Tuesday, December 28, 2021

The Top Eleven Best Hit Songs of 2021

What is the point of doing these preambles?  I swear how many more ways can I say there were some bad things this year and there were some good things this year.  How many more ways can I just delay the inevitable and just reveal my lists?


I kid of course.  I just feel like its become rather predictable writing these.  And it is especially apparent when you don't have any real strong feelings about a year in hit music like this one.  I mean I watch a lot of year end retrospectives as motivation for me to get off my ass and finish my own and I've seen such polarizing indifference about 2021 as a whole.  I've seen some say this was one of the best years ever.  I've seen some say that this was a drop-off.  I've seen some say this year was not good.  I'm somewhere in between all these opinions.  Which I mean let's be honest here.  This absolutely was not like last year, which that year was so good that I had to do a Top 20 Best List.  But at the same time though, 2020 has a valid reason to be claimed as one of the best hit music years ever; especially as a great distraction from the terrible year 2020 was as a whole.  Of course there was going to be a drop-off in quality.  That being said, 2021 still has a lot of good trends going for it that I'm not going to write this year off as a whole.  Any year that brings back pop-punk is going to see me sticking up for it in some way.

So yeah, 2021 music gets a solid 6 out of 10 for me.  Let's go ahead and wrap this year up properly by talking about the best it had to offer.  Starting off with...


HONORABLE MENTIONS:

“Laugh Now, Cry Later” – Drake (featuring Lil Durk)

Still great nearly a year later.  Amazing how this is better than every song on “Certified Lover Boy” and it wasn’t even included on the album despite being the alleged lead single.

 

“Wants and Needs” – Drake (featuring Lil Baby)

As a matter of fact, every song on the "Scary Hours 2 EP" is better than every song on “Certified Lover Boy”.  Speaking of which, people are probably going to forget this Drake & Lil Baby collab when looking back at this year because of how memorably atrocious their other collab was "Girls Like Girls", but I sincerely hope that’s not the case because this song was quite the bop for most of this year.

 

“Willow” – Taylor Swift

I mean let’s be honest here.  There are like at least twenty songs from the last couple Taylor Swift albums that I wish were able to become actual hits over this.  But it’s still good on its own merits.  Hell the Elvira remix of this would make my top ten for sure.

 

“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd & Ariana Grande

This is the best version of this song by a country mile.  One of the rare occasions of the remix game working to improve a song rather than obtain a quick and easy number one…which this song still went to number one.  But even then, this remix will forever be associated with this song more so than the original for me.

 

“Heartbreak Anniversary” – Giveon

The best Sam Smith song ever.  This was a huge year for R&B and Giveon is one of the best new names leading the pack.  Every single song he released this year I loved.  With this being the best of the bunch.

 

“Dakiti” – Bad Bunny & Jhay Cortez

It’s a vibe.  If 2021 sounded like a song, it would be this one.  Dark and broading with no signs of optimism in site.

 

“Todo De Ti” – Rauw Alejandro

This also slaps.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for disco pop in general.  Good year for reggaeton hits this was.

 

“Need to Know” – Doja Cat

 I fucking hate Dr. Luke.  I really do.  But god damn does he still know how to make atmospheric beats that are really this fucking good.  It also compliments Doja Cat perfectly and really highlights why she is one of the biggest popstars in the world right now.  Really the perfect showcase of Doja's talents as a performer.

 

“good 4 u” – Olivia Rodrigo

The fact that this should have and could have been number one for eleven weeks if it wasn’t for chart manipulation is a testament as to how much pop-rock is back.  Thank you Olivia Rodrigo for making one of the best bangers of the year.  Can’t wait for your “Brand New Eyes” era of pop-rock.

 

“Hell of a View” – Eric Church

So based off my worst list, you’re probably thinking that country music had a terrible 2021.  Let me flip that narrative right now and point out that I said country music had some pretty bad hits this year.  That doesn’t mean the genre as a whole had a terrible 2021.  Hell, not all the hits were even bad.  This one was pretty damn great if you ask me.  And this was the last cut I had to make for my list and this was an incredibly painful one at that.



...got it?  Good.  Let's head off with a bang!  We're counting down!



THE TOP ELEVEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2021





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I think it is only fitting we start this list off by talking about the biggest new name of the year.


11. “déjà vu” – Olivia Rodrigo


The emergence of Olivia Rodrigo is easily what I’ll remember most about 2021.  This woman came out of nowhere and emerged as the biggest name in the industry overnight.  A lot of people, myself included initially, thought that she was just an industry plant by the Disney Corporation in order to really rule all formats of media.  But the more I listened to her music, the more naïve I realized I was.  She became a huge name by just being really fucking good at writing and making good music.

I haven’t seen a popstar that has proved this quickly that she is this good since Taylor Swift first emerged.  And the comparisons all year between the two just really are too true.  What Taylor has always been good at is the small little details when it comes to storytelling.  And Olivia is just as good at it.  Case in point, this song.  Every little detail in this song stands out to me.  Reminiscing on watching re-runs of your favorite show with your ex, god knows how many times I’ve done that with past relationships.  Introducing him or her to your favorite singer and specific lines remind you of your past.  Jesus Christ there are too many that I can’t even begin to count.  None that are from Billy Joel, but that’s a good choice.

And the music itself is equally as good.  From the musicbox loop repeated throughout the melody and hell I even like The Chainsmokers-esque drop.  Best drop of the year, fight me.  Despite loving it as much as I do, this song is only this low on the list because it really doesn’t have as good of a repeat value for me.  There was a brief time where I honestly didn’t want to seek it out like the rest of this list, hell even most of my honorable mentions.  But there is absolutely no denying that this was the song that absolutely for sure sold me on Olivia Rodrigo and this deserves to make it on my actual list for that reason alone.


 

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2021.  Another good year for Ariana Grande as she managed to have another good album and another year of multiple smashes on the hit parade…yet I’m sensing a bit of cracks in the armor.  I still think she has some more years ahead of her in terms of being one of the biggest names in the music industry, but that new album didn’t really bring anything new to the table.  They just felt like a bunch of leftovers from the previous era and that even includes the re-release with five to six new forgettable singles.

I still love Ariana Grande and really hope she proves me wrong, but at the same time, I’m really starting to sense some burn out from the Ariana-tors.  But hey, at least we had one great song from that new album.


10. “34+35” – Ariana Grande (featuring Megan Thee Stallion & Doja Cat)


If you’re expecting a full on explanation for this one, I really don’t have any valid explanation other than I’m a simp.  This sounds sexy and it sounds like Ariana Grande is just offering up a good time having fun passionate sex.  Compare that to say many of her other sex songs which more often than not, the songs make it sound like sex is a chore for her.  Meanwhile, the simple sounding production makes the lyrics come off as more playful and that Ariana will be more invested in making sure she is giving you the best time possible.

Hell I even love the remix, even though I’ve got to admit, the original would probably be in my top five if that’s what Billboard credited it as.  Doja and Megan really kind of take away from most of the playful elements that I mentioned earlier (aka the second and third verses from the original).  But what can I say?  Doja and Megan are also hot and they are honestly more confident about their sexual experience in their pinky fingers than Ariana Grande does most of the time.

So yeah, what else can I say but…



 



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I don’t know you guys.  Part of me has been amazed that Lil Nas X has been able to sustain a career beyond “Old Town Road”.  The other part of me feels like he really could care less about making music.  I mean “Panini”, “Holiday”, “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)”….all perfectly okay ideas.  But none of them really feel like fully developed songs. 

My feelings on Lil Nas X as an artist are just complicated at best, despite me loving him as a personality.  We’ve been gravely missing popstars with actual personalities as of late so I’ll absolutely stand behind Lil Nas X amongst every controversy the guy gets into.  Especially if the quality is as good as this.


9. “Industry Baby” – Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow



And most of that quality comes from those stock sounding trumpets.  Like I’m almost 100% certain that its some sort of loop from another song in the past few years because trumpets have made such a huge comeback in hit music in recent memory.  Lil Nas X is that big of a troll that I’m certain my assumption is true.  But I got to give the man his props.  This song wouldn’t be nearly as effective without those glorious trumpets because they get you hyped.  The song may be about Lil Nas X’s ostracization due to his sexuality and persevering adversity towards his success, but with those trumpets, I consider this more of a modern day “jock jam”.  Like I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of athletes start to use this song as their entrance music.  Which would absolutely defy the purpose of this song, but so be it because Jack Harlow does too.

Yeah I honestly did not expect Jack Harlow to stick around after “What’s Poppin” to be honest.  That admittedly was a very bad take on my part, but could you blame me after damn near everything he’s released since then has been flop after flop after flop?  But you know how I’ve said in the past that most Lil Nas X songs sound incomplete because they are missing a bridge or another verse?  Well that’s where Jack Harlow comes in and helps fully flesh out this idea just like Billy Ray Cyrus did for “Old Town Road”.  Fun fact, the original guest rapper was supposed to be Nicki Minaj and I’m so glad those plans fell through due to Nicki never responding.  This song works much better as an ode to the newer generation of popstars trying to stay famous in the TikTok era of popular music than listening to twelve year stalwart Nicki Minaj who is possibly on her way out; don’t hold me to that take barbz.

I fully expect this to make the 2022 year end list as well and it keeps growing on me day after day.  Expect a potential repeat discussion around this time next year too.


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https://digg.com/culture/link/the-weeknds-blinding-lights-is-so-popular-its-actually-become-a-problem-for-him


I saw this article months ago and it is quite possibly one of the most insightful music articles that I’ve read this year.  Because it certainly is not wrong.


“Blinding Lights” is still a phenomenal song.  And you know what, let’s just get this reveal out of the way.  Because of course it made the best list again.  Who are we fucking kidding?


8. “Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd


Got it?  Good.  Anyway, “Blinding Lights” is just such a game changer that I’ve got the feeling that whenever The Weeknd does make that next album, it’s going to have some mighty lofty single expectations.  I mean a song finally overthrew “The Twist” as the most successful charting single of all-time.  I thought that was never going to happen.  But then again, I didn’t expect the music industry to come to some sort of standstill that we would have so many singles chart shelf lives extend to over a year.  Let alone two.

But if you want further proof on how impossibly tough it will be for The Weeknd to escape the shadow that “Blinding Lights” has casted for him, look no further than his follow-ups.  Yes I ended up coming around on “Save Your Tears” again, but that’s mostly due to Ariana Grande and not him.  And that ended becoming a massive hit mostly due to the remix because it was preparing to exit the top ten before Ariana Grande saved it.  The real example of this is “Take My Breath”.  A song that sure does exist, doesn’t it?  This might be the safest song that The Weeknd has ever recorded and that’s its problem.  He could have done this song at any point in the last five years and it would have been a hit.  Its literally just another 80s inspired pop song.  And quite frankly, I don’t want The Weeknd to be delegated to being a retro pastiche act like Bruno Mars has sadly become.  Sure I’m a sucker for a good throwback song like the rest of us, but I want more than just a pretty familiar sounding pop song.  I want depth and relatability.  That’s why we all fell for “Blinding Lights” the way that we did.  Because it is the best of both worlds.  It is retro pastiche with a modern twist on it.

Will The Weeknd resort to making familiar 80s lite synthpop for the rest of his career?  I hope not.  But if so, I at least hope that he remembers why “Blinding Lights” worked so well and learn from it instead of just going back to the well to make safe easy listening shlock.


 

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And speaking of career defining songs.


7. “Levitating” – Dua Lipa


This is now one of the biggest songs to never top the charts.  That’s amazing to me because if my children ever asked me what the biggest songs of the pandemic were, I would certainly tell them my short list would be “Circles” by Post Malone, “Blinding Lights” by The Weeknd, and “Levitating” by Dua Lipa (and possibly “Stay” by The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber…give me a few months on that one to see).  All incredibly great pop songs that were massive and lasted in the top ten for over 40 months…and yet the latter being the only one to never make it to number one astonishes me.  Because Billboard had to completely recalibrate the charts the week that “Levitating” was supposed to finally reach number one and gave it to “Leave the Door Open” instead.  Let’s be honest, I haven’t thought about that song in so many months that it has become a bit of an afterthought to me.  Wouldn’t be surprised if others felt the same.

That said, “Levitating” was and is still one of the highlights in “Future Nostalgia”.  It’s no surprise to me that so many people loved this song so much that it gave it a second wind rising back up the charts just when we thought it was on its way out.  Not only does this song remind me of the disco era of pop music from the 70s and 80s, hell it reminds me of the early 2010s when pop music was at one of its biggest peaks in cultural relevance.  Hell it’s a homage to that era that it even has a featuring guest rapper credit.

Look, we had to talk about this story at some point during these music lists, so I’m just going to get this out of the way now.  I almost like the DaBaby featured remix of “Levitating” almost as much as the original.  Which is especially blasphemous to say now with DaBaby’s cancellation for being a homophobic asshole.  And yes, of course I don’t support DaBaby’s intolerance of the LGBTQ community.  He absolutely deserves everything he got when it came to all the unapologetic behavior and refusing to understand the harm his words provided.  But like it has been said before, it is hard to separate the art from the artists.  And if I can push aside all the toxicity of DaBaby’s comments, I have to admit.  His remix slapped.  Even when I hear the original version on the radio, sometimes I think of DaBaby saying “Left foot, right foot, levitating.  Pop star Dua Lipa with DaBaby.”  That’s when you know your remix is in the minds of peoples subconscious.

In the end, all I can say is that Billboard got the credit right.  This is Dua Lipa’s song and I hope it won’t completely define her career.  This woman has so much good music in her that I can’t wait to see where she goes next once the “Future Nostalgia” era runs out.  But until that day comes, I hope “Cool” gets the next singles push.

 

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According to Apple Music, this was my most played song of the year.  Which sounds about right because this song was supremely therapeutic for me throughout 2021.


6. “Good Days” – SZA


Yes, you read that right.  My eighth best hit song was my most played song of 2021.  That must mean I don’t like listening to the rest of this list more than this one song, right?  Honestly, I had a whole dialogue planned out for this to be my number one since the start of January about how stressful this year was and how this helped me to come to terms with so many elements of my life this one song cured.  But after two months of damn near playing this song out to death, listening to this song became more of a part of my daily routine to the point that it started to lose its luster after a bit.  Then I started to question if this should make my best list at all as more and more great music became hits throughout the year that I loved more than this one.  And then I realized, no that’s stupid.  This is still a fantastic song on its own merits, even if overplay killed it quite a bit for me.

But you know what, even now with all these new COVID variants out there and my home country just descending into even more political chaos and with every new thing that has managed to stress me the fuck out, I still find myself popping on this song and just absolutely feeling calm and in control of my own destiny.  I find it funny that SZA points out even in this song about “the end of the world” because I bet she is definitely not at a table for one on that take.

Will the world continue to descend into madness?  Probably.  Omicron is absolutely wrecking the world as we speak as more and more people I know are catching the virus despite being vaccinated.  But I still believe in “Good Days” on the horizon, even if that makes me as blindly optimistic as Ted Lasso.  Who cares, this song is my medicine.  Next.

 

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https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/cardi-b-wap-tucker-carlson-candace-owens-b1818178.html 

I mentioned on last year’s list that “WAP” was the most talked about hit song of 2020 from the likes of conservative pundits to hell even Snoop Dogg saying that the song was too graphic.  This is the same guy who has an album actually called “Doggy Style” saying that listening to two women talk about how much they enjoy sex is too much.

Seriously the amount of backlash this song got was just too much for even me.  I still think “WAP” is as fantastic as it was the first day I heard it.  But someone had to speak up in the defense of “WAP” and my god I’m sure glad Megan responded to the backlash in the way that she did.


5. “Thot Shit” – Megan Thee Stallion


Look on surface level, this is the exact song a lot of people expect Megan Thee Stallion to make.  A song kissing off haters and flaunts her success?  She sure hasn’t made this topic before.  Only like three to four times in the three years she’s been relevant, right?  Yeah…but she’s great at it….and this is the most technically sound she has sounded out of all her hits she’s had since 2019.

Yeah this song has a different energy in comparison to the rest of her hits.  Because it is her responding to all the cranky conservatives like Ben Shapiro who thought “WAP” or “Body” was too provoking.  It is her doubling down on all that criticism by saying, “Yeah I like to twerk and yeah I like to have sex, so?”  Point Megan.  I can’t believe we still live in a society where there are people that frown upon women empowering their sexual prowess.  I mean yeah the evangelicals are one thing, but need I repeat myself that fucking Snoop Dogg frowned upon “WAP”?  On that front, you’ll always see me being approving of songs like this, especially when they are this well-crafted.  Megan just hits on this with zinger after zinger and line after line of just memorable quotes for me.  Just like “WAP” before it, I can make a best list solely full of lines from this song.  You know what would top that list though?

“Man, ain’t nobody come to see you, Otis”

…I too am glad that I’m not the only one to remember “The Temptations” mini-series.  And as funny as that out of nowhere pop culture reference comes from, it also has a double meaning for her beef with Nicki Minaj.  Yeah those are two beefing now too in case you all forgot, but it is okay if you don’t because Nicki beefs with everybody.  Like I said earlier, she's on her way out for a reason.

I'm here for this and I hope Megan keeps pushing back at her haters like this.  She can give any competition a run for their money.


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I admit that its unfair of me to constantly point out the negatives of the songs that get big on TikTok the last few years.  Plenty of songs that have gotten big off TikTok have made it on past best lists of mine.  “Old Town Road” being the poster child of the TikTok era of popular music made a best list of mine in the past.  “Levitating” above got second wind thanks to TikTok challenges.  My point being that TikTok has done equal amounts of good for popular music that I have zero problems with it sticking around for the long haul.  Hell TikTok introduced me to this gem and I solely associate it with such.


4. “Telepatia” – Kali Uchis


I’m just going to be blunt about my next pick here.  The moment I heard this song, I immediately connected with it like there was no tomorrow.  I have been in the same exact long distanced relationship where I wish I knew what was going on with a woman who lived over 3000 miles apart from me; who ironically enough was fluent in English and Spanish.  We never met in person sadly enough.  We did video chat and messaged each other fairly often.  I was head over heels to the point that were times I tried to connect with her telepathically and felt the woman I was dating reach back for me.  And those feelings that I had are absolutely in the past, but if there was ever a song that represented those emotions perfectly, it would be this.  And the musical composition for how that previous relationship felt?  Exactly like this.

My god this is such a beautifully composed song.   From the lush strings to the bouncing chimes, this song is such a divine listening experience.  And Kali Uchis is such a delightful singer.  This is the perfect song to sing bilingual to and I can’t imagine it being performed in any other way.  I knew of her and heard like one song by her in the past.  This made me go into a deeper dive into her discography and I love what I see.  This being her biggest hit really does give me hope that we are on the verge of more bilingual pop music outside of BTS.  Because this is one of the few songs that has really tempted me to dust off my Spanish and memorized the lyrics to.

Also this video is as beautifully composed to as the song.  Yeah go ahead and insert the same horny gif for this too.  What can I say?  It’s me being a simp again.  So you know what that means...



...I love this gif and will forever find ways to utilize it.  Next.




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This being my number three biggest song of the year would have sounded impossible earlier in the year after I first heard it.  But what can I say?  It just kept growing and growing and growing…..


3. “drivers license” – Olivia Rodrigo


…on me.  Yes this is a fairly unpopular opinion amongst my friends and peers, but you know what fuck it.  Olivia Rodrigo’s best single is this one.  The one where she reflects on her relationship drama with a very accurate comparison point in her life about getting her drivers license.  Almost everyone I know prefers “déjà vu” or “good 4 u” more.  At one point I did with the former, but drivers license just had something that kept pulling me back in.  Was it a reminder as to how overdramatized teenage relationships were for me?  Yeah a little.  Was it the interesting celebrity drama?  Yeah a little.  




Honestly, there is a really good SNL sketch from this year where a bunch of guys hang out together at a bar discussing this song and damn near every single thing discussed was me throughout the year sorting out my feelings with this song.  That I kept loving it more and more throughout the year was only a side effect.  But do you know what really pushed it this high up on my best list.  This song has one of the best bridges ever.

That is not an overstatement.  That is not something I’m going to have second thoughts declaring.  This is a fact.  Billboard made a Top 50 list of the best bridges and I know people were up in arms that they said this was the third best bridge ever and that it was recently-biased.  I’m here to stick up for Billboard by saying that I can only think of one bridge off the top of my head that is better and that is “Hey Ya!” which that bridge is iconic (and also was ranked the best by Billboard too).  But you know what?  So is this one.  I’m literally blasting the bridge right now as I type this because it is that phenomenal.

So what to take away from this entry?  Don’t immediately write off a song after one impression.  Sometimes they manage to surprise you.  I know my relationship with this song was never perfect, but I’ve never felt this way about no one….


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There are some years where it is incredibly tough to decide what my favorite song of the year was and this year certainly was one of them.  I went back and forth so many times between these two that I can’t even begin to describe how frustrating it was to decide which of these was better than the other.  So be prepared for equal amounts of gushing here because I absolutely love these final two songs way too much that I almost considered naming these 1A and 1B instead of 1 and 2.  With that said, god damn would it have been great for me to say a Billie Eilish song was my number one for a second year in a row.


2. “Happier Than Ever” – Billie Eilish


I know she’s only been relevant for three years now, but we’re already at the point where I think its safe to say that Billie Eilish is simply too good for modern pop music.  We really don’t deserve her, yet here she is keep trying to find ways to push the conventional envelope that is what we define as modern pop music.  The fact that this even qualified as a hit song at all just astonishes me.  When was the last time there’s been a rock opera style song with this much staying power?  I mean let’s not kid ourselves, it mostly got the points it got due to streaming, but people kept streaming it because it is fucking fantastic.

And that album.  Good lord is it fucking phenomenal.  Not a single weak spot on that album for me.  Even “Therefore I Am” managed to grow on me because of how well it worked in conjunction with the rest of the album.

I mean how much more praise can I bestow upon Billie Eilish before it just becomes repetitive?  Two years ago I told y’all to invest in Billie Eilish and it is only fitting that cryptocurrency took off this year.  It’s because you all invested in Billie Eilish and now you’re all loaded in crypto.  I’ll be taking my advice payments in dogecoin thank you very much.  Look whose happier than ever now.

 

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And if I think Billie Eilish is simply too good for modern pop music, then Chris Stapleton absolutely towers over modern country music.


1. “Starting Over” – Chris Stapleton


I’ll be honest and just come out and say that it took awhile to figure out how to best approach describing how much I love this song to you all.  But here goes nothing.

The song itself is about starting anew and looking for new horizons while being in perpetual motion.  My wife and I are going through a phase in our lives where we are trying to start a family.  This means some big changes are going to be coming into our lives with us wondering how we are going to be financially feasible and I’m about to have to make some big changes in my life as well.  My current career path is going nowhere as I feel like I’m stuck where I’m at.  My side gig here writing freelance has given me a few interviews with some minor publications and one major that may surprise you in Rolling Stone.  Yep THE Rolling Stone.  None of these endeavors have worked out for me, but admittedly, I’m not trying as hard as I possibly could have to get a writing gig.

But when the day comes where my wife and I succeed at starting our new adventure into parenthood, it will be one of the happiest days of my life.  I’ve been indecisive as to what I’ve been wanting to do with my life career-wise, but if there is one certainty that I know I wanted to be when I grew up, it was to be a father.  And that day may be coming closer than I realized with each attempt and I’m ready to put an end to my current life being solely about me and start over by making my life solely about raising a child with my loving wife.

So if you guys thought I related hard with many songs on this best list; those were all past memories or situations I’ve been in.  This song is the one that relates to my life right now in the present.  I don’t know where this journey into fatherhood will take me.  It might be long and hard and it may even take awhile before it truly begins, but with my loved ones by my side, I’ll get to where I’m going.  Whether it is becoming a parent within a year or two; or finding a new path with my current career or professional goals.  I know that I’m my wife’s lucky penny and she can be my four leaf clover.  Starting over.

Chris Stapleton has crafted one hell of a superb song.  He’s the modern day Bob Dylan and for that reason alone, he’s too good for modern country music.



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And of course, let's wrap this up with the year-end Hot 100 ranking the songs from best to Christmas Music to best to worst:

1. “Starting Over” – Chris Stapleton

2. “Happier Than Ever” – Billie Eilish

3. “drivers license” – Olivia Rodrigo

4. “Telepatia” – Kali Uchis

5. “Thot Shit” – Megan Thee Stallion

6. “Good Days” – SZA

7. “Levitating” – Dua Lipa

8. “Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd

9. “Industry Baby” – Lil Nas X & Jack Harlow

10. “34+35” – Ariana Grande (featuring Doja Cat & Megan Thee Stallion)

11.”déjà vu” – Olivia Rodrigo

12. “Hell of a View” – Eric Church

13. “Need to Know” – Doja Cat

14. “good 4 u” – Olivia Rodrigo

15. “Todo De Ti” – Rauw Alejandro

16. “Laugh Now Cry Later” – Drake (featuring Lil Durk)

17. “Dakiti” – Bad Bunny & Jhay Cortez

18. “Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd & Ariana Grande

19. “Wants and Needs” – Drake (featuring Lil Baby)

20. “Heartbreak Anniversary” – Giveon

21. “Willow” – Taylor Swift

22. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” – Mariah Carey

23. “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

24. “Streets” – Doja Cat

25. “Peaches” – Justin Bieber (featuring Daniel Caesar & Giveon)

26. “Body” – Megan Thee Stallion

27. “Things a Man Oughta Know” – Lainey Wilson

28. “Kiss Me More” – Doja Cat (featuring SZA)

29. “Tombstone” – Rod Wave

30. “Positions” – Ariana Grande

31. “Rapstar” – Polo G

32. “What’s Next” – Drake

33. “My Ex’s Best Friend” – Machine Gun Kelly & blackbear

34. “Every Chance I Get” – DJ Khaled (featuring Lil Baby & Lil Durk)

35. “Up” – Cardi B

36. “Knife Talk” – Drake (featuring 21 Savage & Project PAT)

37. “Beggin” – Maneskin

38. “Chasing After You” – Ryan Hurd & Maren Morris

39. “Therefore I Am” – Billie Eilish

40. “POV” – Ariana Grande

41. “Lemonade” – Internet Money & Gunna (featuring Don Toliver & Nav)

42. “Leave Before You Love Me” – Marshmello (featuring Jonas Brothers)

43. “Wockesha” – Moneybagg Yo

44. “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

45. “Bang!” – AJR

46. “Stay” – The Kid LAROI (featuring Justin Bieber)

47. “Forever After All” – Luke Combs

48. “Calling My Phone” – Lil Tjay & 6LACK

49. “Yonaguni” – Bad Bunny

50. “Cry Baby” – Megan Thee Stallion (featuring DaBaby)

51. “Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf

52. “Traitor” – Olivia Rodrigo

53. “Best Friend” – Saweetie (featuring Doja Cat)

54. “Leave the Door Open” – Silk Sonic

55. “Dynamite” – BTS

56. “Take My Breath” – The Weeknd

57. “Famous Friends” – Chris Young & Kane Brown

58. “What You Know Bout Love” – Pop Smoke

59. “Anyone” – Justin Bieber

60. “Essence” – Wizkid (featuring Justin Bieber & Tems)

61. “You Right” – Doja Cat & The Weeknd

62. “Beautiful Mistakes” – Maroon 5 (featuring Megan Thee Stallion)

63. “Mood” – 24kgoldn (featuring iann dior)

64. “Late at Night” – Roddy Ricch

65. “Way 2 Sexy” – Drake (featuring Future & Young Thug)

66. “Butter” – BTS

67. “No More Parties” – Coi Leray (featuring Lil Durk)

68. “Throat Baby” – BRS Kash (featuring DaBaby & City Girls)

69. “We’re Good” – Dua Lipa

70. “Back in Blood” – Pooh Shiesty (featuring Lil Durk)

71. “Go Crazy” – Chris Brown & Young Thug

72. “Single Saturday Night” – Cole Swindell

73. “Kings & Queens” – Ava Max

74. “Drinkin’ Beer.  Talkin’ God.  Amen.” – Chase Rice (featuring Florida Georgia Line)

75. “Bad Habits” – Ed Sheeran

76. “One Too Many” – Keith Urban & Pink

77. “What’s Your Country Song” – Thomas Rhett

78. “For the Night” – Pop Smoke (featuring Lil Baby & DaBaby)

79. “The Good Ones” – Gabby Barrett

80. “Time Today” – Moneybagg Yo

81. “If I Didn’t Love You” – Jason Aldean & Carrie Underwood

82. “Without You” – The Kid LAROI

83. “Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)

84. “On Me” – Lil Baby

85. “Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

86. “Whoopty” – CJ

87. “Better Together” – Luke Combs

88. “Beat Box” – SpotemGottem (featuring Pooh Shiesty or DaBaby)

89. “Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes

90. “I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)

91. “Good Time” – Niko Moon

92. “Track Star” – Mooski

93. “Put Your Records On” – Ritt Momney

94. “Arcade” – Duncan Laurence

95. “Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco

96. “Just The Way” – Parmalee & Blanco Brown

97. “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu (featuring Drake)

98. “Glad You Exist” – Dan + Shay

99. “You Broke Me First” – Tate McRae

100. “Lil Bit” – Nelly & Florida Georgia Line


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Thank you all as always for reading.  Movie lists are in the works now as I get caught up there so stay tuned for the worst list in about a month.  Until next time, stay safe and take care!







Tuesday, December 7, 2021

The Top Eleven Worst Hit Songs of 2021

 Hey everybody!  Welcome back to list season.  Aka the most wonderful time of the year where my blog views go up because people love reading best and worst of the year lists as much as I like to write them….some years.

This was not a particularly good year to write the worst list.  Not because of the content as a whole this year because to be honest, this was a perfectly fine year.  I mean it wasn’t 2020, but it was a perfectly decent transition year.  But my reasons are quite simple…does music still even matter anymore?



I mean with the way the world has been for the last two years, I ask this question with all serious intent.  Because the news of the world just keeps dominating the cultural zeitgeist and topic points to the point that the entertainment that use to distract us from even the worst of yesteryear feels like it is not as existent as it used to be.  Even to me, an entertainment buff like myself, I feel less and less wanting to talk about movies and music as much as I use to.  They feel more like a chore to me more than a great distraction.  And don’t take this as me wanting to stop doing this sort of thing.  Not at all.  I will always be glad to discuss.  But I feel with the way the world is slowly spiraling, that I more or less want to talk about what we can do as a society to turn things around or at least watch in real time every bad mistake that is being made or how incompetent our political system is.  Or how even a life-saving vaccine and wanting to be a decent human being and caring for others has turned into becoming a political statement...yeah its quite easy to get pissed off at the world that we are living in.

But alas, the more I focus on how fucked up the world is at the moment, the more cynical I’ve become.  And I don’t want to be a cynical old man (I’m not that old I swear).  I want to talk about things that make me happy.  And despite music being one of the last topics on a lot of people’s minds, I’ve got to admit.  This whole niche ecosystem that streaming has made music listening has in fact given us some pretty quality hit music.

As the world starts to open back up again as we are learning to live with the pandemic that has turned our world upside down, we are slowly starting to see more and more of the big names come out of quarantine with new album releases and new music to bring onto us.  I’m excited for the future of the music industry, even if it is not as big as it once was. 

I mean for god’s sake we have TWO Christmas songs as some of the 100 biggest hits of 2021.  That’s a sign that for most of this year, nobody cared to release anything truly worth discussing.  I mean the biggest topics of this year were about Olivia Rodrigo’s relationship drama, Morgan Wallen canceling himself right when he was about to be the biggest country music crossover star since Taylor Swift, Lil Nas X trolling conservatives with his clickbait, the power of BTS stans manipulating the charts, and a douche (Kanye) vs a turd sandwich (Drake).  Compare that to 2019 where nearly every number one of that year had some sort of thought provoking controversy attached to it.  I find it fitting that a good portion of this year was a lot of music that charted in 2020 over 2021 because there were barely any album bombs for a decent while.  Don’t look at me.  Blame Billboard’s stupid year end tracking system.

But of course, we have to start this list season off with the entry that gets me my most annual hits.  The worst list.  And despite what I’ve said about 2021 being overall a decent 6/10 year, this is the first time in three years where I had a lot of solid contenders for the worst list.  So let's not waste any more time and start things off with the dishonorable mentions.

 

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

 

“Without You” – The Kid LAROI

My apologies to the late Juice WRLD, but his protégé is absolutely awful.  I haven’t had such an immediate detestable reaction to someone’s voice this quick since Simple Plan’s Pierre Bouvier.  And my god what an absolutely punchable first impression this song was.  As the year came to a close, I can’t help but laugh at this more than I do outright hate it.  And at least it spawned some pretty funny TikToks over this song’s most quotable line:

“So there you go oh, can’t make a wife out of a hoe.”

You’re right Kid.  Go ahead and preach this truth in the most whiny nasally irritable way possible.  Oh wait.  That’s just because she’s not boning you anymore.  Thank god "Stay" is catchy as hell because he would be so high up on my shit list if it wasn't for that.

 

“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

I still can’t believe this song lasted around like the fucking plague all year and is just now peaking inside the top ten.  I guess there’s a lot more Dream stans out there than I realized.  My bad because I honestly just can't understand who would find this song be worthy of anyone's time.  Thank god pop-rock came back in a huge swing this year because this is the sort of shit that made tired of the current "alternative rock" scene.

 

“Whoopty” – CJ

Still as forgettable as the first time I heard it.  I would call it Baby’s First Drill Song, but I don’t even think that is fair to babies.

 

 

“Beatbox” – SpotemGottem (featuring Pooh Shiesty…or DaBaby…or NLE Choppa…or Polo G…there are one too many remixes)

I don’t get what’s so impressive about this beat that required like one million remixes this year.  Some were good, but more often than not, they were just unimpressive.  And that’s even before we get to the original song by the original rapper who is so uncharismatic, so unimpressive, and so forgettable that he still doesn’t have a Wikipedia page as of the time I wrote this.  Most baffling hit of the year.

 

“Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)

We go from most baffling hit of the year to the most boring man of the year featuring the most baffling guest verse of the year.  Some indie darlings just aren’t meant to make the jump to the mainstream and I can’t think of a more drastic drop-off in quality than Chance over the last few years.  Those Acid Rap and Coloring Book days are long gone as now he’s comparing his girl to…Oscar Proud?

 

“Better Together” – Luke Combs

Yeah I’m still not completely sold on Luke Combs yet.  To be honest, all these dull and sappy as hell love ballads he released this year really aren’t doing him no favors in my book.  Especially with this piece of shit that sounds like it would have been performed by Lewis Capaldi if given the chance.  Hell I think I would have preferred Lewis Capaldi because at least I would have distinctly remembered it.

 

“Time Today” – Moneybagg Yo

It is just “Said Sum” again.  Which hey, I liked “Said Sum” the first time around.  But “Said Sum” is not a song that seriously needed its own cheap knockoff.  Seriously it has the same production more or less, the same beat, the same flow, hell even the same alliteration of a song title.  He even refers to himself as the “Said Sum” rapper.  If you’re not going to give yourself more credit than that, why should I as a listener?  Next.

 

“If I Didn’t Love You” – Jason Aldean & Carrie Underwood

Clearly name recognition powered this song into becoming a hit because these two don’t have a believable ounce of chemistry with each other.  Kind of reminds of me Jason Aldean’s duet with another former American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson, from ten years ago.  And just like with that song, this song is so basic that I would not be surprised to see reality singing show contestants perform this song together for years to follow since it is that lacking in personality and plausibility.

 

“On Me” – Lil Baby

I still haven’t come around on Lil Baby yet, although I’m getting closer and closer with each passing year.  But even when I do, I can still tell when one of his songs isn’t even trying.  Lil Baby has been on the record saying he made this song because he was bored while in lockdown and I can tell.  This definitely sounds like someone who is bored and has nothing better to do.  And while I wish I could like it for representing the exact sentiments I’ve felt for most of this year, I still wouldn’t like it because Lil Baby sounds like such an unlikeable little shit on this.

 

“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes

This was honestly close to making my list at first, but then I decided I couldn’t give this song any sort of grief.  Because that’s exactly what it wants.  It wants you to look at it in disgust and horror.  Bask in its painful tackiness.  Hell you could say that it celebrates making everyone cringe at its product placement and cornball lines.  Then it hit me.  I don’t hate this.  I’m just fascinated something this terrible actually exists.  I expect this to make many and I mean MANY worst lists so everyone can go ahead and jump at this easy target.  I don’t blame you for doing so, it’s pretty fucking bad.  Meanwhile, I’ll just continue to sit here and marvel at this lame, yet fascinating bad song.

 

 

Now that we got that out of the way, there is one more thing I would like to make clear before I start this list season off.  Both my best and worst lists this year are going to be Top Elevens.  Why eleven?  Because I like to go one step further.  Let's just say I have some 2020 backwash that I've already talked about a plenty that I want to make these lists as authentic as possible.  I do actually have some more to say about these songs that are two years old now each so trust me when I say that it won't be tired material.  Got it?  Good.  Now let's go crazy.  We're counting down.

 



 THE TOP ELEVEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2021




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I really didn’t want to start this worst list off by talking about a song that I actually liked at one point.  I mean I still do think it’s a good song after it being around for a good two years or so, but I never want to hear it ever again.  Overplay has practically killed a lot of interest I once had in it.  The fact that this is now one of the biggest country crossover hits of all-time is also astonishing.  Blame the pandemic for making the music industry move at a snail’s pace for a while too.

I am of course, talking about “I Hope” if you haven’t figured it out by now.  A revenge fantasy song from Gabby (Coney) Barrett that I’ve called good, hell excellent even.  So why am I talking about this song on the worst list?  Well…


11. “I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)


In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last two years (which if so, I wish I would have joined you), we are living in the era of remix chart manipulation.  Lil Nas X opened the floodgates of this new era of remixing with “Old Town Road” and its five or six remixes over two years prior becoming the longest reigning number one song of all-time.  And now the rest of the music industry has caught on and we are getting more and more unnecessary remixes.  Granted not all of them have been bad.  Hell some have been very good.  But more often than not, we get these forced out collaborations solely with the purpose to get a quick and easy number one hit or to prolong a charting song’s lifespan.  It’s inorganic and honestly further proving how broken Billboard’s system really is when an artists’ stan following will mass purchase every remix.

With all the remixes floating out there, I told myself that I would only count a remix on my worst list if Billboard credits the remix over the original.  And last year, this was one of the few remixes that made Billboard’s year end list.  I hated this remix from the very first moment I heard it, but out of the respect that I had for the original being a good song, I just couldn’t find it in me to place it anywhere near the worst list.  And even talking in hindsight, I still don’t think this would have made the actual list; probably would have been in my dishonorable mentions.

So why am I talking about it this year?  Because that remix has given it such a longer lifespan to the point that the radio absolutely adores this remix.  Yes I still listen to the radio in 2021 against my better judgment.  I don’t want to pay any more in roaming charges to listen to Apple Music in my car.  And the more I hear it, the more everything bad about this remix stands out.  This is by far the worst I’ve ever heard Charlie Puth; and that goes back to his 2015/2016 dentist office music that he used to make.  He sounds absolutely insufferable singing this.  And he completely misses the point of the original by a country mile.

What made Charlie Puth good in 2017/2018 was taking a heel turn and becoming a bit of a dick instead of trying to play Mr. Nice Guy like he was the years prior.  Which would have made him the perfect fit for this song and given it some needed depth.  But instead, he sings alongside Gabby Barrett and keeps adding more spite that’s not needed and it just doesn’t work.  It’s just such a completely baffling creative decision and I don’t know who thought that was a good idea even the slightest.

This is one of the worst remixes I’ve heard in my years of talking music and the fact that this was still one of the biggest songs of any year for a second year in a row just goes to show how little new content we actually got.  That and Billboard should not be tracking from early November to early November.

 

 


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I can’t believe I had that much to say about the fucking remix to “I Hope”.  I told myself that I was going to try and cut back on some of my long winded rants.  So I hope you don’t mind me taking a bit of a breather and just go for an easy target from some schmuck who I doubt will have a second hit.


10. “Good Time” – Niko Moon


This is your friendly reminder that “bro-country” is far from dead.  It just evolved from being laughably dated to uninterestingly dull and lifeless.  So this guy’s name is Niko and Vinz…I mean Niko Moon….this is not a real name.  He’s the poor man’s Sam Hunt.  And apparently he has ties to some short-lived EDM country group formed by Zack Brown.  Country and EDM…those two don’t go together.  And honestly that’s everything I know that is even remotely interesting about Niko Moon.

Do I even need to point out the obvious if you listen to this song?  For a song called “Good Time” this isn’t even remotely fun…or entertaining…or catchy…or interesting.  It just fucking sucks the air out of the room mixed in with some incredibly dated trap snares and hi-hats.  But you know what I hate most about this?  This layer of smugness and self-righteous attitude.  Bro, are you even listening to your own song?  You sound as bored of these outdated clichés as your listening audience does. 

Like I mentioned in my dishonorable mentions, I wanted to place “Fancy Like” on this list.  But at the end of the day, at least that other schmuck who I also doubt will have another hit (or at least as big as “Fancy Like”) put forth some effort into it.  Even with all the cringe cross-marketing and lame virality, I’ll remember it.  I forget how this half-baked bargain bin reject of a country song goes every time I hear it.  Next.

 

 


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Let’s dive back into the world of TikTok as we talk about yet another schmuck who I doubt will get a second hit.


9. “Track Star” – Mooski


Wow.  What an absolutely stupid metaphor.  Any further insight on how this girl makes you feel or any more amazingly lame track and field puns or are you just going to paint this girl out to be a flake and that you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong because you’re awesome and….yep definitely the latter.

That’s the thing about these TikTok one-offs.  For your song to really crossover and gain success, you really need to have one hell of a ten to thirty seconds to keep you invested.  Yet somehow, this song was able to get its biggest gains from not streaming or sales, but the radio.  Here’s the thing about the radio though.  With so many people still out of work due to the pandemic from iHeartRadio and its subsidiaries, stations are willing to grasp at any sort of TikTok clout that they can get to find out what songs to make famous.  And low and behold, this song got a remix from Chris Brown of all fucking people at just the right time to capitalize and make this a legitimate hit.

And I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who are impressed by Mooski (absolutely stupid rap name ftr) wailing about how this girl leaves when things get bad.  There is always an audience for that.  Probably part of the reason that this was the biggest year for R&B in close to twenty years.

But for the love of god, this guy is such a dick.  I mean all you have to do is listen to the rest of the song outside of those five to ten seconds and you can start to see the signs as to what all the melodrama is about.  Gasp, how dare she blast him on social media.  She’s only…just as reasonable as everyone else.  And for the record, if you’re going to spend the entire song bragging mostly about how much better you are, you’re really not that much better than airing your drama out on social media you egotistical fuck. 

Honestly, I’m starting to question if we are supposed to relate to the girl that’s running away from this douchebag.  The fact that he associated himself with Chris Brown makes too much sense. 

 

 


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8. “Put Your Records On” – Ritt Momney



This guy put as much effort into this cover song as he put into his stage name.  I'm not wasting any more time on this trash.  Go listen to the original.  Next.

 

 


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It is surreal to me that EuroVision is now popular enough to gain major traction stateside.  Which I’m all for.  I’ve been a casual viewer for the last six years now.  But even then, I was surprised to see the series has gotten big enough to have a full length Will Ferrell comedy film last year.  And I was even more surprised to see that MANY European crossover acts get actual hits stateside.  Not all of them are good though.


7. “Arcade” – Duncan Laurence


Basic.  Painfully basic.

You guys remember that indie rock car commercial boom of the last few years?  I’m genuinely surprised this song isn’t attached to some sort of product yet, unless it is and I’m just that out of touch with modern day commercialism.  I mean they got FLETCHER for the remix so there's a good chance this is attached to some sort of product out there.  

I also hate how it is yet another vaguely generic ballad about some girl breaking this guy’s heart.  But most of all, I just hate this guy’s voice.  What is with America’s fascination with bringing in European pop exports singing in the most nauseating grating tone about heartbreak like they are the first ones to experience it?  Why are we still doing this?  And before we go any further, no.  You’re not going to see Maneskin’s cover of Beggin’ make the list.  I actually love the lead singer’s voice.  It’s unique.  And it’s a perfectly good cover, despite Maneskin’s deep cuts being so much better.

Let’s leave Duncan Laurence back at the arcade…that takes pennies?  Has this guy even ever been to an arcade?  The fuck is this?

 

 

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These worst lists take so much effort out of me to write, so let's just sit back and pick on an easy target for a bit.  Low hanging fruit is low hanging.  Thanks Justin Bieber.


6. “Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco



Look I started off this year by saying that he is the worst popstar and that second place is not even close.  Then he dropped that multi-week number one smash this year, Justice, as damage control from his previous album, Changes; which I’ve been on the record for saying that is by far one of the worst albums I’ve ever listened to.  While Justice is still bad, Justin still got five smash hits off that album so it looks like he’s still sticking around for a while longer.  The fact that he appears on the year end six times on this list proves that he is still a superstar in the music industry.  And by those accords, I agree….to an extent.

He’s still a superstar because the radio refuses to rotate his songs out.  Bieber is still racking up hits because he has evolved into the next phase of his career; making radio friendly safe music.  Bieber is starting to take the Adam Levine route of making soulless hollow garbage that will not provoke a reaction out of anyone.  The only difference being that Justin Bieber still has a crap ton of young female fans.  Adam Levine still has fans too…soccer moms.  And the older Justin Bieber gets, the more those young female fans will either realize that he sucks and move on or become soccer moms themselves.  So you know what, I concede.  Justin Bieber is just going to stick around whether we like him or not since he now has a new formula for continued success.

But lord do I wish that said new formula was a little less…whatever this is.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQOO2xGQ1Pc&t=58s

Someone please put that dying mountain goat out of its misery.  I’ll give Bieber this.  That awkward yelping at least makes me remember this song in comparison to the rest of the generic garbage he’s put out.  But that’s not what put this song on the list.  It’s yet his consistent effort to constantly remind everyone of his douchebag years nearly ten years ago.  We get it.  You regret being an unlikeable piece of shit.  But it’s 2021.  You’ve made three albums now about how you regret your past.  FIND A DIFFERENT SUBJECT ALREADY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.

 

 

 

 

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Remember this song?  Who am I kidding of course you do.  The song that put One Direction on the map and made them one of the biggest pop acts of the 2010s.  Jesus who thought I would ever be nostalgic for an era that isn’t even ten years old yet.

Look I’m not going to mince words, I do not like this song even the slightest bit.  It is unflattering garbage that makes my skin crawl.  But in the end, you can only get so mad at teenage boys trying to make girls swoon.  Now if this was sung by a bunch of 40 something year old men…



5. “Just The Way” – Parmalee & Blanco Brown


The moment I first heard this I immediately made that correlation to “What Makes You Beautiful”.  I mean it’s all there.  The backhanded compliments.  Pointing out all of said imperfections so non-discretely that I couldn’t picture any girl swooning.  Except that this isn’t Teen Magazine heartthrobs like Harry Styles or Zayn.  It’s sung by a bunch of boomers who claim that they love the way GOD made you.  Where’s Steve Buscemi with the “how do you do fellow kids” when you need it.

I mean is it fair of me to ask why the hell either of these acts needed a second hit?  Parmalee has been around when even I listened to only country music in the early 2000’s.  They only got lucky with their first legitimate hit ten years ago by catching onto the bro-country trend when it was just picking up steam and here they are doing the same trend-hopping trick once again by cashing in on the boyfriend country boom.  Meanwhile, Blanco Brown got his only hit by trying to reverse engineer the massive success of “Old Town Road” two years ago and only rode that success so far because Nashville wasn’t remotely threatened by his stupid TikTok lite dance.  That should have made my worst list in hindsight but I left it off there because you couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy knowing that’s how he was going to be remembered by.  Nashville’s bottom bitch because they don’t want to support Lil Nas X.

And once again, I was wrong.  I don’t feel sorry for either of these two if they are just going to coast off trends for the rest of their careers.  Get this Chase Rice levels of wannabe country music trash out of my ears and into the gutter of irrelevance where they both came from.  Next.

 

 

 

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4. “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu (featuring Drake)


Really?  We’re doing this again?  We’re going to make yet another emo rap song that samples “Shape of My Heart” by Sting?  It hasn’t even been two years yet since the passing of Juice WRLD that a lot of the industry is still in mourning.  You’re going to have the audacity to sample a song that Juice WRLD sampled and made it his most recognized song?  And even worse, you’re going to make it about the same subject matter?  This reeks of hack marketing for this song to lead to increased streaming and more radio spins.  And if that wasn’t obvious enough, it also has the coveted Drake feature to prove that.

Which lets talk about that Drake feature.  Drake has done a ton of features for a bunch of no names; rest in peace to BlocBoy JB’s career.  Sure there are a few exceptions to this, like I was absolutely wrong about Lil Baby’s career trajectory.  But more often than not, I feel like Drake spreads the cosign wealth around to remind people how much worse off we can be without him.  That’s not the case here.  Drake is absolutely god awful here.  Drake does his usual jealous possessive boyfriend bullshit, but he sounds so passive aggressive to the point that he just comes off as a massive dick.

And despite that, I’m still unsure as to if he’s better or worse than Yung Blah.  I know that’s not how his name is spelled, but it might as well be because his warble mouth singing makes Post Malone sound like a choir of angels when he does it.  And when you can make out what he’s saying, he also sounds like a fucking asshole.  The delusional entitlement of this guy is infuriating.  She can’t live her life without me because she’s so blind, as Yung Blech so eloquently states is pretentiousness straight out of his ass.  Like he makes himself out to be this wise sage that she is clearly missing out on, even though he straight up says in the song that he played her multiple times and he often ignored her.  If she actually does leave her new man for this asshat, it’s clearly due to Stockholm Syndrome because I can’t even begin to contemplate what draws this girl back to him.

This is just an UGLY song all caps.  And so be it, I don’t hate this song for being ugly.  But when you can’t write either of these guys out to be redeeming in the slightest bit, then I’m sorry, I would just tell both of these guys to go fuck themselves.  They clearly would.

 

 


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Sigh…I don’t hate this act.  I actually have A LOT of respect for them.  They hold a unique place in the music landscape of being one of the few country acts who can genuinely pull off country-pop hybrid music.  Hell my first wedding dance was to their big hit, “Speechless”.  And I still love it despite all of its corny clichés.  That’s what true love is.  Corny cliches and still tolerating them fifty years later *wink*.  Facts for a successful 

But something in me just snapped this year and all the venom and vitriol that many others gave these two over the last couple years was completely warranted.


3. “Glad You Exist” – Dan + Shay


I mean doesn’t that title just say it all?  I’m glad that you exist girl.  Who the fuck even says that?  What happened to telling a girl you left them speechless?  Or hell even I want you all to myself or I’d spend 10,000 hours?  At least those were compliments.  I’m just glad that you exist is such a fucking backhanded compliment to the point that it makes me quiver with genuine rage.

But honestly, it isn’t just that…phrase…that makes me hate this.  The WHOLE song is adolescent as hell.  Like I’m pretty sure the only group of girls who would find this flattering are the preteens that Dan + Shay seems perfectly complacent targeting because they are more or less, the boy bandification of country music.

Hell that might be an insult to preteens.  This is inoffensive dentist office music.  You know the type of music that is so perfectly complacent being targeted to waiting room lobbies while you’re waiting for them to call your name to get your bi-yearly teeth cleaning.  And then this song comes on and you sit there thinking, “oh yeah, that was a hit awhile ago” because what else do you have better to do or think about?  I mean you’ve got nothing to do except sit there awkwardly staring at your phone or reading five month old magazines that desperately need to be changed out because the Milwaukee Bucks won the NBA championship six months ago.  It’s the start of a new NBA season.  Why are we still talking about the last?  And who the fuck cares about which out of his league celebrity Pete Davidson is dating then when he’s dating Kim Kardashian now.  Unless he’s not.  Let me Google search my phone…

….oh wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah.  This song blows.  Next.

 

 

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You know it is time to hit the pop music retirement home when acts that are close to half your age start getting chart success.  And no artist further proved that to me this year than the biggest one of this year, Olivia Rodrigo.  But at the very least, I definitely understand why she became such a superstar this year.  She conveys her emotions very well and while all her songs are not aimed to resonate with me, an over the age of 30 year old male; I admire her enough to give her the good ole two thumbs up.  She’s going to rule this decade, mark my words.

See?  Even older males like me can give teenagers their due that they can write good music.  They are also capable of writing bad music too.  And then there’s this.


2. “You Broke Me First” – Tate McRae


A song so limp and lifeless that doesn’t get a reaction out of me, you, or damn near anyone.  But the more I hear this, the more its failure to elicit any sort of strong feelings straight up pisses me off.  I think the only thing this song has going for it is that it displays less emotion than it does music.  Because my god, this song barely exists.  It’s a rough draft entry pulled out of some teenage girl’s diary with barely any sort of musical accompaniment.  It’s actively sucking in ways that aren’t humanely possible.

Then of course, let’s talk about the artist she is clearly emulating.  Fun fact, but Tate McRae actually has written music with Billie Eilish before her huge breakout hit.  What’s missing though is the actual commitment to making good music.  Billie actually writes lyrics that fit in with the choices she makes with her musical accompaniment and production.  She commits to her craft.

What I get from listening to Tate McRae is that I want to be taken seriously as a popstar but I can’t convey any sort of emotions through my vocal reflections.  Listening to Tate McRae’s soulless drone pop is the exact sort of failed transition to pop stardom I felt from Julia Michaels and Rachel Platten before her.  Granted Tate is much younger than both of them so maybe just maybe she might be able to win me over after this terrible first impression, but my god do I absolutely hate how immature this song is.

Especially that chorus.  I think Tate McRae has the impression that “you broke me first” is a much more cutting line than it actually is.  Maybe if that was a line in a verse, I would think that’s fairly clever.  But the entire hook of your song?  Why would you do that?!?!?! 

“You Broke Me First” is if someone made the “No U” meme into a pop song.  And really isn’t that all the attention this song actually deserves?

 

 

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Any of you still hate this song?  I mean I don’t blame you.  Absolutely one of the pinnacle pieces when it comes to pointing out how absolutely dumb and dated “bro-country” was at its worst.  I didn’t hate it.  I actually sort of respected how well this remix worked, even if the song itself was unbearably meat-headed.


With that said, I’ll take 100 “Cruise (Remixes)” if that means we never get a song like this ever again.


1. “Lil Bit” – Nelly & Florida Georgia Line


Like I said, at least “Cruise” worked.  What this…what EVEN is this!?  Is it country?  Is it rap?  Is it a hybrid of the two ala “Old Town Road”?  It’s none of these.  It’s audio white noise.  The worst type of music.

Years ago I mentioned how country music has such a one-sided relationship with rap music and while that obviously still rings true today, there has always been one huge exception to this rule and that is Nelly.  For some reason, Nelly is one of the few rappers who is happy to reciprocate right back on a consistent basis.  Yeah sure you’ve got your one-off flukes like that awful Kane Brown song with Swae Lee and Khalid or that awful Kane Brown song with Blackbear or that awful Kane Brown song with H.E.R.  But let’s be clear, none of these artists have consistently collaborated with Nashville outside of pop music trying to make Kane Brown crossover.

Nelly has shamelessly sold himself out to Nashville more times than I can count.  I mean his last album was ALL country music.  I get wanting to pay homage to your roots, which is his explanation for his “love” of country music, but these song titles…”Grits & Glamour”?  “Ms. Drive Me Crazy”?  And he even has a SECOND collaboration with the liberal side of Florida Georgia Line called “Country Boy Do”.  Nelly can say that he wants to pay tribute to his love of country music, but his love for it comes off as hollow at best.

I was tempted to just make this whole entry about how much Nelly does not work in the genre of country music but then there is Florida Georgia Line.  Who despite all the personal turmoil they have been going through in the past year with their conflicting political differences almost ending the duo for good, still managed to survive and continue to suck at making music.  It doesn't matter what genres these asshats hop themselves into.  Whether its country, pop, rap, hell you should listen to their adult contemporary singles if you want a real good laugh; let's just face the facts.  They suck.  They continue to suck.  And I'm getting as sick of seeing these two continue to still be around as much as I am Maroon 5.  Yes we've gotten to that point ladies and gentlemen.

I guess I should probably talk about the song itself.  I mean what exactly is there to talk about it?  Except for that absolutely shameless plug for Ciroc, nearly every lyric from this was taken from some other song.  There is absolutely nothing original here that I haven’t heard 500 times before. Hell part of me wonders if 50 Cent, being the petty man that he is, should sue since nearly half the chorus is just these jackasses saying “just a lil bit”.  If I were Nelly, Florida, and Georgia, I’d lawyer up.

This is seriously one of the most unoriginal, laziest excuses for a song that I’ve ever heard.  This is the Direct to DVD sequel no one asked for of popular music and just like with the Mulan 2's and The Lion King 1 1/2's of the world, it should stay forgotten in the Wal-Mart 99 cent bargain bin where it belongs.



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So that's my music worst list for 2021.  The best list is in the works as we speak so stay tuned for that.  Also have my best Christmas movies list being worked on too so stay tuned for that.  And as always, thank you all for reading.  I appreciate my loyal viewers like you more than you'll ever know.  Until next time, take care!