Hey everybody! Welcome back to list season. Aka the most wonderful time of the year where my blog views go up because people love reading best and worst of the year lists as much as I like to write them….some years.
This was not a particularly good year to write the worst
list. Not because of the content as a
whole this year because to be honest, this was a perfectly fine year. I mean it wasn’t 2020, but it was a perfectly
decent transition year. But my reasons
are quite simple…does music still even matter anymore?
I mean with the way the world has been for the last two
years, I ask this question with all serious intent. Because the news of the world just keeps
dominating the cultural zeitgeist and topic points to the point that the
entertainment that use to distract us from even the worst of yesteryear feels
like it is not as existent as it used to be.
Even to me, an entertainment buff like myself, I feel less and less
wanting to talk about movies and music as much as I use to. They feel more like a chore to me more than a
great distraction. And don’t take this
as me wanting to stop doing this sort of thing.
Not at all. I will always be glad
to discuss. But I feel with the way the
world is slowly spiraling, that I more or less want to talk about what we can
do as a society to turn things around or at least watch in real time every bad
mistake that is being made or how incompetent our political system is. Or how even a life-saving vaccine and wanting
to be a decent human being and caring for others has turned into becoming a
political statement...yeah its quite easy to get pissed off at the world that
we are living in.
But alas, the more I focus on how fucked up the world is at
the moment, the more cynical I’ve become.
And I don’t want to be a cynical old man (I’m not that old I
swear). I want to talk about things that
make me happy. And despite music being
one of the last topics on a lot of people’s minds, I’ve got to admit. This whole niche ecosystem that streaming has
made music listening has in fact given us some pretty quality hit music.
As the world starts to open back up again as we are learning
to live with the pandemic that has turned our world upside down, we are slowly
starting to see more and more of the big names come out of quarantine with new
album releases and new music to bring onto us.
I’m excited for the future of the music industry, even if it is not as
big as it once was.
I mean for god’s sake we have TWO Christmas songs as some of
the 100 biggest hits of 2021. That’s a
sign that for most of this year, nobody cared to release anything truly worth
discussing. I mean the biggest topics of
this year were about Olivia Rodrigo’s relationship drama, Morgan Wallen
canceling himself right when he was about to be the biggest country music
crossover star since Taylor Swift, Lil Nas X trolling conservatives with his
clickbait, the power of BTS stans manipulating the charts, and a douche (Kanye)
vs a turd sandwich (Drake). Compare that
to 2019 where nearly every number one of that year had some sort of thought
provoking controversy attached to it. I
find it fitting that a good portion of this year was a lot of music that
charted in 2020 over 2021 because there were barely any album bombs for a
decent while. Don’t look at me. Blame Billboard’s stupid year end tracking
system.
But of course, we have to start this list season off with
the entry that gets me my most annual hits.
The worst list. And despite what
I’ve said about 2021 being overall a decent 6/10 year, this is the first time
in three years where I had a lot of solid contenders for the worst list. So let's not waste any more time and start things off with the dishonorable mentions.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
“Without You” – The Kid LAROI
My apologies to the late Juice WRLD, but his protégé is
absolutely awful. I haven’t had such an
immediate detestable reaction to someone’s voice this quick since Simple Plan’s
Pierre Bouvier. And my god what an
absolutely punchable first impression this song was. As the year came to a close, I can’t help but
laugh at this more than I do outright hate it.
And at least it spawned some pretty funny TikToks over this song’s most
quotable line:
“So there you go oh, can’t make a wife out of a hoe.”
You’re right Kid. Go
ahead and preach this truth in the most whiny nasally irritable way
possible. Oh wait. That’s just because she’s not boning you
anymore. Thank god "Stay" is catchy as hell because he would be so high up on my shit list if it wasn't for that.
“Heat Waves” – Glass Animals
I still can’t believe this song lasted around like the
fucking plague all year and is just now peaking inside the top ten. I guess there’s a lot more Dream stans out
there than I realized. My bad because I honestly just can't understand who would find this song be worthy of anyone's time. Thank god pop-rock came back in a huge swing this year because this is the sort of shit that made tired of the current "alternative rock" scene.
“Whoopty” – CJ
Still as forgettable as the first time I heard it. I would call it Baby’s First Drill Song, but
I don’t even think that is fair to babies.
“Beatbox” – SpotemGottem (featuring Pooh Shiesty…or
DaBaby…or NLE Choppa…or Polo G…there are one too many remixes)
I don’t get what’s so impressive about this beat that
required like one million remixes this year.
Some were good, but more often than not, they were just
unimpressive. And that’s even before we
get to the original song by the original rapper who is so uncharismatic, so
unimpressive, and so forgettable that he still doesn’t have a Wikipedia page as
of the time I wrote this. Most baffling
hit of the year.
“Holy” – Justin Bieber (featuring Chance the Rapper)
We go from most baffling hit of the year to the most boring
man of the year featuring the most baffling guest verse of the year. Some indie darlings just aren’t meant to make
the jump to the mainstream and I can’t think of a more drastic drop-off in
quality than Chance over the last few years.
Those Acid Rap and Coloring Book days are long gone as now he’s
comparing his girl to…Oscar Proud?
“Better Together” – Luke Combs
Yeah I’m still not completely sold on Luke Combs yet. To be honest, all these dull and sappy as
hell love ballads he released this year really aren’t doing him no favors in my
book. Especially with this piece of shit
that sounds like it would have been performed by Lewis Capaldi if given the
chance. Hell I think I would have preferred
Lewis Capaldi because at least I would have distinctly remembered it.
“Time Today” – Moneybagg Yo
It is just “Said Sum” again.
Which hey, I liked “Said Sum” the first time around. But “Said Sum” is not a song that seriously
needed its own cheap knockoff. Seriously
it has the same production more or less, the same beat, the same flow, hell
even the same alliteration of a song title.
He even refers to himself as the “Said Sum” rapper. If you’re not going to give yourself more credit
than that, why should I as a listener?
Next.
“If I Didn’t Love You” – Jason Aldean & Carrie Underwood
Clearly name recognition powered this song into becoming a
hit because these two don’t have a believable ounce of chemistry with each
other. Kind of reminds of me Jason
Aldean’s duet with another former American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson, from
ten years ago. And just like with that
song, this song is so basic that I would not be surprised to see reality
singing show contestants perform this song together for years to follow since
it is that lacking in personality and plausibility.
“On Me” – Lil Baby
I still haven’t come around on Lil Baby yet, although I’m
getting closer and closer with each passing year. But even when I do, I can still tell when one
of his songs isn’t even trying. Lil Baby
has been on the record saying he made this song because he was bored while in
lockdown and I can tell. This definitely
sounds like someone who is bored and has nothing better to do. And while I wish I could like it for
representing the exact sentiments I’ve felt for most of this year, I still
wouldn’t like it because Lil Baby sounds like such an unlikeable little shit on
this.
“Fancy Like” – Walker Hayes
This was honestly close to making my list at first, but then
I decided I couldn’t give this song any sort of grief. Because that’s exactly what it wants. It wants you to look at it in disgust and
horror. Bask in its painful
tackiness. Hell you could say that it
celebrates making everyone cringe at its product placement and cornball lines. Then it hit me. I don’t hate this. I’m just fascinated something this terrible
actually exists. I expect this to make
many and I mean MANY worst lists so everyone can go ahead and jump at this easy
target. I don’t blame you for doing so,
it’s pretty fucking bad. Meanwhile, I’ll
just continue to sit here and marvel at this lame, yet fascinating bad song.
Because I like to go one step further. Let's just say I have some 2020 backwash that I've already talked about a plenty that I want to make these lists as authentic as possible. I do actually have some more to say about these songs that are two years old now each so trust me when I say that it won't be tired material. Got it? Good. Now let's go crazy. We're counting down.
I really didn’t want to start this worst list off by talking
about a song that I actually liked at one point. I mean I still do think it’s a good song
after it being around for a good two years or so, but I never want to hear it
ever again. Overplay has practically
killed a lot of interest I once had in it.
The fact that this is now one of the biggest country crossover hits of
all-time is also astonishing. Blame the
pandemic for making the music industry move at a snail’s pace for a while too.
I am of course, talking about “I Hope” if you haven’t
figured it out by now. A revenge fantasy
song from Gabby (Coney) Barrett that I’ve called good, hell excellent
even. So why am I talking about this
song on the worst list? Well…
11. “I Hope” – Gabby Barrett (featuring Charlie Puth)
In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last two
years (which if so, I wish I would have joined you), we are living in the era
of remix chart manipulation. Lil Nas X
opened the floodgates of this new era of remixing with “Old Town Road” and its
five or six remixes over two years prior becoming the longest reigning number
one song of all-time. And now the rest
of the music industry has caught on and we are getting more and more unnecessary
remixes. Granted not all of them have
been bad. Hell some have been very
good. But more often than not, we get
these forced out collaborations solely with the purpose to get a quick and easy
number one hit or to prolong a charting song’s lifespan. It’s inorganic and honestly further proving
how broken Billboard’s system really is when an artists’ stan following will
mass purchase every remix.
With all the remixes floating out there, I told myself that
I would only count a remix on my worst list if Billboard credits the remix over
the original. And last year, this was
one of the few remixes that made Billboard’s year end list. I hated this remix from the very first moment
I heard it, but out of the respect that I had for the original being a good
song, I just couldn’t find it in me to place it anywhere near the worst list. And even talking in hindsight, I still don’t
think this would have made the actual list; probably would have been in my
dishonorable mentions.
So why am I talking about it this year? Because that remix has given it such a longer
lifespan to the point that the radio absolutely adores this remix. Yes I still listen to the radio in 2021
against my better judgment. I don’t want
to pay any more in roaming charges to listen to Apple Music in my car. And the more I hear it, the more everything
bad about this remix stands out. This is
by far the worst I’ve ever heard Charlie Puth; and that goes back to his
2015/2016 dentist office music that he used to make. He sounds absolutely insufferable singing
this. And he completely misses the point
of the original by a country mile.
What made Charlie Puth good in 2017/2018 was taking a heel
turn and becoming a bit of a dick instead of trying to play Mr. Nice Guy like
he was the years prior. Which would have
made him the perfect fit for this song and given it some needed depth. But instead, he sings alongside Gabby Barrett
and keeps adding more spite that’s not needed and it just doesn’t work. It’s just such a completely baffling creative
decision and I don’t know who thought that was a good idea even the slightest.
This is one of the worst remixes I’ve heard in my years of
talking music and the fact that this was still one of the biggest songs of any
year for a second year in a row just goes to show how little new content we
actually got. That and Billboard should
not be tracking from early November to early November.
I can’t believe I had that much to say about the fucking
remix to “I Hope”. I told myself that I
was going to try and cut back on some of my long winded rants. So I hope you don’t mind me taking a bit of a
breather and just go for an easy target from some schmuck who I doubt will have
a second hit.
10. “Good Time” – Niko Moon
This is your friendly reminder that “bro-country” is far
from dead. It just evolved from being
laughably dated to uninterestingly dull and lifeless. So this guy’s name is Niko and Vinz…I mean
Niko Moon….this is not a real name. He’s
the poor man’s Sam Hunt. And apparently
he has ties to some short-lived EDM country group formed by Zack Brown. Country and EDM…those two don’t go
together. And honestly that’s everything
I know that is even remotely interesting about Niko Moon.
Do I even need to point out the obvious if you listen to
this song? For a song called “Good Time”
this isn’t even remotely fun…or entertaining…or catchy…or interesting. It just fucking sucks the air out of the room
mixed in with some incredibly dated trap snares and hi-hats. But you know what I hate most about
this? This layer of smugness and
self-righteous attitude. Bro, are you
even listening to your own song? You
sound as bored of these outdated clichés as your listening audience does.
Like I mentioned in my dishonorable mentions, I wanted to
place “Fancy Like” on this list. But at
the end of the day, at least that other schmuck who I also doubt will have
another hit (or at least as big as “Fancy Like”) put forth some effort into it. Even with all the cringe cross-marketing and
lame virality, I’ll remember it. I
forget how this half-baked bargain bin reject of a country song goes every time
I hear it. Next.
Let’s dive back into the world of TikTok as we talk about
yet another schmuck who I doubt will get a second hit.
9. “Track Star” – Mooski
Wow. What an
absolutely stupid metaphor. Any further
insight on how this girl makes you feel or any more amazingly lame track and
field puns or are you just going to paint this girl out to be a flake and that
you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong because you’re awesome and….yep
definitely the latter.
That’s the thing about these TikTok one-offs. For your song to really crossover and gain
success, you really need to have one hell of a ten to thirty seconds to keep
you invested. Yet somehow, this song was
able to get its biggest gains from not streaming or sales, but the radio. Here’s the thing about the radio though. With so many people still out of work due to
the pandemic from iHeartRadio and its subsidiaries, stations are willing to
grasp at any sort of TikTok clout that they can get to find out what songs to
make famous. And low and behold, this
song got a remix from Chris Brown of all fucking people at just the right time
to capitalize and make this a legitimate hit.
And I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who
are impressed by Mooski (absolutely stupid rap name ftr) wailing about how this
girl leaves when things get bad. There
is always an audience for that. Probably
part of the reason that this was the biggest year for R&B in close to
twenty years.
But for the love of god, this guy is such a dick. I mean all you have to do is listen to the rest
of the song outside of those five to ten seconds and you can start to see the
signs as to what all the melodrama is about.
Gasp, how dare she blast him on social media. She’s only…just as reasonable as everyone
else. And for the record, if you’re
going to spend the entire song bragging mostly about how much better you are,
you’re really not that much better than airing your drama out on social media
you egotistical fuck.
Honestly, I’m starting to question if we are supposed to
relate to the girl that’s running away from this douchebag. The fact that he associated himself with Chris Brown makes too much sense.
8. “Put Your Records On” – Ritt Momney
This guy put as much effort into this cover song as he put into his stage name. I'm not wasting any more time on this trash. Go listen to the original. Next.
It is surreal to me that EuroVision is now popular enough to
gain major traction stateside. Which I’m
all for. I’ve been a casual viewer for
the last six years now. But even then, I
was surprised to see the series has gotten big enough to have a full length
Will Ferrell comedy film last year. And
I was even more surprised to see that MANY European crossover acts get actual
hits stateside. Not all of them are good
though.
7. “Arcade” – Duncan Laurence
Basic. Painfully
basic.
You guys remember that indie rock car commercial boom of the
last few years? I’m genuinely surprised
this song isn’t attached to some sort of product yet, unless it is and I’m just
that out of touch with modern day commercialism. I mean they got FLETCHER for the remix so there's a good chance this is attached to some sort of product out there.
I also hate how it is yet another vaguely generic ballad
about some girl breaking this guy’s heart.
But most of all, I just hate this guy’s voice. What is with America’s fascination with
bringing in European pop exports singing in the most nauseating grating tone
about heartbreak like they are the first ones to experience it? Why are we still doing this? And before we go any further, no. You’re not going to see Maneskin’s cover of
Beggin’ make the list. I actually love
the lead singer’s voice. It’s
unique. And it’s a perfectly good cover,
despite Maneskin’s deep cuts being so much better.
Let’s leave Duncan Laurence back at the arcade…that takes
pennies? Has this guy even ever been to
an arcade? The fuck is this?
These worst lists take so much effort out of me to write, so let's just sit back and pick on an easy target for a bit. Low hanging fruit is low hanging. Thanks Justin Bieber.
6. “Lonely” – Justin Bieber & benny blanco
Look I started off this year by saying that he is the worst
popstar and that second place is not even close. Then he dropped that multi-week number one
smash this year, Justice, as damage control from his previous album, Changes;
which I’ve been on the record for saying that is by far one of the worst albums
I’ve ever listened to. While Justice is
still bad, Justin still got five smash hits off that album so it looks like
he’s still sticking around for a while longer.
The fact that he appears on the year end six times on this list proves
that he is still a superstar in the music industry. And by those accords, I agree….to an extent.
He’s still a superstar because the radio refuses to rotate
his songs out. Bieber is still racking
up hits because he has evolved into the next phase of his career; making radio
friendly safe music. Bieber is starting
to take the Adam Levine route of making soulless hollow garbage that will not
provoke a reaction out of anyone. The
only difference being that Justin Bieber still has a crap ton of young female
fans. Adam Levine still has fans
too…soccer moms. And the older Justin
Bieber gets, the more those young female fans will either realize that he sucks
and move on or become soccer moms themselves.
So you know what, I concede.
Justin Bieber is just going to stick around whether we like him or not
since he now has a new formula for continued success.
But lord do I wish that said new formula was a little less…whatever
this is.
Someone please put that dying mountain goat out of its
misery. I’ll give Bieber this. That awkward yelping at least makes me
remember this song in comparison to the rest of the generic garbage he’s put
out. But that’s not what put this song
on the list. It’s yet his consistent
effort to constantly remind everyone of his douchebag years nearly ten years
ago. We get it. You regret being an unlikeable piece of
shit. But it’s 2021. You’ve made three albums now about how you
regret your past. FIND A DIFFERENT
SUBJECT ALREADY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.
Remember this song?
Who am I kidding of course you do.
The song that put One Direction on the map and made them one of the
biggest pop acts of the 2010s. Jesus who
thought I would ever be nostalgic for an era that isn’t even ten years old yet.
Look I’m not going to mince words, I do not like this song
even the slightest bit. It is
unflattering garbage that makes my skin crawl.
But in the end, you can only get so mad at teenage boys trying to make
girls swoon. Now if this was sung by a
bunch of 40 something year old men…
5. “Just The Way” – Parmalee & Blanco Brown
The moment I first heard this I immediately made that
correlation to “What Makes You Beautiful”.
I mean it’s all there. The
backhanded compliments. Pointing out all
of said imperfections so non-discretely that I couldn’t picture any girl
swooning. Except that this isn’t Teen
Magazine heartthrobs like Harry Styles or Zayn.
It’s sung by a bunch of boomers who claim that they love the way GOD
made you. Where’s Steve Buscemi with the
“how do you do fellow kids” when you need it.
I mean is it fair of me to ask why the hell either of these
acts needed a second hit? Parmalee has
been around when even I listened to only country music in the early
2000’s. They only got lucky with their
first legitimate hit ten years ago by catching onto the bro-country trend when
it was just picking up steam and here they are doing the same trend-hopping
trick once again by cashing in on the boyfriend country boom. Meanwhile, Blanco Brown got his only hit by
trying to reverse engineer the massive success of “Old Town Road” two years ago
and only rode that success so far because Nashville wasn’t remotely threatened
by his stupid TikTok lite dance. That
should have made my worst list in hindsight but I left it off there because you
couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy knowing that’s how he was going to be
remembered by. Nashville’s bottom bitch
because they don’t want to support Lil Nas X.
And once again, I was wrong.
I don’t feel sorry for either of these two if they are just going to
coast off trends for the rest of their careers.
Get this Chase Rice levels of wannabe country music trash out of my ears
and into the gutter of irrelevance where they both came from. Next.
4. “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu (featuring Drake)
Really? We’re doing
this again? We’re going to make yet
another emo rap song that samples “Shape of My Heart” by Sting? It hasn’t even been two years yet since the passing
of Juice WRLD that a lot of the industry is still in mourning. You’re going to have the audacity to sample a
song that Juice WRLD sampled and made it his most recognized song? And even worse, you’re going to make it about
the same subject matter? This reeks of
hack marketing for this song to lead to increased streaming and more radio
spins. And if that wasn’t obvious
enough, it also has the coveted Drake feature to prove that.
Which lets talk about that Drake feature. Drake has done a ton of features for a bunch
of no names; rest in peace to BlocBoy JB’s career. Sure there are a few exceptions to this, like
I was absolutely wrong about Lil Baby’s career trajectory. But more often than not, I feel like Drake
spreads the cosign wealth around to remind people how much worse off we can be
without him. That’s not the case
here. Drake is absolutely god awful
here. Drake does his usual jealous
possessive boyfriend bullshit, but he sounds so passive aggressive to the point
that he just comes off as a massive dick.
And despite that, I’m still unsure as to if he’s better or
worse than Yung Blah. I know that’s not
how his name is spelled, but it might as well be because his warble mouth
singing makes Post Malone sound like a choir of angels when he does it. And when you can make out what he’s saying,
he also sounds like a fucking asshole.
The delusional entitlement of this guy is infuriating. She can’t live her life without me because
she’s so blind, as Yung Blech so eloquently states is pretentiousness straight
out of his ass. Like he makes himself
out to be this wise sage that she is clearly missing out on, even though he
straight up says in the song that he played her multiple times and he often
ignored her. If she actually does leave
her new man for this asshat, it’s clearly due to Stockholm Syndrome because I
can’t even begin to contemplate what draws this girl back to him.
This is just an UGLY song all caps. And so be it, I don’t hate this song for
being ugly. But when you can’t write
either of these guys out to be redeeming in the slightest bit, then I’m sorry,
I would just tell both of these guys to go fuck themselves. They clearly would.
Sigh…I don’t hate this act. I actually have A LOT of respect for them. They hold a unique place in the music landscape of being one of the few country acts who can genuinely pull off country-pop hybrid music. Hell my first wedding dance was to their big hit, “Speechless”. And I still love it despite all of its corny clichés. That’s what true love is. Corny cliches and still tolerating them fifty years later *wink*. Facts for a successful
But something in me just snapped this year
and all the venom and vitriol that many others gave these two over the last
couple years was completely warranted.
3. “Glad You Exist” – Dan + Shay
I mean doesn’t that title just say it all? I’m glad that you exist girl. Who the fuck even says that? What happened to telling a girl you left them
speechless? Or hell even I want you all
to myself or I’d spend 10,000 hours? At
least those were compliments. I’m just
glad that you exist is such a fucking backhanded compliment to the point that it
makes me quiver with genuine rage.
But honestly, it isn’t just that…phrase…that makes me hate
this. The WHOLE song is adolescent as
hell. Like I’m pretty sure the only
group of girls who would find this flattering are the preteens that Dan + Shay
seems perfectly complacent targeting because they are more or less, the boy
bandification of country music.
Hell that might be an insult to preteens. This is inoffensive dentist office
music. You know the type of music that
is so perfectly complacent being targeted to waiting room lobbies while you’re
waiting for them to call your name to get your bi-yearly teeth cleaning. And then this song comes on and you sit there
thinking, “oh yeah, that was a hit awhile ago” because what else do you have
better to do or think about? I mean
you’ve got nothing to do except sit there awkwardly staring at your phone or
reading five month old magazines that desperately need to be changed out
because the Milwaukee Bucks won the NBA championship six months ago. It’s the start of a new NBA season. Why are we still talking about the last? And who the fuck cares about which out of his
league celebrity Pete Davidson is dating then when he’s dating Kim Kardashian
now. Unless he’s not. Let me Google search my phone…
….oh wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah.
This song blows. Next.
You know it is time to hit the pop music retirement home
when acts that are close to half your age start getting chart success. And no artist further proved that to me this
year than the biggest one of this year, Olivia Rodrigo. But at the very least, I definitely
understand why she became such a superstar this year. She conveys her emotions very well and while
all her songs are not aimed to resonate with me, an over the age of 30 year old male; I
admire her enough to give her the good ole two thumbs up. She’s going to rule this decade, mark my
words.
See? Even older males
like me can give teenagers their due that they can write good music. They are also capable of writing bad music
too. And then there’s this.
2. “You Broke Me First” – Tate McRae
A song so limp and lifeless that doesn’t get a reaction out
of me, you, or damn near anyone. But the
more I hear this, the more its failure to elicit any sort of strong feelings
straight up pisses me off. I think the
only thing this song has going for it is that it displays less emotion than it
does music. Because my god, this song
barely exists. It’s a rough draft entry
pulled out of some teenage girl’s diary with barely any sort of musical
accompaniment. It’s actively sucking in
ways that aren’t humanely possible.
Then of course, let’s talk about the artist she is clearly
emulating. Fun fact, but Tate McRae
actually has written music with Billie Eilish before her huge breakout
hit. What’s missing though is the actual
commitment to making good music. Billie
actually writes lyrics that fit in with the choices she makes with her musical
accompaniment and production. She
commits to her craft.
What I get from listening to Tate McRae is that I want to be
taken seriously as a popstar but I can’t convey any sort of emotions through my
vocal reflections. Listening to Tate
McRae’s soulless drone pop is the exact sort of failed transition to pop
stardom I felt from Julia Michaels and Rachel Platten before her. Granted Tate is much younger than both of
them so maybe just maybe she might be able to win me over after this terrible
first impression, but my god do I absolutely hate how immature this song is.
Especially that chorus.
I think Tate McRae has the impression that “you broke me first” is a
much more cutting line than it actually is.
Maybe if that was a line in a verse, I would think that’s fairly
clever. But the entire hook of your
song? Why would you do that?!?!?!
“You Broke Me First” is if someone made the “No U” meme into
a pop song. And really isn’t that all
the attention this song actually deserves?
Any of you still hate this song? I mean I don’t blame you. Absolutely one of the pinnacle pieces when it
comes to pointing out how absolutely dumb and dated “bro-country” was at its
worst. I didn’t hate it. I actually sort of respected how well this
remix worked, even if the song itself was unbearably meat-headed.
With that said, I’ll take 100 “Cruise (Remixes)” if that
means we never get a song like this ever again.
1. “Lil Bit” – Nelly & Florida Georgia Line
Like I said, at least “Cruise” worked. What this…what EVEN is this!? Is it country? Is it rap?
Is it a hybrid of the two ala “Old Town Road”? It’s none of these. It’s audio white noise. The worst type of music.
Years ago I mentioned how country music has such a one-sided
relationship with rap music and while that obviously still rings true today,
there has always been one huge exception to this rule and that is Nelly. For some reason, Nelly is one of the few
rappers who is happy to reciprocate right back on a consistent basis. Yeah sure you’ve got your one-off flukes like
that awful Kane Brown song with Swae Lee and Khalid or that awful Kane Brown
song with Blackbear or that awful Kane Brown song with H.E.R. But let’s be clear, none of these artists
have consistently collaborated with Nashville outside of pop music trying to
make Kane Brown crossover.
Nelly has shamelessly sold himself out to Nashville more times
than I can count. I mean his last album
was ALL country music. I get wanting to
pay homage to your roots, which is his explanation for his “love” of country
music, but these song titles…”Grits & Glamour”? “Ms. Drive Me Crazy”? And he even has a SECOND collaboration with
the liberal side of Florida Georgia Line called “Country Boy Do”. Nelly can say that he wants to pay tribute to
his love of country music, but his love for it comes off as hollow at best.
I was tempted to just make this whole entry about how much Nelly does not work in the genre of country music but then there is Florida Georgia Line. Who despite all the personal turmoil they have been going through in the past year with their conflicting political differences almost ending the duo for good, still managed to survive and continue to suck at making music. It doesn't matter what genres these asshats hop themselves into. Whether its country, pop, rap, hell you should listen to their adult contemporary singles if you want a real good laugh; let's just face the facts. They suck. They continue to suck. And I'm getting as sick of seeing these two continue to still be around as much as I am Maroon 5. Yes we've gotten to that point ladies and gentlemen.
I guess I should probably
talk about the song itself. I mean what
exactly is there to talk about it?
Except for that absolutely shameless plug for Ciroc, nearly every lyric
from this was taken from some other song.
There is absolutely nothing original here that I haven’t heard 500 times
before. Hell part of me wonders if 50 Cent, being the petty man that he is,
should sue since nearly half the chorus is just these jackasses saying “just a
lil bit”. If I were Nelly, Florida, and Georgia, I’d lawyer
up.
This is seriously one of the most unoriginal, laziest
excuses for a song that I’ve ever heard. This is the Direct to DVD sequel no one asked for of popular music and just like with the Mulan 2's and The Lion King 1 1/2's of the world, it should stay forgotten in the Wal-Mart 99 cent bargain bin where it belongs.
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So that's my music worst list for 2021. The best list is in the works as we speak so stay tuned for that. Also have my best Christmas movies list being worked on too so stay tuned for that. And as always, thank you all for reading. I appreciate my loyal viewers like you more than you'll ever know. Until next time, take care!
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