.....uuuuuhhhhhh......
....I have to talk about this song again? What else is there left to say about it?
As you can tell, I'm clearly getting bored by doing these seasonal chart rankings every three months. So instead of boring you all with even more in depth analysis about Justin Bieber not trying or The Weeknd's ever living dominance off one singular song that would STILL be in the top three if it wasn't for what this blog entry is instead going to be about; let's talk about CHRISTMAS AGAIN!
Over the last six to seven years, Billboard has allowed Christmas music to start charting on the main Hot 100 charts. Which has led to absolute total chaos for the last month or two of the year. Songs that have overstayed their welcome get pushed out for older content from anywhere between five to seventy years ago that only maintain relevance around this time period of the year. And honestly, it fascinates me. It once again exposes Billboard's eternally broken charting system....or does it?
Honestly, I think it matches the mood of our society fairly well around this time of the year. Most of us would rather listen to music that puts in the holiday spirit rather than listening to Ariana Grande putting out the most predictable pop song imaginable or even more Drake. Should the Christmas music be allowed to make year end lists? Hell no. But in terms of fitting what the zeitgeist is listening to more than anything else, I think it does fit the bill in that regard.
So let's do it. For a probably one time thing. Let's rank the top twenty holiday songs that are charting on this week's Billboard Hot 100 chart.
One exception to this ranking is one song in
particular. There are two different
versions of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” on the holiday charts
right now. I will be talking about the
higher charting cover by Michael Buble instead of the original by Perry Como
just to avoid repeating myself.
THE WINTER 2020 BILLBOARD HOT 100 TOP 20 HOLIDAY SONGS RANKED
THE TERRIBLE TIER
….like you guys thought I would put Christmas music in the
terrible tier. I’m not that cruel…unless
you’re “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney. Which thankfully was not one of the twenty
Christmas songs I had to rank from this week, but I can place one of these
twenty songs in…
THE BAD TIER
“Feliz Navidad” – Jose Feliciano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8NcQzMQN_U
Not sure how hot of a take this or hating any Christmas song
is, but out of all the holiday songs presently in the top 40, this is easily
the worst. The one thing that probably
saved this from being in the terrible tier is the musical composition. It’s pretty good in all honesty. Probably better than some of the songs above
it.
But for the life of me, I can’t stand these repetitive
lyrics. When your holiday song consists
of just four different lyrics, you have really created one of the simplest
songs of all time. And I’m not against
simplicity for the record, but this is just uncreative in the most basic of
forms. I mean listen to all the songs
above this and you can tell that actual effort was put into these songs in
terms of making them actual songs. This
is just uninteresting and uninspiring.
And the fact that this is one of the top five biggest Christmas songs of
the past few years is just insulting to me.
THE MEDIOCRE TIER
“Happy Holiday/The Holiday Season” – Andy Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx2YoHZml8I
Look I like Andy Williams.
Of the many older holiday artists on this list, he is one that stands
out for me. And yes we will get to his
all-time classic later, but this is still a classic in its own right. Mostly due to the chorus, which is fairly
good on its own merits.
But man, these verses are the lamest thing. The following are actual lyrics from this
cheesefest:
-So a-hoop dee doop and dickery dock
-The Christmas snow is white on the ground
-Leave a peppermint stick for Ole Saint Nick
-Comin’ down the chimney down
-A big fat pack on his back
Which one of these is worse?
Yes. Yes they are the worst.
“Sleigh Ride” – The Ronettes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkXIJe8CaIc
Honestly this is one of those rare occasions on this list
where I think the covers are better than the original. I like the song itself just fine and this
would probably be a few tiers higher if it was any of the other covers. But man, The Ronettes voices just don’t work
with this song. They hold it back for me
from an otherwise good song.
That being said, “Be My Baby” is a fucking classic and I
will come to the defense of that song any day of the week. As well as another Darlene Love song that I'll be talking about later. But when it comes to “Sleigh Ride”, I’d
rather listen to literally any cover of that song over this…I dare any of you
to find a cover worse than the original.
I dare you.
“A Holly Jolly Christmas” – Burl Ives
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_dI6fVZwd0
My thoughts on this song….are complicated. I don’t think I can honestly convey my
frustrations with this song accurately but I’m going to try. The simplest way I can describe it is that I think
this is the most cynical Christmas song on this holiday song top twenty. And a lot of that has to do with its wishes
for us to have a holly jolly Christmas.
I don’t think this song has aged nearly as well as people
think it has. The last few years
especially, the cultural zeitgeist isn’t holly nor jolly. I feel like the happiness that it tries to spread
is fairly cynical. Saying hello to
friends I know? Kiss a girl under a mistletoe? Have a cup of cheer? I’d rather not do any of that right now, no
matter how much I love this holiday season.
I like Burl Ives as a singer enough to salvage it from placing
it any lower, but oh by golly he’s done better than this.
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael
Buble
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ5DOWPGxwg
So this is the big holiday song riser this year. Going from never making the Billboard Hot 100
until late last year to suddenly being one of the top ten biggest Christmas
songs of the 2020 holiday season, hell it is even out-charting the original…and
I don’t get why.
Is it because Michael Buble has had an increase following
over the years making the mom music that he does? I mean the guy has always made the safest
music imaginable. I’ve always considered
him to be a family friendly Diet Justin Timberlake…so basically modern day
Justin Timberlake. Mixed in with lite
Frank Sinatra. I don’t get how this
cover surged so high though unless all the soccer moms out there are streaming
it on Amazon Music or Pandora because Spotify and Apple Music are too
intimidating.
So yeah, this in the mediocre tier due to Michael Buble
being the boring performer that he is.
The song itself is fine, but when it comes to listening to the original
or this now beloved cover; no thanks I’d rather listen to the Perry Como
version. Speaking of which:
THE DECENT TIER
“(There’s No Place Like) Home for the Holidays” – Perry Como
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT8pIpzDX0g
Honestly this song hits something different in the year that
is 2020. Where a lot of us are confined
to our homes due to the pandemic. Wonder
if that’s what has led to the increase in streams and radio play?
Either way, this song is just solid all around. And a lot of that has to do with Perry Como
as a performer who just has that relaxing voice that makes you not have a single
worry in the world. Perfectly fine song
that would be a tier higher if I didn’t feel reminded that we are in this dark
period of our times.
“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” – Dean Martin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN7LW0Y00kE
I like Dean Martin. I
think he is a very talented singer who has a lot of great songs in his discography. It’s a shame that his modern legacy comes
down to two holiday songs. One is his
cover of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” which that song would also be in the terrible
tier if it hasn’t gotten presently destroyed over the last ten years that any
version doesn’t chart anymore.
The other being this, which I’ve always enjoyed more than
the latter holiday song. But I’m not
going to sit here and claim that this is a remotely interesting song. It’s not.
But I will stand up for it being decent enough because let’s face
it. When it snows outside, this is the
first song A LOT of people think of. So
it does serve a purpose in the grand scheme of things that I can listen to it
and hum along. And when I see snow
outside, I too think of this song. But
Dean Martin has done so much better.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” – Gene Autry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9ps42Frh6Y
“Here Comes Santa Claus (Right Down Santa Claus Lane)” –
Gene Autry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysxlUmLOttQ
Honestly going to rope these two together because my
association with both of these songs have to do with the Rankin-Bass holiday
specials. Every last one of them is a
timeless classic that I still try to watch as many as I possibly can when
available. These movies make me feel
like a kid again. And these two songs in
particular bring back plenty of nostalgic memories of these specials.
But as standalone songs, I can’t say I seek either of these
out when it comes to songs that I willingly want to listen to. I think that’s the hardest part about ranking
these Christmas songs is whether I’m willing to go out of my way to listen to
them as often as I do or if they just end up becoming audio white noise where
they don’t give me much of a reaction.
And that’s sadly where I’m at with these two perfectly fine songs that I
don’t seek out on their own accords.
So on that note, let’s jump to the songs that I do seek out
regularly this holiday season in:
THE GOOD TIER
“Jingle Bell Rock” – Bobby Helms
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ajuTaHBtM
Honestly this should probably be in the excellent tier. It’s admittedly a great song that I
absolutely understand why it is one of the most beloved Christmas songs and
will continue to be so for the forseeable future.
The reason it is not because this is MY personal tier
list. And if there is any holiday song
that I love that I would wish to never hear again, it is this one. Yes even more so than THAT other one that I
haven’t talked about…yet…
And it’s all because of my own personal experience with this
song. I was a band kid growing up. I played band music from sixth grade all the
way through my junior years of college.
Not by my own personal choice but I still know how to play the French horn
and the trumpet to this day. And because
I was a band kid, I had to march in every county and city parade growing
up. And guess what song I played EVERY
year? This one.
I can’t listen to this song without making sure my feet are
in marching position and without subliminally hearing trumpets and horns and
making sure that I am in tune even though I’m not playing an instrument right
now…or am I? Long story short, this song
exhausts me.
“The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)” – Nat King
Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwacxSnc4tI
Another timeless classic that has resonated with me the
older I got. Honestly, this song is just
warming to me. It makes me really bask
in the moment whenever I hear it. And a
lot of that has to do with Nat’s soothing voice that honestly makes me feel
comforted even if I’m stressing out over any last minute shopping or worrying
about whether any of my cooking turns out good.
It just makes me soak in my surroundings and feel blessed to be living
in the moment.
…but for as much as I like this song, I just can’t stand the
opening. I don’t know what it is about the
opening lines: chestnuts roasting on an open fire and Jack Frost nipping at my
nose. But I very much don’t like
it. Otherwise, great song.
“White Christmas” – Bing Crosby
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9QLn7gM-hY
Okay let’s be real here.
This song is a festive mood for me.
But first, a little about me as to why it is. I was born in New Jersey and moved to
Virginia when I was a kid. I’ve seen
photographic proof that I’ve celebrated a white Christmas in my past. Ever since then, nada. And for all the movies, shows, etc. that I’ve
seen of people celebrating Christmas with snow in the background, I’ve been longing
for snow at Christmastime for going on twenty-five years! Is it so much to ask for Mother Nature to
give me ONE White Christmas south of Pennsylvania? Is it!?
Song itself is good with Bing Crosby having one of those
silky smooth voices that does drag on for longer than it should. Otherwise, good song. Please give me Christmas snow!
“Last Christmas” – Wham!
Maybe slowly but surely George Michael's music will finally work for me. At least his Christmas song I'll always come to the defense of. I'm just surprised its not bigger than it is to be honest with how many times its been covered since.
THE EXCELLENT TIER
Let me start off the excellent tier by stating this. For years, I’ve been questioning as to
whether there are any modern Christmas songs that can become new holiday staples
for the years to come? I’ve seen a lot
of attempts from modern artists to try and capitalize off the potential of the Christmas
music market and more often than not, they end up being forgotten just as
quickly as they are pushed. But two
songs in particular have managed to stick around and end up reaching new peaks
year after year. So maybe they will end
up becoming timeless classics after all?
I don’t know. But I hope so
because both are excellent. First, the
one I just listened to for the first time a few days ago:
“Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlR0MkrRklg
Can’t believe it’s taken me six years to listen to
this. But I guess with Ariana’s
emergence to the A-list of pop superstars in the last three years, this one-off
from 2014 would reappear as a current holiday staple. Honestly, that does bring up a good point. Is this only recently catching popularity
just because Ariana is one of the biggest popstars alive? It wouldn’t surprise me. But at the same time, why aren’t holiday
one-offs from the likes of Taylor Swift or the Jonas Brothers not catching
on? Aren’t they also pretty big as well,
especially Taylor Swift who has one of the most dedicated fan bases in all of
pop music?
Well part of me does think its Scooter using his influence to
make this into a new holiday staple. The
guy does know how to pull strings better than anyone else working right
now. But that doesn’t affect the quality
of this song, which does remind me of why I fell in love with Ariana’s music in
the first place. This was back when
Ariana use to sound like someone who loves singing. Plus it does deal with a real topic of
heartbreak around the holidays. I mean
that has happened to the best of us wishing for a more faithful lover around
the holidays instead of just something fake.
Will this stand the test of time once Ariana’s star power
eventually diminishes? Time will
tell. But I love it anyway. And let’s not forget that another powerhouse
singer once released a holiday song early on in her career and it eventually
became one of the biggest Christmas songs ever and NO I’M STILL NOT READY TO
TALK ABOUT THAT ONE YET.
“Underneath the Tree” – Kelly Clarkson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM2Fnp_qnE8
And here’s the other one that is on its way to modern
holiday classic status. But this one
seems to have had its growth to such more organically. When Kelly Clarkson’s holiday album came out
nearly eight years ago, not a single peep.
It fell off the charts as quickly as it debuted. But even after listening to the album in its
entirety thanks to my parents, “Underneath the Tree” stood out as the clear
best song on that album. It just has a
larger than life sound to it which accompanies its performance by one of the
best to do it over the last twenty years.
I can’t stress enough that Kelly Clarkson sounds amazing on
this. While in my honest opinion, Kelly
Clarkson did not have a single good hit song in the 2010’s, she more than made
up for it by this one song. A song that
will stand the test of time and keep getting larger and larger in the pantheon
of all-time great Christmas songs.
“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” – Darlene Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV8x7H3DD8Y
…and speaking of great vocal performances, here we have Darlene
Love. Honestly sometimes it just takes a
vocal performance to really make a good song great. And simply put, that’s what happens
here. This song’s greatness is made
solely due to Darlene Love herself. She
is just amazing to listen to. The song
itself is good as it is about a woman who just wants her man to come home for
the holidays. Very simple topic,
yes. But the way Darlene sells it is
along the lines of that she will not take no for an answer and you need to be
here RIGHT NOW.
You know what’s amazing to me? Even as she is pushing 80, she is still
singing this song like she’s 30. I mean
I just binged New Girl again and her guest spot in Season 6 singing this at the
end of the holiday special….damn. She’s
still got it.
“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Idl-K8s1GYo
….she was thirteen when she recorded this song. HOW!? She
has the voice of a woman twice…hell three times her age depth.
If it wasn’t for THAT song that I promise I’ll talk about
but not YET, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” would be THE song of the
holiday season. It keeps topping out at
number two every holiday season on the Hot 100 and its streaming numbers still
grow year over year. Who knows, someday
it might happen and finally top the charts.
And it wouldn’t surprise me if it does because after over SIXTY years on
the charts, it is still as timeless as the day I first heard it.
Also, this is a Home Alone household and I won’t ever not
tie some of this song’s timeless success without associating it with one of my
modern holiday movie classics.
“Run Rudolph Run” – Chuck Berry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiadNVhaGwk
…and speaking of Home Alone, I also associate this song’s
timelessness to that movie as well.
Honestly, this should be in the good tier because if you
know Chuck Berry’s music, this is absolutely not an original sounding
song. It’s literally a combination of
his two biggest hits “Johnny B. Goode” and “Little Queenie”. But honestly who cares if it is just a
holiday rehash of his previous hits. I
don’t mind rehashes. Especially when they
still sound just as good and fresh then as it does now. I just love that rockabilly sound from this
time period and I’m glad we still have songs like this and “Rockin’ Around the
Christmas Tree” that are keeping that sound alive into the 2020’s.
Oh and to those covers of this song that call it “Run Run
Rudolph”, you’re not doing it right.
Next.
“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” – Andy Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
I know I don’t do number one reveals on these seasonal
rankings anymore in order to maintain the surprise for my list seasons, but
since I don’t see this making a year-end list anytime soon, I’m just going to
come out and say it. This is my favorite
song of this seasonal chart ranking.
It’s a timeless song that perfectly describes what I love
about the holidays. Accompanying it is
that big band sound that a lot of these holiday classics have, but don’t feel
nearly as big as it does here. And I
think a lot of that has to do with this song itself being a giant love letter
to the Christmas season.
And what have I mentioned before these last few blog
entries? I love Christmas. I love everything about this holiday season
and when I think of the many many reasons I love Christmas, this song plays
through my head more than any other.
I know I’m not alone in feeling that way which is why it
puts a smile on my face to see the devoted following this song has amongst
holiday music best lists and as a holiday classic. I, for one, agree with that notion as it’s
the most wonderful Christmas song of all-time.
….
……..
…………okay fine let’s end this with THE ONE.
“All I Want for Christmas Is You” – Mariah Carey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY
The proclaimed Queen of Christmas has arisen once more. The present number one on the Hot 100. The universally agreed upon perfect Christmas
song. The song that makes Mariah
hundreds of millions of dollars ever holiday season. The song that gets replayed to death for
weeks upon end until December 26th rolls around and it disappears
off the face of the Earth until the following November where it awakens and
wrecks havoc onto the pop cultural zeitgeist all over again. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is
You” is an excellent perfect Christmas song that has been seemingly replicated
many times to capitalize off its success but has yet to achieve similar great
heights. It is a titan of a pop song
that will never go away for as long as I shall live.
….and I am getting to the point of never wanting to listen
to it ever again. I actively don’t seek
this song out anymore because it has become overexposed. I mean Mariah herself knows this and has
spent the last three years in particular trying to find new ways to profit off
of it even more so than she already does.
She has made more music videos.
She has started performing it live.
This year in particular she made a one hour special on Apple TV; which I got an ad for while sharing five of these music videos; revolving around building up to the big reveal that she ends it on…you don’t
even need to guess what fucking song it is.
Of course it is this. It will
always be this. It wouldn’t be anything
else. I’m fucking sick of this song.
But I totally get why I’m fucking sick of it. It’s because it really does capture lightning
in a bottle and maximized all that it can out of it. All I Want For Christmas is You is not just the
perfect Christmas song. It’s the perfect
pop song. I’ve talked about multiple pop
songs before on this blog that remind me why I love pop music. And of course, this is one of those pop
songs. I love the larger than life sound
of Mariah’s voice. I love the musical
accompaniment. I love how it knows what
it is about and doesn’t try to be anything else. I love this song as much as I am fucking sick
of it.
Will it make a best of the year list of mine anytime soon as
long as it qualifies? Nope. If you think I’m sick of this song now,
imagine how I would feel the other ten to eleven months of the year where I don’t
hear it. But it will forever be a
Christmas classic that I will never deny its place as an all time classic.
So there you have it.
That’s Billboard’s Top 20 Christmas Songs on the Hot 100. And with many and I do mean many other holiday
songs also currently charting on the Hot 100, who knows how much positions will
change as the years go by. So will I do
this again next year? Only time will
tell if this blog is still continuing or if it’s the same twenty songs being
ranked all over again. Who knows? What I do know is that I’m thankful for the continued
support from readers like you. Thank you
guys as always and look forward to more content coming out soon. Until next time, thank you guys and I’ll see
you again very soon. Happy Holidays!
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