Welcome to the fall seasonal ranking. Yep you read that right. It’s time to give this another go.
After taking a seasonal ranking off, I figured that maybe I should do something special for the summer rankings and rank the songs of the summer. Yet my continuously busy life prevented me from fitting in the time and dedication needed to get that going off the ground as well as a few other projects. But you know what? I’ve waited long enough to write this. Let’s get this going again. Especially since I haven’t shared my thoughts on like 80% or so of these songs. Y’all know the drill and if you don’t by now, I’ve got like six of these on this blog. Let’s get going by talking about:
THE TERRIBLE TIER
Because of Billboard’s absolutely stupid year end tracking
criteria (from early November til like the end of October), this song is not
going to have enough points to make the building 2021 year end list (thank
god!). But if it did, this song
absolutely fills the criteria to make a strong case for my number one worst hit
song of this year.
“Girls Want Girls” – Drake (featuring Lil Baby)
You all know what the line is so I’m not going to even
bother dignifying it. A lot of people I
know say that it is Drake just joking around.
He’s not actually fetishizing lesbians.
And you know what. Maybe you’re
right. Drake has done plenty of dumb
shit in his career that he has to be in on the joke. But that doesn’t make it excusable that he
actually had the audacity to say something this fucking stupid in the first
place. Especially since he has already
done this sort of line previously on 2009’s “Every Girl”. Yeah check that song out for an absolutely
utter trainwreck.
And even if this was supposed to be comedic, then why the
fuck is the song taking its production choices so seriously? Why does this sound like a late-night hookup
song instead of a Lil Dicky style parody?
Why aren’t there OTHER jokes in this song if it is supposed to be
“comedic”? Why isn’t Lil Baby in on the
joke? For as much as Drake comes off as
an unlikeable shit in this song, Lil Baby comes off almost equally as
detestable.
This isn’t comedic.
This is definitely not flattering.
This is the sound of two men who know that they are two of the biggest
acts in the music industry at the moment and aren’t even bothering to try with
this. Yeah there are plenty of far worse
sounding songs that came out this year, but complacency can be problematic and
awful too. Fuck this song.
“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes
I swear this song leaves me speechless every time I hear
it. I almost kind of respect it for being
so tacky and lame because it is aware that it is tasteless. It wants you to sit there and stare at it in
shock and awe. I mean I’ve talked
extensively that I miss songs that bad music of yesteryear and this ALMOST gets
pretty damn close to being so bad that it is good. But then I hear that absolutely shameless
plugging for Applebees and Wendy’s and then I head right back into that uncanny
valley of shock and awe again. My
feelings on this are just….I’ve got to get back to you all on this one in a few
months. I need a minute….and Kesha’s on
the remix….what?
THE BAD TIER
“Bad Habits” – Ed Sheeran
This song is…there.
Ed Sheeran sounds…okay. I mean
he’s had worse vocal performances. The
music sounds...fine I guess. I mean it
doesn’t really push the envelope or anything, but its okay. This is just radio filler. Nothing more or nothing less.
BUT DEAR GOD THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST MUSIC VIDEOS I’VE EVER
SEEN. WHAT THE FUCK IS ED SHEERAN EVEN
DOING HERE. YOU ARE NOT THE WEEKND
ED. YOU ARE A GROWN UP CHUCKIE FINSTER
NOT A FUCKING GLAMPIRE. AND WHAT ARE
THESE SPECIAL EFFECTS!? MY PLAYSTATION 2
HAS MORE REALISTIC IMAGERY THAN THIS VIDEO’S CGI BUDGET. THRILLER THIS IS NOT.
Whatever thoughts I have on the song itself completely
disappear every time because my mind goes straight towards, and again I’m not
overreacting, one of the worst music videos I’ve ever seen. I’ll never not associate this song without
this video just like “Wrecking Ball” will forever be tied to Miley Cyrus riding
one completely naked or “Opposites Attract” without Paula Abdul interacting
with a cartoon cat or “Bye Bye Bye” without N’Sync being puppets…I could go on
and on. And while I could go on and on
about songs that are completely tied to their music videos, this is on the bad
end of the spectrum for me because the song itself is such a nonpresence.
“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals
Are the charts really this thin that this nothing of a song
is still around? I mean it got popular
off of a fucking Minecraft meme. Who
knew that Dream had this big of a fanbase?
I wish I had more to say about this, but this song gives me
absolutely nothing to work with. Which
makes perfect sense to me because this is the state of the alternative rock
genre in 2021. I mean pop rock is making
a comeback and alternative stations would rather stick to this pile of
nothing? Yeah that says it all for ya
right there.
THE MEDIOCRE TIER
Okay the joke is starting to lose its luster for me.
“Way 2 Sexy” – Drake (featuring Future & Young Thug)
I’ll admit it. The
first time I heard this song while listening to all of “Certified Lover Boy”, I
laughed my ass off. Like I couldn’t
believe what I was hearing after listening to track after track of
same-sounding shit for the most part. I
refused to believe that they were actually sampling and interpolating Right
Said Fred. I thought that song was not
going to be touched for a long while after “Look What You Made Me Do”
happened. But leave it to fucking Drake
who often leans to self-depreciation and has no shame to make songs and videos as
tacky as this.
Yet here we are nearly a month later and…it is just tedious
to listen to. I mean some of the jokes
are still effective like this is honestly more Future’s song than anything else
with him getting the chorus with the interpolation and he gets his own
verse. I like his portion of the song
and that’s it. Drake’s verse is just
tedious and Young Thug’s verse just feels tacked on. I hope that I still find this song funny
months from now but I’m already getting tired of it nearly a month later. I just hope I don’t find it to be unbearable
months from now because that usually happens to me with comedy songs like this.
Ladies and gentlemen.
A textbook example of payola at its most obvious:
“You Right” – Doja Cat & The Weeknd
Don’t believe me?
Just open up Spotify and/or Apple Music and you’ll see that on Doja’s
album “Planet Her” that there are like six or seven songs from that album more
popular than this one. This is the one
that the label clearly wanted to push as the big follow-up single after “Kiss
Me More”. Only to get surpassed in
streams by the likes of “Kiss Me More”, “Get Into It (Yuh)”, “Woman”, “Ain’t
Shit”, “Need To Know”, and even at one point, “I Don’t Do Drugs”. And the fact that this has a higher charting
peak than everything outside the lead single?
Yeah got to love that radio payola.
Way to read the room RCA and Kesha’s rapist.
That doesn’t mean the song itself is bad. No no no.
It is just boring and uneventful.
I mean you have two of the biggest popstars in the game right now on one
track and THIS is what you decide to make them do? A dull R&B jam? Both of these two can perform this type of
song in their sleep, which it sounds like it.
I mean it is still a fairly pleasant listening experience, but literally
every single one of those songs that outstreamed it are all fairly better
representations of why Doja Cat is such an interesting artist. Not this.
“Stay” – The Kid LAROI & Justin Bieber
Let’s just get this out of the way first. This is a fantastic sounding song. I almost bumped it up a whole tier because of
that alone. Credit to the producer and
one of the lead writers….Charlie Puth?
Wow. I seriously hope this isn’t
a sign that his time as a solo artist is over because this is a song that would
be much better if Charlie Puth not only produced and wrote it, but performed
it. He has that type of range as an
artist to make this song hit far harder than it does.
Because let’s be honest.
Charlie Puth >>>>>> The Kid Laroi and Justin
Bieber. Not to say that Kid and Biebs
are bad artists, I mean I’m definitely not a fan of either of them. But they just don’t have the emotional range
and complexity to really pull of a song that is this bitter and heartbreaking. I mean the closest we get to that is
admittedly Kid Laroi’s wailing, which works here WAY BETTER than it does on his
previous hit “Without You”.
Also, this song is way too fucking short. Whenever I come super close to vibing with
it, it abruptly ends. I get that songs
are getting shorter, but this song would have really benefited from a bridge or
even another verse. I mean at least have
the decency to give us an actual end-
“Fair Trade” – Drake (featuring Travis Scott)
Back to the Drake show again. I swear his albums have unusually long
staying power, even for his less impressive projects like this one. Sure Drake can say that he walked away with
the Win in terms of album success, but when it comes to quality, I thought
DONDA was better. But in all honesty, I
don’t care. Both Drake and Kanye have
done better and I’m tired of their stupid feud.
…oh yeah, the song itself.
What else is there to say other than its Drake taking more cheap pot
shots at Pusha and Kanye. Which about
half the album was that…yeah you’re losing friends along the way like the song
states, but who cares when you dedicate half an album towards this and the
other half being a deadbeat dad. At
least Travis’s verse hits because Travis has been on autopilot for like the
past year and a half now. And the sample
of “Mountains” by Charlotte Day Wilson is effective.
Minor W’s I guess, but who the hell cares when its tied to a
song that perfectly displays how much of a chore this album was to get
through.
“Essence” – Wizkid (featuring Justin Bieber & Tems)
I admittedly know nothing about “afrobeat”, which is a
subgenre that has been gaining in popularity this year. I do recognize the artists involved with this
though as both are artists that have been cosigned previously by Drake. Wizkid especially has been charting globally
for about five years now and I’m surprised it has taken until now for him to
finally get a major hit stateside. And I
got to say, I love the vibes this song gives off. Especially the production which is real slick
and really hits. I especially love the
saxophones that sparsely appear because it only adds to the mood this song
gives off.
…and then the Justin Bieber remix happened and that’s what
is charting and why it is charting so high.
And leave it to Justin Fucking Bieber to ruin yet another international
smash hit by being such a total non-presence in a song that specifically is
about emotions that Justin Bieber continues to fail to convey. Fuck you Justin Bieber, you suck.
THE DECENT TIER
Or as it is this season, the Lil Nas X Tier
“Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” – Lil Nas X
Yeah this is still decent.
It’s grown on me a smidge in the six months this has charted, but still
really can’t place it in the good tier because it still doesn’t sound
complete. Hell Lil Nas X released a
SATAN’S EXTENDED VERSION (funny) and it still can’t even bother to get to the
three minute mark.
“That’s What I Want” – Lil Nas X
So this is here because the week I’m reviewing was the week
after Lil Nas X released his first album, Montero. This is clearly being pushed as the next
single from it due to Lil Nas X already filming a music video for it. And once again, this perfectly encapsulates
my thoughts on Lil Nas X as an artist.
The song itself sounds good, but it is a rough draft. It ends right before it gets even two and a
half minutes. It is badly missing something
to make it sound like a complete song.
Maybe he’ll release a remix with a guest verse or a bridge that ties it
all together for me. But this song isn’t
meant for me. Just like Montero above
too. But I still appreciate it anyway.
THE GOOD TIER
Fucking Drake does it again.
“Knife Talk” – Drake (featuring 21 Savage & Project Pat)
Even on his worst projects, he always manages to have at
least one song that I can salvage from it.
But this isn’t Drake’s song. This
isn’t even Project Pat’s….whoever he is.
This song belongs to 21 Savage and he fucking kills here. This more or less sounds like something that
should have been on Savage Mode II, which was one of my favorite albums of last
year. I’ve become such a huge 21 Savage
fan that even he can attempt to save one of Drake’s dullest albums.
And Drake is at least trying to sound like he belongs on
this song and while it is far more 21 Savage who runs away with it, kudos to
Drake for at least trying to show more effort on here than he does on most of
that 21 track snoozer.
“Kiss Me More” – Doja Cat (featuring SZA)
I knew it would grow on me.
If I did a summer chart ranking, this would be in the excellent tier,
but now here in the fall, this song has shrunk on me again. I mean it’s still a really good song, but I
kind of did it to myself here. I’ve
listened to this song enough that it will probably rank really high on my Apple
2021 Replay chart. Hopefully time will
recover all my replay wounds and make me fall in love with it all over again.
“Beggin’” – Maneskin
Whenever I hear anybody talking about the Eurovision winning band, the main
response I see is “I hate the lead vocalist’s voice”. Well here I am with the controversial opinion
that lead singer Damiano David’s voice doesn’t bother me the slightest. I’ll go one step further and say that I dig
it. His voice just really adds some
texture and flavor to really make this band stand out. Like I’ve taken a deep dive into Maneskin’s
discography and they slap. This Four
Seasons cover is good and that album full of covers itself is fine. But the rest of their other songs, fucking
slap. Worth checking out.
…here’s something that I felt like I haven’t said in a while. That new Ed Sheeran single is actually very
good.
“Shivers” – Ed Sheeran
Yeah I was pleasantly surprised by this one. Completely blew my expectations out of the
water. After all I heard this song was
being used in advertisements already long before I ever checked it out. Which made me think, oh great Ed is whoring
himself out again for easy paychecks.
Once again, I was wrong.
This is just an insanely catchy and fun song full of good
musical accompaniment, trumpets, guitars, and just puts a smile on my face. Yeah a song about Ed Sheeran being in love and
having sex makes me happy to listen to….wait a minute, having sex….this is “Shape
of You” all over again for fuck’s sake….except good. Yeah sure I don’t want to picture this goof
having sex either, but at least this song sounds like something someone would
want to have sex to. “Shape of You”
sounds like ass and it just sounds like a song that not a single soul on the
planet would want to make love to…and that includes Ed himself. This song course corrects so many problems
that I had with “Shape of You” and while I still don’t want to picture this
doofus having sex….at least this song makes it sound appealing to someone. Good job Ed!
THE EXCELLENT TIER
….and I’m back in love with this song again too. What kind of backtracking critic am I?
“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd & Ariana Grande
One that admits it took a remix to make this song work for
me again. Yeah the original “Save Your
Tears” would still be somewhere around the mediocre/decent tier. But then the Ariana Grande remix happened and
it fixed the problems I had with the original by a considerable margin. The original is just such a narcissistic song
about Abel telling you why he’s better off without his ex-girlfriend who he saw
dancing with someone else, but he might want her back because the sex is so
good. I mean yeah that premise kind of
works, but at the same time, we only get Abel’s side of the story.
Which is why the remix with Ariana improves the song
vastly. We get her side of the story and
why she likes to continuously put Abel through hell and that he isn’t no saint
in this relationship either. Which makes the song sound all the more complete and flows so much better.
These two always seem to have the best chemistry with each other no matter how many times they collab with others. They just really bring the best out of each other every time.
…ever wondered what a completed Lil Nas X single sounds
like?
“Industry Baby” – Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow
This song fucking slaps and I won’t be told otherwise. Take a Daytrip and Kanye West really fucking
killed this production work. It’s just a
phenomenal sounding song thanks to those trumpets. But most importantly, this song actually
sounds finished. There’s no abrupt
endings, no need for a remix, and this might be the first Lil Nas X song that
actually has over three minutes of content.
Fun fact. This song
was not originally supposed to feature Jack Harlow. It was supposed to feature Nas’s former idol
Nicki Minaj. I’m so glad that it didn’t
turn out that way because Jack Harlow’s guest verse is just so smooth and so
clean. Plus it fits the billing of being
called an “industry baby” since both artists are still relatively newer to
mainstream music stardom than Nicki…who is still clearly concerned about her
cousin’s friend with huge testicles to return a phone call.
“Need to Know” – Doja Cat
I fucking hate Tyson Trax.
Loctor Duke is an awful terrible person, but you know what makes me
mad? That he has produced so much good
music and sadly he still does produce some great beats. And this cloud rap song perfectly plays backseat
to easily the best example of how good of an artist Doja Cat really is. Seriously, Doja is so versatile on this song
as she does it all here: singing, rapping, pleading, crooning, and cooing. Out of all the songs that Doja has had since
her mainstream rise to stardom, this is the one that best represents not just
her skills as an artist, but her personality as well. Take it or leave it, but I absolutely love
it.
“Good 4 U” – Olivia Rodrigo
I still prefer Olivia’s other two big hits from this year
over this, but I’m not going to stand here and say that this song is not good. Because it is pretty damn good as is. Once again highlighting my favorite trend of
this year, the reemergence of pop rock.
I don’t care how similar this sounds to “Misery Business” by
Paramore. That was the song that made me
fall in love with Paramore’s music to begin with. Anyone that wants to pay homage to music that
I grew up listening to gets a huge thumbs up in my book. Also love the video’s homage to another slept
on classic, “Jennifer’s Body” starring Megan Fox; who is the girlfriend to
other pop rock savior from this year, Machine Gun Kelly. How’s that for tying two and two
together? Olivia Rodrigo really has my
expectations sky high for that next album whenever it drops. This is her moment and we’re all just glad to
be living in it.
“Levitating” – Dua Lipa
Featuring DaBaby no more.
That’s fine because the original more than holds its own. I know I said that the DaAbortion feature still
holds up just as well as the original and I think it is still a great song even
with DaHomophobe on there. But the
original is fantastic and I really hope that everyone who made “Levitating” one
of the biggest songs of all-time really check out the original and be able to
come out of the experience with more appreciation for the original song that
brought us to the dance in the first place.
Still one of the best songs of the year with or without DaBigot.
No more "Blinding Lights" on the charts as well. May its eternal chart run never be forgotten or blinded by us no more. :(
Just had to throw that in there for the hell of it. Anyway, that's our Fall 2021 chart. Feels kind of good to get back into the swing of things again. No winter charts this year since list season is inching closer and closer and despite how much more active my life is becoming with work and traveling, I'll at the very least make sure that those year end lists are on time. Otherwise, I'll keep churning out BMR's and maybe try to get a list or two out before December rolls around. As always, thank you all for reading and look forward to more content in the future. Stay safe!
