I know what I said about not doing a proper winter ranking, but fuck it. This just didn’t feel right not covering the actual charts.
After all, we are finally letting go of like the fifteen to
twenty recurring entries that stuck around for far too long and we are
welcoming in some of the new songs of 2021.
Sure the pandemic has still made the music scene basically irrelevant as
there is far too much going on in the world today that music itself is the
least of our worries.
So where does that leave us now? I guess you can say we are in the
transitional period where we are still working out some of the older hits from
last fall and earlier this winter and slowly bringing in some new blood. It will be interesting to see how much of
this sticks it out until the spring.
Because spring is where we start getting more of the big names coming
back out like Drake, Travis Scott, and Billie Eilish, both of whom who have new
albums in the works to name a few. And
according to what I’ve been reading, the radio stations are finally starting to
get most of their analysts back to track callouts and what not. Which means we might finally start letting
some of these older songs that have only stuck around for as long due to radio,
die out.
Or not. Who
knows? I’m not as good with
predictions. But with the amount of good
music we got last year, I’m excited to see where 2021’s charts are headed. So sit back and relax as we take a look at:
THE 2021 WINTER BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 CHART RANKED
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THE TERRIBLE TIER
Justin Bieber is the worst popstar working today and the number
two is not even close.
“Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvPsJFRGleA
“Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQOO2xGQ1Pc
I danced around the idea in my head after saying everything
that I said about him in my worst of 2020 list, but literally nobody else can
come measurably close to his levels of terrible. Every single song of his last year was a
legitimate contender for my worst of the year list. Even the songs that didn’t make it into my
dishonorable mentions like “Yummy” or “10,000 Hours” probably should have in
hindsight. Because they are just as
generically uninteresting as the performer involved with them. Which I get why “10,000 Hours” got nominated
for Grammys. It’s the sort of flavorless
mush that the awards eat up. But
“Yummy”? The best song by default from
that atrocious Bieber album from last year?
Best Pop Song over “Blinding Lights”; which is presently the second
biggest song of all-time? Are the
Grammys that out of touch? I mean I know
the jokes and memes and The Simpsons clip, but that’s just insulting to
anybody’s intelligence that “Yummy” is best of the year at anything.
So what about these two songs? How are they as distinctly terrible as the
rest of Bieber’s output from the past year?
Well “Holy” is Justin Bieber getting in touch with his spiritual
side. Which I don’t know how many of you
know or care, but Bieber is indeed a religious person. So religious to the point that he has made
religious allegory in his music prior but nobody noticed or cared because
Bieber is boring as sin. Oh and he was
previously a member of the infamous Hillsong Church that is distinctly
anti-LGBT and promotes conversion therapy.
I mean it turned the general public against Chris Pratt, who is also a
member of that church. But it is just
reason number 34309842 to hate Justin Bieber.
“Holy” still sucks because he uses his religion to compare the way he
holds his girl makes him feel more religious.
Gag. And then Chance the Rapper
comes in with one of the worst guest verses of his career. If Chance didn’t kill off his momentum in
2019, he sure as hell burned it to the ground in 2020 with some pretty awful
career moves like this.
And then there is “Lonely”.
The song about how we should feel sorry for Justin Bieber for his
mistakes and fuck-ups from the past ten years.
Trying to get me to sympathize for this piece of shit is a pretty tall
task when he is such a flavorless personality to begin with. Him yodeling the word “lonely” like a
diseased parrot is another thing entirely.
Otherwise, it’s Justin Bieber trying to make me feel bad for him. The most anti-charismatic unlikeable little
shit failing to make us humanize with his fuckboy past.
Which is worse?
Honestly who cares. They are both
equally terrible songs. From a terrible
performer. And both can’t go away fast
enough.
Oh and for the record, that other single he has out right
now “Anyone” would not be in the terrible tier if it was in the top
twenty. Probably around the mediocre
tier for being a knockoff of something you’d find on “The Greatest Showman”
soundtrack. Which I guess is an
improvement over the flavorless terrible music he’s been releasing for the past
year prior. Next.
THE BAD TIER
“For the Night” – Pop Smoke (featuring Lil Baby &
DaBaby)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9pjm4cNsfc
The last time I talked about this, I mentioned how I liked
DaBaby’s part more than the rest of the song.
I still do…but man does it not fit in with the rest of the vibe this is
going for.
I’m not surprised this song is still here btw. I know that it’s a streaming giant on Apple
Music. It has been in the top ten for
like eight months now. But I still don’t
get the appeal after all this time. It’s
just so monotonous and dreary. Right up Lil Baby's alley. Still trying to make progress on understanding him at least. Just disappointing for the other two.
“Go Crazy” – Chris Brown & Young Thug
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPhwbZBvW2o
I am more or less surprised that this is still around
though. Just when I thought this was
going to be completely gone by the next time I did one of these, the radio
latched onto it like glue. Hell it even
topped the radio charts for a month.
This song? This song? THIS?
“Whoopty” – CJ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xWkATdMQms
So I don’t know how many outsiders are noticing that drill
music is an emerging subgenre from the hip-hop scene. This was the kind of music that Pop Smoke was
trying to make popular before his untimely passing. And while I’m not as familiar with drill music,
I will say that I really liked the trends that Pop Smoke was trying to bring to
the mainstream.
I can’t say the same for “Whoopty”. Which includes one of the most overused
samples in drill music and includes absolutely nothing distinct nor
memorable. This really reminds me of
when “Panda” by Desiigner broke the doors down for trap music five years
ago. And while I’m rather indifferent
about that song, I was at least able to remember it. I remember absolutely nothing about this song
except its stupid name. If drill music
is going to be the next big trend, can we get more Pop Smoke and Lil Durk and
less….this?
“I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg59x713Gcc
Welp. If this is the
credited version they are choosing to use, then this will be the one I judge
from here on out. The “I Hope” remix is
horrible. I still like the
original. It works a lot better and is
cohesive in the story the song is telling.
The remix does not and I hate it more with each passing listen. How in the hell has this charted almost as
long as “Circles”?
THE MEDIOCRE TIER
“Better Together” – Luke Combs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dju4pz2YYw
Mediocre song in the mediocre tier by a mediocre man from a
mediocre genre. Mediocre.
THE DECENT TIER
I…I don’t know how to feel about this one…
“Drivers License” – Olivia Rodrigo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDBbnmKpqQ
I guess that’s an improvement over initial befuddlement to
all the streaming records this song initially broke. But I definitely get it now. I may not be this song’s target audience but
I do admire that we are getting a ballad this personal that is these levels of
successful. I can’t think of an artist
that has been able to pull this off since Taylor Swift. Which is ironic because Taylor commented on
this girl’s Instagram post calling her her “baby”.
That said, this really just isn’t my cup of tea. I’m not interested in this Disney teen
drama. Don’t really have a strong
emotional attachment to it one way or the other and it just really reminds me a
lot of high school. And as a 30 year old
male, I got to be honest. I really am
not that nostalgic for high school based drama.
I mean don’t get me wrong. If I
had to take a side of this drama, I’m definitely on Olivia’s. When it came to my high school breakups, I
was just as insecure being a guy wondering if I was annoying my friends and
learning to deal with emotional growth like she did. That part reached out to me hearing her talk
about it. Plus after hearing the other
side of this drama from Sabrina Carpenter’s response song “Skin”….yeah Olivia
handled this a lot better.
The song has some good maturity from the lead singer and I
really like the second chorus into the bridge.
But the rest of the song? Just
makes feel really old and it just doesn’t do anything for me. If this speaks to the youth of today, then
that’s on you and I’m happy for you. This
might grow on me too. After all, the
parts I am impressed by are pretty damn mature.
But for now? It’s not something I
really seek out.
“Therefore I Am” – Billie Eilish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUQl6YcMalg
It really pains me to place a Billie Eilish song in only the
decent tier. Really it does. When this is her worst hit single to date
goes to show how great of an artist I think she is. But man, every time I hear this song, it goes
in one ear and out the other. I always
forget how it goes. But I do appreciate
the message every time I hear it. For
those who don’t know, this song is a response to everyone who criticizes her
choice in clothing style. And seriously,
who actually gives a fuck what she chooses to wear? You do you Billie.
“What You Know Bout Love” – Pop Smoke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuodbSVO3z0
Look I still stand by what I said in previous rankings about
how Pop Smoke’s posthumous album sounds like a poor man’s 50 Cent
knockoff. It does not at all sound like
what Pop Smoke was trying to go for in his career. But of all the songs that got big off that album,
I like this one the best. What can I
say? I’m a sucker for incredibly dumb
thugs need love songs. Even the couple
50 Cent had in his short-lived tenure were hilarious in hindsight.
As for this one? I
think the hook line and sinker that really drove me to liking it was that
Ginuwine sample. The Ginuwine song
“Differences” is just a dull slog that
really could have been more effective if sped up like they do here. And while Pop Smoke is just saying some of
the most basic romantic lines possible, I feel like there is some sort of
weight to them because of the sampling.
Also, I can’t stop watching the TikTok challenges. Wonder if that has something to do with it
too? Curse you TikTok!
“Mood” – 24KGoldn (featuring iann dior)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrAchTdepsU
This is on its way to becoming one of the biggest songs of
all-time. This song? Really?
Even as someone who liked this at one point has to admit that this is more
of a sign of the times we are living in where music really doesn’t matter like
it once did. Because this is not one of
the biggest songs of all-time. Nor
should it have been over two month long number one. I guess that’s what happens when you make a
song that can be placed under a handful of genres. And I still like it, but not nearly as much
as I once did. It can go away any day
now and I wouldn’t miss it.
THE GOOD TIER
This is probably not a good song by any means, but fuck it. Pretend you know this song everybody.
“Bang!” – AJR
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4THFRpw68oQ
I know a good portion of the internet hates this band. A lot.
And I’m not going to pretend that I don’t see why. This band of brothers are the equivalent to
those white guys with acoustic guitars.
Thinking that every single song of theirs are faux deep and
philosophical when they are honestly cheap and hollow. And then there is their choice of production
and instrumentation which is just…why did you choose to put that in your
music? Also what the fuck is that thing
on your head….whichever one you are.
….I’ll be honest, I don’t hate them. I think AJR is one of the more fascinating
acts we have right now. Every decision
they make is so bafflingly bad that most of their music amuses me. And this song in general sounds like a giant
middle finger to anyone who thinks otherwise.
I can honestly begrudgingly accept that.
I kind of have a soft spot for artists purposely trolling like
that. After all, those who have followed
me for awhile know that I really love Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” which is
her trolling everyone who thinks she is thin-skinned and dates too many guys. And to me, this is them trolling their
haters thinking this is a “farewell” to them making music. I mean why else would the song be about them
going out with a bang? They can say the
same old thing about this being the middle ground between becoming a kid an
adult but that’s what they say about a lot of their songs. You’re not fooling anyone boys.
What can I say? It’s
catchy, stupid, hilarious, ridiculous, insulting, dumbfounded, and a lot of
other similes and metaphors that basically summarize it as funny and turn off
your brain fun. I miss when “bad pop
music” used to get a reaction out of me like this song does. So congrats AJR. I actually like this song. Maybe you’re not as bad as everyone makes you
out to be.
Except for “100 Bad Days”.
That song is genuinely as bad as their haters make it out to be.
….it took awhile but it finally grew on me. Fuck it.
“positions” – Ariana
Grande
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcYodQoapMg
What can I say? This
is one of those rare occasions where overplay actually made the heart grow
fonder. Because let’s face it. The moment this track dropped, I was
supremely disappointed. To me, this was
initially one of the most predictable pop songs Ariana could have ever
released. Let alone be the leadoff
single to your highly anticipated follow-up to one of the biggest pop records
of the last few years. She could have
made this song at any time. Hell, it
could have been a lost single from the “thank u next” era and I wouldn’t have
blinked an eye.
But like a parasite, this song just wouldn’t leave my head
after all these moments. It’s all over
the radio. It’s on my retail
playlist. It’s all over TikTok and
streaming services. It basically forced
me into submission and admit that it’s a good pop song. Even if it is one of the most basic Ariana
Grande songs out there. It’s just
harmless pop fluff and let’s face it.
There are far worse songs out there than a C-level Ariana Grande song.
“Dakiti” – Bad Bunny & Jhay Cortez
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmKh7lAwnBI
Vibe music at its finest. If 2020 sounded like a mood, it would sound haunting and eerie like this. I don’t understand a single thing either guy are saying without having to
translate the lyrics every time. But
when you nail the production this perfectly, it makes the language barrier not
even matter for me.
Also check out Bad Bunny’s latest album “EL ULTIMO TOUR DEL
MUNDO”. One of the most underrated
albums of the year last year. This guy’s
a superstar no questions asked and if he fully plans to tour the world again once the pandemic subsides, count me in as potentially interested. The guy is that charismatic.
THE EXCELLENT TIER
“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NRXx6U8ABQ
I’m going to laugh if the Super Bowl launches this song back
to number one. I mean it’s currently at
number three. The charts are so
vulnerable and weak right now that there are no true challengers. And the Super Bowl is basically a chance to
capitalize of an artist’s momentum ala Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Bruno Mars or
let them drown into mediocrity like The Black Eyed Peas, Justin Timberlake, or Maroon
5. And based off last night's reactions, I think this won't slow his momentum down at all.
As for this song?
That is closing in on being in the top five for a total of ONE WHOLE
YEAR. Let’s face the facts. This will never leave the charts. Never ever never ever never ever. And we will forever be blinded by the lights.
“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYlFuWEuKI
I’m going to be mad if the Super Bowl doesn’t help launch
this song into number one at some point.
It’s about damn time one of the “After Hours” tracks replaced “Blinding
Lights” on the radio. Very much
disappointed that it wasn’t “In Your Eyes”, which was the best song on all of
“After Hours”. But I’m pretty content
with this one instead because it is pretty great on its own merits.
...I got nothing to say except I’m a simp.
“34+35” – Ariana Grande
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6_iQvaIjXw
I don’t know why I love this as much as I do. Maybe because Ariana’s sex songs have always
been better when she just scales it back and coos instead of belting out her
lungs? Maybe because she actually sounds
playful for a change instead of trying to force it? Hell even the admittedly stupid title of
34+35 is literally spelling it out that she wants to have sex with you. I vote all of the above. It hasn’t escaped my head in the months since
I first heard it and it’s quite possibly the most simple straightforward sex
jam I’ve heard in my years of doing this, but what can I say? It’s definitely doing it for me. One of the highlights for me from the most
forgettable album in Ariana’s discography.
That said, I could have done without the remix. It absolutely takes away everything that
works about the original and forces out one of the most half-assed Megan
features she’s ever done with Doja Cat being the only highlight. I get that Scooter forced this to stat pad
another number one for his golden girl, but at least figure out how to make the
song work for fuck’s sake. The original is excellent enough on its own.
…and speaking of Megan:
“Body” – Megan Thee Stallion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PBYGu4Az8s
I mean this is basically what “WAP” would have sounded like
if it was just a solo song and not a collaboration with Cardi. Pretty straightforward honestly with all the
moaning and the sexual metaphors and double entendres. But you know what? Fuck it.
This is just as hilarious and quotable as “WAP”. With easily one of the dumbest choruses of
all-time. Every single time Megan does
that “body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody” and repeat fifty times; I get the biggest
smirk on my face. I mean what else is
there to prove? Megan Thee Stallion is
the modern day Missy Elliott and this is her “Work It”.
“Levitating” – Dua Lipa (featuring DaBaby)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUVcZfQe-Kw
God bless Dua Lipa.
We really don’t deserve this woman in this timeline. Bringing back retro pastiche in ways that
Bruno Mars can only dream of doing now.
And look at this.
She’s bringing back the guest rapper in pop music. Honestly, I’m glad she brought on
DaBaby. He absolutely shouldn’t be on
here, but he is anyway and I hate to admit it, I can’t imagine this song
without him anymore. That completely
useless, left foot right foot levitating line is now the most memorable lyric
from this song for me.
I kind of wish I was joking about that because “Levitating”
is my third favorite track from Future Nostalgia. I’m still waiting for her to push “Cool” and
“Love Again” but this will do in a heartbeat.
“Good Days” – SZA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGHSYEzCp9c
I needed this song at this point in time. This is therapeutic for me. Like I’m calling it right here and right
now. This will be my number one song on
my Apple Music Replay at the end of the year.
The amount of times that I have seek this song out so far this
year? I’ve lost track. It’s the sort of mental and emotional therapy
I’ve needed amidst….well do I have to remind you about the COUNTLESS PROBLEMS
WRONG WITH THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!?!?
This song has been an anxiety reliever for me in more ways
than one. And I’m just glad to see SZA
has FINALLY picked up where she left off after taking like four years off
between albums. This woman will
hopefully remind people that she is a superstar waiting to finally launch and
in a just world, this will be her first number one. I sure hope it is because it’s fantastic.
So that’s the Billboard Hot 100 February Top 20 Ranked for
you all. I’d say a pretty solid chart if
you ask me. Not one of the better ones
I’ve done on this blog like this past fall, but still a sign that we are on a
good track as we start to lay the groundwork for what this year has to offer
for us music-wise.
With that said, I’m not sure when I’ll be doing a spring
chart ranking. Last year, I tried to lay
these out at the start of each season.
But since Spring is only like six weeks away, I might change up my
formula and do another one of these in April or May so we can try to rotate out
at least half of the top twenty with more material for me to talk about.
But more importantly, I wanted to get one of these out now
as a thank you to all of my loyal followers.
I know I haven’t been the best at updating this blog in the past two
months since Christmas. I mean I just
recently shared my Worst Films of 2020 list and I’ll be honest, my Best Films
of 2020 list is going to be awhile since I try to get that list up after I
watch the Oscar contenders that I missed.
And with those nominations being delayed, I think it might be another
month or so before I share my list.
