PLEASE! STAY!
15. “Beautiful Things” - Benson Boone
…..nah that song still is not making the worst list. Or maybe it should. I certainly was sick of this song by the end of the year. I’ll give Benson Boone this, however. I am definitely far kinder to him this year than I was towards the end of last year.
Maybe it’s the self awareness that so many people dislike him. Maybe it’s the CONSTANT online bashing of him as the worst thing ever. Maybe it’s the fact that the more I dive into his discography, I get a deeper sense that this guy is ambitious about wanting to be a name in the music industry. All of the above to be honest.
Benson is actually doing a pretty good job filling the void that Harry Styles has left on his longer than expected hiatus. There was clearly a niche need and he might even be coming for his spot. Drop the next album already Harry, geez. But in the meantime, Benson just seems like a chill guy who wants to do his admittedly impressive backflips and just vibe. I so badly want to just tell everyone to fight the real enemy when there are far more empty and hollow artists out there than freaking Benson Boone.
So yeah, I aimed to be kinder to Benson Boone this year and I think I will consider my efforts a success because this is kind of me to not place this song any higher on the worst list because my god…
15. “Mystical, Magical” - Benson Boone
Benson Boone is on the record for saying that he made his latest album in about twenty minutes and my god does it shows. And while there were a handful of good songs to come out of it, this one was the…big hit? I mean it was no Beautiful Things as Warner Records did everything in their power to keep that song charting so high that nothing from this new album outcharted that. But I’d say the singles did fairly well with this being the more successful of the two.
But nothing from that album seemed more slapdashed together in twenty minutes than yet another song trying to interpolate “Physical” by Olivia Newton-John. Pop music. This is like the tenth time we’ve had this in the last five years. Can we please stop? Find a new 80s pop song already. And this isn’t recency bias when I say Benson Boone’s version is the worst. And also why we need Harry Styles back asap.
I mean I’m not a fan of when Harry does this sort of 70s retro cheese either. Like “Late Night Talking” only gets worse and worse every time I hear it. And that is the hit this sounds like the most. It sounds like this song was just thrown in a washing machine of Harry Styles rejects. But I’ll give Harry Styles this. Even he wouldn’t have the dignity to have a verse THIS bad:
Once you know what my love’s gonna feel like
Nothing else will feel right
You can feel like
Moonbeam ice cream
Taking off your blue jeans
Dancing at the movies
First off, what they are doing to his falsetto here is the absolute worst he has ever sounded. Apologize to “Beautiful Things” people. But more importantly, Benson Boone is going to fuck you. A lot of people laugh at how stupid and terrible the line “moonbeam ice cream” is but there ain’t no way of painting a picture better than just saying what it is. That’s a cumshot.
Wasn’t he supposed to be some sort of ultra religious guy or what not? I guess so much for that. I had a feeling that was all coy once he got famous. Any wonder why this girl keeps turning down your advances since you sound so undeservingly smug about how you offer the hottest and best sex.
Yeah…no…I don’t buy any of this for a fucking second. Songs like this justify the backlash and yes there are more hollow artists out there, I know what I said earlier. But even they would have passed on something this insufferably stupid. Please come back, Harry. Next.
So in case you all are wondering, yeah I’m taking a year off from the preamble. 2025 was an absolutely unforgivably bad year for music. The rest of the world is in such utter shambles that after basically having one of the best years of music, quite possibly ever; 2025 decided to take a gap year and just not try. Sure we had some major releases, but they meant nothing in the broader scope to distract us from the hellscape we are currently stuck in. And I’m not going to talk about why the world sucks. You all are well tuned enough to the cultural zeitgeist to know why.
Let’s just talk about the more concerning matters of the world. Like what Billboard classifies as what was and was not a hit.
14. “No Pole” - Don Toliver
So when Billboard uses the term “hit”, they used it VERY loosely because literally nobody should be counting the radio; which is how this dodged recurrency for as long as it did just like so many songs this year. The song picked up gains on those formats because just like most of the songs this year; we needed something to fill out the radio white noise and the radio had even more 2024 songs to play. But at least there was not a fifth Christmas song on the year end list this year….right?! Which let’s go ahead and get the additional four songs I’ll be qualifying for my year end rankdowns this year: “I’m a Little Crazy” by Morgan Wallen. “Amen” by Shaboozey & Jelly Roll. “Your Way’s Better” by Forrest Frank. And “4x4xU” by Lainey Wilson.
Got it? Good because you will be quizzed later. I guess I need to talk about this nothing burger. Um, Don Toliver is one of the newer names on the rap scene this decade. He is the beta to Travis Scott’s alpha. But at the very least, Don Toliver’s weird voice was distinct enough to not be a Travis Scott ripoff…until now. Because this is basically a Wal-Mart brand Travis Scott song. Right down to the Travis adlibs throughout the song, the production choices made, the Cactus Jack backing, and ESPECIALLY the hedonistic behavior on full display.
Which for the record, I’m fucking sick of Travis Scott. Ever since the fan deaths at his concerts, I’ve just had it with his music and him as a person. His number one hit from this year set the tone early for 2025 and how bad the beginning of this year was for new music. If it qualified for this list, it was going to be very high, probably top five…or three. His brand of empty flexing and hollow beats are just absolute shit now. And Don Toliver having even less of a personality and making even more hollow flexes and deathly beats is just as bad. Don Toliver is at best when the producer fully embraces his weird voice like his biggest hit to date “Lemonade” and all the songs he has done with Metro Boomin fucking rock.
I saw someone online saying that this song wants to be hot so badly but all it makes him think of are skeevy rundown nightclubs where all the middle aged men are too pushy. …yeah I honestly cannot top that analysis. Like I really don’t want to hear this guy objectify women and flex his bank account. Not while sounding like a beached whale. Sorry your favorite stripper quit but leave the poor girl alone. Lukas Graham did this song better ten years ago and when I’m saying “Strip No More” is a better song; that’s a telling sign. Next.
I’m not going to front. There will be a lot of country music on this worst list. What else can I say? With most of our biggest stars going country, you’re probably thinking, gee I wonder how the stars of Nashville taking this newfound attention. Same stupid shit, different day.
I know I feel like I keep saying “this is the stupidest trend in country music history” for the past fifteen years, but seriously. Country music doing lazy sampling and interpolations is the stupidest trend in country music history. Like I thought the laziness from pop doing this three years ago was bad, woof. I haven’t even begin to fathom the thought of Dobie Gray getting bastardized yet again by Generic Country White Boy 247 and Jelly Roll. Or David Bowie turning in his grave over the use of “Rebel Rebel”. Like I hate to say it but bring back the bros. At least they were distinctly awful!
Thankfully, the worst of the worst didn’t meet my qualifications for my list season selections; but at the very least, one snuck in the final couple weeks onto the year end Hot 100 for me to talk about. Joy.
13. “Happen To Me” - Russell Dickerson
Of course it had to come from Russell Dickerson. You all remember this guy right? He had one of the worst hits of 2022 as well basically sticking to the bottom half of the charts well past the recurrency rules to qualify for the year end Hot 100. I had nothing to say about the guy or his song at the time really because it was such a nothing burger of a song and Russell Dickerson is a jeans model disguised as a country singer who has the personality of drywall.
Well nothing has changed in those three years. He still fucking sucks and he just hopped from the boyfriend country trend to this one. One of my friends actually said in one of my music discussions these past few months that Russell Dickerson is the least real artist alive. I can’t argue that. In a genre that is heavy on authenticity, Russell just comes off as supremely fake. He may love his wife so much that she’s in every one of his music videos (thanks YouTube top comment for that fact), but his music is as artificial as they come. Of course this song got pop AND country radio play because it isn’t good at either genre.
And speaking of not good, let’s talk about that Cyndi Lauper interpolation because dear god. First off, if you’re trying to interpolate an 80s classic, at least get the fucking melody right. This sounds more like “Time After Time” and it is insanely distracting when the production is so overblown like this is. Second, I’ve never heard a country song about trying to be a post break-up revenge lay? Gee, I feel bad for that wife of yours since literally every song I hear from you makes you sound like such an unlikeable douchebag. And this is the worse offense of them all and what this song is trying to be. A wild girl trying to cut loose and have her fall for you…this wants to be “Shut Up And Dance” by Walk The Moon.
And to that I say HOW DARE YOU. “Shut Up and Dance” was not only one of the best songs of 2015, but of the last decade. That song knew how to have fun and embrace its 80s style synth pop rock but make it sound modern. This sounds fucking dated and the year ain’t even over. Even this TikTok dance because somehow it went viral on there is just a bunch of dances that were long before 2025. And let’s pause for a minute on that because dare I say, “Fancy Like” had more originality in its viral trends than practically all the other TikTok country bait we’ve been getting ever since like this.
And when I am giving “Fancy Like” praise, that’s a real telling sign as to how bad things have gotten. Next.
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/donald-trump-calls-taylor-swift-072013486.html
The US president everyone! God what a stupid timeline that my nation’s president decided to take aim at Taylor Swift over the MANY other things he should be worrying about.
Also “not hot anymore”. If completing a two billion dollar world tour on top of regaining her entire masters’ catalog; announcing a new album with such massive fanfare in the doldrums of summer 2025, and then releasing that album to the biggest sales week in music history is “not hot”, I don’t know what being red hot is. Hell if anything, that new Taylor Swift album came out at exactly the right time and reminded us that we needed her back. Especially if our alternative is this.
12. “That’s So True” - Gracie Abrams
I told myself all year long that I was not going to place this song on the worst list. I just hate how Gracie Abrams got a music career due to being a nepo baby, having powerful connections behind the scenes, and that her music is more boring than it is actively bad. And you know what, that’s fair. She is too boring to really hate. But Taylor’s absence on the Hot 100 for most of the year, found me wishing for the real thing instead of the Wal-Mart brand knock off.
And while “The Tortured Poets Department” and even the new album “The Life of a Showgirl”, made me sick of listening to Taylor’s personal problems, I would absolutely rather listen to that over Gracie’s. Hell I am starting to question whether this is a real relationship at all she’s singing about. Yes heartbreak and break ups are messy, but I don’t believe she is experiencing it at all with those stupid fucking valley girl “ooooo’s”. You’ll see what my worst moment of pop music is later on in this countdown, but those “ooooo’s” and “uuuhhh’s” are very high up there on my worst moment of pop 2025. They just sound condescending and sarcastic instead of actually making me feel the confliction that this song is supposed to convey.
And for the record, I did listen to some of Gracie Abrams older songs and I thought some of them were pretty decent to good. But man. That last album was abundantly clear what the record label wanted her to be. Right down to using Taylor’s favorite producers Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner. Gracie, if the label asks you to make your next album The Afflicted Writers Block; just say no.
You know this year was so fucking bad that Chris Brown just narrowly avoided my personal top ten.
11. “Residuals” - Chris Brown
…..how the fuck is Chris Brown still around in fucking 2025? Who is still propping up this fucking douchebag after a painstakingly long over 20 YEAR CAREER?
With how much Chris Brown pisses me off, you’d be surprised at how many times he has not made the worst list. I checked some of my older lists from other sites that I previously shared these on and he has made the worst list a total of four times; excluding dishonorable mentions because I have to take potshots at this hack in passing for just being an untalented hack. Chris Brown is often the worst part of his own music; but more often than not he is saved from making my worst lists by catchy hooks, song stealing guest verses from rappers or singers who deserve to not be tied down by him, and better than he deserved production choices.
So here we are. A “20th anniversary” single that he has been on the record for being a shoutout to Team Breezy for being so supportive for as long as they have. And it is….the same shit, different single. Ten years ago, Chris Brown would claim that these hoes ain’t loyal. So at least there is some emotional growth here. Say what you want about that song, but at least it had awesome production that made the song fun to bump too. This beat is fucking sludge. This is music you fall asleep to.
But even worse is this song wants you to empathize with Chris Brown and that’s a huge fucking stretch as always because it is coming from one of the most unempathetic and reprehensible people in the history of music. What’s next? Is Jason Aldean going to sing to us about how Black Lives Matter after saying they don’t two years earlier? Fuck right off.
So why is this song not in my top ten? Let’s talk about this chorus:
But tell me who
Who's gettin’ all of my?
Who's gettin' all of my residuals?
…when I first heard the chorus, I actually laughed so hard that milk came out my nose. Who is this girl that broke your heart, Chris? Your record label? You have to know what residuals are; you are a veteran at this point.
For those who aren’t in the know, residuals are financial compensation/royalties paid to a performer every time something gets repeated. So every time this song gets played on the radio; which is how it lasted on the charts long enough to make this year’s list because god knows anyone who actually streamed this song, Chris Brown gets paid residuals.
But the fact that this emotionally inept buffoon is worried about who is going to get his residuals every time his music gets played in a movie, show, the radio, etc. This is the funniest moment of Chris Brown’s career. Thank you for the laugh, Chris. Now please, once and for all, get the fuck out of the music industry, you abusive piece of shit.
When I said there will be a lot of country on this year end list, I lied. I meant a lot of Morgan Wallen.
2025 was another HUGE year for Morgan Wallen. He dropped another 30+ song stream troll of an album and notched many more hits once again. What a huge decade this guy is having. The first half of the 2020’s have been largely dominated by this guy. And while I’ve never been a fan of this guy’s music and he’s had admittedly like three or four songs I’ve thought were good, something just snapped in me this year. If I hear the word "whiskey" one more fucking time, I'm going to blow the fuck up.
10. “Smile” - Morgan Wallen
As I was saying, I just had it with Morgan Wallen and his music this year. I at least understood why the guy had fans and why people liked him the first half of this decade. This year though, I just don’t get it. Literally every one of his hits, and he had lots of them per usual, was either the most white bread generic song possible or just incredibly ugly to listen to. This guy is following Drake’s career progression even more with this newfound sour attitude about everything, especially women. But Morgan never had a “Marvin’s Room” or hell even a “Hotline Bling” to give any sort of introspection of his fears of becoming the asshole he is today.
In this song’s defense, I actually do like the atmosphere this song has going for it. I like skeletal and barebones it feels to give off this feeling of isolation and loneliness when you go through a bad break up. But then you get to the song itself and….
…someone put that dying goose out of its misery. I have never hated a Morgan Wallen vocal performance more than I have here. I have never been a fan of his voice, but this is miles away his worst vocals he has ever done. He does not have the range to pull off this sort of performance. It reminds me a lot of that “Lonely” song by Justin Bieber. Where the song is supposed to be bare bones so you can sympathize with the performer when the vocals are just utterly abysmal.
And as for that sympathizing part….dude leave this girl the fuck alone. Maybe it’s just a more modern gen Z thing, but if all this guy is doing is just looking at her Instagram reels over and over again; that gives off “not over it” behavior in the creepiest way possible. A total 180 from “Thinkin Bout Me”, huh? The nerve of this guy. Maybe that’s the way they do things out there in God’s Country.
And if you thought we were done talking about Morgan Wallen, we are only just getting started. Let’s talk about him being the problem.
9. “I’m The Problem” - Morgan Wallen
I can only imagine what led to the decrease in debut streams from his latest stream troll of an album was this song being the title track. People listened to the first minute of this song and turned the album completely off after the end of the chorus when he declared that the reason he is the problem is YOU. So YOU, the listener, hit stop and moved this song to the trash bin where it belongs.
And let me make it clear. YOU, the unspecified female who he is directing this song towards that broke his heart, are the reason he’s evolved into a miserable drunk and just absolutely unpleasant to be around. Because he is such an outstanding virtue of good faith. Buddy, I’ve heard 100 something tracks from you the last five years that tell us all otherwise. Who do you think you are fooling? She has every right to leave you with your drinking problems and emotional manipulation. The heartbreak seems justly fair there if you ask me.
Here’s the thing though. I actually like my fair share of ugly toxic songs. Once again, “Marvin’s Room” by Drake is not only one of the guy’s best songs but is a perfect example as to how write this sort of song. Because Drake provides introspection of his fear that he is becoming an asshole. There is next to no introspection here. And at least Drake’s journey to becoming a full on asshole took ten or so years. Morgan did that in less than half the time. And no, it’s not just because of the controversy from 2021. He has always just seemed like an absolutely miserable person to be around.
And at least Drake had the bops to justify keeping him around for as long as we did…still are…have….I’m still not clear as to if we are done with Drake or not. Morgan has maybe five songs that I’ve liked out of the one hundred singles minimum he has bombed the charts with ever since his big breakthrough. Eventually that ratio will catch up with you and the only reason anyone will tune into this guy anymore is to see the inevitable backlash. Because my god, that backlash can’t come soon enough….the second time.
These next two may as well honestly be a tie.
8. “Ordinary” - Alex Warren
7. “Lose Control” - Teddy Swims
Boy we sure love our doughy white boys here in America. I mean we keep electing one as President! Thank you, I’ll be here all week with my political commentary!
But man, when one of these songs makes it big; it is practically impossible for it to get knocked off the Hot 100. Hell I’m thankful that Billboard changed its recurrency rules in mid-October; otherwise there was a VERY strong chance we would be talking about fucking Teddy Swims for the third fucking year in a row. We unfortunately will be talking about Alex Warren again next year as I’m 100% positive this is going to be on the 2026 year end too. Because once of these fucking songs sticks; it sticks around like the plague.
I mean do I even need to diversify these two from each other? I guess if you had to make me pick one over the other; at least Alex Warren sells the hell out of the love for his wife. I mean he does so in the most grating and basic way possible, but I believe it. He sounds like Lewis Capaldi if he had a frog stuck in his throat; but I believe it. He makes me miss Dan Reynolds/Imagine Dragons with his overly bombastic, empty hollow nothingburger production choices; but I believe he loves his wife.
Alex Warren came out as an industry plant while I was writing this year end write up. I mean of course he was. Social media influencers becoming the new generation of popstars is clearly one of the identities that the 2020s music scene is going to be remembered by at this point. Because the music industry is struggling pretty hard to generate buzz for new names so your Addison Rae’s and Bella Poarch’s, KSI’s, and Mr. Beast (please for the love of god, no, I’m joking on that last one) are going to become the new popstars because they know how to promote themselves on social media and YouTube so the execs don’t have to. But when numbers are all influencers live and die by, that means they are going to make the safest most generic music possible without taking any risks.
Sure, some might actually TRY (I like Addison Rae’s music at least) to forge their own identity into their music. But when I see Alex Warren, I see a guy who lives and dies by the numbers. He is going to make the safest choices and rack up hits. Hence the Jelly Roll collab this year, the talk show circuits, appeasing to the Christians because man was 2025 a huge year for Christianity. And you know what, get that bag. Because I morbidly binged his stupid Hype House show back in the pandemic and I know that this guy had far more character to completely sell out to chase that almighty dollar. Doesn’t mean I have to like your boringly basic music.
And speaking of boringly basic, at least Alex Warren has an interesting backstory. I don’t give two fucks about Teddy Swims or his fucking massive hit that after being around for three years now, I have still…yet to this day….listened to it in its entirety. I just get so fucking bored by it and seeing it last as long as it did on the Hot 100 pissed me the fuck off all year long. Like if I saw that orange background that half asleep look on his face holding that glass, I was going to punch my laptop screen.
You know what, there was actually one thing recently that came out about Teddy Swims that does give me something to talk about regarding him. Teddy Swims uses A.I. in his music. And you know what, I can see it. Hell, I would not be shocked if “Lose Control” was one of the songs he made with A.I. because the lyrics are absolutely meaningless. His singing sounds impressive, but feels hollow and lifeless. And that mixing….man does that mixing give it away as potentially A.I. slop. I mean Warner Brothers records has openly admitted to using chart manipulation methods to keeping this song around as long as it did with sales tricks and I would not be shocked whatsoever if they gave Amazon payola to make this song the first song that appears when you say “Alexa, play music”.
Just everything about this song’s success just feels openly fraudulent by the end of 2025. And good fucking riddance to it at that. I just hope that the charts get more interesting next year and less doughy oversinging white boys.
Welcome back for more of this year's edition of the Morgan Wallen show....my god I am going to spend the next ten years with this guy on my worst list, aren't I......AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
6. “What I Want” - Morgan Wallen & Tate McRae
Let’s actually revisit what I said last year for a brief minute.
(But let me repeat. The sustained success of this song does make me mad enough to give it a spot because Morgan Wallen already shows no signs of slowing down with these stream trolling behemoths of albums. I have a very bad feeling that more vapid nothing songs like “Last Night” are going to be the norm from this guy moving forward.)
What spot on analysis. And this is why I should get paid the big bucks. Hire me, music publication industry!
I mean we should have seen this coming right? With how gigantic of a smash “Last Night” was, it only makes sense to shamelessly rip himself off. Nearly every artist, bad or good, shamelessly rip themselves off since they know the money is worth it.
But man. Of all the songs to shamelessly rip-off. Why one of your most inconsequential? Why one of your most bad is the absence of anything good? You might as well call it the spiritual successor to “Last Night” since it has the same condescending attitude about being a one night stand that you may or may not have feelings for. Shit I’m pretty sure this song is in the same key as “Last Night” with the same four pop song chords.
However, there is a huge difference here besides Morgan Wallen uncovering the algorithm for easy playlist payola. There is a woman on this song. And if you are hoping this woman will finally tell Morgan directly to his face to shut the fuck up about his newfound bitterness towards women; nope. Tate McRae does nothing more than commiserate with him about how she’s perfectly okay having a fling with Morgan Wallen. Bite me. Tate McRae’s stock continued to rise in 2025, but this song and this part could have been performed by anyone.
Honestly, what Tate’s guest verse reminds me more of than anything else is Maroon 5 getting all those big name guest verses from rappers after they sold out…and here we go again with the Morgan Wallen/Maroon 5 comparisons. Buddy if you are trying to put those rumors to rest, stop hiring their songwriters and following their formula. It’s not doing you any favors.
But yeah, this song is the worst of the latest shoveled pile of manure that Morgan Wallen calls music. Right dead last. This is one of the most appeal-less songs I've ever heard and I can't possibly fathom who would even like a song this deplorable. Because if you do, you're one of those emotionally damaged bimbos Morgan wants to fuck and that's not me saying it, that's him in his own words.
Last time talking about Morgan Wallen on this worst list, I swear. I could have honestly made this entire worst list all his songs. The quality straight jumped off a cliff this year, when his music was already quite bad to begin with. I would not be surprised if this year did more harm than it did good. I also would not be surprised if he still was able to pull of an album bomb again next cycle since his name still pulls a lot of streams on the charts.
But you know what I’ve had it up to here with most of all when it comes to his music? Shameless imitators trying to make a quick buck.
5. “After All the Bars Are Closed” - Thomas Rhett
Now I will give your Bailey Zimmerman’s and Tucker Wetmore’s of the world this. They are relatively new names when they emerged doing the same type of pop country trap garbage. And in some cases, some of them are turning into bonafide mainstays in Bailey Zimmerman’s case. But Thomas Rhett has been in the industry for fifteen years. You would think that he would at least try to have a respectable career and…..bahahahahaha. Who am I kidding? Thomas Rhett is not a good artist.
I have been fooled by one great song and a small handful of decent ones to know that this guy has been a fucking hack for quite awhile. When he emerged on the big scene in the mid 2010’s, it was due to him trend hopping trying to get that pop crossover appeal when Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran were the big names of the moment. Hell, you could probably mistake him as the poor man’s Justin Bieber and that is a pretty damn low bar because if you listened to his pop adjacent singles, you could mistake him as an empty vessel where music comes from…just like JB.
But here he is in 2025. Morgan Wallen just dropped another stream trolling album and Thomas Rhett hasn’t had an actual hit in like five years. Why not do a country trap song where he’s rapping in a white boy cadence about drinking and dear god, you’re in your 40’s man. Stop rapping. Like that is literally the only reason this became a hit. This probably got recommended by the streaming algorithm and it was mistaken as a Morgan Wallen song.
Before you ask, no I did not mistake it as a Morgan Wallen song because at least I can tell when Morgan Wallen is singing it. I couldn’t tell you it was Thomas Rhett without seeing the name attached to it since his voice is so generic that I wouldn’t be able to identify it. And since you’re perfectly content continuing making the most sellout garbage, I don’t even know what the point of having you around anymore is. Be gone.
Did I say “No Pole” was the most fraudulent hit of the year? I was wrong. It was this.
4. “Who” - Jimin
So one of the biggest music stories of the year was Spotify delaying the Billboard charts multiple weeks to remove artificial streams. And after talking it out with many of my music loving friends online and offline, I was told it was due to this song and the BTS stan army cheating the system by throwing all their weight behind this song. Which as someone who follows the charts weekly again after taking a couple of years off (and give me some fucking credit for doing so during this humungous wasteland of a year) that makes sense it was this song because all three accounts I follow always got this song’s chart position wrong. Probably due to its incredibly fraudulent streaming numbers.
So yes. This song’s artificialness does piss me off more than any other because I thought the BTS stans would at least grow the fuck up at some point. Turns out I was wrong that chronically online people who care about their senpais numbers would still find ways to cheat the system while their heroes are serving their military time before they inevitably reunite and wreck havoc on the Hot 100 more so than ever before. We are not prepared for how big that comeback single will be in 2026 when they reunite guys, you’ve been warned.
But of all the solo acts amongst these guys, Jimin’s has been the least interesting. I was moderately indifferent to his number one hit from years ago and that song he did for Fast…10? 11? (I can’t remember which is which anymore) was pretty boring too. But those songs don’t actively annoy me like this one does. Actually, let’s rewind to the very beginning of this thread. When I said I promised to be kinder to Benson Boone. Benson at least has a vision. A goal. His music is not artificial hollowness, terms I’ve used quite a lot this year. And rightfully so when most of these worst hits actively make me feel nothing.
Y’all should be fighting the real enemy with Jimin here. I’d much rather hear Benson’s annoying primal scream singing over Jimin’s falsetto and screeching he does here. Literally hits the uncanny valley every time I hear it. And who the fuck translated these lyrics so terribly wrong? You don’t actually count when you say you are counting on someone. I’ll take her places they ain’t found yet…fathers, please keep your daughters away from this guy. We still haven’t found hello…that line makes my skin crawl.
But the real sign of this song’s fraudulence, once it fell off the Hot 100 completely the week it set the record for longest charting k-pop song by losing 70% of its weekly points. Once “APT” by Rose & Bruno Mars eventually broke that record, the streams spiked for “Who” by Jimin to re-enter and thankfully Billboard kept its ass in recurrency. Wonder if they will spike again once the K-Pop Demon Hunter songs eventually break the record again.
And that’s all I have to say about that. Time to see how big or little of a following I have after this entry. Bye guys!
So I’ve had a friend or two ask me with all the worldwide music that now chart on the US Billboard charts; is all of it good?
Honestly, this is a tricky slope for me. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you all that I have strong feelings about K-Pop, afrobeats, reggaeton, regional Mexican music, etc. But I will say that it is a nice change of pace to hear from some of the stateside stuff we get. Even if I don’t necessarily speak the language a foreign song is sung in.
Which I’ll be damned because let me tell y’all some of the shit that flew under my radar because I didn’t read the full translated lyrics. For example, take this song from last year. At the time, I thought “hey this beat is pretty low-fi and chill, even though these guys sound mush mouthed and bored out of their minds. 4/10”. But then I was informed that this song is about these guys threaten to “kidnap your girl”. Fucking yikes. This should have been on my worst list last year, I’m sorry. And that’s just last year. I’m not going to even begin to figure out what other hits I might have missed.
So with that said, allow for me to rectify that by placing a song on here that I uncovered was shit long before I started actually writing this list.
3. “Tu Boda” - Oscar Maydon & Fuerza Regida
So while I am not fluent in Spanish, I took enough of it in high school and college to know that the song title in English stands for “Your Wedding”. What a sophisticated topic from two fully grown men who are mature enough to admit that things didn’t work out and that they wish nothing but the best to the guy you’re about to marry….who am I kidding, this song isn’t about that.
Especially from what my native Spanish speaking friends tell me about Fuerza Regida especially. They all tell he’s the absolute worst of these regional Mexican artists and that all his music is petty and at times outright douchebag-iest of them all.
Anyway, this song isn’t about wishing this girl the best at her wedding. It’s about what they wish would happen to this girl at her wedding and how they want to kill themsel- OH GROW THE FUCK UP YOU ASSHATS. Maybe THIS is why she didn’t want to end up with either of you? Trying to guilt trip this girl is absolutely already reprehensible enough, let’s get to the most controversial lyric of them all:
Quiero manchar el vestido blanco de rojo" (transl. "I want to stain the white dress red")
Casually promoting femicide in 2025….cool. Cool. Go fuck yourselves with a rusty tire iron.
There has to be some sort of cultural barrier I don’t get here. At least with the example I missed last year and doing some deep diving, “kidnapping” is something referenced in a lot more Hispanic songs than I realized. Doesn’t make it okay, but still it’s something. And after doing some more deep diving into this, I can say that this is one of one. No other songs of this kind can say that they are promoting femicide in any fashion like this.
And even worse off WHY IS THE MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT PERFORMING THIS LIKE IT’S A LOVE SONG. Those Spanish guitars and fart sounding trumpets and trombones make this sound NOTHING like a song saying I’m going to kill my ex for marrying someone who is not me.
Absolutely awful and inexcusable song. I’m never going to oversight this genre ever again after hearing this ass backwards song. Fuck off.
So every year, I have that entry which contains one of the worst moments in hit music for the year. The worst moment of the year for me is just one of the most annoying moments in any song I’ve ever heard.
….my ears are literally bleeding. Thanks.
2. “Blue Strips” - Jessie Murph
Welcome back to the worst list Jessie Murph. I expect you to keep making this list for the years and years to come as long as you’re still a hitmaker. Legitimate question. Does Jessie Murph have a stan army? Because if so; why?
Last year I called her a clip art popstar in the likes of Bebe Rexha, but you know what? I can at least understand why Bebe Rexha has stans. I have never met a Jessie Murph stan offline or online. She’s just here. Leaving next to no personality in her music. If she does have stans, I can’t picture them or what they would like and why they would care about her.
As for the song itself, it is just utterly cheap country pop trap garbage that we have way too much of. It sounds like it was made for a couple bucks and…I’ve pushed it off long enough, let’s talk about that absolutely annoying chorus. Whoever mixed Jessie Murph’s braying voice singing “Boy I ain’t mad” repeated ad nauseum…I hope they got paid well. Because the first time I heard that, I thought my AirPods were broken. I thought my streaming app was jumping around. I thought we were listening to the track skipping intentionally. I thought it was the sound of someone customizing a ring tone like it was 2007. But nope. That was all intentional choices made. And with all the playlists this ended up on that I listen to; after the 20th time it became as annoying as an alarm clock. The 40th time, it was like a car alarm. The 60th time…you get the picture. It just became more and more obnoxious to the point that I would just skip the track.
Just an absolutely annoying song, and that excludes the content which is supposed to be a kiss off to her ex who is dating a stripper? Huge year for songs about strippers apparently! And I couldn’t care less about her bragging to her ex when she sounds so indifferent to her own music. I’ve been told she’s being bitchy; sure. I just don’t care…just stop playing this song before I become the Joker!
And while I’m transitioning into full on Joker, here are some dishonorable mentions.
DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
“Love Somebody” - Morgan Wallen
Dude really isn’t beating the Maroon 5 comparisons now. Right down to stealing one of their most generic song titles for one of his most generic songs. I could improve Morgan’s song quality by introducing him to a different type of alcohol with how many times he sings about “whiskey”.
“20 Cigarettes” - Morgan Wallen
I once called this the most boring song this man has ever made. And was getting ready to put it on the worst list proper when writing this list up, until I realized exactly what this song was trying to be. It’s him ripping off “7 Summers”. Which is basically the only Morgan Wallen song I can say that I legitimately love. So points for at least trying to replicate what is his best song. But my god, I’ve heard funeral marches with more passion than this.
“Worst Way” - Riley Green
And speaking of needing more passion. Man what an absolutely joyless and sexless song. For a song about getting down and dirty, I can’t picture anyone finding this song hot.
“Liar” - Jelly Roll
The real lie was me thinking this guy was any good to begin with. Man that one good song he had feels like it was forever ago instead of only three years.
“High Road” - Koe Wetzel & Jessie Murph
I thought for sure this was going to finally make my worst list like the other two 2024 songs that got promoted. But I didn’t hate this song as much as to make it official. Progress?
“I’m Gonna Love You” - Cody Johnson & Carrie Underwood
One of the most generic country songs I have ever heard. Also what the hell is this music video? Did the director just discover what green screen is?
“Somebody Loves Me” - PARTYNEXTDOOR & Drake & Cash Cobain
NOPE
“Timeless” -The Weeknd & Playboi Carti
2025 effectively killed my interest in The Weeknd. Whether it be that obnoxiously bad bloated album that eventually became, and I use this term truly, one of the worst movies I sat through of the last fifteen years. Or hell, the fact that he just never went away. I don’t care that he is killing The Weeknd moniker because The Weeknd moniker has never meant less. Also, this song may also be A.I. slop as there are rumors still running rampant about Playboi Carti’s entire verse might be generated by A.I. Maybe it should make the list proper….
“Loco" - Neton Vega
Nope. Not falling for the language barrier ever again. Onto the list you go.
“Stargazing" - Myles Smith
The last cut from this list and my god I wish I had the bandwidth to talk about how much I never want to hear this fucking basic ass song ever again. IHeartRadio absolutely forced this guy down our throats for two years in a row with his meaningless drivel and if that other song that he has in radio rotation makes the 2026 year end list soley off radio again, then you might as well lock it a spot on my worst list for next year.
So if you’ve been following me for the last six or so years I’ve been sharing my annual lists to these blogs, thank you all for continuing to do so. Even after the last three years especially with the kid, where I’ve felt my general output substantially decrease. If there is one thing I will gladly continue to do, it is write these year end lists because nothing ever feels like a true close to my thoughts on a year than doing these write ups.
Which, if you can recall the last two years especially, I’ve felt nothing but absolute frustration and rage at my worst hit song of those years. Admittedly mostly for triggering me politically and socially. Just absolutely scathing write ups that I don’t like to write. Believe it or not guys, I hate being the angry critic who wants to scorch earth on Jason Aldean for being a racist or Kanye West for becoming absolutely deplorable and making me regret ever loving his music. I honestly prefer having a number one song that nobody expects. And I don’t think anybody truly expected this choice as my number one. So much so that it didn’t even make the year end Hot 100 at all…..I told you all that there would be a pop quiz later.
1. “Your Way’s Better” - Forrest Frank
Man it feels weird that after three years of these extra rules to avoid discussing Christmas music on a year end write up (Billboard, you finally revised your recurrency rules, please fix this shit next) that I’m finally talking about a song that only qualifies under my special rules. But hey, the 103rd biggest song of 2025 still feels right because this song, just like so many of these entries, wasn't an actual hit. This stuck around on the lower half of the Hot 100 and somehow dodged recurrency because Christian contemporary radio saw a surge in popularity this year. Huge year for the Christians. Hell, this decade has been if we are being brutally honest.
And for those of you who don’t actually know me, I’m also a Christian. I attend a more modern church service where I wear jeans and don’t have to get all gussied up in my Sunday best and listen to more modern Christian music. Like I knew of Brandon Lake long before his Top 40 Hot 100 hit this year. But here’s the thing about my religious views. They are mine and I can be respectful that not everyone believes in a higher power. I’m not going to sit here and debate you on that or judge anyone for what they believe in. Because I believe in open and honest conversations more than anything else.
Which is why it feels so strange and even admittedly uncomfortable to see the rise in Christianity in the pop culture zeitgeist. Not due to the fact that Christianity is widespread, but because of how forced it is being shoved down our throats. I guess after the previous Trump regime used religion as a trojan horse to spread his hateful bigotry, it only made sense that more and more conservatives turned to religion when Biden won in 2020. And now that Trump is president for a second term, some liberals are turning to Christianity to pray for the world to not end.
Either way, of all the things to become popular religiously, the music is the most surreal aspect. Like I mentioned, seeing Brandon Lake being in the Top 40 is shocking. The Jelly Roll collab makes more sense, but even then, Jelly Roll himself being one of the biggest names in music is also shocking. But here’s the thing. My church plays Brandon Lake’s music. They even did the Jelly Roll collab. Not once has my contemporary church ever played the music of Forrest Frank.
I actually had to do research to figure out who the fuck this guy is to only find out that he used to be one of the doofuses from Surfaces…or as you all may know them as the “Sunday Best” guys. I actually didn’t mind that song, but I completely understood the hate for it. It was obnoxious and sarcastically upbeat during one of the worst years I’ve ever lived through. So it only makes sense that this guy got another “hit” again converting to the one genre that will gladly open anyone with open arms.
And let me tell ya, I’m proud of my church to never play this guy’s music because this song is utterly humiliating to listen to. Like this is one of those embarrassing songs that your youth director plays at youth group church lock-ins. This is the church friendly version of the “how do you do fellow kids” meme. Am I saying Forrest Frank is a grifter trying to peddle to the most easily impressed denominator? No…but I am saying that he should be persecuted to basically making Christian trap music.
The moment I hear that trap snare is the most baffling musical moment I’ve heard in quite some time. And that white boy rap cadence is utterly humiliating rhyming “bless me” with “jet ski”.....NOT A RHYME NOT A RHYME NOT A RHYME.
But you know what the worst part of this already abysmal song is? This song’s lack of humility (yes it is humiliating to listen to, low hanging fruit is low hanging). This guy just can’t sell sincerity or joy. Instead it comes up as smug and self-serving. He says he “searched the world til his head hurt”....that’s not a religious struggle. That’s a mild inconvenience you half-witted twat. If this is why people hate AJR so much, then I’m sorry, I get it. Except at least AJR has the decency to not shove religion down your fucking throat.
For someone who keeps saying “Jehovah Jireh provider” aka “The Lord will provide”; could He have provided you something less clownish than this? If the rest of this decade is going to keep this guy around, then county out.
