I was willing to wait a little while longer to do this, but you know what? Fuck it, why not. There are only five returning songs from the last time I did this two months ago. All the more reason to do it. But I ask this question. Should I still keep doing these?
I mean this idea is really starting to get tired and
dated. I’ll keep doing them as long as
you all keep reading them, but eventually something needs to change with this
quarterly blog post because I feel like it gives too much away when it comes to
my best and worst of the year list. As
well as with the pandemic making the charts fairly stagnant fairly often, there
are a lot of songs that just linger in the top twenty much longer than they
have any need to. Let’s be honest,
“Mood” by 24kGoldn (featuring iann dior) is not THAT interesting of a song, yet
this will be the fourth time I talk about it on my blog. Do you guys see where I’m coming from?
And honestly, stagnant is my feeling for how 2021 is going
as a chart year. I don’t think the music
of this year is that bad to be honest with you all? I still like a lot of the hits we are getting
and streaming is really helping shape the music industry by letting the quality
rise to the top through listener selection.
And based off the hits that are sticking around, it feels like the
popular genre of the moment is R&B.
This is probably going to be the biggest R&B music year the charts
have had in about twenty years and with the quality that we’ve been getting,
I’m all for it. But I feel like we are
still stagnant in the terms of the pandemic not letting certain songs die on
the radio and with all of the news in the world, music rightfully doesn’t seem
to be that important in the cultural zeitgeist.
Hopefully that will change in the not too distant future, but we’ll have
to wait and see how the world plays out per usual.
So let’s see what this week’s top twenty has brought to us
and see what the music listening public has chosen for us today using this
week’s Billboard top twenty.
THE 2021 SPRING BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 RANKED
THE TERRIBLE TIER
Justin Bieber is the worst popstar working today…..what? Wait what is this? You guys are telling me that his latest
single is actually good? And that I’m
just using my justified hatred of one Justice Bieber to beat a dead horse into
the ground? Well I’ll be the judge of
that…
…yeah it’s not terrible.
So let’s just pretend that segway never happened and move on to…
THE BAD TIER
Look. I’m not one to
be afraid to admit that I don’t get something.
And if I don’t get something, that doesn’t equate to me immediately
hating it. But seriously guys, I do not
get this:
“Beat Box” – SpotemGottem
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa8RHstfrI4
I don’t get why this chirping little idiot has one of the
biggest songs in the country right now.
I don’t get why there are like five different versions of this song with
one being released today, the day I started writing this transcript. Lil Nas X really changed the industry with
all these remix stat pads. And that
doesn’t include many other rappers releasing different freestyles to this
beat. It’s not even that impressive of a
beat! I’m really trying to see where the
appeal is in this song so I kid you not when I say this, but I checked out
every single remix and even a couple of the freestyles (I’m not crazy enough to
check out ALL of the freestyles). And I
do admit, I did like DaBaby’s remix but that’s because DaBaby can hop on that
sort of beat with ease. And the Pooh
Shiesty one was alright, more on him later.
But you know what the worst part of every one of these remixes
and freestyles? The lead artist himself,
and the latest challenger emerging for stupidest stage name, SpotemGottem. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy never
gets a Wikipedia page because he’s that untalented. His flow sucks, his bars are trash, and he
just doesn’t have any presence as a rapper.
And maybe it is because I had my hopes up that there would be actual
“beatboxing” on this song, but the chorus doesn’t make a lick of sense. I actually do like “beatboxing” and I really
hope someday that does make a comeback of some sort, but not because of this
incredibly stupid first draft of a song that has somehow blown up.
Please someone explain the appeal of this to me and don’t
tell me TikTok because that’s too easy of a reason. Everything gets popular on TikTok.
I swear to god Gabby Barrett needs to fire somebody from her
production team.
“The Good Ones” – Gabby Barrett
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV7GVjg3TV4
I’m not joking. Every
single song of hers that I’ve heard has absolutely terrible production
choices. And while I thought they made
sense in “I Hope”, I can absolutely see why anybody would hate it on
there. It makes an already ugly song,
even uglier. But enough talking about “I
Hope”. Especially the god awful remix
(another reason to fire someone from her production team). It’s been discussed enough. Seriously, talk about a song that I’ve talked
about one too many times on this blog.
So this is her big follow-up and the production choices are
immediately the problem from the opening note.
That synth buzz sounds like a dying vulture. Who the fuck thought that would be a good
idea to blast all over the fucking song?
Especially on your soaring love ballad.
The content otherwise is mediocre as well. I guess it is nice to hear Gabby taking a
complete 180 from her big hit and talk about how good her husband is. Which you know, it is good for your artistic
growth to prove that you aren’t going to be a one-trick pony. But then you realize just by simply doing a
Google search on Gabby’s husband and learn that he is a transphobic bigot who
is just as much of a Trump supporting evangelist like his wife.
And you know what, I’m not going to hold that against the
song’s quality. Because I just simply
removed the artist from the art. I’m not
going to judge this song solely based on Gabby and her husband being terrible
people. Not everyone shares the same
beliefs and if you wanted to really dig through the rabbit hole, you’d find a
lot of these artists have skeletons in their closet or shared separate
viewpoints from you. I mean two years
ago, Lil Uzi Vert pretty much declared himself a transphobe two years ago in
one of his singles, but I know a lot of people who immediately pushed that
aside because “Eternal Atake album of the year, fam”.
What I am going to hold against this song’s quality are the
god awful production choices. I was
planning on placing this in the mediocre tier, but the more I hear those
synths, the more I hate it enough to leave it in the bad tier. If she keeps choosing to make her songs
literally sound this terrible, then good luck maintaining a successful career.
THE MEDIOCRE TIER
“Back in Blood” – Pooh Shiesty (featuring Lil Durk)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Tm65i96TY
I honestly haven’t listened to this one all the way through
yet up until this point. Which is weird
because my streaming playlists CONSTANTLY recommend this to me. And whenever I start trying to listen to it,
I just start laughing because the guy’s name is “Pooh Shiesty”. Add him to my ever-growing list of the worst
stage names working today. Really hard
to take him seriously especially with this clichéd song about robbing and
shooting people.
Honestly, I don’t think this song would be a thing if it wasn’t
for Lil Durk. Who I’ve really grown fond
of over the last couple months. He’s
clearly going to be a big name real soon with all the momentum he has been
gaining on the charts the last six months or so. And Lil Durk really outshines Pooh Shiesty by
a considerably large amount with his tighter lyrics and he simply just has a
lot more energy. Compare that to Pooh
who just sounds like his name…now that I got that easy joke out of the way;
Pooh really just sounds like a low-rent Gucci Mane. And really, do we need another Gucci Mane in
2021? Let’s be honest, we don’t.
“Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEg-oqI9qmw
That is one insanely catchy chorus. I don’t think we’ve had a pop-rap song like
this since…I don’t know, NF? You guys
all remember him, right? The Christian
rapper that everyone forgot who had that one big hit in 2018? Funny that I bring him up because with the
amount of lines about God in this song, it makes me wonder if the relatively
unknown Masked Wolf is also a devout Christian?
Like seriously, I can’t find anything on this guy except he’s from
Australia. Cool, another white
Australian rapper. Guess we needed
another one of those since Iggy Azalea’s career has been dead for like six
years now.
But yeah, I like the chorus.
The rest of these lyrics are absolutely lame though:
I believe in G-O-D
Don’t believe in T-H-O-T
Very lame:
Let me elevate, this ain’t a prank
Have you walkin’ on a plank, la-la-la-la
Vvvvveeeeeerrrrrryyyyy lllllaaammmeee:
Energy up, you can feel my surge
I’ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)
Yeah, way to read the room guy. Thousands of people are dying across the
world every day because of “this purge”.
I swear to god this guy’s bars were inspired by dad-joke Eminem. Chorus is still insanely catchy though.
“Mood” – 24kGoldn (featuring iann dior)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrAchTdepsU
Man I’ve taken a journey with this song. Part of me still kind of likes parts of this
song and maybe it should still be in the decent tier. But I’ve really grown tired of it just for
how long it has stuck around. I really
hate using this phrase, but fuck it. It
rings true for this song. Its success is
overrated.
I was touring Talk of the Charts fully operated website for
the first time. Seriously Billboard,
you’re getting beaten to on your own statistics by a fucking Twitter account
that now has its own webpage? They have
an up to date section for Billboard’s Greatest of All-Time List. “Mood” by 24kGoldn is as of this writing, is
the 44th biggest song of all-time.
Who knows, by the time its chart run is over, it could possibly be in
the top twenty or top ten. This
song….are you fucking kidding me? This
is capitalizing on a weak playing field at its finest and Billboard really
should add some sort of pandemic clause or recalibrate its statistics or
something because this doesn’t feel right to me. I refuse to believe this stupid juvenile song
about being in a bad mood is that influential of a pop song.
I still stand by the trends this song represents when it
comes to helping bring actual rock music influences into the mainstream the
same way I do with Post Malone, MGK, etc.
But let’s be honest. As a song,
this is really a simple little nothing of a song that is disposable.
“What You Know Bout Love” – Pop Smoke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuodbSVO3z0
A little more than I give myself credit for if we are being honest. I’m actually growing fairly tired of this one
too. This is a TikTok powered song that
has overstayed its welcome as well.
Still probably the best single from that posthumous album so far, but
this is no “Dior”, which keeps getting better and better the more posthumous
music we get from Pop Smoke’s label.
“Best Friend” – Saweetie & Doja Cat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xJUCsyMQes
I’m actually kind of impressed by how damn stupid this song
is. It feels like it was imported
straight out of the club boom era from over ten years ago. Which makes sense for Saweetie, who has made
it her thing to sample recognizable songs out of the mid to late 2000’s
songs. And she’s brought along Doja Cat,
which means…
(looks at Wikipedia page)
….yep, there he is.
Dr. Luke produced and wrote this.
I swear Doja really needs to stop giving this fucker his career back.
By all accounts this is a bad song, but I can’t help it. This is stupid to almost the same degree as I thought that AJR song was from a few months ago. Key word: almost. Dr. Luke’s involvement almost makes this song too polished to be that degree of gloriously stupid though.
Radio fluff at its finest. Wouldn't be surprised if this ends up becoming a stable for female buddy comedies in the future when movie theaters reopen and we get more and more new trailers. It's that interchangeable.THE DECENT TIER
Speaking of Doja Cat and Dr. Luke,
“Kiss Me More” – Doja Cat (featuring SZA)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EVVKs6DQLo
Dr. Luke’s involvement with this is minimal believe it or not,
with only a writing credit. But you can
definitely still tell his influence is on this song. And look guys, I know I bash on Dr. Luke
aplenty on this blog because he seriously is one of the most terrible people in
the music industry. But just because he
is such a terrible human being doesn’t mean he’s not talented. I give him all the credit in the world for
making some of the best pop music of the last twenty years.
So about the song itself, it’s decent enough I guess. At first, I thought this was limp and lifeless
and just a carbon copy of Doja’s huge hit from last year “Say So”. But I’ve checked it out a few more times
since then and yeah I’m starting to slowly get the appeal. Just like “Say So” it has the same smooth
sultry vibe that is infectious as hell.
It feels like it has been awhile since we’ve had a pop song specifically
about embracing kissing over anything else.
And you know what? Kissing is
pretty sexy too.
That being said, the one thing I am absolutely getting tired
of in pop music lately is the interpolation of “Physical” by Olivia
Newton-John. I mean this is like what,
the third time this has been done in a year?
Can we seriously find another 80s pop song to interpolate? I also feel like SZA could have done so much
more on this too. Her one verse doesn’t
last nearly long enough.
But yeah, I need some more time on this one before I really
develop a real thought, but its trending upward.
“Rapstar” – Polo G
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2IhccXakkE
So this is our new number one. I guess it only makes sense with all the huge
hits we’ve gotten the last couple years about being “rockstars” and “popstars”
that we finally have a hit about being a “rapstar”…too bad it sounds dreary as
fuck. Which also makes sense because it
matches the cultural zeitgeist really well.
And I’ll give the song this too.
It’s refreshing to hear a rapper talk about how the money, drugs,
bitches, etc. don’t make him content and that he doesn’t have a sense of peace. There’s a vague sense of triumph amongst
going through all the normal clichés.
I think I need a few more listens to really get this, just
like I do with “Kiss Me More” to really collect my thoughts on this. I am happy for Polo G though. He seems to be proving to be more than just
the guy who had that one hit a few years ago with “Pop Out”. Another dreary song about going through all
the normal clichés when it comes to party songs….wait is this going to be his
thing now? Yeah I need more time with
this one…
…speaking of “Pop Out”, here’s the other guy from that song.
“Calling My Phone” – Lil Tjay (featuring 6lack)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzd4ydafGR0
Honestly am surprised that the “Pop Out” guys are having
sustainable careers and are some of the new major rap names going forward. The one that I’m more surprised by is Lil
Tjay. Mostly because Polo G released a
great album last year and all I’ve seen Lil Tjay do since then is pop up on
multiple features since then. Most
notably one of Pop Smoke’s hits from last year “Mood Swings”, which I’ll be honest,
was a contender for my Worst List last year.
I just don’t want to hear two guys really getting ultra-specific about
the kind of sex they’re going to have with their girls; while also being just
so dreary and bored by it. What a turn
on.
But honestly, this song is a lot better than I was
expecting. This song dives into Lil Tjay
coming to grasps with a messy relationship coming to an end. And I think this shouldn’t come as a surprise
to you guys since I just talked about songs with this subject matter on my best
lists multiple times, but I love songs like this. Really tugs back at some of my own personal
memories. And 6lack holds down the hook
very well too. Was genuinely surprised
by this being pretty good…
…too bad all that goodwill goes to waste in the chorus with
those chipmunk vocals. WHY WOULD YOU DO
THAT!? If it wasn’t for Gabby Barrett’s
production choices from before, this would be the most baffling production
choice from this whole top twenty list. And
it takes up a good portion of the song too.
Thanks! I hate it!
Such a shame, this could have been a tier higher if it
wasn’t for that infuriating decision.
And speaking of infuriating decisions…
“Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” – Lil Nas X
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6swmTBVI83k
Talk about trying to strike lightning twice with
controversy. And to an extent…it has
worked, but it also hasn’t at the same time.
Yes, I think the controversy surrounding the music video for
this song has blown incredibly out of proportion. Lil Nas X is not promoting satanic
worship. Calm the hell down evangelists,
but at the same time though, he does have a point. With gay people constantly getting ostracized
by Christians for their lifestyle choices, are you surprised that he doesn’t
have a point when it comes to not believing in God? I really don’t want to dive deep down the
rabbit hole when it comes to this argument because I just think it is
conservative news networks overblowing things out of proportion again for shock
value.
But speaking of shock value, Lil Nas X lying about streaming
services taking down his song in order to boost streams is pathetic. Lil Nas X’s team not crediting FKA Twigs for
certain shots from her video about a year ago is also pathetic. Lil Nas X once again releasing a
half-finished song not even close to sniffing the three minute mark again is
pathetic. That’s starting to become his
thing if it hasn’t been obvious already.
The outrage around this song is just pathetic.
It’s a shame though that I don’t like this more because the
groundwork is there for a good song.
Just like there is with all Lil Nas X’s hits. They all have catchy ideas, choruses,
instrumentation, etc. They just have
that one piece missing. It took Billy
Ray Cyrus to make “Old Town Road” sound like a complete song. So maybe we just need a remix to help fill in
that missing void for “Montero” to really have it all click for me like it did
with “Old Town Road”. It’ll probably
come soon enough knowing Lil Nas X’s track record.
“Save Your Tears” – The Weeknd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYlFuWEuKI
Yet another leftover from the winter charts that has shrunk
on me. I said in that post that this is
different enough to stand on its own merits.
It does not. Like what part was I
even talking about? I can’t even name a
single part of this that doesn’t remind me of other 80s inspired pop that The
Weeknd hasn’t already done better. And
that’s not even including the GOAT in the room….”In Your Eyes”. Seriously, The Weeknd has done so much 80s
inspired pop that he does have it down to a science, like I said a few months
ago. And don’t get me wrong, this is
still a good song. I’ll gladly take as
much retro pastiche like this because it still sounds good. But it doesn’t really bring anything new to
the table or really stand out in discography that includes hits like “Can’t
Feel My Face” or that song from last year…what was it called again? It’ll come back to me.
THE GOOD TIER
“Driver’s License” – Olivia Rodrigo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDBbnmKpqQ
In a top twenty ranking where a lot of songs have started to
shrink since I talked about them last time, this one has only grown on me more
and more. I kept overanalyzing it due it
to being such a huge force in the public conscious for two months, but instead
of just thinking up reasons for its rousing success, I ruled out the most
obvious suspect. That it’s just a good
song that resonates with a lot of people.
And you know what? I can resonate
with break-ups and attachments to certain milestones in my laugh time. After all, I got stood up for my senior prom
and went to go see Spider-Man 3 in my own self-pity and you know what? I’ve never been to any sort of prom at all in
my life. One of the biggest high school
milestones, never been…
RED LIGHTS. STOP
SIGNS. I STILL SEE YOUR FACE IN THE
WHITE CARS, FRONT YARDS!
“Up” – Cardi B
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCiBgLOcuKU
This sure does slap, doesn’t it? Almost to the point that it feels like it was
made specifically to trend on TikTok.
Well it worked because it is still trending on TikTok as I write this. I sure hope that’s not the direction Cardi
has planned for that next album because this is like the third single in a row
where she’s done that so this is clearly a trend.
That said, I still like this plenty. These lines still hit and it’s still a hell
of a lot of fun. But this is no
WAP. When you have a song like WAP that
is such a game changer; it’s kind of hard to achieve those same heights a
second time. So yeah, probably the most interchangeable Cardi song in her career, but honestly she doesn't have that many misses and even when its this predictable, it still is entertaining as fuck. So yeah, no complaints from me. Good song.
….so that new Justin Bieber song is actually pretty damn good,
not gonna lie.
“Peaches” – Justin Bieber (featuring Daniel Caesar &
Giveon)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ0yjYUFKAE
Honestly, I can see this one being a grower the more it
lingers around. Because the elements I
do like about this song, I like an awful lot.
Justin Bieber’s chorus is insanely catchy; although not the best time to
be spotlighting Georgia in your music…just saying man; read the room. Daniel Caesar and Giveon are two of the up
and coming R&B stars who absolutely take advantage of their guest spots to
showcase why they are so talented. And
that beat is infectious. Like I honestly
would just listen to the instrumental version of this song and be almost as
satisfied.
Sadly, the one part of the song that I don’t like is Justin
Bieber’s verse. I mean it’s not awful by
any stretch and trust me when I say that because Bieber has had a pretty
fucking bad stretch of music for the past year or two. But it’s simply a case of Bieber being
completely outshined by the talent he has surrounded himself with. Like I said earlier, his chorus is really
good. His verse, I couldn’t tell you a
single thing about it that is distinct.
It is more or less the same I’m young and in love verse he’s been
putting in his music forever now with not a single memorable moment. Whenever I hear it, I just want to fast
forward through those twenty seconds to get back to the chorus and move on to
the guest stars.
But yeah, good job Bieber.
Keep releasing more songs like this and maybe you’ll dig yourself out of
that hole. What does that make him
now? One for fifteen?
“Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” – DMX
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThlhSnRk21E
Rest in Peace man. I
definitely see why this was highest charting returning entry. This song really developed a cult following
after its initial run to become DMX’s defining hit. But to me, my personal favorite DMX song will
always be “X Gon Give It to Ya” followed closely by “Party Up”. This would be flirting around the top five
probably for my favorite DMX songs. That
said, I still like this a lot and its devastating that DMX’s life ended the way
it did. His legacy will last forever and
he’s truly one of a kind when we look back on the impact his music left on the
hip-hop genre. We’ll never have another
DMX, Rest In Power.
THE EXCELLENT TIER
“Leave the Door Open” – Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars &
Anderson .Paak)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adLGHcj_fmA
Just when you thought Bruno Mars had no other forms of retro
R&B left to remake for modern times, he decides to go back in time again but
this time with Anderson .Paak. It’s nice
to see everyone fully embracing this song so quickly and so easily. I’m a sucker for this sort of 1970s soulful
hookup jams and this one manages to pay homage to that era pretty damn
well. Honestly this Silk Sonic pairing
really is beneficial to both Bruno and Paak.
It is giving Paak the commercial success he’s been trying to find for
some time now. And it gives Bruno Mars
some of his credibility back in terms of winning over that coveted indie crowd
who thought he wasn’t evolving as an artist and just pandering for
Grammys. In a way, Bruno is still
that. But at least it sounds like he’s
actually trying again and not just coming off as a Vegas showman reliving the
classics.
With the stock market being in absolute chaos this year, I’m
here to offer you some financial advice.
Invest in Olivia Rodrigo. This
girl is going to be a fucking superstar.
“Déjà Vu” –Olivia Rodrigo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cii6ruuycQA
While it did admittedly take a while for me to embrace
Driver’s License, I got this one right away and fully admit to loving it right
away as well. The influences are
absolutely there with Taylor Swift and Lorde because I could picture either of
them doing a song like this and nailing it just like Olivia has with this. From all the small details of her past
relationship like watching Glee and listening to Billy Joel together to absolutely
telling this guy that everything he is doing with his new girl is a sense of déjà
vu because they did it first. And you
know what? I absolutely buy it. It is incredibly relatable as I’ve definitely
in the past look at photos from exes going to places that we went to first or
watching movie series that I introduced her to and think, “we did that
first".
But yeah I love all those small intricate details that make
this feel all the more personable.
Olivia has a real knack for painting a bigger picture at this young of
an age and excellent storytelling. I
love every single choice and style this song goes for from the little musicbox
in the background and even The Chainsmokers-esque drop in the chorus. I’m telling you all now invest in this
girl. She’s going to become a big time
player incredibly soon and with The House of Mouse backing her, she might
become even bigger.
“Levitating” – Dua Lipa (featuring DaBaby)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUVcZfQe-Kw
Oh yeah, the other song from my last chart ranking that
hasn’t soured on me the slightest bit.
Honestly, I keep finding more and more to love about it the more I
listen to it. As a matter of fact, I
re-listened to Future Nostalgia for like the umpteenth time the other day.
When you’re able to add onto one of the greatest songs on that album
with a DaBaby feature and it works just as well, that’s when you know you’ve got something really special
here. Seriously one of my favorite hits
of this year and that second wind this song got from the Grammys made me all
the more happier. It’s rising even
further up the charts now and while I doubt this will lead to it becoming a
number one, a guy can only dream.
….and that’s the…wait a minute. That’s only nineteen songs. Which song am I miss-
“Blinding Lights” – The Weeknd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NRXx6U8ABQ
Oh yeah. All hail our
new GOAT.
THE GOAT TIER
So yeah that is the top twenty songs of this week. Overall, I'd say this top twenty perfectly reflects how the charts are right now. With more and more of the bigger names out there delaying their albums indefinitely until the world becomes more normal and they can tour and do the talk show circuits; the charts are being operated by names on the come up or current superstars trying to maintain their momentum. And I think that is leading to a more interesting chart scene if I do say so myself. Sure I'm missing Kendrick Lamar and Adele like everyone else, but if that leads to some more refreshing newer blood to keep things fresh than I'm all for starting the building blocks for some of the new big names for the 2020s like Dua Lipa and Olivia Rodrigo. Can't wait to see where the charts go from here, even if it means changing up my format for these seasonal pop song rankings.
So what do you guys think? Should this format change? Should I try something a little more different when it comes to talking about the hits of the seasons? Please let me know because as always, I want to keep these posts entertaining for my loyal readers out there. Feel free to share whatever insight you can so I can continue to give you all some daily doses of ceratonin. As always, thank you guys for stopping by. Until next time!
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