  The directing is all over the place with this as Shyamalan does all his usual tricks to absolutely no surprises.  And the writing in this.  My god the writing in this.  I...I just can't even begin to explain every stupid decision made in this script without going into spoiler territory.  So in a weird way, this is kind of a recommendation.

But at the same time, I can't give this a good grade because so many elements in this movie are just so bad.  Even if it brought a joy to my face in terms of laughing my ass off.

Final Grade: D

And those were my brief reviews for this past month.  More in the works as well as a new music project that I'm hoping to get off the ground.  Until next time, take care.

Collaborative Review: Space Jam - A New Legacy (featuring Steel)

 

WARNING: This review does contain spoilers.  So if you have any desire to see Space Jam: A New Legacy, this review does go over plenty of content that happens in this.  Please keep that in mind if you choose to go further.

 

Me: Where to even start with this movie.  You all saw the title for this post.  My mind cannot even begin to comprehend that we got a second Space Jam movie twenty-five years later.  Am I hallucinating?  How did this happen?  Why did this happen?  How are they going to remake the essential 90s movie in the year 2021?

Well for starters, I should probably let you all know that I absolutely love the original Space Jam.  Yes, you heard that right.  I love what is often considered one of the worst family films of that decade.  I know why so many people hate it.  Michael Jordan can’t act.  The plot was absolutely ridiculous, even for campy standards.  The fact that this whole idea was inspired by a commercial.  So many problems.  All of them fair.  But I don’t care.  I love this movie to death.  So I’m admittedly not the best judge of character when it comes to tackling one of the biggest movies of the summer; as unnecessary as it is.  Thus I brought on some help.  He’s one of my e-friends of many years, who is fairly knowledgeable when it comes to the animation industry.  Ladies and gents, Steel.

 

Steel: As the surprise collaborator for this review, I should introduce myself a bit first thing. I’ve been in the freelance reviewing game for a while, and my interests are mostly focused on the animation medium…although it has been a long while since I’ve done a review on the topic until this very point, and the new Space Jam movie is a good reason for me to rebound as it’s been one of the most hyped up movies of this current year, while it has also given me the opportunity to make it a collab with Bobby. I have already familiarized myself with the first film prior to this collaboration. I was merely an infant when the first Space Jam was released to theaters, so my exposure to it came at a later time. I’d say that Space Jam was perfectly…okay. In retrospect, Space Jam was an ambitious concept for a film, to crossover a big-name NBA star with a cast of timeless and well-known animated characters, and it opened up the doors for more crossover potential. It was a hit in the box office for Warner Bros., and it renewed interested in the Looney Tunes franchise, so this can be seen as a turning point for the company, as the film allowed for us to see what they were capable of on a large scale, and it gave them the chance to be able to compete with Disney’s Renaissance-era animated films…and then Quest for Camelot happened, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, while the original Space Jam boasted an interesting premise and impressive visuals, the plot has the gaudiness that you would expect from the typical family film: A group of bugs (the Nerdlucks) are ordered to abduct the Looney Tunes for new attractions on their planet only to then be challenged to a basketball game by the Tunes. Learning that the best talents in basketball come from the NBA, the bugs take advantage of this and take away the talent from the NBA players to become the Monstars. Oh yeah, and then Michael Jordan meets the Looney Tunes and helps them with their match after Bugs pulls him down a hole during a golf game. It’s a silly plot, but it’s not the least to expect from a movie starring the Looney Tunes. While the writing for these characters isn’t very sharp, on the other hand...they’re the Looney Tunes. Of course they’re still going to steal the show.

The general consensus of the first film seems to be that while it’s seen as a shameless cash grab and it doesn’t live up to the standards of the classic Looney Tunes cartoons, it’s still an enjoyable film regardless due to its relentless charm. It’s a guilty pleasure film for most of us and it’s got something that brings us all together. If you were a casual sports fan and you weren’t there for the Looney Tunes, you were there for Michael Jordan and for the cameos of other NBA stars during the film’s time period. It also gave us Lola Bunny, who was created to be a love interest for Bugs, and while her character has been despised for lacking any particular traits that you’d expect from a Looney Tunes character and feeling nothing more than a sex symbol, she still managed to have a fanbase since she at least had some personality beyond that. She’s athletic. She’s strong. She’s not like the other girls. Due to the character’s popularity, Lola continued to appear in more pieces of Looney Tunes media, including The Looney Tunes Show, whereas most viewers tend to agree has the best portrayal of the character because we get to see Lola’s zany side, and it worked.

Alright, enough talk about the original Space Jam. The main attraction here is the newer film. So, what did I think of it? For starters, it’s a very complex film to discuss. The best way that I can describe it in one sentence is that it’s simply a bigger budget version of the first Space Jam movie. As I progress with my analysis, I guarantee that you’ll notice that it lingers on familiarity, following a specific formula. Don’t get the wrong idea though. There are clear differences as well. For starters, LeBron James is the main NBA star of this installment, and some of the themes that this film tackles besides teamwork is family and of course, the shortcomings of artificial intelligence. And despite its setbacks, this new Space Jam film still manages to be enjoyable. The point may already be clear as to why I don’t despise A New Legacy like most critics do, but first, let’s talk about the plot.

 

Me:  Yes, the plot.  The plot is admittedly one of the things I admit is a major problem with this movie.  It is almost a little on the nose how much of this plot is rehashed from the original Space Jam.  Right down to basically starting off the movie almost similarly.  Watching a younger version of our NBA superstars that put the plot into motion.  The original Space Jam had a young MJ playing basketball talking about his future with his father which led to MJ’s personal self-journey.  This one has a young LeBron playing admittedly a clever nostalgia bomb in “Bugs Bunny’s Crazy Castle”, but his addiction to technology led to his father questioning his dedication to basketball.  Thus leading to LeBron becoming a stick in the mud who forgot how to have fun in the movie.  This is rehashing that I really could have done without.  And it is not the only time this movie rehashes the original.  There are god knows how many callbacks to how this plot has been done for.  Now I didn’t mind it the first time because it was actually clever how the joke was utilized.  But the second, third, fourth, fifth….yeah the joke starts to lose its luster the more the point gets beaten down that this is indeed a sequel to a movie that probably didn’t need one.

And if rehashing the original Space Jam isn’t enough, that’s not even the biggest plot problem this movie has.  Yes, most of you already know about this movie’s biggest criticism just from the movie trailer.  Let’s talk about the absolutely shameless plugs of Warner-Media’s vast library of intellectual properties.  If I already didn’t have a subscription to HBO Max, this movie would have solely existed to get sceptics to sign-up for HBO Max.  For starters, the movie’s villain is literally called Al-G Rhythm (har har).  And he’s mad at King James for turning down his incredibly stupid idea of inserting LeBron into other Warner IPs; so he wants to get back at him by turning his own son Dom against him and settle their internal conflict in a video game stylized version of basketball. And…..I can’t even begin to describe how ridiculous this is.  The ball is back in Steel’s court.

 

Steel: There are several upon several nods, Easter eggs, and straight-up insertions of Warner-Media’s intellectual properties. First things first, you have LeBron and Bugs travelling to the DC animated universe to find Daffy and Porky, then you have them briefly travelling to the worlds of Mad Max, Austin Powers, Game of Thrones, Casablanca, and so forth. You even got Rick & Morty making a cameo. Whether you see this as Warner Bros. self-promoting their HBO Max streaming service and the variety it offers, or if you see this as them flexing their power as a multimedia company, this film is noted for how it uses its product placement to an excruciating degree. Even I’ll admit it that it holds me back a lot from viewing the second movie as a big improvement over the first, because while the original was nothing more than a crossover between the worlds of NBA and The Looney Tunes, the second film tries to cram so much more into it to the point where it’s hard for me to identify this film with LeBron and The Looney Tunes alone.

After addressing one of the main issues with the second film, I should reaffirm that it doesn’t mean that it prevents me from finding enjoyment in it. As commercialized as it may be, let’s not forget that the original Space Jam was a victim to this from when it was first conceptualized. I could’ve mentioned this during my brief summation of the first film, but I think this is a good time to discuss a part of its history. The first collaboration between NBA and Warner Bros. was through a successful Super Bowl ad campaign for the Nike shoe brand, which starred Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan together. This partnership was what led to the idea of turning it into a full-fledged film, and while it wasn’t accepted right away, it still managed to get the greenlight when an executive for Warner Bros. saw marketing potential for it, which would turn out to be true in the long run, and that’s why I thought Space Jam was a good opportunity for Warner Bros. to showcase its capabilities in which they failed to do for Scoob! and the live-action/CGI Tom & Jerry movie. So while it is excessive and tedious with its branding, Space Jam: A New Legacy is at least an impressive boast and I can’t help but appreciate that the company had the balls to go as far as they did with their self-promotion.

 

Me: Yeah, I too don’t mind all the self-promoting by the Warners.  Yes there are a lot of groan-worthy moments admist all the self-loving callbacks.  I did not need to see Elmer Fudd and Sylvester in Austin Powers.  I especially did not need to see Granny and Speedy in the Matrix; one of the worst scenes in the entire movie.  But seeing Daffy and Porky interact in the DCU?  Yeah that was actually hilarious.  Right down to making LeBron the Robin to Bugs’s Batman.  As an avid basketball fan, that clever in-joke had me in stitches.  And seeing Taz interact with Rick and Morty?  That actually makes more sense than people give it credit for.  And unlike in other Warner self-loving projects like Also watching the entire Warner Bros IP library as the basketball viewing audience brings a crap ton of unintentional comedy.  Some of my personal highpoints that had me laughing were Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze doing some Arnold spasms, Joaquin’s Joker doing his stupid dance, and new Pennywise pointing and laughing every couple minutes. 

And I’ll give them credit that this movie does a much better job at integrating all these properties together unlike say Ready Player One.  Because those are just avatars of other people that don’t act like their natural characters.  Even if all these IPs are just green-screened in (literally), at least they are staying true to what their identities are.  Which btw, the CGI in this is fantastic.  Especially on the Looney Tunes, who actually look really good computer animated for the thirty minutes or so they are in that style.  The rest of the time they are hand-drawn, which I’m so happy that this movie is like 1/3 hand-drawn animation.  It’s really good 2-D.

 

Steel: That brings me to my next point, so let’s focus on a few of the main positives that I have with this new installment: the animation and the visuals. It’s a big-budget film, so it is expected. The editing, the effects, and the graphic designs in this film are all stunning to look at. The 2D animation is really stellar too, as are the CG designs for the Looney Tunes. In fact, this film has quite a lot of visual appeal to show. On the other hand, it has that style over substance kind of vibe, but the film manages to keep itself focused on the storyline. Is the story writing any good though? Well…let’s go over the villain for a moment, Al-G Rhythm. His main motivation throughout most of the film is to get all the attention that he wants, and he goes to the extreme of abducting viewers of the basketball game in the real world and intends to trap them inside the server if his team wins, and this mainly because of LeBron rejecting his offer. I bring attention to this because I feel like there’s something ironic in a sense about how the film forms a villain based on the algorithm when it feels like the film was structured by an algorithmic system. In other words, Warner Bros. doesn’t shy away from reinforcing certain family film trends to give their new Space Jam film all the attention it could receive.

The plot of this film is your typical family film fluff. Father and son with conflicting interests try to connect with one another. They are roped in the villain’s plot that puts their lives on the line. The main protagonist goes on some sort of road trip as part of his task in trying to win back his son and escape from the world the villain’s trapped them in. The protagonist would then learn a few things about himself and realize his mistake. The film contains your typical “follow your dreams” and “be yourself” message and we even have a Minion-type character in the form of Pete because…why not? This type of character sells. When the product placement is not the big issue with the film, it’s the feeble story. When the movie still has its thrills, I wouldn’t call the plot lackluster per se, but I still believe the writing could’ve been better. One thing I feel like they’ve could’ve established more was with the concept of Al-G Rhythm making Dom turn against his father LeBron and making him pose as a threat in the match, and the equal amount of focus that was put on the other teammates on Al-G’s team (that equally serve as animated cameos of other specific NBA players) overshadows it. 

In addition, the writing is not only guilty of recycling elements from any other particular film. There are moments where it recycles elements from the original Space Jam. Like addressed before, both films start off with a flashback of the young NBA star. Then there’s the basketball game between LeBron & The Tune Squad and The Goon Squad, which feels too structured like the original’s match between Jordan & The Tune Squad and The Monstars. First third of the match, The Tune Squad is off to a bad start due to the opposing team being overpowered. In the middle of the game, the Tune Squad realizes they can outmatch the other team by simply doing what they do best. Last third of the match builds up to the climax anticipating the NBA star and his team securing a win within the last few minutes. Sometime in-between the game, we are even greeted with a celebrity appearance. The first film has one of the golfing buddies, Bill Murray, (mistaken for Dan Aykroyd) showing up in the Looney Tunes world with little to no explanation to fill in a spot for Jordan’s team. Here, we get a cameo, not from Michael Jeffrey Jordan, but from Michael B. Jordan, who, after being summoned by Sylvester, is mistaken for the similarly-named basketball player and wishes LeBron and The Tune Squad the best of luck. Despite these instances of derivativeness, the second film does do a few things different. For the last third of the match, we have Dom transferring to LeBron’s team after the latter talks with him about how he’s free to do what he wants in life, while Al-G takes control of his entire team. Oh yeah, and Bugs Bunny makes the ultimate sacrifice by performing the move that LeBron used that caused the glitch in the game Dom was developing. 

 

Me: Yeah as I stated earlier, there are plenty of callbacks to the first Space Jam.  And while I touched mostly upon the beginning being more or less a repeat of the original, what Steel just recapped is indeed correct.  The third act climax basketball game is absolutely the same structure.  Which I get that’s almost how all sports films end up being, but when you so shamelessly rip yourself for a good portion of this movie; it bears repeating.  Did they really have so little ideas for a twenty-five year old sequel?  I mean yes I still got plenty of laughs during the game as expected with the involvement of the Looney Tunes.  And that cameo during halftime was so fucking predictable, but I still cracked up because of the little moments.  Like Head Coach Daffy suggesting that they trade Sylvester for grabbing the wrong Michael Jordan.  Hell even the Nerdlucks archive footage got a laugh out of me.  There is this layer of charm throughout the entire movie that really does keep this movie from being so obnoxious with its self-referencing and self-loving Warner Brothers plugs.

And what really helped as well is there clearly is a layer of love for the Looney Tunes property.  Not a single toon feels out of character and even the slight modernization of them isn’t too grating.  Well except for Granny saying youthful colloquialisms and…sigh…The Notorious P.I.G.  But at the very least, they get Daffy right.  And Foghorn Leghorn.  And Tweety and Sylvester.  And my personal favorites the Road Runner and Willy E. Coyote.  And they gave more depth to Lola Bunny after so many years of her being a topic for overt sexualizing.  Granted, she’s nowhere near as interesting as she was in say The Looney Tunes Show about ten years ago; but at least we don’t give in to more furry bait.  And most especially, they got Bugs right.  It made sense for him to be the last character left standing when we first returned to Tune World because Bugs is loyal to the Looney Tune branding.  He’s the icon for the property for a reason.  As for his sacrifice at the end?  It stays true to his character for him to overdramatize what happened and then for him to pop up at the very end saying that he can’t die because he’s a toon.  It’s who Bugs is.

 

Steel:  The live-action cast does a good job carrying the film as well. As weak as I found the villain to be, I still enjoyed Don Cheadle’s performance as Al-G Rhythm. LeBron does a good job in acting out as a fictionalized version of himself and manages to carry just about the same weight that Michael Jordan had in the original Space Jam. 

 

Me: So this is probably the only disagreement Steel and I had with our viewing experiences.  I absolutely did not agree about the acting of this movie.  The only actor who I thought did an actual good job in this was Cedric Joe as LeBron’s fictionalized son, Dom.  He is a promising young child actor who I think could get some more roles down the line.  Otherwise, the acting in this is all incredibly awkward.  And hilariously entertaining levels of awkward at that. 

Don Cheadle.  This is a man who has obtained so many acting awards throughout his professional career and when it is all said and done, will go down as one of the most underrated actors of our time.  I mean this guy just got an Emmy award for this year when he showed up in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier for two minutes, maybe less.  He’s that talented…what the fuck was he doing in this?  He was hamming it up to such extremes that he was almost becoming Jim Carrey-esque.  And he seemed so awkward doing all this that I couldn’t help but laugh so much at him.

As for LeBron James, I know this man can act.  I saw him in his supporting role in 2015’s Trainwreck.  He proved he has good comedic timing and can handle serious moments as well.  What even is this performance?  He’s super serious throughout so much of this movie and whenever he does go for comedy, he’s so cringe and offbeat.  Let me put it to you this way.  One of the first couple scenes in this movie has him being a hardass to his son about his questionable commitment to basketball, when suddenly his wife comes over and tells LeBron and his sons that they are having spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.  LeBron responds in such a corny fashion “Oh boy!  My favorite!”  And I laughed super hard at that.

That’s most of this movie in a nutshell.  The awkward pacing and unintentional comedy that is this style of filmmaking.  I can’t even begin to describe to you guys how many bad decisions this movie makes with its writing, acting, and directing; but I still found myself laughing at what I’m supposed to laugh at and what I wasn’t supposed to laugh at.  I had to pause a few times because I just had to catch my breath from so much laughing.

 

Steel: The quality of Space Jam: A New Legacy very much depends on the person. For some, the negatives tend to outweigh the positives while for others, it’s vice versa. There’s a good balance between the positives and negatives that I have towards the film, and I‘d say that, by a margin, the movie’s positive assets outbalances its faults due to the thrills that it offers and as well as due to the relentless charm. I usually rate things with an ‘out of 10’ system. Since Bobby has a grading system, I’ll abide to it and give Space Jam: A New Legacy a light C- grade. It’s too soon for me to gauge on whether or not it means that I liked this second film better than the original Space Jam, but I’ll at least say that the quality has stayed consistent after all those 25 years.

 

Me: Do I like this better than the original Space Jam?  Absolutely not.  Once again, further proving that Michael Jordan is the unquestionable G.O.A.T.  Sure LeBron may be the better actor, but Michael Jordan had the better Space Jam as well.  But that doesn’t mean LeBron doesn’t come close.  This movie was a charming surprise.  I don’t think this movie will be everyone’s cup of tea.  This movie’s problems are glaring just like the original Space Jam and I can absolutely see so many people bothered by the hour and a half long indirect advertisement for HBO Max.  But as someone who does tend to enjoy mindless fluff and especially the Looney Tunes, I got to admit that I had an incredibly good time with this one.  Would I recommend this?  Depends on how much of a tolerance you have for everything listed above.  My final grade is a B.

 

Steel: This ends my review of the film along with Bobby, and it has been a pleasure analyzing it with him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat a bowl of Space Jam-brand cereal in my Space Jam-brand athletic wear, before then watching more Warner-Media shows and films on HBO Max. After I’ve taken care of that, I’m going to invest in Bigchunguscoin so that I can use the currency to pay for a ticket to Six Flags, as I plan to spend my time there consuming my money on some more Warner-Media’s products.

 

Me: And I can’t tell Steel to otherwise.  BLAME THIS MOVIE!

Steel's Final Grade: C-

My Final Grade: B