I don’t think I would be stepping on anyone’s toes when I
say SpongeBob SquarePants is one of the most influential cartoons of my
lifetime.
It’s a cartoon that has shaped the animation landscape for
going on twenty years now. Name me a
cartoon outside of The Simpsons that has had this sort of viewership longevity
without ever really slowing down? Even
in a landscape where streaming has reigned supreme, SpongeBob is still a
legitimate cash cow for a creatively bankrupt Nickelodeon television
network.
And Nickelodeon knows this.
That’s why as of the past couple years, network president Brian Robbins
made headlines by comparing SpongeBob to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And for as absolutely ridiculous as that
statement is, the comparison isn’t all that far-fetched. Marvel has made billions of dollars for
Disney. SpongeBob has made hundreds of
millions of dollars for Nickelodeon. Possibly
billions. He’s not wrong….although I
wouldn’t have gone to those extremities of a comparison point.
That’s how we got to here.
The third SpongeBob theatrical film.
A much shorter break between theatrical films in comparison to the
length between the first and second.
I’ve followed the box office ever since I was ten years old and to say
both the first and the second SpongeBob movies overperformed at the box office
is an understatement. Paramount did not
expect The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie to perform as well as it did in 2004. They knew the series was huge, but not THAT
huge. That’s why Nickelodeon still
wanted the series to continue, even after creator Stephen Hillenburg wanted to
move on. He thought the first film was
the perfect way to wrap up the series and why it’s canon as the true ending to
the series when SpongeBob eventually ends.
Over ten years later, we finally got another SpongeBob
theatrical film, Sponge Out of Water. At
this point in time, the series was coming off a bit of a rough patch. Many fans were declaring that SpongeBob was
on the decline and that it was not as good as its peak era from 2000-2004. Myself included to an extent. Box office forecasters thought that interest
in the SpongeBob brand was on the decline due to the alleged decline in show
quality and thought this movie was eleven years too late. Studio insiders thought that it would
underperform the first movie. And they
were wrong. Sponge Out of Water ended up
nearly doubling the first movie domestically and performed even better overseas. Proving that the SpongeBob brand still has
plenty of juice left in it.
And with renewed faith in its most profitable series ever,
Nickelodeon is going to exploit it for every last cent it can get. I mentioned earlier about Brian Robbins
comparing SpongeBob to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I didn’t even get to the reason behind the
comparison in the first place. Against series
creator Stephen Hillenburg (R.I.P.) wishes, Nickelodeon is planning to make
MULTIPLE spin-offs from the SpongeBob series.
Stephen Hillenburg, before he passed away from heart failure due to his
battle with MLS, requested that there would be no spin-offs of SpongeBob and
that he hated the idea. So moving
forward with any spin-offs is in bad taste on Nickelodeon’s part if you knew
this going in. But it’s not like
Nickelodeon would use their latest SpongeBob movie to promote a spin-off….right? That would be a terrible idea….
…okay I’m not preambling any further. The third SpongeBob movie does exactly
that. As well as a lot wrong. This is hands down the worst SpongeBob movie
of the bunch. It’s uninspired. It’s lazy.
It’s one of the most for kids movies I’ve seen in quite some time. Which I get it. Animated movies are mostly aimed at
kids. But that doesn’t mean they are
specifically designed for kids.
Especially when you’re presently the fifth longest running animated
series on television and was at one point, my favorite childhood show. The first three seasons of SpongeBob could
challenge many other series as some of the best quality content of any show I’ve
ever seen. And yes the series did slip
off after the movie, but it wasn’t necessarily awful. There are plenty of gems from 2005
onward. Hell every now and then, a newer
episode from the last couple years manages to surprise me from this show as
excellent material. That’s the thing
about SpongeBob. It may be a cartoon but
it doesn’t always insult the viewer’s intelligence and still manages to provide
quality entertainment no matter how old you are.
In comparison to this movie, which actively looks to insult
any viewer who watches it. Where do I
even begin to describe my frustrations with this movie? Well let me get the most common complaint
going in. The third movie being entirely
CGI. That honestly never bothered me and
doesn’t to an extent in this movie. I
actually think the CGI in this for the most part is fairly good. Sure there are lazy character designs here
and there. Including I guess you would
call him the main antagonist, Poseidon, which is insultingly lazy for one of
the main characters of this movie. But
for the most part, the CGI in this is very colorful and vibrant. Would I have preferred hand-drawn due to this
being a movie of an animated series?
Yes, but for what we got, I don’t really think this is as bad as many
feared.
What is as bad as I feared from the initial trailers is the
writing. This is some of the laziest writing
I’ve seen in a movie this year. You can
predict nearly every single thing that happens in this movie. I say that as a man in his 30’s, but I’m
almost positive a kid half…hell even three times younger than me…would be able
to predict every single plot point in this movie. Honestly, if you watch the trailer for this movie,
you can imagine exactly where 90-95% of this movie is going to go. I don’t ask to be challenged when it comes to
screenwriting, but for the love of god at least try to not make it so obvious. The only time the script does manage to
surprise me is the ten to fifteen minute live-action sequence. Which is the only good part of this entire
movie. Not because it was intentionally good. It’s just an off the wall bonkers level of
events that transpire that actually compelled me. If more of the movie was like that, then I
would have enjoyed it a lot more. Otherwise, you got what you expected. Predictable plot devices. Predictable jokes (Mr. Krabs likes money, Squidward hates SpongeBob, Sandy loves science, Patrick is dumb, SpongeBob is childish). Even some thrown in pop culture references (Skype, FaceTime, recognizable pop songs!). Hell it even borrows from the first movie using a celebrity to further the plot of the movie (whatever Keanu Reeves got paid was not nearly enough because he's in this movie A LOT longer than David Hasselhoff was in the first).
And then there was the spin-off promotion. Which reeks of studio meddling. Almost 1000% believe Nickelodeon executives
told the SpongeBob team to interweave promotions of the first of many SpongeBob
spin-offs, Kamp Koral, into the latest SpongeBob movie. Kamp Koral gets mentioned at least five times
in this movie. I would honestly say Kamp
Koral flashbacks take up 10-15% of this movie’s runtime. Not only are these flashbacks forced as hell
into the movie, but they play a general resolution to the conflict of the
movie. It’s like this movie’s mere
existence is to promote Kamp Koral, coming to Nickelodeon in 2021. That’s just actively insulting, especially
when Stephen Hillenburg wanted this to not even exist. Sure the touching tribute to Hillenburg
during the credits is nice, but that doesn’t make the fact that you used 10-15%
of this movie actively graverobbing him any less infuriating.
Oh and here’s another thing about the mere existence of Kamp
Koral, it actively destroys the SpongeBob timeline. Which I get that SpongeBob is not a show
built up off of continuity. Even in the
old days, SpongeBob wasn’t a show that had a continuous storyline or a deep history
to keep track of. But for the love of
god, it’s not hard to watch the show before implementing any of these ideas
into your spin-off or theatrical motion picture. I can name at least ten continuity flaws in
this movie from this show’s history.
Probably more if I was actively paying attention. And about half are of
the mere idea of Kamp Koral. Does it
actively deteriorate my thoughts on the movie?
Of course not. But when your writing
team, hell even your film’s director have previous experience working on this
long running show, don’t do their homework; it only makes this movie’s flaws
all the more apparent.
Removing my extensive history with SpongeBob SquarePants
aside, this is just a bad movie. I may
have been disappointed with the drop off of quality from the first SpongeBob
movie to the second, but honestly this movie gives me newfound appreciation for
the second. At least Sponge Out of Water
tried new things and got experimental at times, even if the climax was not very
good or original. Sponge On the Run just
flat out doesn’t even try to justify its existence. It’s an absolute cash grab that is used to
try and cross-promote a spin-off that could possibly fail. Who knows?
All I know is that if Nickelodeon wants this spin-off to succeed, they’re
going to have to try and rub the bad taste left from Sponge On the Run’s
shortcomings. But what do I know? This movie is for kids. Even then, kids deserve a lot better than
this.
Final Grade: D
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