Wednesday, December 9, 2020

The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2020

 2020.  Do I need to go any further?

 


When my children ask me what year was the worst to live through, I’ll tell them 2020.  While I had two personal highs this year in terms of buying my first house and meeting my nephew, the cultural zeitgeist was just too hard to ignore.  The entire world hitting a screeching halt with a pandemic that killed millions, massive protests over social injustice that led to civil unrest, the ever-looming threats of another world war, the political divide becoming all the more toxic.  And that was only the first five months of the year.  I didn't even get to an overactive hurricane season, the election, and murder hornets.

I’ve already let my thoughts slip through about my many MANY insights as to the events this year brought onto us and I really don’t want to sound like a broken record at this point.  Because there is far too much negativity in this world.  One of my friends once told me that reading this blog is like handing out a dose of serotonin to her life.  And that’s what my intentions are with this blog.  To bring some positivity and entertainment towards this dark timeline we are in.  And that’s what I constantly aimed to do throughout this year.  Give people reading a much needed break from the reality we are currently sitting through. 

And honestly?  I have a lot of things to say about music this year.


So much so that I’m considering expanding a top ten best hit songs list for the year that was 2020.  2020 may have been one of the worst years of all-time, but the one thing it had going right was the hit music of the year was some of the best we’ve gotten this century.  I’m not sure if this was the direction that music was heading towards before the pandemic threw a wrench in everybody’s plans but I enjoyed so many of the minor trends that were coming whether it be the sub-trends of 80s inspired synthpop, a 2000’s nostalgia boom, emo rappers bringing rock music back, trap music starting to sound more introspective…I could go on about how many sub-genres worked this year for me that were becoming mainstream.

But for as much as I loved the trends that were, and still are to an extent, emerging; reality set in.  The pandemic threw a lot out the window for this year.  To the point that music became one of the last topics that mattered to people in the general public.  If you are reading this and are as big of a music nerd like me, you’ll know that when it came to the metrics, this was one of the weaker point differential years in popular music this year.  You all want to know why this year set a new record for most number one hits in a single year?  Because it was very easy to obtain.  A few weeks ago in early November during one of the weeks where “Mood” by 24KGoldn & iann dior was at number one, it had the same number of points as “Heartless” by The Weeknd the year prior when that was number seventeen that charting year of 2019.  You guys see my point?

And quite honestly, there is a lot to explain for the three main metrics.  Streaming as a whole is down by twenty percent this year over last.  The radio, an already declining format of telling what’s popular in the music industry, are even further behind at understanding what’s popular due to most of their chart analysts being out of work due to the pandemic.  And sales, another declining format, had to get creative with how to adapt due to the economy also being down thanks to the climate we are living in.  So yeah, in a year where the music that we did get was still pretty great in a sense, music was one of the last things that mattered because there were more important topics at hand to focus on.

Look I can sit here and ramble on about the music trends of this year because I didn’t even get to some of the important ones like viral trends and stan armies getting more control of these number one races, but alas, I know why you are all here and I don’t want to delay this any further.  I know which content gets more views, so like tradition states, let’s start it off by talking about some of the worst music this year had to offer.  And while we may have gotten some damn great music this year, we got our fair share of bad music as well.  Other music critics may compare the great stuff with some of the best pop music decades like the 80s and the late 90s.  However, when it comes to the bad music, I think a good comparison is 2018 where we either got a fair share of hits from problematic people, a lot of pop music on autopilot, or finding myself questioning who some of these hits are even for.

But enough preamble, let's get those dishonorable mentions out of the way before tackling on that main course:


DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

 

“Trampoline” – SHAED

I get that this was an easier year to make the year end list than previous years due to a bigger lack of actual singles this year.  But come on now.  Nobody actually cared about this song this year.  Or any year really.

 

“Sum 2 Prove” – Lil Baby & “We Paid” – Lil Baby & 42 Dugg

So I guess we are going to keep Lil Baby around, aren’t we?  This was a monstrous year for him.  And while he finally won me over this year, I still don’t get the appeal for the most part.  I’m making progress there.  Especially when he gets huge with monotonous bores like these here.  Which I forget how they go every time I hear them.  And no I’m not going to go in depth about either of them.  They both suck in utterly boring ways.

 

“Suicidal” – YNW Melly (featuring Juice WRLD)

Isn’t this guy on death row or something?  How is his label still pushing out new music?  Pushing aside Melly’s controversial personal life, this is just a less catchy version of XXXTentacion’s “SAD!”  And isn’t that what we all needed?  Another smash hit guilt tripping women into thinking you’re going to kill yourself if you don’t get with them?  Fuck this guy.  This was going to make the list proper but the Juice WRLD remix that ended up being the one that was credited saved it.  At least Juice WRLD had the sort of personality to make this sort of song work by leaning into the full emo aspect of the situation.

 

“hot girl bummer” – blackbear

The position of this song may surprise some of you.  It kind of surprised me too.  But in this day and age where I struggle to figure out who certain songs are aimed for, I’ll give this song this.  At the very least, I understand what this is going for.  It’s bold.  It’s brash.  It belongs in the trash.  But I absolutely get its target audience.  Douchebags.  The same douchebag white boys that blasted nu-metal in the 2000s.  This is basically a modern day nu-metal song.  Except with toxically masculine. 

Make no mistake though.  Even without this being on the list proper, blackbear is fucking awful.

 

“Nobody But You” – Blake Shelton (featuring Gwen Stefani)

You know for a couple who started off as a showmance, Blake and Gwen are one of the most insufferably dull entertainment industry couples right now.  They just do not go well together.  Even when I was watching The Voice, these two just felt more like brother and sister than a believable couple.  Just no believable chemistry whatsoever.  Pretty much applies all my thoughts to this dull uninteresting song.  For a song called “Nobody But You”, I barely hear Gwen on this.  Blake’s voice just overpowers Gwen’s that she is basically of no presence.

 

 

“Savage Love (Laxed-Siren Beat)” – Jawsh 685 & Jason DeRulo

Wonder what Jason DeRulo will cash-in on next to stay relevant after the TikTok clout eventually wears out?

 

“One Margarita” – Luke Bryan

Now that Luke Bryan has finally ran the bro-country well completely dry, time to move on to the next stage of his career.  Ripping off Kenny Chesney.  And isn’t that just what we need?  Another person ripping off Jimmy Buffet?  Although this song goes above and beyond that by also catering to the anti-quarantine crowds in the middle of a pandemic.  And because Luke Bryan is willing to do anything to rack up hits at this stage of his career, he actively promoted it as such.  Honestly wanted to put this on the list proper solely for that reason, but last thing I want to do is let politics heavily influence a song list.  Still, fuck this guy and anti-quarantine crowds as a whole.

 

“Someone You Loved” – Lewis Capaldi

I still hate this a lot.  But god bless did Lewis Capaldi put himself out there.  He at least tried to sound distinct in a music climate where so much sounds the same.

 

“THE SCOTTS” – Travis Scott & Kid Cudi

Honestly would be on the worst list proper if it wasn’t for that outro.  Producer Mike Dean deserves a lot of credit for making even the most worthless of Travis Scott singles salvageable with his outros as of late.  That still doesn’t make Travis Scott’s output this year all the more worthless.  Every single Travis forced out in 2020 all sounded like AstroWorld rejects.  But none pissed me off more with their worthlessness as much as The Scotts.  I couldn’t tell you a single memorable second of this song except for that outro.  It goes in one ear out the other every time.  Wasn’t this supposed to lead to some sort of collaboration album between these two?  Has it already been pushed to the backburner for some more commercial tie-ins disguised as number one singles?  I really hope that next album does Travis some good because he is getting dangerously close to being labelled a sellout very soon.

 

 Okay now that that's out of the way, let's do a proper goodbye to these last 10,000 hours and hope for a better 10,000 more.  We're counting down!



THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2020


 


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Well let’s start this list off proper by talking about the platform for music in 2020.



 

I don’t know if TikTok is going to stick around for the long haul or if it will get replaced by another app in the coming years.  Or if the Trump administration will prevent this app from ever getting another buyer because of their stupid beliefs that China is using it to overpower our government. 

2020 was the year of many negatives, but TikTok was absolutely a positive in 2020.  It helped take our mind off of everything going on in the world.  And a good majority of the hits on this year’s year-end list had some sort of challenge tied in via social media influencers from TikTok.  These influencers would pick a new song or two every couple weeks, make some sort of dance to go along with it, then the dance would go viral.  And I do have to admit.  A lot of these dances were actually pretty creative.

Others were not….

...and then there was this.


10. “Party Girl” – StaySolidRocky

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KlNDZpCkHc


Look I get that we are in a new era of music where songs don’t really go over the three minute mark anymore just to keep people’s short attention spans occupied.  But I don’t understand how anyone can stay interested in this slog.  It’s barely over two minutes long and a lot of that feels like overlong silence.

Not only that but this guy just flat out sucks.  He has no charisma, no flow, no personality.  He’s just a dull guy who sounds like he is concern trolling this girl who is addicted to meth and guns.  Or maybe he’s seriously worried about this girl.  I can’t tell.  He puts forth the same monotonous bored tone throughout the entire song that it is hard to tell if he really gives two shits.

This is the first time in a long time that a song feels so low quality in effort and talent that it doesn’t even feel like it should be allowed to chart.  So clearly it got popular off the Tik Tok dance:



I stand corrected there too.  That is just moving your arms and back forth and doing the handphone gesture.  Aside from the latter, howis that any different than any other Tik Tok dance?  Whoever influenced this dance clearly didn’t get paid nearly enough.  This song is so low effort that it deserves this low effort of a dance.

People are going to look back at this TikTok era chalk full of one hit wonders years from now and StaySolidRocky is a good Exhibit A as to how this app basically handed out a career to anybody.  Next.

 

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You know I’ve always wondered how likely it was that millennials have taken to classic songs from being used in films they’ve watched growing up.  I’m definitely including myself in that category, no question.


I for one, discovered Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” from Heath Ledger’s rendition of it from 90’s teenage film classic “10 Things I Hate About You”.  And that song has been used time and time again in many movies like “Son of the Mask”, “Sharp Objects”, and “Bad Times at the El Royale”.  Ironically, the latter two came out two years ago and now one of the biggest hits in America right now is a dream pop remix of it.  What a coincidence.


9. “ily (I love you baby)” – Surf Mesa (featuring Emilee)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89degLrNZM8


This song becoming a hit at all just baffles me.  I thought we left the dance music remixes of classic songs back in the 1990’s?  Where they belonged.

Not only does this song remind me about how lazy that trend was nearly thirty years ago, it also reminds me of 2013 when some already forgotten about EDM artist remixed Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness”.  And while that one eventually grew on me, it just made me appreciate the original Lana song all the more.  And my god does Frankie Valli belting the chorus to “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” just hit every single time.  No wonder these no names only focus on the chorus of that song.

Look I get that EDM was one of the many trends that took back off again this year, but say what you will about the Roses remix or the many songs Regard charted this year.  At least they have some sort of bop towards it.  I could be listening thirty seconds into the song or two minutes in and I wouldn’t be able to tell how far into the song they are. 

This is just limp and lifeless and no thanks, I’ll vibe with the original.  Next.

 

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This is a worst list.  Make no mistake.  I genuinely hate all these songs.  But at least this next one I can find some sort of nostalgic entertaining levels of terrible with.

 

8. “My Oh My” – Camila Cabello (featuring DaBaby)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fd2kkLmSDQ


This has been a bad album cycle for Camila Cabello.  From the backlash of being one of the most insufferably fake celebrity couples in recent memory to her second solo album performing terribly and most notably, her racist past coming back to cancel her; it’s amazing that any one of her songs made the year end Hot 100 for this year.  Fairly high.  Just goes to show that anyone can still get a hit as long as they suck up to either radio’s increasingly narrow definition of pop music or shelving out playlist payola to force this one to hit status.

But good lord is this song so hilariously bad.  This is basically a rip-off of “Havana” except unintentionally hilarious.  And in a year where this worst list is basically full of songs that I don’t understand how anyone can find them any good, this at least made me nostalgic for when bad music used to be entertaining levels of terrible.  I don’t buy for a single second that Camila Cabello wants to be “the bad girl”.  If anything, she sounds like a little kid playing grown up with her mother’s clothing.  And why does this bad boy sound like he came out of the 1950’s?  An older guy?  How scandalous.  With a “bad reputation”? Sure Karen, they all do.  A black leather jacket?  What sort of bad boy still wears a black leather jacket in 2020?



Is the bad boy supposed to be Shawn Mendes?  Goodie two-shoes incredibly unthreatening nice guy Shawn Mendes?  ….I’m laughing in real life while I’m typing this.  Holy shit…

Oh and DaBaby is here because he’s shelving out Ludacris style guest verses for popstars like it is still the early 2010’s.  I don’t think his verse is bad, but it’s just there.  Like sprinkles are on desserts.  Do they necessarily add anything to them?  No.  It’s just a brief distraction from the rest of the ice cream or cake.  And DaBaby is just a brief distraction from how horrible everything else is on this song.

This song just feels crowbarred into existence because Camila needed a hit off this album to keep her around.  I sure hope that payola was worth it because with how easily this faded out of existence after its brief moment, it shows nobody is interested in what Camila is selling.  Next.


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I know it’s easy to forget that this came out over a year ago, but since 2020 has felt like twelve years in itself, yes it’s been over a year since “Old Town Road”.  A song so genuinely great that it left me hoping that we get more songs like this.  Songs that blend genres and defy what we expect from popular music.  What I’m saying is we need more “Old Town Road’s” and less….well, whatever the hell this is.


7. “Be Like That” – Kane Brown, Swae Lee, & Khalid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEAy7eXb2lo


I don’t like Kane Brown.  I’ve tried and tried to get the appeal of this guy, but all those early comparisons to a country Justin Bieber keeps getting more and more accurate with each passing single.  He’s had one song I genuinely liked a few years ago called “What Ifs” that was charming enough to give him some goodwill, but every song since then has been blander and less interesting than the next.  I genuinely don’t like this guy as a performer.  He brings nothing to the table and whatever decent vocals he does have are wasted on watered down shlock.

It is only fitting that his first actual pop song is with two of the biggest wastes of potential in popular music right now.  For someone who has had some of the biggest pop song hooks of the last three years, I’ve wondered why Swae Lee is not as big as he should be.  But he keeps releasing middle of the road crap that is not interesting in the slightest bit.  And then you have Khalid, who is the polar opposite and just keeps releasing the same song twenty times and refuses to take a break.  It’s fitting that his biggest hit has stalled out his momentum because “Talk” keeps proving to be a sellout of his artistic integrity every time I hear it and only gets worse and worse.  And I hear it almost every day at work.

In case you’ve noticed, I’ve barely talked about this song.  It’s not worth mentioning.  It is yet another song about having mixed feelings in a relationship.  About being in your head and not overthinking things.  One of the most overused topics in pop music.  You know what, it’s fitting that these guys together making a dull uninteresting country/rap/pop song about relationships and overthinking things in your head.  Because they basically made the 2020’s version of “Over and Over Again”:

 


Isn’t that what we needed?  A reminder that this slog of a song existed?  Lil Nas X, please come save combining genres before these three ruin it some more.


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Amongst my Discord friends, I mentioned at the beginning of this year that this song is okay.  But after relistening to this song with a fresh set of ears for the first time in like nine months, I was wrong.  This is flat out awful.


6. “RITMO” – Black Eyed Peas & J. Balvin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzKkl64rRbM


Let’s be honest, how many of you still remember this sleeper hit from the left in the past once again Black Eyed Peas from the already forgotten biggest domestic box office earner of 2020, Bad Boys For Life.  Can’t wait to share that little trivia tidbit years from now that the most financially successful film of 2020 was this corny cashgrab reminding us that Will Smith is getting old, man.

Honestly the one thing I defended earlier this year and sort of still defend now is the sample of “Rhythm of the Night” by….Corona (god maybe the Black Eyed Peas return to relevance was a sign of things to come).  The one thing that will.i.am still has after all these years away from success is the knack for an insanely catchy earworm that won’t leave your fucking head.  And my god, even in 2020, he still has that going for him.  But everything else is so fucking bad.

“Rhythm of the Night” isn’t the only song being sampled.  It also samples 2015 hit “You Know You Like It” by DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge.  I honestly don’t really have any thoughts on that song except DJ Snake used to be such a good producer.  Whatever happened to him?  Anyway, will.i.am beats the melody from that song into the fucking ground and it becomes one of the most annoying sounds from any song this year.  That thumping gets old with each passing listen.

But of course, that’s only the cherry on top of this trainwreck.  Clearly the time away from the spotlight has not improved any of the Black Eyed Peas skills.  Because they ruined club pop music, they are now trying to ruin reggaeton with their incredibly poor Spanglish.  I’m so sorry to Pitbull’s messy translations from the early 2010’s.  Nothing will ever be as insulting as listening to will.i.am saying:

PUTA!  I learned that shit down in Mexico!

Congratulations.  You know basic Spanish you culture vulture.  And that’s just the beginning of the insulting amounts of using reggaeton as a clutch for success.  A lot of these lyrics are just using Spanish as a clutch to cover up the fact that this could have been mistaken for a 2010’s Black Eyed Peas song.  This isn’t progressing their career.  It’s just furthering regression.

Oh and J. Balvin is on this too.  It’s funny that I brought up Pitbull earlier because J. Balvin has basically taken a similar career path.  Whoring out features just for an easy couple bucks.  A J. Balvin feature means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.  It means you are whoring out your genre just to get your name added as a featuring credit.  Was it worth whatever The Black Eyed Peas paid you to rap a line about Hakuna Matata with Timon and Pumba?  What the hell does ANY of this have to do with Bad Boys 3?!

Are The Black Eyed Peas an overhated group?  Possibly.  But with all of these 2000’s nostalgia acts becoming things again, the last thing we needed was The Black Eyed Peas coming back with easy cash-ins when their careers died because of it in the first place.


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5. “If The World Was Ending” – JP Saxe (featuring Julia Michaels)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jO2wSpAoxA


Talk about a song title capitalizing off the cultural zeitgeist.

I’ll be honest.  I was actively avoiding this song for the longest time.  Mostly due to my track record with Julia Michaels and how I think she is one of the most hollow and vapid singer-songwriters working today.  Some people are not meant to make the transition to pop singers and Julia Michaels is one of them.  She is just an empty vessel where music is supposed to come from.  At least the pop singer she is most tied to Selena Gomez can manage a good song every now and then.  I don’t know of a single Julia Michaels song I would even come close to finding tolerable.  She just makes singing sound like a violent procedure.

And yet this song is somehow even more dull and limp than I initially feared.  These two go together like hot sauce and whipped cream.  JP Saxe is just as much of a non-presence as his featured guest.  At least I could tell you that stars wanted Julia Michaels to write for them.  When five of your top eight songs on your Spotify/Apple Music are different versions of this one song….well let’s just say good luck getting that second hit.

But the biggest disappointment of all is the producer, Finneas.  I refuse to believe Billie Eilish’s older brother produced this shit.  It sounds like coffee house piano music.  It makes his production for Selena Gomez’s “Lose You To Love Me” sound like a five star Broadway show tune.  At least that song sounds like it’s supposed to be theatrical.  For a song called “If The World Was Ending”, this sounds like a lounge act on a cruise ship.  WHERE’S THE TENSION?!  WHERE’S THE PASSION!? 

Can the meteor come and make songs like this extinct?  Absolutely worthless song.


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2020.  Once again, another huge year for Post Malone even though he didn’t even drop anything this year.  But as seasons changed, “Circles” never truly left the Top 20 due to high amounts of radio volume as Nielsen’s charting system was basically broken the entire year.  And due to such, “Circles” is one of the top ten biggest hits of all-time.  So yeah, this was technically another huge year for Post Malone. 

As Posty’s reign of success continues into the 2020’s, it was only a matter of time until the copycats started to come out in full force.  And while not all of them were necessarily bad, it has become increasingly obvious that there is more to the Post Malone formula than I have ever given him credit for in the past.  Isn’t it funny how that works sometimes?  All it takes is one truly awful carbon copy to make you realize how much more talented the original really is.


4. “Falling” – Trevor Daniel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7mfjvdnPno


How the fuck did we let this guy chart with this song for nearly a whole year?  This guy with his warbling bitchfit about the same topic all these new guys ever manage to write about anymore?  He’s not even good at warbling.  He doesn’t even sound like he gives a shit about his heartbreak.  It just sounds like a mild inconvenience instead of absolutely devastating.  God damn.  At least Post Malone wails like it is killing him inside.  At least Juice WRLD was expressive with his emotions and sounded like he meant every word he was saying.  Trevor Daniel just sounds bored as fuck.

I don’t really have too much to say because Trevor Daniel doesn’t say anything new that I haven’t heard five hundred times before.  All I know is that only in this empty void of a year for actual hit singles was the only reason that this almost cracked the Top 20 of the actual year end list.  That’s the only explanation I have as to why anyone would remotely care about this nothing of a song.  Let’s move on.  I’m falling asleep.

 

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Say what you want to about this trainwreck, but at least it manages to hold my attention.


3. “Intentions” – Justin Bieber (featuring Quavo)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AyMjyHu1bA


It’s safe to say Justin Bieber is not worth keeping around anymore.  He adds nothing to the table except his name which still somehow means something in the year 2020, where the quality of his output is easily the worst he’s ever put out.  Yes even worse than in 2009 where Justin Bieber sucks jokes were the easiest way to get you credibility amongst your peers.

I’d rather listen to 2009 Justin Bieber than the Justin Bieber we have now.  I’m not taking back what I said.  The Justin Bieber of 2009 at least was fun to hate.  The Justin Bieber we have now is insufferably dull.  All of his output this year was just some of most nondescript uninteresting white noise I’ve heard from a popstar in quite some time.  Justin Bieber has the personality of a wet piece of toast.

And “Intentions” is one of the best examples in recent memory of how dull and uninteresting Justin Bieber is as a performer.  I mean my god, didn’t this guy use to be “cool”?  Or at least that’s what the vibe most people got from him?  When did he turn himself into the lead singer of Train with all of these bizarre romance metaphors?  I mean I sure as hell wouldn’t swoon at being called an asset with a heart full of equity. 

Oh and Quavo’s here too.  Someone should have told Justin Bieber that this is 2020 and he’s three years late on the overabundance of Quavo guest features.  That being said, Quavo’s adlibs are the highlight of this song.  As in they get an unintentional laugh out of me, when I’m otherwise bored out of my fucking mind.  That’s the only thing preventing this from being number one on this worst list.  Seriously.  Next.

 

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I’m done.  Enough is enough.


2. “Memories” – Maroon 5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlPhMPnQ58k


I’m as sick of talking about this nothing of a band, just as sick as everyone is of seeing them appear on numerous worst of the year lists year end and year out.  They bring nothing to the table.  They coast by on whatever qualifications are left on I Heart Radio’s increasingly limited standards of what classifies as hit pop music.  I’m just done talking about Maroon 5.  Just like Adam Levine is done with trying out any new ideas and has been done for nearly ten years now.

What makes “Memories” the new worst Maroon 5 song ever?  I forget how it goes every time I hear it.  And you would think a song that uses one of the most recognizable chord structures in all of music would be more memorable?  Nope.  I couldn’t even tell you how the chorus goes without listening to it.  Something about memories bringing back you….whoever you are.  The world’s only Maroon 5 fan left I assume.

Look this song sucks ass.  You know it sucks ass.  I know it sucks ass.  Any good memories left of Maroon 5 are long gone.  Let’s just move on, just like Adam Levine should be moving on from making music.

 

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And my number one this year wraps all the way back around to the story of this god awful year.

https://time.com/5791661/who-coronavirus-pandemic-declaration/

As I was saying at the beginning, when I tell my children about the Coronavirus pandemic, I’ll tell them that March 11, 2020 was the day the world came to a standstill.  After all, that was the day both Tom Hanks and Rudy Gobert tested positive and most of the world realized that COVID-19 should be taken seriously.  Sport seasons suspended.  Entertainment venues shut down.  New movies and television shows all delayed.  The one form of media that didn’t shut down?  Music. 

While some artists like Gaga delayed their albums for months, hell in Kendrick's case indefinitely, others took advantage of us being locked in our homes by pushing forward with new music.  Album bombs became more of a common occurrence.  More challenges started taking off on TikTok.  And of course, since we are still living through a deadly pandemic that has killed millions, we got charity singles.

 

1. “Stuck With U” – Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pE49WK-oNjU


When it comes to all time bad charity singles, I wouldn’t even place “Stuck With U” in my top ten.  Hell, this isn’t even the worst one from this year:

 

You’re damn right I’m sharing this one with my kids too.  Yeah Ari and Biebs aren’t nowhere near as bad as Gal Gadot and friends.  But when it comes to the most worthless songs of the year, this is absolutely at the top.  This is the safest song I’ve ever heard either of these artists have ever recorded.   A slowed down ballad from Ariana Grande?  Gasp, what a novel concept.  She sure hasn’t done that before.  Justin Bieber singing about how there is nowhere else he’d rather be than with his girl?  Gasp, two for two on original song material.

This is exactly the type of song that you would expect from either of these artists.  You don’t even have to listen to it to immediately figure out exactly what you’re getting.  Where’s the excitement?  The impact?  This is just a quick cash grab by Scooter Braun, who knows that charity specials were going to be a big thing this year.  Just the correct amounts of evil I expected from this awful man.  And to add to your forced legacy why not get a quick and easy number one?

Hehe, about that.  We can’t talk about this song without the controversy that came with it.

https://www.billboard.com/articles/business/chart-beat/9380654/billboard-hot-100-number-one-calculations-6ix9ine

Yeah, longtime enemy to the music critic community Tekashi 6ix9ine shared his disgust with Billboard’s constantly broken charting system that his comeback single “GOOBA” didn’t debut at number one but this duet did.  Despite the fact that “GOOBA” ruled streaming that charting week as well as dominating YouTube, it only debuted at number three because “Stuck With U” got a last minute sales increase on bundle deals that pushed it to number one.  Probably from Scooter himself.

What do I think about the “controversy”?  I don’t.  Like I said, Billboard’s charts will forever be broken.  Studio executives and fan armies will always find ways to expose the flaws in Billboard’s charting systems.  Whether it be mass purchasing singles, industry payola, strategic discounts, constant remixes…and so much more.  You name it, people will find ways to get their artist(s) hits.  

So yeah, congratulations “Stuck With U” from chart-blocking the comeback of a terrible human being who ended up using all the same tricks in the book to get his own duet with a pedophile defender to number one.  But let’s not act like this is not an awful song on its own merits:

I’ma get to know you better
Kinda hope we’re here forever

….FUCK YOU BIEBER YOU PRIVILEGED SHIT.  I WOULDN’T WISH THIS PANDEMIC ONTO EVEN MY WORST OF ENEMIES.  Worst two seconds in popular music 2020 for sure.

People are dying and Scooter is out here profiting off of a global pandemic with a half-assed song from two of the biggest popstars on the planet.  Yeah sure the proceeds went to “charity” but the only charity that truly mattered all along was that number one spot knowing Scooter.

 

This is the saddest timeline.

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