Billboard Chart Rankings: Summer 2020

Welcome to my summer seasonal chart ranking.  And you know what?  I’m going to switch things up a bit compared to where we were with the Spring.  Since I’m not doing any collaborations with anyone this time around and these are just my general thoughts, I figured I would try something new with this version.  Instead of giving you a traditional 20-1, I’m going to give you guys tier rankings. 

Now I know what you are thinking.  Why tier rankings instead?  Well I’m going to be completely honest.  I don’t want to reveal any potential spoilers for my end of the year lists.  I mean after all, we are halfway through the year.  Or in Billboard’s charting case, 60-65% of the way there (Billboard’s tracking system needs a major overhaul, but that’s another rant entirely).  So why give everything away now.  Where would the surprises be?  Granted my opinions are always evolving.  What I may like now I can turn my thoughts around rather quickly.  That’s why I never take these seasonal rankings too seriously.2020.  The year that is actually very good for hit music and nothing else.  I’m as ready for this year to be over as everyone else.  But as my friend Wumbo said so eloquently during our collaboration project a few months ago, I hope these blog entries provide some serotonin for your day in the meantime.

So let's not waste any more time.  The chart being ranked is the week ending June 20th.  Let's talk about....

THE BILLBOARD HOT 100 SUMMER 2020 TOP 20 RANKED

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THE TERRIBLE TIER:

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You know what 2020 could use?  Some positivity!

-“Sunday Best” - Surfaces

You know, just not from these fucking hacks.  Which they are as motivational as a hang in there cat poster:

Seriously, this song is fucking lame.  Can I ask who is actually inspired by these two numbnuts?  This is inspirational for someone who is feeling inspired for the first time.  It's fitting that their stage name is "Surfaces" because these guys are surface leveled deep.  Can't wait for their fifteen minutes to be up...

https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/9401293/surfaces-elton-john-learn-to-fly

...oh come on Sir Elton John.  Why!?!?

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…on the plus side, at least this song blocked 6ix9ine from a potential number one?

-“Stuck With U” – Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

I haven’t thought about this song since the controversy surrounding how it got to number one.  Did Ariana and Bieber’s PR team probably cheat the system to get this dull turd of a song to number one?  Probably.  Let’s be honest.  They have Scooter Braun as their manager.  The guy is pretty sleazy.  He had Bieber tweet how to commit streaming fraud six months earlier.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought 3000 or however many copies of this song in the waning hours of the charting week to do so.  Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he pushed this single out super quick to take advantage of a weakened chart system so he can get an easy number one disguised as a charity single.

Removing all controversy aside.  This song fucking sucks.  It’s a charity single for COVID-19, which we’ve been getting a lot of pandemic songs as of late.  This is the worst of the bunch.  Not just because it’s boring, it is just so unremarkable.  I mean the basic gist of this song is that “I guess I’m stuck with you, let’s fuck.”  I mean, is it not?  These two don’t have any chemistry and they talk about loving you and hating you at the same time.  Not really the most flattering compliment.  Still better than comparing your girl to a financial asset, right Bieber?

Honestly, the best comparison I give this song is to my deep hatred towards Ed Sheeran and Beyonce’s “Perfect”.  A half-assed rough draft of a song lacking so much personality that sounds like two of the biggest popstars on the planet weren’t even remotely trying.  Yeah.  It’s déjà vu all over again under the disguise of a charity single.  Yeah I’d rather have this at number one than the rainbow haired pedophile, but let’s not act like this song really matters.  Or is even remotely good.  It’s not.

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-“Falling” – Trevor Daniel

“I’m convinced that this song was specifically designed to make YouTube music critics put it on their worst lists.”

Okay time to take off the tinfoil hat for like five seconds.  This song is specifically designed to be a warbling bitchfit.  Just like all of the other Post Malone rip-offs that have flooded the charts as of late.  But Trevor Daniel is taking this to a whole other level thanks to tantric whining.  No please dude.  Please enlighten me about how you are the first to sing about a girl doing you wrong.  What an original concept for a pop song.  You brooding edgelord you.

I’ll be absolutely stunned if this guy gets another hit.  Not just because this song is awful.  He has absolutely nothing to him as a performer.  I couldn’t tell you anything distinct about this no name.  He’s just as generic as his stage name.

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-“Intentions” – Justin Bieber (featuring Quavo)

This song still exists.  And it’s still excruciating.  I sure hope Justin Bieber is enjoying that radio payola.  Because that is the only music listening format that still cares about this fucking bore for nearly six months. 

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THE BAD TIER:

Normally I plan for there to be a bad tier.  But there are no songs I would consider traditionally bad.  Onto the next one.

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THE MEDIOCRE TIER:

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-“Toosie Slide” – Drake

Maybe this should be in the bad tier for a completely different reason.  Because it’s comedically bad.  But good lord does this song strike a mood in this timeline.

Drake is an evil genius.  This is blatantly made to get popular on TikTok.  There is literally no effort on trying to make this song noteworthy.  Everything about it screams basic and meant to trendhop.  But it’s almost evil how maddingly catchy it is and how little effort was placed into this.

I’ve lost count how many times I find myself humming along to it.  I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said right foot up immediately followed by left foot slide.  And I’ve also lost count how many times I’ve viewed the challenges on TikTok.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this song is immediately forgotten by the time this pandemic is over.  But Drake really keeps finding ways to strike while the lightning is hot.  Basically I’m saying either way…fuck you Drake.  You’re a virtuoso. 

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-“Roses” – Saint Jhn (IMANBEK Remix)

Time for the build up to my ground breaking thoughts on the dance track that is sweeping the nation.  Be prepared everyone.  Because this is some earth shattering revelations!

…it exists.

I really don’t have any thoughts on this song.  I mean the remix does make it better, but over the weekend I found three different IMANBEK remixes and I can absolutely say that he is a one trick pony.  He just rehashes the same bass drop for every song.

But what a bass drop.  I stand by it being rehashed, but it perfectly fits the sped up original version.  So I’ll give it credit there.  But still could care less about it either way.

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Okay forget what I said in my last chart ranking.  This song soured on me in record time.

-“Say So” – Doja Cat

I mean it still sounds amazing.  It’s a great sounding pop song.  Doja Cat still sings beautifully.  And I’ll be honest.  Dr. Luke’s involvement in this song is not what soured it on me.  I mean it sure as hell doesn’t help it.  No.  What soured it on me is EVERYTHING that has transpired in the past month and a half or so.

https://www.vulture.com/2020/05/doja-cat-career-controversy-timeline-dr-luke-racism.html

I try to separate the art from the artist and most of the time, I can say that I’m fairly successful at that. But Doja Cat really is doing herself no favors with everything that has been popping up lately.  And let’s not forget the even bigger reason.  The reason her song got to number one.

https://talentrecap.com/twitter-wants-to-see-doja-cats-boobs-as-promised-after-say-so-with-nicki-minaj-hits-1/

I hate the internet sometimes for this specific reason.  It’s toxic as hell and it really grates on my gears to see people act this stupid.  Do you people actually think for a minute Doja Cat would show off her boobs to get a song to number one?  Especially for a god awful remix to begin with.  Nicki Minaj completely detracts from this song and only makes it worse.  But god forbid she doesn't shame her stans for doxxing the Chart Data guy and basically act like total loons to try and get Oinka her first number one...on a feature...for a song that was probably going to get to number one at some point with or without her....

Maybe someday I’ll look past all this and it might be in my good graces again.  Like I said.  It is an amazing sounding pop song.  But this is my honest in the moment thoughts and no song has gotten more annoying in record time than this one.  Sorry.

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THE DECENT TIER:

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-“Life Is Good” – Future (featuring Drake)

What can I say?  This has grown on me.  I mean Drake’s part still resonates with me.  I am working on the weekends like usual.  Drake really should have gotten more than a minute and a half of material.  He is great here.

And even though Future’s part runs on for way too long, those “woos!”  I like “woo!”  I support “woo!”  

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-“WHAT’S POPPIN’” – Jack Harlow

Finally.  A white male rapper emerging on the hit scene who doesn’t suck.  Is that so much to ask for?

I’ve been told there are some out there, but man we’ve gone through some pretty shitty mediocre white males over the last couple years.  MGK, Gnash, G-Eazy, blackbear…they all suck.  Maybe at some point they didn’t suck and hell I like a couple songs from some of these names.  But they don’t leave any lasting impression.

And I guess the same can be said for Jack Harlow here.  I’m not going to lie.  When I first heard this, I thought he was jacking DaBaby’s flow.  Or maybe I thought that because JetsonMade produced this and he’s responsible for most of DaBaby’s hits.  Either way, these flows are way too similar.  But I’ll give Harlow credit.  His lines are sharp.  He doesn’t really say anything that makes me cringe.  And something that all these other mediocre white male rappers don’t have.  Presence.

That being said, this doesn’t reinvent the wheel either.  It’s just another trap song bragging about how many girls he gets while bragging about how successful he is.  Eventually, all these standard trap songs are going to mesh into one giant blob of who gives a shit.  But I kind of like it.  Perfectly cemented in the decent tier.

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THE GOOD TIER:

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Okay.  Time to get political.

-“ROCKSTAR” – DaBaby (featuring Roddy Ricch)

If you asked me a couple weeks ago, this would also be in the decent tier.  But then, reality happened.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/31/us/george-floyd-investigation.html

What’s going on in the world, can’t be ignored.  I hope the protesting keeps moving forward until real change occurs when it comes to police brutality against the black community.  People in the world need to be aware of these issues going on and take the action to make a change in the world that is so badly needed.  Especially now that more of it is being filmed and shared on social media for the world to see.  The system we have right now enables inequality.  As a white male, I don’t know what it is like to walk in a black man or woman’s shoes.  But I know damn well that there shouldn’t be a difference. 

So with that being said, this chorus is a fucking mood right now.  When I see all the peaceful protesting out there, my mind immediately goes to “Brand new Lamborghini, fuck a cop car”.  And even before reality happened, DaBaby is really good on this song.  I love DaBaby’s introspection on this song about his real life situation regarding what happened in front of his daughter in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  It shows maturity that we really don’t get that often from the guy who made “BOP”.

Honestly, the one thing that I still haven’t come around with on this song is Roddy Ricch’s guest verse.  Outside of his introspection from his own personal story regarding legal run-ins, I just don’t like what he’s doing with his voice.  It’s very Young Thug-lite.  And while I get that Young Thug is someone Roddy Ricch has stated that he idolizes, what Roddy Ricch is doing on this song is very distracting.  His voice just cracks way too much that distracts from all the flow switch-ups we’ve come to expect from Roddy. 

Either way, this is a prime candidate for Song of the Summer 2020.  Not for the fun we’ve come to expect from songs of the summer in the past.  But for the importance of a bigger movement that should not be swept under the rug.  Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the oppressor.  May we all stand in solidarity for what we know is right.

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-“The Bones” – Maren Morris

This is absolutely growing on me.  Maybe Maren Morris is more emotionally connected to this song than I give her credit for because her lowkey singing really does fit this awful year we are still stuck in.  Although I would be perfectly okay with the house falling right now because we as a society need to change.

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-“The Box” – Roddy Ricch

“Fuck 12.  Fuck SWAT.”

Another accurate mood from our current climate.

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-“Blueberry Faygo” – Lil Mosey

Maybe if WHAT’S POPPIN was more fun like this, it would also be in the good tier.

I’m all for this new R&B trend of sampling lesser known 90s R&B tracks and making them fun and upbeat.  It’s what I like to call the DJ Mustard treatment.  Because damn did he strike gold with “Ballin’”, which is one of the best songs of the year for sure.

And while this is basically Diet Ballin’, I don’t care.  It’s fun, chill, upbeat.  I don’t know much about Lil Mosey.  Hell I doubt he will get another hit this big ever again.  He doesn’t leave much of an impression.  But what a chorus.  That sample of “My My My” is fucking brilliant.  Anyone want to sample “Feels Good” next?

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-“Savage” – Meghan Thee Stallion

So this is kind of a tricky placement for me.  Because the remix of this song is what is making the song huge more so than the original.  And the original to me was already fairly big, especially on our lord and savior, Tik Tok.

I think either way I look at it, I’m placing this in the good tier.  Remix or no remix.  I absolutely adore the original more than I do the remix.  It only has two notes, but those two notes just fucking kill.  And I love Megan’s flexing.  I’m fully onboard with Megan Thee Stallion as the next big female rapper.  She has personality.  She has charisma.  She has great presence.  The fact that she is sticking around with multiple hits is a telling sign that she is one of the big names of the future.

But what prevents the original from making the excellent tier for me is that the original felt more like a demo than it did a completed song.  So I’ll give the remix this.  This definitely feels more like a finished product.  And Beyonce is a perfect complement to Megan.  This song oozes so much personality that I can’t get enough of it.

But what prevents the remix from being better than the original?  It has too much Beyonce.  Which is a thing for me.  And I like Beyonce.  But this is a remix to Megan’s song first and foremost.  And I think it is almost unfair how much Beyonce’s presence overshadows Megan’s.  It is almost petty of me to say that, but I really wish Megan got more than just one verse on the remix to her own song.  Like come on now.

Really happy this hit number one though.  Wish it had more than just one week at the top, but I’ll take what I can get.

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-“Don’t Start Now” – Dua Lipa

Maybe its due to the pandemic we are stuck in, but I’m really not vibing with this song like I once did.  I mean it’s admittedly still a really good song.  But it’s not great.

But you know what is great?  “Future Nostalgia”.  Excellent pop album that I’m still streaming to this day.  Still rooting for them to push “Cool” as a single.  One of my favorite songs of the year, period.

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THE EXCELLENT TIER:

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-“Circles” – Post Malone

Seasons change and I’m running out of things to say.  Seriously this can get off the charts any day now.  Please.

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-“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd

Still fucking amazing.  Anyone constantly throwing shade about not getting why so many people love this really need to re-evaluate their priorities.

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-“Adore You” – Harry Styles

This really is a perfect pop song, isn’t it?  It doesn’t make much of a statement, but it doesn’t really need to.  It knows what it is capable of and it does it damn well.  Who would have thought Harry Styles would quickly become one of my favorite artists working today so quick?

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-“I Hope” – Gabby Barrett

Wow.  This is the best revenge fantasy song by a former American Idol contestant I’ve ever heard.  Not sure how hot of a take this is, but this song is freaking excellent.  Like this is right up there when it comes to best female empowered country songs in a history chalk full of them. 

And I’m almost positive that this song won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.  I mean this is an ugly song.  Most songs about any of the seven deadly sins can be.  But Gabby Barrett tackles it in this self-righteously pissed off tone.  When she says that she hopes for all this good to happen onto her ex, only for it to all end with him getting cheated on the way he did to her; it just fucking hits hard.  Like dear god.  This guy can go fuck himself.

So with that being said….did we really need a Charlie Puth remix?

Um, she’s making her point crystal fucking clear Charlie Puth.  No need to hear your whiny annoying voice say the same exact point.  This remix didn’t need to happen.

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-“Rain on Me” – Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande

Does anybody else miss when pop music was this fucking majestic or is it just me?

Like that’s what I’m loving about this new Lady Gaga album cycle.  She is making pop music that has that larger than life personality about it.  And while “Stupid Love” was also good, this song is just ten times better. 

I love every single musical element of this song.  Gaga sounds great.  Ariana sounds great.  They both have excellent vocal chemistry.  I love the warping bass.  I love the guitars and hints of saxophone.  I love the prechorus (speaking of which, “I’d rather be drunk but at least I’m alive” is a pandemic mood for me).  I love the message it sends about preferring not to be sad or heartbroken after a relationship ending.  That’s maturity beyond its years.  And of course, I’m an absolute sucker for electropop like this.  I’m beyond ecstatic that Gaga went back to this sound ten years after she last did.

I’m a little sad to see it going down the top ten so quickly but I have hope that it will turn back around and be in the top ten for a while.  Not just due to a weaker Hot 100 right now, but because it’s that amazing of a song.

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So that’s our top twenty right now.  More than half of the songs are in the good and excellent tiers.  If that doesn’t speak volumes as to how good 2020 is for hit music, I don’t know what is.  Sure we are living in chaotic times, but I really do hope that my content is providing small doses of escapism from this reality that we are living in.  Even if for just a couple minutes.  Thank you all for reading as always.  More content coming soon.  Until next time, stay safe out there.

Review: Artemis Fowl

Some books should never be adapted into movies.

I know, what a shocking comment right?  Certain books don’t adapt well into movies.  There are multiple examples throughout film history, but it is one of the easiest methods to adapt into film when content writers and creators are struggling for material.

But as Hollywood keeps getting lazier and more desperate over the past twenty years especially, more and more books are getting theatrical adaptations.  So no matter how much we all strive for original material, we are going to keep getting what works from studios that are uninspired.

That being said, maybe if at first you don’t succeed, you should just stop.  That’s the case with some novels that have been in development hell for years.  Take today’s film we shall be discussing for example.  Artemis Fowl has been passed around for at least twenty years prior from studio to studio.  A who’s who of directors have attempted to get this project off the ground from Lawrence Guterman to Jim Sheridan.  But nobody had any idea how to translate this series onto the big screen.  And with two studios taking on this project and going under for different reasons, whether it be bankruptcy or Harvey Weinstein’s studio going under after being revealed to be literal scum of the Earth; it just seemed like Artemis Fowl would never see the light of day.

Enter the biggest film monopoly today, The Walt Disney Corporation.  If any studio can get any project out of development hell, it would be the House of Mouse.  Disney has the advertising, the track record, and most importantly, the finances to make anything become a hit in this day and age.   They got a good director behind this project in Kenneth Branagh.  They got some major names attached to star in Colin Farrell, Josh Gad, and Judi Dench.  And gave this film a $125 million budget, which is absolutely enough for a film adaptation with lots of fantasy elements….

…but then it got pushed back.  Again.  And again.  And again.  For five years, it kept getting pushed back.  And then the pandemic happened.  And now Hollywood is at a standstill.  Not knowing when movie theaters will be safe to open back up to the general public again.  So studios started to send some of their projects straight to streaming services.  Except for Disney.  Disney has been the only studio not eager to send their films straight to streaming.  Mulan, Black Widow, and Soul are still getting pushed back further and further with no real release date in sight.  Then they announced Artemis Fowl was going to get the streaming service treatment about a month ago.  This is a big deal.  Disney is finally caving in.  They are finally realizing the future is now old man.

Or they are just cutting ties with their losses now.  Guys, I’m not going to mince words.  Unless a miracle happens, Artemis Fowl will probably be locked as the worst movie of 2020 for me.  Actually, I’ll go one step further.  Artemis Fowl might be the worst live action Disney family film I’ve ever seen.  That is some pretty big words from the studio that gave us “Meet the Deedles”, the remakes of “That Darn Cat” and “The Shaggy Dog”, and failed theme park rides turned into movies “The Country Bears” and “The Haunted Mansion”.  Nope.  “Artemis Fowl” is the worst of the worst. 

At the very least, all these other movies had a story.  “Artemis Fowl” does not have a cohesive story.  We get the plot early on and the movie takes a hour long detour before any sort of resolution happens.  Instead we get a giant never ending chase for a macguffin that takes twists and turns, but doesn’t tell any sort of investing story.  This film bored me to tears that I had to keep hitting rewind to figure out if I missed any sort of actual information regarding the main story that kept getting ditched.

And the acting.  Nobody tries.  The kids are all bad actors.  Especially Artemis himself.  Those big name stars I mentioned earlier?  Colin Farrell felt like he did his lines in three minutes.  Josh Gad was not utilized well at all.  And between “Cats” and this, I’m wondering if Judi Dench has finally decided to just take roles for the paycheck.  She’s one of the best actresses of all time and needless to say, her film choices of the past year have left me scratching my head.

Also, I refuse to believe Disney spent $125 million dollars on this movie.  The CGI in this is terrible.  This is a butt ugly movie to look at.  Compare this to “Onward”, an animated movie where the CGI was so good that it made me feel like the environment was actually real.  To say this is a downgrade is an understatement.  Disney is the biggest studio monopoly out there and they can honestly say that this is the best CGI they can give this film?  Fuck off.

But most importantly, this film just fails at being an Artemis Fowl adaptation.  As someone who read Artemis Fowl years and years ago, Artemis Fowl is one of the best anti-hero stories I’ve read growing up.  Is that such a hard tale to adapt into a movie?  Because they make this kid out to be just another wiz kid movie along the lines of Spy Kids or the tv series Young Sheldon.  Where this kid is so out of touch with reality…when that’s not what Artemis Fowl was.  It’s like Disney wanted to hammer out any sort of personality from this story and try to give us just another family movie.  And at the end of the day, this was not the adaptation we deserved from this property.

Maybe Disney knew this movie would get bombarded by critics if it got released any later under normal circumstances, so they just gave up and sent it to streaming because critics are starving for more material and can’t wait for movie theater life to go back to normal.  I mean I’m sure as hell ready for some sense of normalcy when it comes to movies being released again.  I’ll take anything I can get at this rate to review.  But as someone who actually enjoyed Artemis Fowl as a kid, this was not the faithful film adaptation I was promised.  This was just a stale lifeless movie that struggles to get to a ninety minute runtime.  This should have been thrown out twenty years ago and just left as is.

Final Grade: F

The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2007

2007....I've taken too long to finish this list.

No seriously.  I need to get this wrapped up.  No long preamble about how good this year was.  It was not.  I can honestly say that I would be willing to stick up for like 30% of this year end list and that's fairly lower than normal.  But I will say this.  Picking out the ten best songs from this year was more of a challenge than normal.  I had to make some painful cuts, so maybe that is a sign as to how good this best list was?  Yeah let's go with that.  I genuinely love this best list.

Not one of my stronger preambles admittedly.  But you guys have been waiting long enough.  Let's say thnks fr th mmrs to....


THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2007

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There were a lot of worthy candidates for this number ten spot.  I don’t normally get embarrassed by certain picks.  But this one, I will admit is a tad awkward to talk about.  Mostly because I just want to talk about how damn sexy it is.

10. “Shut Up and Drive” – Rihanna

I just want to sit here and watch this video.  Oh yeah.  This absolutely does it for me.

But you know what, even without all the sex metaphors and double entendres, this is just a damn good driving song.  I mean those guitars.  Rihanna is one of the few popstars out there that can still manage to include some kickass guitar solos in her music.  I wish she did that more to be honest.

It’s goofy, it’s clumsy, but it is absolutely charming all the same.  I mean it tried to bring back new wave in a decade that really didn’t fully embrace the 80s like it did nearly ten years later and hell even now.

Yeah I went with this silly song over the Chili Peppers, Fall Out Boy, and many other contenders for 

this spot.  It’s my list and I love it.  Next.

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I can’t believe how huge Transformers was during this time period.  Hopefully these movies rebound in quality with new direction because of how huge this property is.  But with all the negatives surrounding this franchise, I would like to talk about at least one positive with the Michael Bay era of Transformers.  They always had a kickass tie-in song.

9. “What I’ve Done” – Linkin Park

…okay hold up.  This is the first time I’ve listened to this song in like ten years.  And oh my god.  

This song’s message.  How fucking accurate is this in 2020.  A song about how cruel human beings are.  How wrong the world is.  And how we all need to admit our faults.  ...maybe this song needs to be bumped up on this list for being so in the moment?

…anyway, this song just fucking rocks.  Linkin Park is amazing.  I love this band.  Chester Bennington was a supremely underrated singer.  His voice just hits you right in the feels every time.  No matter how nasally it is.  I absolutely adore this man and he is truly missed.

And despite the many things I’ve said about songs being used for commercialization, this is how it is done right.  By being able to stand alone as its own merits as a song.  And I for one give this song all the credit in the world for being able to do that.  Hell if it made me sit through three fucking terrible Transformers movies, Linkin Park did something right.

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It is absolutely safe to say that Pink is coasting now.  She has been on autopilot for like nearly six years now.  Shelving out half-finished songs that are only popular due to payola.  And it’s a damn shame too because back when she was on, she was spot on.

8. “U + Ur Hand” – P!nk

Remember when Pink’s music use to have some grit to it?  And that explanation point in her stage name actually meant some sort of edge?  Because this song just fucking rocks.  Listen to those guitars.  Listen to that attitude.  You’re telling me that this artist now releases slow moody ballads now?

…okay she also had this song too this year.  And “who knew” that this would be the song that defined the turned P!nk to Pink.  And speaking of “who knew”…who knew that the lead songwriter and producer ended up being this guy:

…it’s hard to talk about pop music in the 2000s and 2010s without talking about Dr. Luke because along with Max Martin (who also worked on this song), these were the defining pop producers of the last twenty years.  I will say this about him, rape allegations aside, Dr. Luke knows how to make pop songs sound larger than life.  He has always had a knack for it and look no further than this song as an example.

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…you know what forget what I said.  I do have memories of when Maroon 5 was actually good.

7. “Makes Me Wonder” – Maroon 5

Look I was never the biggest Maroon 5 fan before they sold out, but I was ALWAYS a fan of this song.  I remember so many people being divided on this song back in the day for being so cold and heartless.  Mostly because of that “f bomb” in the chorus.  But here is the thing.  It’s that curse word that makes the delivery nail it right on the fucking head.  I love it.  It makes the song all the more ruthless.

And my god, the music.  This was easily the most polished they ever sounded as a funk band.  I love those synths.  I love those guitars.  And for one of the few occasions in Adam Levine’s career, his catty vocals work so well in context with this song.

Let this be a lesson that even the worst of acts can have some of the best of songs.  And while the rest of their discography is overwhelmingly negative, I definitely give a fuck about “Makes Me Wonder”. 

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The first retrospective year end list I ever did, I said this was my favorite hit song of 2006.  A lot has changed in seven years.

6. “My Love” – Justin Timberlake (featuring T.I.)

Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely love this song.  But what shrunk on me in the seven years since?  Well…

Listen baby, I don't wanna ruin your plan
But if you got a man, try to lose him if you can

Hi T.I.

But she still has fans from Peru to Japan

…yeah Peru to Japan really isn’t that impressive of a distance.

Baby France so fly, I can go fly
Private, cause I handle mine

…gross.

But forget your face, I swear I will

…isn’t the point of this song to talk about how nobody is going to take her spot?  Way to absolutely contradict the point of this song T.I.

All kidding aside, T.I.’s guest verse isn’t bad.  I still like it.  He at least sounds like a sincere stand-up guy.  Or as he refers to himself as….a CANDLE GUY.  I still love that part.  But over the years, this song has shrunk on me mostly due to his guest verse not really holding up as the years go by.

That being said, I still love this song to death.  It’s easily one of my top five JT singles and it’s still phenomenal.

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Quick refresher from my worst list two months ago.  This is how to do a kiss-off anthem wrong:

…and the following is how to do a kiss-off anthem right.

5. “Irreplaceable” – Beyonce

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Beyonce is the queen of slaying men that do her wrong.  And while I still wouldn’t consider myself a Beyonce fan persay, I will without question go to her defense as one of the defining popstars of my lifetime.  This woman is just too talented for words.

And when the day comes that Beyonce retires and steps away from the music industry for good, this will be the defining hit of hers.  It perfectly represents what Beyonce does and does well.  It is her at her most forceful and confident.  I mean take a look at some of Beyonce’s other career defining hits like Crazy In Love and Single Ladies.  My personal opinions on those songs aside, they don’t exactly show off her personality.

When Beyonce says she doesn’t need this asshole, you absolutely buy it hook line and sinker because Beyonce says those words so easy and effortlessly.  Honestly, it works on more than just that level.  This song is performed so casually that it just gets stuck in your head all day.  I should know.  It’s on my retail playlist.  As soon as I hear “to the left to the left”, this song is irreplaceable from my memory banks.

I should hate it for doing that, but it just makes me love it more.  So kudos Beyonce.  You could say you have this song “irreplaceable” for me….haha…I’ll see myself out.

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Picking the best hit of this year was tough.  I went back and forth between these next four choices quite a bit.  They are all exceptional songs and picking between how to rank these was challenging.  So don’t be surprised if I look back and regretting these positions.

So with that being said…KANYE.

4. “Stronger” – Kanye West

What is there to say about this man that hasn’t been said?  Lots actually.  The guy has quite the history.  Kanye will be looked back at as mad in many ways.  But even amongst all the drama, the political controversies, the many many quotes and just all the public relations nightmares he’s gotten himself into, I’ll think of him more as a mad genius.

Say what you will about the guy, every album cycle differs from the last.  A Kanye album cycle is not boring.  Honestly, the album cycle in 2007 for “Graduation” might possibly be the last normal Kanye album cycle.  And this was the big single from it and I will eternally love it.

And for the many great lines Kanye spits out on this track, I’ve got to give props to Daft Punk for that sample.  To say that this song samples “Harder Better Faster Stronger” is an understatement.  It honestly improves that song by giving it some edge thanks to Kanye’s rapping.

This song is forceful.  It’s full of personality.  It’s Kanye.  Would you expect any less?

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https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-live-reviews/my-chemical-romance-reunion-show-los-angeles-928097/

So My Chemical Romance is getting back together.  Emo-rock fans around the world are rejoicing.  And you know what, so am I.  I was never the biggest My Chemical Romance fan, but I respected the hell out of them.  Their music was theatrical in ways that I wish rock bands were more like today.  You can tell that they were inspired by Queen.  Well if that’s the case, consider this their “Bohemian Rhapsody”.             

3. “Welcome to the Black Parade” – My Chemical Romance

Back in the day, this was called an emo rock opera.  I laughed it off at the time, but as the years go by, it has aged phenomenally.  Especially now that emo music is absolutely a subgenre now, this is the quintessential emo anthem.  And I don’t use the word emo as an insult.  This is 2020.  We have emo rap now.  Emo is a mood.  And I absolutely stand by anyone trying to make music more self-reflective.

I just love every element of this song.  Those opening piano chords, all the tempo changes, the iconic 

chorus, that bridge.  It’s a larger than life song about facing and overcoming death, but it transcends that into an exceptional song about carrying on with life no matter what struggles you face.

And while the rest of the concept album “The Black Parade” is one hell of a listening experience that everyone needs to seek out again, I’ll always seek out the self-titled track over and over again.  It’s that powerful and transcends into more than just being a song.  It’s a movement. 

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Guess who made this list twice?  To the surprise of nobody.

2. “What Goes Around….Comes Around” – Justin Timberlake

Those who know me no I’ve always had a man crush on Justin Timberlake.  He’s what male popstars have aspired to be even now in this climate where complete no names can get hits.  And even now, when Justin Timberlake has become an absolute embarrassment to be a fan of, it hasn’t changed my opinion on the pop music he used to make.  It was full of unabashed personality.  The epitome of cool.  Music that screams, hey this guy is the biggest star alive.  And while “FutureSex/Love Sounds” is one of the best pop albums I’ve ever listened to, this song is the magnum opus from that album.

And while Justin Timberlake songs tend to run on the longer side, this is one of the few occasions where it keeps getting better the longer it goes.  I absolutely love the slow build of the story of how a girl did Justin wrong and then we hear that iconic chorus and then we get to the interlude where the girl who did JT wrong gets sweet karmic retribution for her actions (not including the music video, which she dies…yikes).

Some might call this over the top, but honestly it works.  Justin Timberlake is one hell of a storyteller with this fiercely polished masterpiece.  And while I don’t love the guy like I used to, he will always hold a spot in my memory banks with this modern work of art. 

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For years now, people have asked me why I enjoy talking about pop music so much?   Not just online, but offline as well.  Simple.  Because no matter how stupid the genre gets, it is by far the most interesting genre to me.  From the popstars to the trends of the time, I’ll never stop being fascinated by pop music.  And every so often, a pop song comes out that reminds me why I love pop music.  

And in 2007, this was one of those times.

1. “Umbrella” – Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z)

It takes an absolute giant of a pop song to keep one of my favorite popstars magnum opus’s away from number one.  And I respect Justin Timberlake’s discography ten times more than I do Rihanna’s, who released what felt like eight albums in her nine peak years.  Hell you could say that I dislike more Rihanna songs than I do like.  So why?  Why am I placing this at number one?

Because this perfectly epitomizes what makes pop music so great.  It has personality.  It has flair.  It demands your attention for three to four minutes.  It sounds great.  It is performed perfectly.  It makes a statement.  It takes you into the world of the song and ignore everything going on in the world.  “Umbrella” is a perfect pop song.  Every single element in this song just excels and excels greatly.

Even the parts that people often criticize. 

-Jay-Z’s rap verse is not needed:  You’re absolutely wrong.  To me, Jay-Z is literally a hype man.  He spits out what I think is a good pop song rap verse to introduce the main course, Rihanna.

-Rihanna’s “ellas” and “ay ay ays”.  To quote Todd in the Shadows, she’s allowed to nonsense syllables.  I actually really like them.  They feel like this grand motion every time she says them.

Not a single criticism is valid to me.  This is what pop music is supposed to be to me.  Just this fun entertaining three to four minutes of just pure joyful bliss.  And “Umbrella” is one of the very few pop songs of the last fifteen years that absolutely understands its purpose and does so exceptionally well.

Best hit of the year.  Ay ay ay.

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And here are the total rankings for those who are curious of what my 1-100 are:

1. "Umbrella" - Rihanna

2. "What Goes Around...Comes Around" - Justin Timberlake

3. "Welcome to the Black Parade" - My Chemical Romance

4. "Stronger" - Kanye West

5. "Irreplaceable" - Beyonce

6. "My Love" - Justin Timberlake (featuring T.I.)

7. "Makes Me Wonder" - Maroon 5

8. "U + Ur Hand" - P!nk

9. "What I've Done" - Linkin Park

10. "Shut Up and Drive" - Rihanna

11. “Snow (Hey Oh)” – Red Hot Chili Peppers

12. “Face Down” – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

13. “Glamorous” – Fergie (featuring Ludacris)

14. “The Way I Are” – Timbaland (featuring Keri Hilson)

15. “Thnks fr th Mmrs” – Fall Out Boy

16. “Same Girl” – R Kelly (featuring Usher)

17. “Money Maker” – Ludacris (featuring Pharrell)

18. “LoveStoned” – Justin Timberlake

19. “The Great Escape” – Boys Like Girls

20. “Promise” – Ciara

21. “The Sweet Escape” – Gwen Stefani (featuring Akon)

22. “Rehab” – Amy Winehouse

23. “Walk Away” – Paula DeAnda (featuring The D.E.Y.)

24. “Say It Right” – Nelly Furtado

25. “Beautiful Liar” – Beyonce & Shakira

26. “SexyBack” – Justin Timberlake

27. “Hey There Delilah” – Plain White T’s

28. “Runaway Love” – Ludacris (featuring Mary J Blige)

29. “Teardrops on My Guitar” – Taylor Swift

30. “Walk It Out” - Unk

31. “Far Away” – Nickelback

32. “Cupid’s Chokehold” – Gym Class Heroes (featuring Patrick Stump)

33. “Bed” – J. Holiday

34. “I Tried” – Bone Thugs-n-Harmony (featuring Akon)

35. “Fergalicious” – Fergie (featuring will.i.am)

36. “Rock Yo Hips” – Crime Mob & Lil Scrappy

37. “2 Step” – Unk

38. “Keep Holding On” – Avril Lavigne

39. “Apologize” – Timbaland (featuring OneRepublic)

40. “This Ain’t a Scene. It’s an Arms Race” – Fall Out Boy

41. “Who Knew” – Pink

42. “Bartender” – T-Pain (featuring Akon)

43. “Summer Love” – Justin Timberlake

44. “Let It Go” – Keyshia Cole (featuring Missy Elliott & Lil Kim)

45. “Because of You” – Ne-Yo

46. “Paralyzer” – Finger Eleven

47. “Make It Rain” – Fat Joe (featuring Lil Wayne)

48. “Break It Off” – Rihanna (featuring Sean Paul)

49. “Make Me Better” – Fabolous (featuring Ne-Yo)

50. “Crank That” – Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

51. “Big Shit Poppin’ (Do It)” – T.I.

52. “Never Again” – Kelly Clarkson

53. “Outta My System” – Bow Wow (featuring T-Pain & Johnta Austin)

54. “I’m a Flirt” – R Kelly (featuring T.I. & T-Pain)

55. “Go Getta” – Young Jeezy (featuring R Kelly)

56. “Last Night” – Diddy (featuring Keyshia Cole)

57. “Chasing Cars” – Snow Patrol

58. “You” – Lloyd (featuring Lil Wayne)

59. “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin)” – T-Pain (featuring Yung Joc)

60. “This Is Why I’m Hot” – Mims

61. “Give It to Me” – Timbaland (featuring Nelly Furtado & Justin Timberlake)

62. “Pop, Lock, & Drop It” – Huey

63. “No One” – Alicia Keys

64. “Ice Box” – Omarion (featuring Timbaland)

65. “It’s Not Over” – Daughtry

66. “Cyclone” – Baby Bash (featuring T-Pain)

67. “Shortie Like Mine” – Bow Wow (featuring Chris Brown & Johnta Austin)

68. “Get It Shawty” – Lloyd

69. “Lost Without U” – Robin Thicke

70. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” – Fergie

71. “On the Hotline” – Pretty Ricky

72. “Wait For You” – Elliott Yamin

73. “Girlfriend” – Avril Lavigne

74. “Party Like a Rockstar” – Shop Boyz

75. “Bubbly” – Colbie Caillat

76. “Home” – Daughtry

77. “Throw Some D’s” – Rich Boy (featuring Polow da Don)

78. “Smack That” – Akon (featuring Eminem)

79. “The Way I Live” – Baby Boy da Prince

80. “First Time” – Lifehouse

81. “Shawty” – Plies (featuring T-Pain)

82. “That’s That” – Snoop Dogg (featuring R Kelly)

83. “Rockstar” - Nickelback

84. “Kiss Kiss” – Chris Brown (featuring T-Pain)

85. “Don’t Matter” – Akon

86. “Waiting on the World to Change” – John Mayer

87. “It Ends Tonight” – The All-American Rejects

88. “We Fly High” – Jim Jones

89. “Like a Boy” – Ciara

90. “Lips of an Angel” – Hinder

91. “A Bay Bay” – Hurricane Chris

92. “How to Save a Life” – The Fray

93. “Here (In Your Arms)” – hellogoodbye

94. “Beautiful Girls” – Sean Kingston

95. “I Wanna Love You” – Akon (featuring Snoop Dogg)

96. “Ayo Technology” – 50 Cent (featuring Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)

97. “Before He Cheats” – Carrie Underwood

98. “Better Than Me” – Hinder

99. “Wind It Up” – Gwen Stefani

100. “If Everyone Cared” – Nickelback

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Thanks again to everyone that is following along with this blog.  Next up will either be my retrospective revisit of the best hit songs of 2013 or my Summer Billboard Top 20 chart ranking.  I'm also trying to figure out other revenues for what to do with my film review series as well.  Hopefully more major releases should be coming out in the coming months, but we'll see.  Until next time, take care everyone!