Welcome to my summer seasonal chart ranking. And you know what? I’m going to switch things up a bit compared
to where we were with the Spring. Since
I’m not doing any collaborations with anyone this time around and these are
just my general thoughts, I figured I would try something new with this
version. Instead of giving you a
traditional 20-1, I’m going to give you guys tier rankings.
Now I know what you are thinking. Why tier rankings instead? Well I’m going to be completely honest. I don’t want to reveal any potential spoilers
for my end of the year lists. I mean
after all, we are halfway through the year.
Or in Billboard’s charting case, 60-65% of the way there (Billboard’s
tracking system needs a major overhaul, but that’s another rant entirely). So why give everything away now. Where would the surprises be? Granted my opinions are always evolving. What I may like now I can turn my thoughts
around rather quickly. That’s why I
never take these seasonal rankings too seriously.2020. The year that is actually very good for hit
music and nothing else. I’m as ready for
this year to be over as everyone else.
But as my friend Wumbo said so eloquently during our collaboration
project a few months ago, I hope these blog entries provide some serotonin for
your day in the meantime.
THE BILLBOARD HOT 100 SUMMER 2020 TOP 20 RANKED
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THE TERRIBLE TIER:
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You know what 2020 could use? Some positivity!
-“Sunday Best” - Surfaces
You know, just not from these fucking hacks. Which they are as motivational as a hang in
there cat poster:
...oh come on Sir Elton John. Why!?!?
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…on the plus side, at least this song blocked 6ix9ine from a
potential number one?
-“Stuck With U” – Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber
I haven’t thought about this song since the controversy
surrounding how it got to number one.
Did Ariana and Bieber’s PR team probably cheat the system to get this
dull turd of a song to number one?
Probably. Let’s be honest. They have Scooter Braun as their manager. The guy is pretty sleazy. He had Bieber tweet how to commit streaming
fraud six months earlier. I wouldn’t be
surprised if he bought 3000 or however many copies of this song in the waning
hours of the charting week to do so.
Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he pushed this single out super quick to
take advantage of a weakened chart system so he can get an easy number one
disguised as a charity single.
Removing all controversy aside. This song fucking sucks. It’s a charity single for COVID-19, which
we’ve been getting a lot of pandemic songs as of late. This is the worst of the bunch. Not just because it’s boring, it is just so
unremarkable. I mean the basic gist of
this song is that “I guess I’m stuck with you, let’s fuck.” I mean, is it not? These two don’t have any chemistry and they
talk about loving you and hating you at the same time. Not really the most flattering
compliment. Still better than comparing
your girl to a financial asset, right Bieber?
Honestly, the best comparison I give this song is to my deep
hatred towards Ed Sheeran and Beyonce’s “Perfect”. A half-assed rough draft of a song lacking so
much personality that sounds like two of the biggest popstars on the planet
weren’t even remotely trying. Yeah. It’s déjà vu all over again under the
disguise of a charity single. Yeah I’d
rather have this at number one than the rainbow haired pedophile, but let’s not
act like this song really matters. Or is
even remotely good. It’s not.
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-“Falling” – Trevor Daniel
“I’m convinced that this song was specifically designed to
make YouTube music critics put it on their worst lists.”
Okay time to take off the tinfoil hat for like five
seconds. This song is specifically
designed to be a warbling bitchfit. Just
like all of the other Post Malone rip-offs that have flooded the charts as of
late. But Trevor Daniel is taking this
to a whole other level thanks to tantric whining. No please dude. Please enlighten me about how you are the
first to sing about a girl doing you wrong.
What an original concept for a pop song.
You brooding edgelord you.
I’ll be absolutely stunned if this guy gets another hit. Not just because this song is awful. He has absolutely nothing to him as a
performer. I couldn’t tell you anything
distinct about this no name. He’s just
as generic as his stage name.
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-“Intentions” – Justin Bieber (featuring Quavo)
This song still exists.
And it’s still excruciating. I
sure hope Justin Bieber is enjoying that radio payola. Because that is the only music listening
format that still cares about this fucking bore for nearly six months.
THE BAD TIER:
Normally I plan for there to be a bad tier. But there are no songs I would consider
traditionally bad. Onto the next one.
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THE MEDIOCRE TIER:
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-“Toosie Slide” – Drake
Maybe this should be in the bad tier for a completely
different reason. Because it’s
comedically bad. But good lord does this
song strike a mood in this timeline.
Drake is an evil genius.
This is blatantly made to get popular on TikTok. There is literally no effort on trying to
make this song noteworthy. Everything
about it screams basic and meant to trendhop.
But it’s almost evil how maddingly catchy it is and how little effort
was placed into this.
I’ve lost count how many times I find myself humming along
to it. I’ve lost count how many times
I’ve said right foot up immediately followed by left foot slide. And I’ve also lost count how many times I’ve
viewed the challenges on TikTok.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this song is immediately
forgotten by the time this pandemic is over.
But Drake really keeps finding ways to strike while the lightning is
hot. Basically I’m saying either way…fuck
you Drake. You’re a virtuoso.
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-“Roses” – Saint Jhn (IMANBEK Remix)
Time for the build up to my ground breaking thoughts on the
dance track that is sweeping the nation.
Be prepared everyone. Because
this is some earth shattering revelations!
…it exists.
I really don’t have any thoughts on this song. I mean the remix does make it better, but
over the weekend I found three different IMANBEK remixes and I can absolutely
say that he is a one trick pony. He just
rehashes the same bass drop for every song.
But what a bass drop.
I stand by it being rehashed, but it perfectly fits the sped up original
version. So I’ll give it credit
there. But still could care less about
it either way.
Okay forget what I said in my last chart ranking. This song soured on me in record time.
-“Say So” – Doja Cat
I mean it still sounds amazing. It’s a great sounding pop song. Doja Cat still sings beautifully. And I’ll be honest. Dr. Luke’s involvement in this song is not
what soured it on me. I mean it sure as
hell doesn’t help it. No. What soured it on me is EVERYTHING that has
transpired in the past month and a half or so.
I try to separate the art from the artist and most of the
time, I can say that I’m fairly successful at that. But Doja Cat really is
doing herself no favors with everything that has been popping up lately. And let’s not forget the even bigger
reason. The reason her song got to
number one.
I hate the internet sometimes for this specific reason. It’s toxic as hell and it really grates on my
gears to see people act this stupid. Do you people actually think for a minute Doja Cat would show off her boobs to get a song to number one? Especially for a god awful remix to begin
with. Nicki Minaj completely detracts
from this song and only makes it worse. But god forbid she doesn't shame her stans for doxxing the Chart Data guy and basically act like total loons to try and get Oinka her first number one...on a feature...for a song that was probably going to get to number one at some point with or without her....
Maybe someday I’ll look past all this and it might be in my
good graces again. Like I said. It is an amazing sounding pop song. But this is my honest in the moment thoughts
and no song has gotten more annoying in record time than this one. Sorry.
THE DECENT TIER:
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-“Life Is Good” – Future (featuring Drake)
What can I say? This
has grown on me. I mean Drake’s part
still resonates with me. I am working on
the weekends like usual. Drake really
should have gotten more than a minute and a half of material. He is great here.
And even though Future’s part runs on for way too long,
those “woos!” I like “woo!” I support “woo!”
-“WHAT’S POPPIN’” – Jack Harlow
Finally. A white male
rapper emerging on the hit scene who doesn’t suck. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve been told there are some out there, but man we’ve gone
through some pretty shitty mediocre white males over the last couple
years. MGK, Gnash, G-Eazy,
blackbear…they all suck. Maybe at some
point they didn’t suck and hell I like a couple songs from some of these
names. But they don’t leave any lasting
impression.
And I guess the same can be said for Jack Harlow here. I’m not going to lie. When I first heard this, I thought he was
jacking DaBaby’s flow. Or maybe I thought
that because JetsonMade produced this and he’s responsible for most of DaBaby’s
hits. Either way, these flows are way
too similar. But I’ll give Harlow
credit. His lines are sharp. He doesn’t really say anything that makes me
cringe. And something that all these
other mediocre white male rappers don’t have.
Presence.
That being said, this doesn’t reinvent the wheel
either. It’s just another trap song
bragging about how many girls he gets while bragging about how successful he
is. Eventually, all these standard trap
songs are going to mesh into one giant blob of who gives a shit. But I kind of like it. Perfectly cemented in the decent tier.
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THE GOOD TIER:
-“ROCKSTAR” – DaBaby (featuring Roddy Ricch)
If you asked me a couple weeks ago, this would also be in
the decent tier. But then, reality
happened.
What’s going on in the world, can’t be ignored. I hope the protesting keeps moving forward
until real change occurs when it comes to police brutality against the black
community. People in the world need to
be aware of these issues going on and take the action to make a change in the
world that is so badly needed.
Especially now that more of it is being filmed and shared on social
media for the world to see. The system
we have right now enables inequality. As
a white male, I don’t know what it is like to walk in a black man or woman’s
shoes. But I know damn well that there
shouldn’t be a difference.
So with that being said, this chorus is a fucking mood right
now. When I see all the peaceful
protesting out there, my mind immediately goes to “Brand new Lamborghini, fuck
a cop car”. And even before reality
happened, DaBaby is really good on this song.
I love DaBaby’s introspection on this song about his real life situation
regarding what happened in front of his daughter in a Wal-Mart parking
lot. It shows maturity that we really
don’t get that often from the guy who made “BOP”.
Honestly, the one thing that I still haven’t come around
with on this song is Roddy Ricch’s guest verse.
Outside of his introspection from his own personal story regarding legal
run-ins, I just don’t like what he’s doing with his voice. It’s very Young Thug-lite. And while I get that Young Thug is someone
Roddy Ricch has stated that he idolizes, what Roddy Ricch is doing on this song
is very distracting. His voice just
cracks way too much that distracts from all the flow switch-ups we’ve come to
expect from Roddy.
Either way, this is a prime candidate for Song of the Summer
2020. Not for the fun we’ve come to expect
from songs of the summer in the past.
But for the importance of a bigger movement that should not be swept
under the rug. Silence in the face of
injustice is complicity with the oppressor.
May we all stand in solidarity for what we know is right.
-“The Bones” – Maren Morris
This is absolutely growing on me. Maybe Maren Morris is more emotionally
connected to this song than I give her credit for because her lowkey singing
really does fit this awful year we are still stuck in. Although I would be perfectly okay with the
house falling right now because we as a society need to change.
-“The Box” – Roddy Ricch
“Fuck 12. Fuck SWAT.”
Another accurate mood from our current climate.
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-“Blueberry Faygo” – Lil Mosey
Maybe if WHAT’S POPPIN was more fun like this, it would also
be in the good tier.
I’m all for this new R&B trend of sampling lesser known
90s R&B tracks and making them fun and upbeat. It’s what I like to call the DJ Mustard
treatment. Because damn did he strike
gold with “Ballin’”, which is one of the best songs of the year for sure.
And while this is basically Diet Ballin’, I don’t care. It’s fun, chill, upbeat. I don’t know much about Lil Mosey. Hell I doubt he will get another hit this big
ever again. He doesn’t leave much of an
impression. But what a chorus. That sample of “My My My” is fucking
brilliant. Anyone want to sample “Feels
Good” next?
-“Savage” – Meghan Thee Stallion
So this is kind of a tricky placement for me. Because the remix of this song is what is
making the song huge more so than the original.
And the original to me was already fairly big, especially on our lord
and savior, Tik Tok.
I think either way I look at it, I’m placing this in the
good tier. Remix or no remix. I absolutely adore the original more than I
do the remix. It only has two notes, but
those two notes just fucking kill. And I
love Megan’s flexing. I’m fully onboard
with Megan Thee Stallion as the next big female rapper. She has personality. She has charisma. She has great presence. The fact that she is sticking around with
multiple hits is a telling sign that she is one of the big names of the future.
But what prevents the original from making the excellent
tier for me is that the original felt more like a demo than it did a completed
song. So I’ll give the remix this. This definitely feels more like a finished
product. And Beyonce is a perfect
complement to Megan. This song oozes so
much personality that I can’t get enough of it.
But what prevents the remix from being better than the
original? It has too much Beyonce. Which is a thing for me. And I like Beyonce. But this is a remix to Megan’s song first and
foremost. And I think it is almost
unfair how much Beyonce’s presence overshadows Megan’s. It is almost petty of me to say that, but I
really wish Megan got more than just one verse on the remix to her own
song. Like come on now.
Really happy this hit number one though. Wish it had more than just one week at the
top, but I’ll take what I can get.
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-“Don’t Start Now” – Dua Lipa
Maybe its due to the pandemic we are stuck in, but I’m
really not vibing with this song like I once did. I mean it’s admittedly still a really good
song. But it’s not great.
But you know what is great?
“Future Nostalgia”. Excellent pop
album that I’m still streaming to this day.
Still rooting for them to push “Cool” as a single. One of my favorite songs of the year, period.
THE EXCELLENT TIER:
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-“Circles” – Post Malone
Seasons change and I’m running out of things to say. Seriously this can get off the charts any day now. Please.
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-“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd
Still fucking amazing.
Anyone constantly throwing shade about not getting why so many people
love this really need to re-evaluate their priorities.
-“Adore You” – Harry Styles
This really is a perfect pop song, isn’t it? It doesn’t make much of a statement, but it
doesn’t really need to. It knows what it
is capable of and it does it damn well. Who would have thought Harry Styles would quickly become one of my favorite artists working today so quick?
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-“I Hope” – Gabby Barrett
Wow. This is the best
revenge fantasy song by a former American Idol contestant I’ve ever heard. Not sure how hot of a take this is, but this
song is freaking excellent. Like this is
right up there when it comes to best female empowered country songs in a
history chalk full of them.
And I’m almost positive that this song won’t be everyone’s
cup of tea. I mean this is an ugly
song. Most songs about any of the seven
deadly sins can be. But Gabby Barrett
tackles it in this self-righteously pissed off tone. When she says that she hopes for all this
good to happen onto her ex, only for it to all end with him getting cheated on
the way he did to her; it just fucking hits hard. Like dear god. This guy can go fuck himself.
So with that being said….did we really need a Charlie Puth
remix?
Um, she’s making her point crystal fucking clear Charlie
Puth. No need to hear your whiny annoying voice say the same exact point. This remix
didn’t need to happen.
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-“Rain on Me” – Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande
Does anybody else miss when pop music was this fucking
majestic or is it just me?
Like that’s what I’m loving about this new Lady Gaga album
cycle. She is making pop music that has
that larger than life personality about it.
And while “Stupid Love” was also good, this song is just ten times
better.
I love every single musical element of this song. Gaga sounds great. Ariana sounds great. They both have excellent vocal
chemistry. I love the warping bass. I love the guitars and hints of
saxophone. I love the prechorus
(speaking of which, “I’d rather be drunk but at least I’m alive” is a pandemic
mood for me). I love the message it
sends about preferring not to be sad or heartbroken after a relationship
ending. That’s maturity beyond its
years. And of course, I’m an absolute
sucker for electropop like this. I’m
beyond ecstatic that Gaga went back to this sound ten years after she last did.
I’m a little sad to see it going down the top ten so quickly
but I have hope that it will turn back around and be in the top ten for a
while. Not just due to a weaker Hot 100
right now, but because it’s that amazing of a song.
So that’s our top twenty right now. More than half of the songs are in the good and excellent tiers. If that doesn’t speak volumes as to how good 2020 is for hit music, I don’t know what is. Sure we are living in chaotic times, but I really do hope that my content is providing small doses of escapism from this reality that we are living in. Even if for just a couple minutes. Thank you all for reading as always. More content coming soon. Until next time, stay safe out there.
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