Monday, October 26, 2015

Music Talk: 2015 Flops and Why They Didn't Take Off

So 2015 has been a pretty stagnant year for the Billboard Hot 100 chart.  It will be interesting to see what charts on the Year End list this year because 2015 really didn't have 100 true hits.  More like 58 and more than a handful of 2014 holdovers.  Obviously it will have hits that made the Top 25 at some point during it's chart run, but it's just a sign of how deep Billboard will be scrapping this year for their year end list.

But I think there was more to the lull this year compared to last year.  We had more flops than normal from big names that never really took off.  I wonder why they didn't?  Besides the fact that they sucked.  Let's look into a couple of them today:


"Pretty Girls" - Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea

So one year ago, we had Fancy as our song of the summer.  Iggy Azalea took off and was the breakout star of 2014.  Then the backlash came as everyone got sick of Iggy's persona and she started releasing flop after flop.  Meanwhile, Britney Spears last album was a massive flop that she just focused on her Vegas gig for the past years.  So why not have a comeback single just in time for the summer with the artist behind last summer's big hit?

Well there lies the problem.  If the public is sick of Iggy, then it's especially not going to help matters by making your comeback song Fancy 2.0.  Seriously, it sounds like a massive Fancy rip-off.  But wait you might be asking hypothetical reader?  Didn't Summer 2015 have another Fancy rip-off in Jidenna's "Classic Man"?  Well, that may be true, but at least Classic Man had good lyrics to back off the rehashed production.  Pretty Girls was just Britney and Iggy bragging about how they go through guys and the perks of being attractive.  Because I'm so fancy...you already know....bleh.  Pretty Girls was atrocious and it's easy to see why it barely lasted on the charts for over a month.  Maybe Iggy Azalea's recent focus on her next album will remind people why she took off in the first place and Britney's next comeback single will be better because pop music apparently still wants Britney to be the new elder diva.  Speaking of which...



"Bitch, I'm Madonna" - Madonna (featuring Nicki Minaj)

...*groans*...I can just picture Madonna's kids watching this saying "Mom, quit embarrassing me."  And honestly, what else is there to say about this besides that?  It's Madonna's hideously poor attempt to try and stay relevant while embarrassing herself in the process.  I can only imagine what her conversation was with her agent during this.

Agent: So Madonna what would you like your new song to be about?

Madonna:  My kids love this new EDM craze, let's do a dance track.

Agent:  Sure.  Due to your legend status, let's get Diplo since he is on nearly every hit song this past year.

Madonna: Is Nicki Minaj still popular?  I would love a rap guest verse from her.

Agent: She still is, we have Nicki on speed dial.  She guest spots on nearly every song on the radio anyway.

Madonna: Oh and you know what I want?  Cameos.  Cameos galore.  To show how I'm still relevant, I want only nothing but the biggest stars.

*right before filming*
Madonna: So who else is showing up besides Nicki and Diplo?

Agent: Well we got good news, bad news, and even more good news?  The good news is Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Beyonce, and Kanye West all agreed to cameo in your video.  The bad news is that they can't make it here because they don't want to be associated with this so they won't be on set and will film their parts and send it to us so we can edit them in afterwards.

Madonna: So who did actually show up to be in my video?

Agent: We got Rita Ora and Chris Rock.

Madonna: What's a Rita Ora?  Eh whatever, it can be in my video.



"This Summer's Gonna Hurt" - Maroon 5

Well this killed Maroon 5's recent hot streak they were on with eight Top 10 hits dating back to 2011.  Self-sustaining kept this one afloat for awhile, but this one hurt like a motherfucker.  Figuratively and metaphorically.  This is without a doubt the worst Maroon 5 song I've ever heard and if you want to know why their follow up hasn't even charted yet despite being around for the past month, you can look no further than how terribly this song was received.  It's an audio nightmare in every way imaginable from the uninspiring lyrics to the atrocious production.  I am sure that Maroon 5 will rebound from this when their next album comes out and probably even sooner if their offer to do the Super Bowl halftime show actually goes through.  Hell for all we know, the public has forgiven Adam Levine for this atrocity with a Top 10 hit he's featured in and people still tuning in to watch The Voice.  But if there was ever a song where Adam Levine came off at his most punchable, it's this one.  Adam Levine, still a douche in 2015.



"The Night Is Still Young" - Nicki Minaj

I'm actually surprised this wasn't a Top 10/20 hit to be completely honest with you.  Nicki is one of the biggest names out there.  Personally, Nicki Minaj is the biggest wasted talent in the music industry.  She obviously has "IT" and when she raps, she can be one of the best rappers on the planet.  I love ferocious Nicki.  But more often than not, she sells herself short.  She goes for songs where she focuses on sexualizing her body.  Not saying she isn't hot because she definitely is. Then of course, she also goes for the pop music sellout tracks.  I hate a good portion of her pop singles because bubblegum pop Nicki is not interesting.  She's as uninspiring as any other pop star when she goes full pop.

That being said, this wasn't absolutely terrible.  It probably has a lot to do with that production because once it hits the chorus, it's full blast in your face and makes you feel like going out and partying...which is what this song is suppose to do.  But man, Nicki sounds as lifeless as ever here.  Especially in the chorus.  If the night is still young, why do you sound so bored Nicki?  Maybe that's why the public didn't accept this like they did with Starships and Super Bass.



"Nothing But Trouble (Instagram Models)" - Lil Wayne & Charlie Puth

This is not fairly new and it's still charting, but it's flopping.  It's a shame to see Lil Wayne have to cling onto Charlie Puth to stay relevant.  Granted what Lil Wayne is going through right now with Birdman and Cash Money, it's easy to see why Lil Wayne is pretty much irrelevant in music right now.  Even with legal troubles freezing the release of Tha Carter V for the past year, this song from Lil Wayne's Free Weezy album makes me feel like this subject matter has been handled a lot better.  Poor Lil Wayne talking about girl troubles despite the fact that he runs through girls faster than you can say Tunechi.  Also, Charlie Puth comes off as incredibly uninspired and I just don't see the appeal with Charlie Puth in general.  Yeah he is emotionally sound, but there seems to be this spark of passion that seems to be withheld from his performances to me.




 "I Really Like You" - Carly Rae Jepsen

You know, I could be here all night with songs that have underperformed this year, but for my last one I want to cover on this blog, I want to go over one of my favorite pop songs of 2015.  How this wasn't a hit flabbergasted me.  But then I realized something.  Carly Rae Jepsen is just simply too good to be appreciated by American audiences.  Yeah Call Me Maybe got big and I kinda like it despite not being her best and I love Good Time.  Everything else I've heard from her is just great to fantastic.  This song is fantastic and while the music video is corny, watching Tom Hanks have as much fun as he does here is just glorious to the point that it makes me appreciate it a lot more.  


So yeah as you can see, 2015 has had it's fair share of good hit songs, but there were plenty of songs reeking of potential from big names that just never really took off.  So while we can complain all we want about stagnancy, it also requires our big name pop stars actually committing to making popular hit songs....

....except for Carly Rae Jepsen.  Seriously America, why the hell can't you make Carly Rae Jepsen a superstar?  She's too good for pop music.

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