Monday, February 8, 2021

Billboard Chart Rankings: Winter 2021

I know what I said about not doing a proper winter ranking, but fuck it.  This just didn’t feel right not covering the actual charts.



After all, we are finally letting go of like the fifteen to twenty recurring entries that stuck around for far too long and we are welcoming in some of the new songs of 2021.  Sure the pandemic has still made the music scene basically irrelevant as there is far too much going on in the world today that music itself is the least of our worries.

So where does that leave us now?  I guess you can say we are in the transitional period where we are still working out some of the older hits from last fall and earlier this winter and slowly bringing in some new blood.  It will be interesting to see how much of this sticks it out until the spring.  Because spring is where we start getting more of the big names coming back out like Drake, Travis Scott, and Billie Eilish, both of whom who have new albums in the works to name a few.  And according to what I’ve been reading, the radio stations are finally starting to get most of their analysts back to track callouts and what not.  Which means we might finally start letting some of these older songs that have only stuck around for as long due to radio, die out.

Or not.  Who knows?  I’m not as good with predictions.  But with the amount of good music we got last year, I’m excited to see where 2021’s charts are headed.  So sit back and relax as we take a look at:



THE 2021 WINTER BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 CHART RANKED

 


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THE TERRIBLE TIER


Justin Bieber is the worst popstar working today and the number two is not even close.


“Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvPsJFRGleA


“Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQOO2xGQ1Pc


I danced around the idea in my head after saying everything that I said about him in my worst of 2020 list, but literally nobody else can come measurably close to his levels of terrible.  Every single song of his last year was a legitimate contender for my worst of the year list.  Even the songs that didn’t make it into my dishonorable mentions like “Yummy” or “10,000 Hours” probably should have in hindsight.  Because they are just as generically uninteresting as the performer involved with them.  Which I get why “10,000 Hours” got nominated for Grammys.  It’s the sort of flavorless mush that the awards eat up.  But “Yummy”?  The best song by default from that atrocious Bieber album from last year?  Best Pop Song over “Blinding Lights”; which is presently the second biggest song of all-time?  Are the Grammys that out of touch?  I mean I know the jokes and memes and The Simpsons clip, but that’s just insulting to anybody’s intelligence that “Yummy” is best of the year at anything.

So what about these two songs?  How are they as distinctly terrible as the rest of Bieber’s output from the past year?  Well “Holy” is Justin Bieber getting in touch with his spiritual side.  Which I don’t know how many of you know or care, but Bieber is indeed a religious person.  So religious to the point that he has made religious allegory in his music prior but nobody noticed or cared because Bieber is boring as sin.  Oh and he was previously a member of the infamous Hillsong Church that is distinctly anti-LGBT and promotes conversion therapy.  I mean it turned the general public against Chris Pratt, who is also a member of that church.  But it is just reason number 34309842 to hate Justin Bieber.  “Holy” still sucks because he uses his religion to compare the way he holds his girl makes him feel more religious.  Gag.  And then Chance the Rapper comes in with one of the worst guest verses of his career.  If Chance didn’t kill off his momentum in 2019, he sure as hell burned it to the ground in 2020 with some pretty awful career moves like this.

And then there is “Lonely”.  The song about how we should feel sorry for Justin Bieber for his mistakes and fuck-ups from the past ten years.  Trying to get me to sympathize for this piece of shit is a pretty tall task when he is such a flavorless personality to begin with.  Him yodeling the word “lonely” like a diseased parrot is another thing entirely.  Otherwise, it’s Justin Bieber trying to make me feel bad for him.  The most anti-charismatic unlikeable little shit failing to make us humanize with his fuckboy past.

Which is worse?  Honestly who cares.  They are both equally terrible songs.  From a terrible performer.  And both can’t go away fast enough.

Oh and for the record, that other single he has out right now “Anyone” would not be in the terrible tier if it was in the top twenty.  Probably around the mediocre tier for being a knockoff of something you’d find on “The Greatest Showman” soundtrack.  Which I guess is an improvement over the flavorless terrible music he’s been releasing for the past year prior.  Next.

 

 

THE BAD TIER


“For the Night” – Pop Smoke (featuring Lil Baby & DaBaby)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9pjm4cNsfc


The last time I talked about this, I mentioned how I liked DaBaby’s part more than the rest of the song.  I still do…but man does it not fit in with the rest of the vibe this is going for.

I’m not surprised this song is still here btw.  I know that it’s a streaming giant on Apple Music.  It has been in the top ten for like eight months now.  But I still don’t get the appeal after all this time.  It’s just so monotonous and dreary.  Right up Lil Baby's alley.  Still trying to make progress on understanding him at least.  Just disappointing for the other two.


 

“Go Crazy” – Chris Brown & Young Thug

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPhwbZBvW2o


I am more or less surprised that this is still around though.  Just when I thought this was going to be completely gone by the next time I did one of these, the radio latched onto it like glue.  Hell it even topped the radio charts for a month.  This song?  This song?  THIS?


 

“Whoopty” – CJ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xWkATdMQms


So I don’t know how many outsiders are noticing that drill music is an emerging subgenre from the hip-hop scene.  This was the kind of music that Pop Smoke was trying to make popular before his untimely passing.  And while I’m not as familiar with drill music, I will say that I really liked the trends that Pop Smoke was trying to bring to the mainstream.

I can’t say the same for “Whoopty”.  Which includes one of the most overused samples in drill music and includes absolutely nothing distinct nor memorable.  This really reminds me of when “Panda” by Desiigner broke the doors down for trap music five years ago.  And while I’m rather indifferent about that song, I was at least able to remember it.  I remember absolutely nothing about this song except its stupid name.  If drill music is going to be the next big trend, can we get more Pop Smoke and Lil Durk and less….this?


 

“I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg59x713Gcc


Welp.  If this is the credited version they are choosing to use, then this will be the one I judge from here on out.  The “I Hope” remix is horrible.  I still like the original.  It works a lot better and is cohesive in the story the song is telling.  The remix does not and I hate it more with each passing listen.  How in the hell has this charted almost as long as “Circles”?

 

 

THE MEDIOCRE TIER


“Better Together” – Luke Combs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dju4pz2YYw


Mediocre song in the mediocre tier by a mediocre man from a mediocre genre.  Mediocre.

 

 

THE DECENT TIER


I…I don’t know how to feel about this one…


“Drivers License” – Olivia Rodrigo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDBbnmKpqQ


I guess that’s an improvement over initial befuddlement to all the streaming records this song initially broke.  But I definitely get it now.  I may not be this song’s target audience but I do admire that we are getting a ballad this personal that is these levels of successful.  I can’t think of an artist that has been able to pull this off since Taylor Swift.  Which is ironic because Taylor commented on this girl’s Instagram post calling her her “baby”.

That said, this really just isn’t my cup of tea.  I’m not interested in this Disney teen drama.  Don’t really have a strong emotional attachment to it one way or the other and it just really reminds me a lot of high school.  And as a 30 year old male, I got to be honest.  I really am not that nostalgic for high school based drama.  I mean don’t get me wrong.  If I had to take a side of this drama, I’m definitely on Olivia’s.  When it came to my high school breakups, I was just as insecure being a guy wondering if I was annoying my friends and learning to deal with emotional growth like she did.  That part reached out to me hearing her talk about it.  Plus after hearing the other side of this drama from Sabrina Carpenter’s response song “Skin”….yeah Olivia handled this a lot better.

The song has some good maturity from the lead singer and I really like the second chorus into the bridge.  But the rest of the song?  Just makes feel really old and it just doesn’t do anything for me.  If this speaks to the youth of today, then that’s on you and I’m happy for you.  This might grow on me too.  After all, the parts I am impressed by are pretty damn mature.  But for now?  It’s not something I really seek out.


 

“Therefore I Am” – Billie Eilish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUQl6YcMalg


It really pains me to place a Billie Eilish song in only the decent tier.  Really it does.  When this is her worst hit single to date goes to show how great of an artist I think she is.  But man, every time I hear this song, it goes in one ear and out the other.  I always forget how it goes.  But I do appreciate the message every time I hear it.  For those who don’t know, this song is a response to everyone who criticizes her choice in clothing style.  And seriously, who actually gives a fuck what she chooses to wear?  You do you Billie.

 

 

“What You Know Bout Love” – Pop Smoke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuodbSVO3z0


Look I still stand by what I said in previous rankings about how Pop Smoke’s posthumous album sounds like a poor man’s 50 Cent knockoff.  It does not at all sound like what Pop Smoke was trying to go for in his career.  But of all the songs that got big off that album, I like this one the best.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for incredibly dumb thugs need love songs.  Even the couple 50 Cent had in his short-lived tenure were hilarious in hindsight.

As for this one?  I think the hook line and sinker that really drove me to liking it was that Ginuwine sample.  The Ginuwine song “Differences” is just a dull slog  that really could have been more effective if sped up like they do here.  And while Pop Smoke is just saying some of the most basic romantic lines possible, I feel like there is some sort of weight to them because of the sampling.

Also, I can’t stop watching the TikTok challenges.  Wonder if that has something to do with it too?  Curse you TikTok!

 


“Mood” – 24KGoldn (featuring iann dior)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrAchTdepsU


This is on its way to becoming one of the biggest songs of all-time.  This song?  Really?  Even as someone who liked this at one point has to admit that this is more of a sign of the times we are living in where music really doesn’t matter like it once did.  Because this is not one of the biggest songs of all-time.  Nor should it have been over two month long number one.  I guess that’s what happens when you make a song that can be placed under a handful of genres.  And I still like it, but not nearly as much as I once did.  It can go away any day now and I wouldn’t miss it.

That being said, this is still better than the Justin Bieber & J Balvin remix.  Talk about a quick cash grab.  One of the worst remixes of this unnecessary remix trend. 

 

 

 

THE GOOD TIER


This is probably not a good song by any means, but fuck it.  Pretend you know this song everybody.

“Bang!” – AJR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4THFRpw68oQ


I know a good portion of the internet hates this band.  A lot.  And I’m not going to pretend that I don’t see why.  This band of brothers are the equivalent to those white guys with acoustic guitars.  Thinking that every single song of theirs are faux deep and philosophical when they are honestly cheap and hollow.  And then there is their choice of production and instrumentation which is just…why did you choose to put that in your music?  Also what the fuck is that thing on your head….whichever one you are.

….I’ll be honest, I don’t hate them.  I think AJR is one of the more fascinating acts we have right now.  Every decision they make is so bafflingly bad that most of their music amuses me.  And this song in general sounds like a giant middle finger to anyone who thinks otherwise.  I can honestly begrudgingly accept that.  I kind of have a soft spot for artists purposely trolling like that.  After all, those who have followed me for awhile know that I really love Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” which is her trolling everyone who thinks she is thin-skinned and dates too many guys.   And to me, this is them trolling their haters thinking this is a “farewell” to them making music.  I mean why else would the song be about them going out with a bang?  They can say the same old thing about this being the middle ground between becoming a kid an adult but that’s what they say about a lot of their songs.  You’re not fooling anyone boys.

What can I say?  It’s catchy, stupid, hilarious, ridiculous, insulting, dumbfounded, and a lot of other similes and metaphors that basically summarize it as funny and turn off your brain fun.  I miss when “bad pop music” used to get a reaction out of me like this song does.  So congrats AJR.  I actually like this song.  Maybe you’re not as bad as everyone makes you out to be.

Except for “100 Bad Days”.  That song is genuinely as bad as their haters make it out to be.

 

 

….it took awhile but it finally grew on me.  Fuck it.

 “positions” – Ariana Grande

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcYodQoapMg


What can I say?  This is one of those rare occasions where overplay actually made the heart grow fonder.  Because let’s face it.  The moment this track dropped, I was supremely disappointed.  To me, this was initially one of the most predictable pop songs Ariana could have ever released.  Let alone be the leadoff single to your highly anticipated follow-up to one of the biggest pop records of the last few years.  She could have made this song at any time.  Hell, it could have been a lost single from the “thank u next” era and I wouldn’t have blinked an eye.

But like a parasite, this song just wouldn’t leave my head after all these moments.  It’s all over the radio.  It’s on my retail playlist.  It’s all over TikTok and streaming services.  It basically forced me into submission and admit that it’s a good pop song.  Even if it is one of the most basic Ariana Grande songs out there.  It’s just harmless pop fluff and let’s face it.  There are far worse songs out there than a C-level Ariana Grande song.

 


“Dakiti” – Bad Bunny & Jhay Cortez

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmKh7lAwnBI


Vibe music at its finest.  If 2020 sounded like a mood, it would sound haunting and eerie like this.  I don’t understand a single thing either guy are saying without having to translate the lyrics every time.  But when you nail the production this perfectly, it makes the language barrier not even matter for me.

Also check out Bad Bunny’s latest album “EL ULTIMO TOUR DEL MUNDO”.  One of the most underrated albums of the year last year.  This guy’s a superstar no questions asked and if he fully plans to tour the world again once the pandemic subsides, count me in as potentially interested.  The guy is that charismatic.


 

THE EXCELLENT TIER


“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NRXx6U8ABQ


I’m going to laugh if the Super Bowl launches this song back to number one.  I mean it’s currently at number three.  The charts are so vulnerable and weak right now that there are no true challengers.  And the Super Bowl is basically a chance to capitalize of an artist’s momentum ala Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Bruno Mars or let them drown into mediocrity like The Black Eyed Peas, Justin Timberlake, or Maroon 5.  And based off last night's reactions, I think this won't slow his momentum down at all.

As for this song?  That is closing in on being in the top five for a total of ONE WHOLE YEAR.  Let’s face the facts.  This will never leave the charts.  Never ever never ever never ever.  And we will forever be blinded by the lights.


 

“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYlFuWEuKI


I’m going to be mad if the Super Bowl doesn’t help launch this song into number one at some point.  It’s about damn time one of the “After Hours” tracks replaced “Blinding Lights” on the radio.  Very much disappointed that it wasn’t “In Your Eyes”, which was the best song on all of “After Hours”.  But I’m pretty content with this one instead because it is pretty great on its own merits.

I mean let's be honest.  This song really isn't pushing the envelope.  It's kind of like Bruno Mars following "Uptown Funk" with "24K Magic".  It's basically a retread of one of the hugest hits of all-time.  But who the hell cares.  It's different enough plus The Weeknd has been making 80s inspired pop music for like five years now.  And when you've gotten the formula down to a science like he has, who am I to stop him when he's doing it this greatly?

Also, way to commit to your music video concepts for your album cycles.  Making yourself into Handsome Squidward to try and obtain another number one.  Now that's dedication.


 

...I got nothing to say except I’m a simp.

“34+35” – Ariana Grande

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6_iQvaIjXw


I don’t know why I love this as much as I do.  Maybe because Ariana’s sex songs have always been better when she just scales it back and coos instead of belting out her lungs?  Maybe because she actually sounds playful for a change instead of trying to force it?  Hell even the admittedly stupid title of 34+35 is literally spelling it out that she wants to have sex with you.  I vote all of the above.  It hasn’t escaped my head in the months since I first heard it and it’s quite possibly the most simple straightforward sex jam I’ve heard in my years of doing this, but what can I say?  It’s definitely doing it for me.  One of the highlights for me from the most forgettable album in Ariana’s discography.

That said, I could have done without the remix.  It absolutely takes away everything that works about the original and forces out one of the most half-assed Megan features she’s ever done with Doja Cat being the only highlight.  I get that Scooter forced this to stat pad another number one for his golden girl, but at least figure out how to make the song work for fuck’s sake.  The original is excellent enough on its own.

 


…and speaking of Megan:

“Body” – Megan Thee Stallion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PBYGu4Az8s


I mean this is basically what “WAP” would have sounded like if it was just a solo song and not a collaboration with Cardi.  Pretty straightforward honestly with all the moaning and the sexual metaphors and double entendres.  But you know what?  Fuck it.  This is just as hilarious and quotable as “WAP”.  With easily one of the dumbest choruses of all-time.  Every single time Megan does that “body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody” and repeat fifty times; I get the biggest smirk on my face.  I mean what else is there to prove?  Megan Thee Stallion is the modern day Missy Elliott and this is her “Work It”.

 

 

“Levitating” – Dua Lipa (featuring DaBaby)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUVcZfQe-Kw


God bless Dua Lipa.  We really don’t deserve this woman in this timeline.  Bringing back retro pastiche in ways that Bruno Mars can only dream of doing now.

And look at this.  She’s bringing back the guest rapper in pop music.  Honestly, I’m glad she brought on DaBaby.  He absolutely shouldn’t be on here, but he is anyway and I hate to admit it, I can’t imagine this song without him anymore.  That completely useless, left foot right foot levitating line is now the most memorable lyric from this song for me.

I kind of wish I was joking about that because “Levitating” is my third favorite track from Future Nostalgia.  I’m still waiting for her to push “Cool” and “Love Again” but this will do in a heartbeat.


 

“Good Days” – SZA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGHSYEzCp9c


I needed this song at this point in time.  This is therapeutic for me.  Like I’m calling it right here and right now.  This will be my number one song on my Apple Music Replay at the end of the year.  The amount of times that I have seek this song out so far this year?  I’ve lost track.  It’s the sort of mental and emotional therapy I’ve needed amidst….well do I have to remind you about the COUNTLESS PROBLEMS WRONG WITH THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!?!?

This song has been an anxiety reliever for me in more ways than one.  And I’m just glad to see SZA has FINALLY picked up where she left off after taking like four years off between albums.  This woman will hopefully remind people that she is a superstar waiting to finally launch and in a just world, this will be her first number one.  I sure hope it is because it’s fantastic.



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So that’s the Billboard Hot 100 February Top 20 Ranked for you all.  I’d say a pretty solid chart if you ask me.  Not one of the better ones I’ve done on this blog like this past fall, but still a sign that we are on a good track as we start to lay the groundwork for what this year has to offer for us music-wise.

With that said, I’m not sure when I’ll be doing a spring chart ranking.  Last year, I tried to lay these out at the start of each season.  But since Spring is only like six weeks away, I might change up my formula and do another one of these in April or May so we can try to rotate out at least half of the top twenty with more material for me to talk about.

But more importantly, I wanted to get one of these out now as a thank you to all of my loyal followers.  I know I haven’t been the best at updating this blog in the past two months since Christmas.  I mean I just recently shared my Worst Films of 2020 list and I’ll be honest, my Best Films of 2020 list is going to be awhile since I try to get that list up after I watch the Oscar contenders that I missed.  And with those nominations being delayed, I think it might be another month or so before I share my list.

So consider this as a way to spread some happiness amongst my followers amidst the lack of content by yours truly as of late.  Hope you guys continue to stick around with me as we keep moving forward into 2021.  Thank you guys as always and until next time, stay safe out there and look forward to more coming soon.

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